[Nicola_Red]

Okay, here's the thing.

There's this guy I know, D, who I've been friends with for a long time - almost ten years. When we met we were both with other people so we didn't pursue anything but we were always attracted to each other. Then a couple years ago when we were both single we started sleeping together. It was always really nice and friendly and comfortable, neither of us felt any pressure to ask the other out or anything like that, it was a really cool arrangement.

Then I moved in with my current flatmate who is part of the same group of friends and used to also be flatmates with D. My flatmate and I have also been sleeping together on and off and altho I've made it clear I don't want a r/ship, I know he really cares about me. So I didn't tell him that I was still sleeping with D, cos I thought it would make things awkward and uncomfortable between them.

All was fine, and the last time I slept with D was about mid-March. In mid-April I heard he was seeing someone, but I didn't think much of it. Six weeks later my flatmate saw him, and texted me with the joyous news that D had proposed to this girl, and was now engaged. She also has three kids which he's taking on.

This floored me and I realised I had feelings for D after all. I really hadn't realised this and was taken by surprise. But after a couple days of moping about I knew that I couldn't do anything about it and had missed my chance with him, so I've just been trying not to think about it. However, I knew that I was gonna have to deal with it when the wedding invites started to come around and now we are at that time! Hurray.

I really, REALLY don't wanna go to the wedding. But if I don't I know my flatmate will ask questions. Should I go? Should I make a rubbish excuse (how does one get out of a friend's wedding?)? Should I tell my flatmate why I can't face it? Any advice welcome...

[MK Chris]

In my opinion, honesty is the best policy; having said that, I know it's easier said than done sometimes, particularly if you haven't been totally forthright in the past. Perhaps, if you do need to make an excuse, say you're committed to a hen night or something.

As a sidenote, in my opinion, six weeks is really not a long time to propose to someone...

[Ballbag]

Go there, get drunk.... and try it on with the groom.

[Andy B]

Are you sure it's not just a case of suddenly wanting what you can't have? I do that all the time. That said I like the idea of going to a wedding, getting drunk and behaving foolishly. Hell I know a guy who on his wedding day got given a blow job of his "friend" as she couldn't afford a present. There were other things he was allowed to do but this is a family website after all.

[S4B]

Nic you need to let it go honey. D is now getting married and settling down. I would suggest you accept the invitation and then feign an illness on the day.

[catherine]

That is just a waste of their money.

If he is a good friend of 10 years then you should go, show support, be happy for him because he has found happiness. Also keep telling yourself 1/3 marriages fail.

[S4B]

I'm sure they'd rather waste the money of one meal than have Nic burst into tears and admit undying love at the "Does anyone know any just cause or lawful impediment..." bit!

Don't keep telling yourself a third of marriages fail because you're just clinging to false hope. His may be in the two thirds that don't.

[MK Chris]

I'm surprised it's only a third. Are you sure that's not an old statistic?

Also someone else being in love with the groom is not 'lawful impediment'.

[kendra k]

One of my friends used to always joke, "You can break them up." He'd even say that about married couples! It was funny because he was a very faithful, devout Christian who's been with his wife forever. Yet he liked encouraging people to break up other couples.

Nic- at first your situation really sounded like a plot from a romantic comedy. The more I've thought about it, it seems you could be honest with D and let him know you have feelings and it will be hard for you to go to his wedding, thus putting the ball in his court. I usually like honesty and openness, but I don't know what that will actually achieve. I would probably say just go to the wedding, work through it, and if you really want to be in a relationship with somebody go for it.

[Nicola_Red]

Kendra, the reason my situation sounds like a plot from a comedy is that it is - it's pretty much straight out of Friends. Yep, apart from being about five stone heavier and not having as shiny hair, I've become Rachel. And hoping that he'll say my name at the altar instead of his bride's won't even work - cos her name is Nichola! Grr.

I do want to be happy for them. I don't wish them any ill will (even tho I am cynical about the chances of a couple who get engaged after 6wks of dating). And it probably is true that I only want him cos I can't have him. But that doesn't really help me now.

I think I'm gonna have to brave the wedding, cos I can't face explaining to my flatmate, who is lovely and I know thinks a lot of me (and I do of him), that I've lied to him about sleeping with D. I never told him that I was only sleeping with him or anything, but I know that he gets weird and insecure about me sleeping with other people, and even tho I lied to him to protect him, I know telling him the truth will be pretty unpleasant. So it's better that I don't.

The bride to be doesn't know me that well so I'm not sure if she might assume that my flatmate and I are a couple and invite us as such - but if she doesn't, I'm gonna need to find a pretty damn hot date for that wedding!

[foot-loose]

I usually like honesty and openness, but I don't know what that will actually achieve. I would probably say just go to the wedding, work through it, and if you really want to be in a relationship with somebody go for it.

I agree with Kendra here. I think by being honest about it, you are only going to cause awkwardness between you and D and thats not gonna help in the long run.

I don't really see how being honest with him can have a positive outcome in this scenario.

Take a deep breath, take a deep drink and just get on with it.

I'm gonna need to find a pretty damn hot date for that wedding!

... howdy

[MK Chris]

She said 'hot', not 'Scot'.

[foot-loose]

Topher you are funny,

Whaddyaknow... The misspelt secret agent is correct!

[Andy B]

Well I can't do it. I've already skipped one Manc wedding this weekend and after the hammering Pompey took yesterday I've no desire to go oop north for a while!

Although I AM pretty damn hot!