chrismoyles.net
- Thu Nov 14, 2002 9:54 pm
#38193
> EVER WONDER...
>
> Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
>
> Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
> Why don't you ever see the headline
> "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
>
> Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
>
> Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
>
> Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
>
> Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid
> made with real lemons?
>
> Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
>
> Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
>
> Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
>
> When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
> Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
>
> Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
> You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
> don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
>
> Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
>
> Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
> If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
>
> If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
>
> In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
> stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
>
> On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only
> time I have to work on my hair).
>
> On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
> Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
>
> On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that
> would be how???....)
>
> On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's
> "just" a suggestion).
>
> On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
> down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
>
> On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:" Product will be hot after heating."
> (...and you thought????...)
>
> On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron cl othes on body." (but
> wouldn't this save me more time)?
> On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:" Do not drive a car or operate
> machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the
> rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
> head-colds off those forklifts.)
>
> On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking
> this because???....)
>
> On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
> (as opposed to...what)?
>
> On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
> somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
>
> On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news
> flash)
>
> On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
> "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
>
> On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
> you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this
> one.)
>
>
>
> Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
>
> Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
> Why don't you ever see the headline
> "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
>
> Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
>
> Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
>
> Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
>
> Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid
> made with real lemons?
>
> Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
>
> Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
>
> Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
>
> When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
> Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
>
> Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
> You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
> don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
>
> Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
>
> Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
> If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
>
> If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
>
> In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
> stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
>
> On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only
> time I have to work on my hair).
>
> On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
> Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
>
> On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that
> would be how???....)
>
> On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's
> "just" a suggestion).
>
> On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
> down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
>
> On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:" Product will be hot after heating."
> (...and you thought????...)
>
> On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron cl othes on body." (but
> wouldn't this save me more time)?
> On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:" Do not drive a car or operate
> machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the
> rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
> head-colds off those forklifts.)
>
> On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking
> this because???....)
>
> On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
> (as opposed to...what)?
>
> On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
> somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
>
> On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news
> flash)
>
> On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
> "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
>
> On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
> you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this
> one.)
>
>
happiness is...flying saucers (and cups)
