The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
#241886
1. Christina Aguilera feat Redman - Dirrty 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Lostprophets - Last Train Home, 3. The Black Eyed Peas - Hey Mama, 4. Nelly Furtado - Try, 5. BUZZ OFF - Sleeper - Sale Of The Century, 6. Will Young - Your Game 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Puddle Of Mudd - Blurry, 8. Sugababes - In The Middle, 9. McFly - 5 Colours In Her Hair, 10. Beyonce Knowles feat Lil' Flip - Naughty Girl 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. 50 Cent - If I Can’t, 12. Keane - Somewhere Only We Know, 13. Cornershop - Brimful Of Asha (Norman Cook Remix), 14. The Darkness - Love Is Only A Feeling 8:30 NEWSBEAT 15. Daniel Bedingfield - Gotta Get Thru This, 16. Outkast - The Way You Move, 17. The Strokes - 12:51, 18. Joss Stone - Fell In Love With A Boy, 19. Bizarre Inc - Playing With Knives (Tedious Link), 20. Snow Patrol - Chocolate (Performed live on Zane Lowe’s show - South By South West In Texas 18/3/04), 21. Eamon - F**k It (I Don’t Want You Back), 22. Britney Spears - Toxic, 23. The Delays - Nearer Than Heaven 9:30 NEWSBEAT 24. Jamelia - Thank You, 25. Faithless - We Come One, 26. Jay-Z - Change Clothes, 27. The Rasmus - In The Shadows

It’s Mother's Day on Sunday and Chris is going up to Leeds to spend the weekend with his mum. Dave said him and his sister are going out for a meal with their mum, although she booked the restaurant (which Chris found shocking). Rachel is sending her gifts through the post as she was back in Kiddy with her mum only a week ago. Chris said Rache was cowardless and heartless for not going back to see her again this weekend. A text came in saying Moyles was a big mummy’s boy, which he openly admitted. Dave said he sees Mother's Day purely as a commercial marketing ploy and says in his eyes it’s purely “a card giving festival”. Rache agreed, although she has broke with tradition this year and bought a pressie as well. Chris sounded disgusted with the pair of them. Dominic had genuinely forgotten about Mother's Day altogether and suddenly realised he needs to buy a present for his wife on behalf of their 8 month old son Finton James Byrne (FJB) - “the iPod of my life”. Dom admitted he will sign the card with his left hand to try and make the handwriting look as babyish as possible. Chris took the pee out of the name Finton again and said his nickname at school will probably be Fin, Gills or Shark. Dom asked why Chris was going down a fish cul-de-sac. He said it was just a joke, but this sounded more like “he’s just a joke” and didn’t do much to improve Dom’s mood. Dave said he was sensing some bad karma in the studio this morning. Dom said there was a lot of love for the name Finton coming in on the text messages and asked Chris to put it to the vote, FIN YES or FIN NO to 81199. Chris was all ready to let the public decide this way, but thankfully Rachel and Dave persuaded him out of doing the stupid vote. As a way of trying to stop the bad blood between himself and Dom’s child, Chris suggested he swapped Dom his iPod one weekend and looked after Finton for him. Dom sounded up for it at first, until Chris explained how he would take Fin to the pub, give him a fag, pierce his ear and dress him in a Burberry hat and some Hi-Tec trainers. Dom said he wouldn’t be needing those as he’s not even crawling yet. Dave thought the idea would make a great show for BBC3. Chris said hello to all the different Fintons listening up and down the country. That gave Rachel an idea for a new feature on the show - “Hello I’m Finton”. Chris slept in this morning after snoozing through his alarm. He finally clambered out of bed at quarter to six and had just enough time to flick through his CD collection and pick a Buzz Off track for today’s show. He chose very wisely indeed in picking Sale Of The Century by Sleeper (number 10 in May 1996). Rachel buzzed in first on 1 minute 40, the listeners were next on 2:29, Aled third on 2:57 and Dave last on 4:04 (with just 20 seconds left). Chris said he used to think Louise Wener from Sleeper was really really hot....she still is Chris. Rachel moaned at Dave for leaving it so long without buzzing. Dave is going to Tamworth to see the in-laws this weekend, which Chris said showed how to down to earth he is. He said unlike Rachel and Aled who’ve been spending their weekends in Paris and New York recently. He said it was also unlike Dominic who is now too important to read Nemone’s 6:30 Newsbeat bulletin, and Juliette who is out of the door at bang on 10 o’clock and sitting at home with her feet up by Jo Whiley’s first link at ten past. Chris wondered whether Jo was short for Josephine, Joanna or Joanne Whiley. It is actually Joanna, but it’s spelt “Johan” (as in the male Swedish name).
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CHICKS WIN TIX:
After last week it seemed that Top Of The Swaps would be the new regular Friday footy ticket feature on the show, but evidently not. The Moyles production team (i.e Rache, Will & exec producer Joe) had decided to change the mechanic of the giveaway again. Dave had another of his new formats ready to go - called Chicks Win Tix. He said it was “A brand new item set to revolutionize the world of female-only football ticket winning light entertainment radio features”....he took the words right out of my mouth. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how the feature worked, but it was essentially a competition open only to footy mad ladies. Chris told the women dialling in to be careful that they didn’t chip a nail. Dave said that was highly sexist. Chris said he wouldn’t want to offend anyone by using sexism in a competition called “CHICKS win Tix”. This week’s tickets were for the Premiership match between Middlesbrough and Birmingham tomorrow at The Riverside. Chris said he’d never been to the Riverside before and asked what it was like. It’s a nice ground but jesus christ wrap up if you go there in the winter (bloody freezing when I went a few years back). Jenny a Thomas Cook travel agent from Ingleby Barwick (near Middlesbrough) won the tickets. Dave thought there had to be some element of skill involved in the game so gave her a question to answer. However Chris was happy to give away the tickets willy and indeed nilly, so he gave Jenny the correct answer (Wolves are the Premiership team who play at Molineux). Chris thought the feature ran smoothly and was much better than King Of Tickets - never in a million years. Dave’s Everton are at Leicester tomorrow, Dom’s Liverpool take on Wolves, Juliette’s Port Vale are at Barnsley, Rachel’s Kiddy Harriers take on Macclesfield and Aled’s Aberystwyth are at Newton tonight. The Leeds - Man City game in the Premiership has been moved to Monday night, so Chris won’t be able to go. He’ll be down in the pub to watch it instead, much to the dismay of his girlfriend Sophie who won’t have seen him all weekend. Dave said she’d just have to compromise as that’s what relationships are built on....
Chris - I just got a text message from my girlfriend
Dave - Is she compromising?....actually that came out wrong
Chris (laughs) - She’s very accommodating
(Dave laughs)

