[bmstinton93]

Yeah I kinda feel a bit bad that everyone knows apart from them. Part of me thinks the longer I leave it the worst it will get but part of me says that the less they'll object when we've been together longer so gonna wait until after the summer.

[bmstinton93]

I know but then again with my parents I'm just so uncertain about how they'll react. As the summer is gonna be hard for out relationship anyway I'm gonna focus on doing it in September just not sure how...

[bmstinton93]

That's a good shout actually.

[Yudster]

Ben, if you have to be having this conversation at all, I'm not at all sure it says anything positive about your potential role in a child's life. I think you need to grow up a bit and maybe think things through in a less "soap opera" style before this baby is born. This is real life, not Hollyoaks. Use your brain, and make it count - social networks are not going to be a good guide to you here.

[dimtimjim]

^^ +1 with wot Mrs Happy sed.

You need to speak to 'em Benji, asap. Do NOT do it any other way than face to face. They are you parents, whilst initially there may be shock at your news, they should only offer support (its not like you come from an 'estate' backgroud, fella).

You are about to enter what will be a life changing experience for you, be it long or short term, trust me, a part of you will change forever in the very near future - don't shut your folks out of that. If anything, they'd find that more insulting/worrying than the news you actually have to give.

Yes, it may not be the fairytail future they had in mind for you, but I can say with confidence, you won't be the first child to do so.

Get ya thumb out ya a$$ and book train tickets back home, asap.

[bmstinton93]

Ok thanks everyone. I better get it done when I can then.

[dimtimjim]

Yes, you had. Don't make me come down there....

[jocky85]

Catching up on all of this, what's the latest Ben?

It seems from here and what I see on Twitter that the 'not having any involvement for a few years' has changed. I'm not sure how you would achieve that anyway when the baby is young, unless you're classing 'he/she won't remember' - that's not meant to sound derogatory.

Also agreed above, you need to tell your parents. Have they met her? I'm not sure why waiting until you've been together longer will make a difference, it all works out the same in the end. Best they know now and have time to get used to/come round to the idea rather than just turning up with the baby one day or if they haven't met, having to introduce your girlfriend and the baby.

Signed,
Devils Advocate

[bmstinton93]

Unfortunately not much has changed. And the not having much involvement is kinda still the same. Yeah I've been to scans and appointments but that's to support her and not the baby. She knows full well that he's completely her responsibility.

[bmstinton93]

Just to clarify I don't claim to know what I'm doing with all this or even think
I'm doing the right thing. Just taking it a day at a time. At the end of the day we're both young and managing how we can.

[DevilsDuck]

Unfortunately not much has changed. And the not having much involvement is kinda still the same. Yeah I've been to scans and appointments but that's to support her and not the baby. She knows full well that he's completely her responsibility.

Just need to point out...you will not last 2 mins if you are not involved!

Every second of her time will be spent on that child and if you are not involved with the child, you wont be involved with her!


This post comes with a 100% Devilsduck Guarantee - Terms and Conditions apply, but DD is never...ever...ever wrong

[bmstinton93]

Matthew Joe Tucker was born this morning just after half 8. She only started going into labour at about 7 so she did really well. I'm going down to see her and the new arrival on Monday.

[DevilsDuck]

*shakes head at ben*

Well done Katie and welcome Matthew

[bmstinton93]

Don't start this one again. At the end of the day its not my responsibility. From the start I really hated the fact it was happening. Its taken time and been hard but I'm slowly getting more and more used to the idea. We have always discussed absolutely everything and made sure she was happy. She knows its been tough for me and isn't gonna go forcing anything on me. She's perfectly happy with the support that I am giving her throughout the whole thing.

[Bonanzoid]

Do your parents know yet? Hope both mother and baby are healthy and well though.

[bmstinton93]

Nope but working on it. And they are both perfectly fine thanks.

I know everyone is gonna tell me again how i'm wrong but I'm coping with it all in my own way. If it all goes wrong then its my own fault for not listening to advice.

[DevilsDuck]

Fair enough I'll shut up then

[a-moron]

*shakes his willy at Ben*

Good to hear the baby is here safe and healthy.
Not so good to hear you are still being a big jessie about not telling your folks. Oh they are so going to be disappointed with you not telling them Ben.
Bad Ben.

[Yudster]

You're not necessarily wrong Ben. But if you want to stay with your girlfriend but don't want a child, you're in for a very tough time. But then you seem to know that. Enjoy your visit to them - I hope you end up in love with both of them. And for crying out loud tell your folks.

It does seem to be the weekend for births that cause ambivalence though - my latest nephew was born this morning. Its not easy to get past the fact that he only exists because his parents behaved despicably. Of course its not the poor lad's fault, but its hard to celebrate this one and it will be hard to see him as my nephew in the same way as all the others are. I WILL try.

[bmstinton93]

You're not necessarily wrong Ben. But if you want to stay with your girlfriend but don't want a child, you're in for a very tough time. But then you seem to know that. Enjoy your visit to them - I hope you end up in love with both of them. And for crying out loud tell your folks.

I know its gonna be tough and I never said I didn't want a child but its just tough when its not yours and your going through uni. I've said all along that in a few years time I'll be happy to have more involvement and hopefully the fact that I've been here from the start of his life should help.

[Yudster]

You're not necessarily wrong Ben. But if you want to stay with your girlfriend but don't want a child, you're in for a very tough time. But then you seem to know that. Enjoy your visit to them - I hope you end up in love with both of them. And for crying out loud tell your folks.

I know its gonna be tough and I never said I didn't want a child but its just tough when its not yours and your going through uni. I've said all along that in a few years time I'll be happy to have more involvement and hopefully the fact that I've been here from the start of his life should help.

All the best. Stranger situations have worked and you have your eyes open. TELL YOUR FOLKS!

[jocky85]

In a few years, if all is still going well - he will most likely consider you his dad. I know you want to take it one day at a time & that's fair enough. But I would bear that in mind

[bmstinton93]

I know that yeah and I dont think that would bother me in a few years. But for now we're just making sure we talk through everything and doing what we can.

[Nicola_Red]

In a few years, if all is still going well - he will most likely consider you his dad. I know you want to take it one day at a time & that's fair enough. But I would bear that in mind

I think you're definitely right there. In fact one of my cousins had a very similar situation where she was pregnant at 16 and the father was a useless piece of crap. She got together with her current husband after the baby was born, but in fact the baby, who is now 19, doesn't even know that her mother's husband is in fact not her biological dad.

[bmstinton93]

That's another one we'd have to talk about as well later down the line whether we say I am or not.