[SAV1OUR]

If you read his 2nd book you'll know he didn't wanna be a father til the age Charlie Chaplin became one, or something like that, from memory

[Yudster]

I think that may have been a joke you know.

Not everyone wants to be a parent though.

[SAV1OUR]

I think he'd be brilliant, which is a crazy thing to say when all the evidence points the other way.

'I want it all, I want it now' that Queen song sums him up well, holding onto that dream.

[Yudster]

You're rambling.

[Nicola_Red]

I find Sav1our often rambles these days...

[MK Chris]

I think he always has.

[SAV1OUR]

Good job I'm not attending the meetup.

[chrysostom]

I really want to be a dad in 3-4 years. Is that weird?

[dimtimjim]

No, kids are the best thing ever, but nothing can teach or prepare you for that level of emotion until you have your own, up until then they are just annoying. Yes, they are noisy and expensive, but so were you __ (fill in the blank) years ago.

[Yudster]

I really want to be a dad in 3-4 years. Is that weird?

No, it is pretty standard, as you'll see if you look around you.

[Nicola_Red]

Yep, I'm the weird one for not wanting them! People will not ask you if you're sure about having kids, but they thought nothing of asking me if I was sure about my sterilisation, cos getting sterilised when you're 30 and single is the unusual route.

[dimtimjim]

Its potentially mildly odd, especially given you are of female genitalia, but such is the beauty of life - not everything is for everyone, so don't be down on yourself for it. Weird is only a point of view.

Plus, you mother us lot on here a fair amount, yet we didn't destroy your figure or empty your bank account. Bonus.

[bmstinton93]

Nicola is my internet mother.

[dimtimjim]

Good job you never 'climbed on board' then. Your location says Worcester, not Norwich.

[bmstinton93]

[Nicola_Red]

not everything is for everyone, so don't be down on yourself for it. Weird is only a point of view.

Yeah, I'm not really, although I do sometimes wonder why I didn't get the maternal instinct. But I'm very happy with the choices I made, I'm positive it's right for me. And of course I'm your surrogate mother on here

[Yudster]

My friend Lin never wanted children and that never changed, but when she had to have a hysterectomy she was shocked by how it made her feel . She still didn't want to have kids, that didn't change, but she definitely had a massive emotional reaction to it. Took her a long time to get past it, and she never really did understand what had happened.

[Nicola_Red]

A hysterectomy is a much more serious operation, so I can imagine how it would have a different impact. I never had anything like that with my sterilisation, but I did have a crazy reaction when I had a miscarriage, I still don't understand what went on with that.

[dimtimjim]

but I did have a crazy reaction when I had a miscarriage,

I'd guess for that very reason, pregnancy is a crazy enough time biologically speaking, bound to have some effect.




Jeez, listen to me today. Talking about sun rises and offering pregnancy sympathy.... I need to man up a bit more. Nic, PM me sommat good, please...!

[Nicola_Red]

Jeez, listen to me today. Talking about sun rises and offering pregnancy sympathy.... I need to man up a bit more. Nic, PM me sommat good, please...!

Haha, I'll get right on that

[dimtimjim]

**goes cross-eye'd and lights up a cig**

[R94N]

I didn't really do anything on Valentines Day. It was just a normal day off for me.

[MK Chris]

People will not ask you if you're sure about having kids, but they thought nothing of asking me if I was sure about my sterilisation

If you're talking about the surgeons who did it, I'd say it is the very least of their duty to ask those questions, because it is a decision that can't be undone. Now I know you are going to come back and say 'so is having kids', but to be fair, there are probably a few reasons for the question not to be asked - one of which being what you said about it being usual to want kids at some point. In addition to that, you almost never hear of people regretting having kids, whereas it is more likely that you will regret an operation like that, particularly if you have never had children prior to having it done. Furthermore, how many people get pregnant without discussing it with anyone but their partners? I think that will be a high number.

I'd also like to point out that if people are trying to have children at an unusual point in their life (i.e., in their teens or in their early to mid-40s onwards) then the question of 'are you sure?' is likely to be a luxury to them; they are more likely - rightly or wrongly - to have people flying off the handle at them.

[Nicola_Red]

If you're talking about the surgeons who did it, I'd say it is the very least of their duty to ask those questions

No no, I was talking about friends and colleagues. I had a lengthy consultation with doctors in which they asked those questions.

it is a decision that can't be undone

It is possible to undo it - but it's complex and not guaranteed to work, so you do have to accept it as irreversible, yeah.

you almost never hear of people regretting having kids

Do you think that's cos people genuinely don't, or cos it's socially unacceptable to say that you do? I had a friend with two young kids tell me, in confidence,"if I could go back, I'd have never opened my legs."

it is more likely that you will regret an operation like that, particularly if you have never had children prior to having it done

How do you know? Is that based purely on your perception as a parent, or do you have evidence?

[bmstinton93]

Let's not go into this with Nicola. We all know she has very strong views on it.


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