Sophie said she had her own plans for Monday night anyway so Chris was clear to watch the Leeds game down the boozer. Chris was awaiting news of the possible takeover at Leeds on this morning’s show. Dom told him that the takeover should be completed by lunchtime. Chris said “Oh, has my bid been accepted then?”. Chris said the first thing he’d do if he became chairman of Leeds would be to sign up his cousin Dominic (who plays for Selby Town) and stick him straight into the first team. Chris said he would actually fit in quite nicely with the club’s on-the-field reputation. By that I presume he means he’s dirty not ruuubish. There was new music on the show this morning in the form of McFly and 5 Colours In Her Hair. They are label mates, friends and soundalikes of Busted. Despite this their song was undoubtedly a good pop record with a bit of a 60’s surfer vibe goin on. Chris said McFly are four lads called Tom, Danny, Dougie and Harry. Rachel was on the Official McFly website and asked Chris if she should sign up to join their “Street Team” and get extra information about the “boyz”. He said without a question yes and asked if she had any facts for them...
Chris - Do you have any?
Rachel - Yes, apparently Danny’s the joker..
Chris - Wow! There you go
Dave (sounding confused) - Not from Batman?
(Chris laughs)
Rachel - No Silly!!
Dave - That was Jack Nicholson wasn’t it?

The song 5 Colours In Her Hair was apparently inspired by a character Danny fancied in the Channel 4/E4 teen soap As If, who had (you’ll never believe it) “5 Colours In Her Hair” - borderline genius.
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Chris is going to the gym again today and was warming up by scoffing a load of free donuts sent in to the show. Talking about his training regime made Chris remember the two new Great Radio 1 Race features that have been added at Radio 1 Online. The first is a five minute video documentary on the race - shot, produced and edited by daytime producer (and short-lived TV producer) Will Kinder. It’s introduced by Juliette and you can watch it here. The second feature that’s been added is “Aled Wallpaper”, that you can now download in three different sizes for your desktop (click these links for the downloads - 640x480, 800x600, 1024x768). The shot of Aled shows him wearing his red and green Just Do It top, his Ozzy Osbourne head band and his pink and white chequered wrist bands. Chris said he was like a white welsh version of 50 Cent. Awards time now and Moyles has been voted the UK’s number 1 DJ. Don’t get too excited though, it’s only in a survey in the teenage magazine Bliss. 5000 13-15 year old girls voted in the survey....which only made Chris’s success even more surprising. Next week is a momentous and very very sad week on Radio 1 as it is the last EVER week of Mark and Lard. Chris played a trail plugging their last shows and told everyone to have their tapes at the ready. Chris also talked about another trail, this time the TV one running for Five Live at the moment. It tells people to “Speak Your Mind on Five Live”. Chris said he’d speak his mind - the woman voicing it is a snotty, toffee nosed bird who sounds way too posh. The woman in question is Jane Garvey, who presents Five Live Drive with Peter Allen. Chris had also been told by Rachel to advertise this Sunday’s Sunday Surgery. The hot topic “in the surgery” this week is pulling. Chris started to say stuff like “well I suppose it’s only natural”, until Dave told him it wasn’t that type of pulling - it was about trying to cop off with a member of the opposite sex. Chris asked Aled if he was any good at pulling. He said yes. Dave said he could perhaps offer his services to other pullees then. Maybe he could become Doctor Aled Jones as Dr Mark is away this week and it’s just Emma B presenting The Sunday Surgery’s “Pulling Workshop”.
Dave - If you have any problems pulling, Emma will give you a hand
(Chris laughs)


