chrismoyles.net
- Wed Mar 03, 2010 5:42 pm
#406835
I might be months behind the pack on this wummin, Karen, is married to this guy, Adam. Adam is a very mild mannered English fellow however, he talks in his sleep. Karen has taken to blogging what he says.
It may be sleep deprivation, but I was having difficulty breathing earlier on because I was laughing so much at some of these. The full list is on http://sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/ along with some audio, but these are my personal favourites. It's worth a read.
Bear in mind, it's dark, it's quiet, then suddenly, from the darkness:
"You're right, elephants in thongs is not something you see every day. Enjoy it."
"Just hold that thought for a seriously long, rectum-pinchingly time."
"You certainly are incredible. A perfect example of genetics gone wrong. Now go stand in the corner and dribble or do something just as intelligent."
"Why don't you stand in * corner. You can stay there 'til, I don't know, I-don't-give-a-shit-about-you 'o clock."
"Why don't you make your mouth useful. Say goodbye."
"You think cooking pasta is cooking? It's just boiling water, Numb Nuts!"
"My pony's for sale. Yes, it * works! I wanna get a stripey zebra instead."
"They're guinea pig kisses. Weeweeweeweeweeweeweewee in my ear! Eat the *. They're tastier that way.
"If you weren't such a * prick, you'd be a decent person."
"Imagine waking up next to you every day... One chunder-bucket moment after another."
"Don't move a muscle. Bushbabies are everywhere... everywhere... Shoot the * big-eyed wanky shite *! Kick 'em. Stamp them. Poke 'em in their big eyes! Take that for scaring the crap out of me."
"Oh, the penguins deserve better. Spread the love... Beaky twats."
"Babies don't bounce. They don't bounce! Shame. It'd be much more fun if they bounce."
"I think you should sit down. Surely your ankles can't take the weight."
"Everyday you reinvent yourself into a bigger * than ever. It's incredible. I don't know how you do it. I admire you."
[chuckling throughout] "I'm trying not to laugh. But your face! Your face! Oh, please look away. Please?"
"Snail fiddling is not an occupation I'd be proud of. You dirty *."
"The stain, the stain. How am I going to explain that * stain?... Oh bollocks."
"My badger's gonna unleash hell on your ass. Badgertastic!"
"You're pretty. pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty.... [long pause] Now * off and be pretty somewhere else. I'm bored."
[hand tangled in my hair, massaging my scalp] "I'm stuck. I'm stuck. Your pubes! You got to shave."
"Oompa loompas don't sing in heaven. They tidy up the clouds."
"Flap's on fire. Your flap's on fire! Chili in the vagiiiiina. I'm a bad bad boy."
"Vampire penguins? Zombie guinea pigs? We're done for.... done for."
"I can't control the kittens. Too many whiskers! Too many whiskers!"
"I'm better than Superman. He's just a *.... in underpants."
"Don't talk to me like that. I'm just gonna throw up in your face. Eat the carrots."
"Yeah. Don't forget to dry-clean the baby."
Easily the one that nearly caused me some serious respitory problems:
"Stupid * * bollocks............ expialidocious."
And some absolute gems from him waking himself up:
"* HUNTER!"
"Stop the panther!"
"Click!"
"Get the python!"
"Snake!"
"Tiger!"
"Spider!"
Imagine waking up with someone who starts the day with the line "Stop the panther!". Brilliant.
It may be sleep deprivation, but I was having difficulty breathing earlier on because I was laughing so much at some of these. The full list is on http://sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/ along with some audio, but these are my personal favourites. It's worth a read.
Bear in mind, it's dark, it's quiet, then suddenly, from the darkness:
"You're right, elephants in thongs is not something you see every day. Enjoy it."
"Just hold that thought for a seriously long, rectum-pinchingly time."
"You certainly are incredible. A perfect example of genetics gone wrong. Now go stand in the corner and dribble or do something just as intelligent."
"Why don't you stand in * corner. You can stay there 'til, I don't know, I-don't-give-a-shit-about-you 'o clock."
"Why don't you make your mouth useful. Say goodbye."
"You think cooking pasta is cooking? It's just boiling water, Numb Nuts!"
"My pony's for sale. Yes, it * works! I wanna get a stripey zebra instead."
"They're guinea pig kisses. Weeweeweeweeweeweeweewee in my ear! Eat the *. They're tastier that way.
"If you weren't such a * prick, you'd be a decent person."
"Imagine waking up next to you every day... One chunder-bucket moment after another."
"Don't move a muscle. Bushbabies are everywhere... everywhere... Shoot the * big-eyed wanky shite *! Kick 'em. Stamp them. Poke 'em in their big eyes! Take that for scaring the crap out of me."
"Oh, the penguins deserve better. Spread the love... Beaky twats."
"Babies don't bounce. They don't bounce! Shame. It'd be much more fun if they bounce."
"I think you should sit down. Surely your ankles can't take the weight."
"Everyday you reinvent yourself into a bigger * than ever. It's incredible. I don't know how you do it. I admire you."
[chuckling throughout] "I'm trying not to laugh. But your face! Your face! Oh, please look away. Please?"
"Snail fiddling is not an occupation I'd be proud of. You dirty *."
"The stain, the stain. How am I going to explain that * stain?... Oh bollocks."
"My badger's gonna unleash hell on your ass. Badgertastic!"
"You're pretty. pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty.... [long pause] Now * off and be pretty somewhere else. I'm bored."
[hand tangled in my hair, massaging my scalp] "I'm stuck. I'm stuck. Your pubes! You got to shave."
"Oompa loompas don't sing in heaven. They tidy up the clouds."
"Flap's on fire. Your flap's on fire! Chili in the vagiiiiina. I'm a bad bad boy."
"Vampire penguins? Zombie guinea pigs? We're done for.... done for."
"I can't control the kittens. Too many whiskers! Too many whiskers!"
"I'm better than Superman. He's just a *.... in underpants."
"Don't talk to me like that. I'm just gonna throw up in your face. Eat the carrots."
"Yeah. Don't forget to dry-clean the baby."
Easily the one that nearly caused me some serious respitory problems:
"Stupid * * bollocks............ expialidocious."
And some absolute gems from him waking himself up:
"* HUNTER!"
"Stop the panther!"
"Click!"
"Get the python!"
"Snake!"
"Tiger!"
"Spider!"
Imagine waking up with someone who starts the day with the line "Stop the panther!". Brilliant.
