[Adam]

classic thread i saw a few years back. i know its been done, but i love quotes. shows the person who said them had a class mouth.

"Sex is like a Bridge- If your partner is not very good, you must make sure you have a good hand"

ad

[MK Chris]

Every Saturday (I think) in the Mirror, the 3pm boys in the sport pages - some class daft quotes of the week!

[Adam]

yeah- your right. you can find them also on http://www.football365.com

[MK Chris]

Saw these on some website ages ago that made me chuckle...

Footie Quotes

You don't have to be mad on soccer to find these funny just remember most of them are from the English game.

"I would not say David Ginola is the best player in the Prem but there are none better"

"Rosenborg have won 66 games and they've scored in all of them"

"...an excellent player but Ian Wright does have a black side"

"Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice."

"We showed what English football and English footballers are all about - we played the continentals at their own game."

"I never predict anything and i never will"

Person 1: "The whistles gone, Ray Houghton clearly 5 or 6 yards offside." Person 2: "Yes, but for me that's when he's at his most dangerous."

"You don't score 64 goals in 86 games without being able to score goals."

"The new west stand casts a giant shadow over the entire pitch even on a sunny day."

[Funky Drummer]

I was going to give you my entire selection, but that would be a right biatch to read, so you can have them in installments

Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator
"This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother."

David Coleman
"Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago"

Murray Walker
"We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite"

RTE's George Hamilton on Spain manager Luis Suarez's substitution of Butragueno during their world cup qualifier with Ireland in Seville, 1992 "He's pulling him off! The Spanish manager is pulling his captain off!"

Crystal Palace chairman Ron Nodes, speaking in 1991
"The black players at this club lend the side a lot of skill and flair, but you also need white players in there to balance things up and give the team some brains and some common sense."

Ian Rush
On the difficulties of adjusting to playing football and living in Italy: "It was like being in a foreign country"

John Arlott
"Bill Frindal has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator"

Peter Lorenzo
"Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds - totally against the run of play"

Ian McNail
"We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalised"

Winston Bennett
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body"

[MK Chris]

Murray Walker
"We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite"

Walker is a legend in co*ck-ups!

"We are now on lap 73. The next one will be lap 74"

"Unless I'm very much mistaken... I am very much mistaken!"

[Funky Drummer]

Okay, someone's posted after me...time for installment number two...

Murray Walker
"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical"

Greg Norman
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father"

Alan Minter
"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious"

John Francombe
"The racecourse is as level as a billiard ball"

Terry Venables
"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again"

Noel O' Mahony, Cork City boss before the game in Munich
"We'll still be happy if we lose. It's on at the same time as the Beer Festival"

Ron Atkinson
"I would not say he (David Ginola) is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better."

Ron Atkinson
"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces."

Ron Atkinson
"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat."

Ian Wright - commenting on his team-mate's alcoholism
"It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up."

[Lawrie]

son,sport isnt about winning or losing..its about how drunk you get afterwards- Homer J Simpson

[Gigglyboots]

Theres some classics fae Homer! What is it again, if at first you dont succeed, give up, something along them lines...

[Mcqueen_]

'Theres no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between.' - Gary Lineker.

'My parents have been there for me, ever since i was about 7.' - David Beckham

'I definately want Brooklyn to be Christened, I don't know into what religion yet.' - David Beckham

'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.' - Mark Viduka

'He's put onm weight and ive lost it, and vice versa' - Ronnie Whelan

'If you dont believe you can win theres no point of getting out of bed at the end of the day' - Neville Southall

[Nablo.]

Big Shimmery Wall is your Simpsons walking Quote machine next time he's on, I'll get him to come up with some.

[Funky Drummer]

Installment 3...

Harry Carpenter - BBC TV Boat Race 1977
Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."

David Vine
"Here we are in the Holy Land of Israel - a Mecca for tourists."

David Coleman
"Morcelli has four fastest 1500-metre times ever. And all those times are at 1500 metres."

Metro Radio
"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

David Coleman
"Her time is about 4.33, which she's capable of."

Chris Eubank, replying to "Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?"
"On what?"

Grand National winning jockey Mark Fitzgerald.
"Sex is an anti-climax after that!"

Ruud Gullit
"To play Holland, you have to play the Dutch."

Ron Atkinson
"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw."

John Motson
"For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip"

[Gaspode_The_Wonder_Dog]

the thing about these is that they are funny when people post good ones but if i wanted to see a list there are hundreds of sites with them on....

quote from bargain hunt david talking about a type of initiation "trousers down - marmite on its the same everywhere"

[Funky Drummer]

the thing about these is that they are funny when people post good ones but if i wanted to see a list there are hundreds of sites with them on....

Point taken; understandable. Shall stop now :):)

[M+L Fan II]

I just have to post this one by Ron Atkinson:
''Moreano thought that the full back was gonna come up behind and give him one really hard"

[M+L Fan II]

And here are some classics from a New Zealand rugby commentator:

"You don't like to see hookers going down on players like that."

"He's looking for some meaningful penetration in the backline."

"Spencer's running across field calling out come inside me, come inside me."

"I can tell you it's a magnificent sensation when the gap opens up like that and you just burst right through."

"Darryl Gibson has been quite magnificent coming inside Andrew Mehrtens, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of the same today."

"Everybody knows that I have been pumping Martin Leslie for a couple of seasons now."

[Nablo.]

Don't forget Murray Walker he has said some classics here a few:

"Do my eyes deceive me, or is Senna's Lotus sounding rough ?"

Murrary: "What's that? There's a BODY on the track!!!"
James: "Um, I think that that is a piece of BODY-WORK, from someone's car."

"The atmosphere is so tense you could cut it with a cricket stump."

"There's only a second between them. One. Thats how long a second is."

[KuppanMoyles69]

Oh how Murray makes me laugh!

[Sidders]

Murray Walker was hilarious. I remember a couple of seasons back he said "And which McLaren is coming into the pits?.... It's David! David Hakkinen has come into the pits!"

[Morals]

God bless him