BREAKFAST SHOW TIGS OFF GROUND:>>>>
The last hour and a half of the show today was mainly dominated by a game of tigs off ground taking place in and around the breakfast show studio. Chris kept us regularly updated in each link as to who the lurgy was. It took Dave 45 minutes (coincidentally after he’d just become the lurgy) to say “This is so childish”. Dominic Bryne, 31 year old serious news journalist and father of one - was one of the team members getting most excited by the game. Juliette was wheeled in on her chair to present the sport each half hour, therefore keeping her feet off the ground. Executive producer Joe, daytime producer Will and Geordie boy Scott all took it one step further by coming into the studio in “creative” footwear. Joe had two carrier bags for shoes, Will had two industrial bin bags and Scott two boxes. Aled was wondering what Denise (who was in with Jules for the day) was thinking. Dave said “She’s probably used to our anarchic style now”. Chris added “We’re a wacky bonkers breakfast show”. All members of the team (including news editor Jack Bain) had the lurgy at some point, except for Chris. When Aled was the lurgymeister he used the show’s free donuts to lure the team towards him...
Chris - Stop scoffing all the donuts you skinny welsh fat legged big bummed lurgy boy!!
The game was getting a good response on the text messages, with one suggesting a big national John O’Groats to Lands End lurgy day next Friday. Chris said he had images of people wheeling around offices to avoid it. Just before 10 a text came in from Chris in Tamworth. He said he had his walkman on and was currently in a PE lesson at school, where they were playing Tigs Off Ground. He said his teacher currently had the lurgy. Dominic had the lurgy as the show ended, but Chris insisted it didn’t stop at 10 and would carry on all day. Johan Whiley told Chris her feet were off the ground and warned no-one to even think about invading her studio. Chris said that sounded like a challenge.

CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
EMMA a school cook from Skipton 2
STEVEN a fence erector from St Helens 0
**Just before the game was about to begin, Steven’s phone cut out. Chris didn’t seem to care though as Steven’s mate that he’d been slagging had earlier called him a fat bastard (although Chris pretended he didn’t hear it). Emma easily won as she had no opposition, with Dave saying that the catchphrase “One Horse Race” now seemed highly ironic**

Daves Tedious Link
The Cardigans Erase/Rewind - Rewind but not erase is what you should do to a videotape before you return it to the video library - Video libraries normally require the member to carry a membership card - Card rhymes with shard, which is like a dangerous segment of broken glass - Walking On Broken Glass was a 1992 hit for Annie Lennox - Annie Lennox shares one name in common with Lennox Lewis, the recently retired boxer - Boxer shorts are a popular type of mens underwear, as are Y-fronts - Fronts of a different type are commonly found on a weather map - Weather maps are used by forecasters - If you remove the first four letters of the word forecasters you’re left with “casters”, which are like small wheels that enable you to move furniture around - Around The World was a hit for Daft Punk, who are french - French and Saunders are married to Lenny Henry and Ade Edmondson respectively - Ade Edmondson played Vyvian in the 1980’s cult sitcom The Young Ones - Young Ones is a term often used to describe children - and children need to be watched at all times to make sure they don’t burn themselves, scald themselves or chop their head off as a result of foolishly playing with knives - Which links us to Bizarre Inc and Playing With Knives

WEEK HIGHLIGHTS:
SHOW OF THE WEEK: Tuesday
MOMENTS OF THE WEEK: The Archers Sketch and Chris & Dave’s Rachel Hunter row on Tuesday, Niall & Manuel and chastising Aled on Wednesday, the Halibut Square sketch on Thursday and Monday, Wednesday and Friday’s Buzz Off tracks - all top tunes. (Don’t forget you can Listen Again to all the weeks shows at Chris’s R1 mini-site and try and help keep him at number 1 in The BBC Listen Again charts).

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