Off-topic chat. May contain offensive language or images.
User avatar
By Blinko Glick
#378546
We all have some clogging up our thinky head bits.

What bad joke is your favourite?

this is mine:

Why do little ducks walk softly?


Because they can't walk, hardly.
User avatar
By Blinko Glick
#378548
The recent forest fires in Australia have sent the sales of Fosters plummetting.

Well - you wouldn't want a warm beer would you?
User avatar
By Zoot
#378563
Nope, I mean what does E.T stand for?
so he can reach the controls of his spaceship of course.
User avatar
By Blinko Glick
#378614
My dog's got no nose.

How does he smell?

He can't because his olfactory system is buggered.
User avatar
By Blinko Glick
#378615
Did you hear about the brave grape?
He got run over by a bus.
But he was so brave that he didn't cry,
he just let out a little wine.
User avatar
By Blinko Glick
#378616
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rode into a town after a long trek across the desert. They walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do. His name is Silver, and I am the Lone Ranger! Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and made him drink it, and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."

Tonto said, "Sure Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and announces, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stands again and claims, "I do. His name is Silver, and I am the Lone Ranger! Why?"

The cowboy says to him, "The horse is fine but........ you left your Injun running!!!"
User avatar
By DannyBoy
#378617
Did you hear about the magic tractor?
It drove down the road and turned into a field. :|

Two Elephants fall off a cliff...Boom Boom :|

Two Elephants and a drum kit fall off a cliff...Boom Boom Tish :|
User avatar
By Blinko Glick
#378621
Knock knock

Who's there?

Little old lady

Little old lady who?

I didn't know you could yodel.......
User avatar
By foot-loose
#378634
DannyBoy wrote:Why did the Titanic sink?

Because the Doctor Who didn't try his TARDIS to save it!

What does Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people.




Six out of seven dwarves are not happy.




Two parrots sitting on a perch. One turns to the other and says "do you smell fish?".
User avatar
By Bonanzoid
#378642
foot-loose wrote:What does Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people.


Hahaha! That one is great.

What do you call the official procedure for a female to male sex change?

A strapadictomy
User avatar
By Zoot
#378738
The United Arab Emirates have just had the very first showing of the popular animated tv show 'The Flintstones', but there have been mixed reviews:-

The people of Dubai don't like the show, while Abu Dhabi Do.
User avatar
By Yudster
#378739
Zoot wrote:The United Arab Emirates have just had the very first showing of the popular animated tv show 'The Flintstones', but there have been mixed reviews:-

The people of Dubai don't like the show, while Abu Dhabi Do.

Wrong thread, that's a BRILLIANT joke.
User avatar
By Blinko Glick
#378741
Two biscuits walking down the street
One ays "where do you live?"
The other replies "i'm not telling you, you'll steal my washing".
User avatar
By MK Chris
#378748
At the risk of sounding extremely dumb, I don't get that.

Sat and today are up