The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
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1. Sugababes - In The Middle 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. The Rasmus - In The Shadows, 3. Joss Stone - Fell In Love With A Boy, 4. Eamon - F**k It (I Don’t Want You Back), 5. BUZZ OFF - Travis - Why Does It Always Rain On Me?, 6. Will Young - Your Game 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Kylie Minogue - Can’t Get You Out Of My Head, 8. N*E*R*D - She Wants To Move, 9. Oceanlab - Satellite, 10. Feeder - Just The Way I’m Feeling (Live at One Big Weekend in Manchester - 04/05/03) 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. Eminem - Sing For The Moment, 12. Britney Spears - Toxic, 13. Franz Ferdinand - Matinée, 14. McFly - 5 Colours In Her Hair 8:30 NEWSBEAT 15. Jean Jacques Smoothie - 2 People, 16. D12 - My Band, 17. Basement Jaxx feat Lisa Kekaula - Good Luck, 18. Keane - Somewhere Only We Know, 19. Salt-N-Pepa - Push It (Tedious Link), 20. The Darkness - Love Is Only A Feeling, 21. Dilated Peoples feat Kanye West - This Way, 22. Blink 182 - I Miss You, 23. The Black Eyed Peas - Hey Mama 9:30 NEWSBEAT 24. Evanescence - Bring Me To Life, 25. Outkast - The Way You Move, 26. The White Stripes - 7 Nation Army (Live at One Big Weekend in Manchester - 04/05/03)

Rachel was back producing today and had an early morning wake up call to make to Comedy Dave, who had somehow managed to sleep through his alarm by an hour - meaning in the end he didn’t arrive at work today until after six o’clock. Not particularly “late” when you consider that the show doesn’t start until five to seven, but Chris said the show needs everyone in early otherwise it will end up sounding like The Johnny Vegas Breakfast Show. Dave said it was a delight waking up to Rachel’s delicious tones at half five in the morning...I bet. Chris said that he can’t wait for that first day that Rachel oversleeps, as he is going to annoy the hell out of her with that phone call. Yesterday was Rachel’s 30th birthday and as Will Kinder produced the show in her absence, the team had some overdue birthday presents to deliver to her this morning. When I say “some”, I actually mean half a supermarkets worth of stuff from Weightwatchers. Aled popped his head round the studio door after near enough every news bulletin with more and more stuff. Rache got some chocolate brownies, six boxes of black forest mini rolls, two boxes of low fat lemon cake slices, four eccles cakes, twelve chocolate chip muffins, some low fat carrot cake slices, some fruit flapjacks, some cherry bakewells, some boxes of chocolate orange cake slices, some blueberry muffins, some toffee flavoured cake slices and a beautiful cake from the team (with no candles lit for health and safety reasons obviously). I’m thinking these should all keep Rachel ticking over till lunchtime. After having a few friendly birthday drinks with Rache in the pub yesterday afternoon, Chris and Dave then headed off to see Travis play at The Hammersmith Apollo in London. Beforehand they stopped off at a couple of other boozers in Shepherds Bush (where they watched T’Pau on VH1’s 80’s Classics), and in the end they arrived so late for the gig that they missed the whole of the support slot by Keane. Later in the night and unbeknown to him, Chris met the lead singer of Keane (he’s called Tom Chaplin). Rather embarrassingly seen as though he has been playing their records for months, Chris asked Tom which band he was in and what he did. He quickly made his excuses for why he missed their earlier performance and then set off elsewhere. He bumped into Noel Gallagher, who he used as a Guess Who this morning (Rachel got it after just 24 seconds). Both Dave and Chris said that it was a top gig last night, so in tribute to Travis today’s Buzz Off track was Why Does It Always Rain On Me? (incidentally the second Travis Buzz Off in the space of four weeks). Rachel buzzed first on 3 mins 44 with Dave, Aled and the listeners (although 2000 texts hadn’t come in) buzzing it off right at the end on 4;19, 4:21 and 4:23 respectively. The plan was for the team to have a singalong, but only Aled (and Dom next door) participated - granted singing the wrong words. Dave couldn’t remember the words either (he was a bit off the ball to begin with today) and Rachel also wouldn’t sing...
Chris - Rachel Go!! (cueing her in to sing)
(Chris fades song down, silence, fades it back up again)
Chris - Right fair enough, miserable cow
Rachel (off mic) - Oi!
Dave - Happy birthday though
(Rachel laughs)

Chris and Dave (much like his mum and dad at the weekend) were hanging out backstage with Fran and the other members of Travis last night. Fran told Chris he didn’t get to bed until 9am this morning, so heard the first two hours of the show today. He had just one thing to say to Dave as soon as he spotted him backstage - Reverse-a-word?
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(The future of Television - Dave’s Reverse-a-word)
As mentioned here yesterday, the seven minute pilot of Reverse-a-Word is ever nearing it’s first broadcast on Challenge TV . It will appear on our screens on Tuesday 13th April, but the actual filming of the show itself takes place next Wednesday morning (7th April) in London’s trendy media district of Bayswater. Filming will last for approximately 2 hours and begin at around 11am. There is only a small studio audience permitted (erm, twenty) and today Chris was inviting listeners to ring in or register online (link here) for tickets. This is of course the BBC, so no transport or accommodation to the TV studio is provided, meaning essentially the closer you are to London the better. Scott Mills will be hosting this soon-to-be televisual masterpiece, with Dave and Chris operating very much “behind the scenes”...well, except from filming an trailer for it later today. Russ (25 from Derby) was on the line after 9, trying to win audience tickets for the show. He said he saw it very much as the future of television. Russ is a trainer manager - he trains chefs. Aled had mistakenly thought he was a train manager, so had put him on the air thinking he could get down to London at staff rate on a cheap day railway return. Chris, Dave, Rache and Russ (who was a nice bloke) all found this very funny. Russ was on a god awful phone, which was making all sorts of weird noises and led Dave to believe he was breeding pigs nearby. Chris rang him back on his land line (which wasn’t much better) and Russ then sang like Dave over the 17 second Reverse-a-word theme tune, in the hope of putting in a vocal performance worthy of some tickets. Chris and Dave gave them to him but seemed slightly alarmed by how much time he had spent rehearsing and drafting his little Reverse-a-word song...
Chris - Do you have a girlfriend Russ?
Russ - I’ve got a wife
Dave (sounding shocked) - Have you?
Chris - It’s unbelievable
(plays trail)


DAVE UPSETS THE MASSES:
A text came into the show from a class at Earls Eaton High School, all on the coach on their way to Alton Towers this morning. Chris said he hasn’t been to Alton Towers for a couple of years and really wants to visit again soon. He said he’s so old he can remember the Corkscrew being the new ride there. On his last visit Chris went on Air with now executive producer Joe and loved it, but said he wasn’t loving Nemesis quite as much. Aled said he is a major rollercoaster junkie and the type of person who runs out into the park as soon as the gates open in the morning...I don’t know why but that doesn’t surprise me. Dave said he just gets scared on the pirate ship. He recalled the time that him and Chris went up to Alton Towers a few years ago, directly after finishing depping for Zoe Ball on the breakfast show. Dave remembered the fact that they got special tickets at Sainsburys and ended up in a really good parking space. Chris said Dave was the type of person who would borrow his friends baby seat, just in order to go in the mother and child spaces. Dave asked why mother and child spaces are equivalent to one and a half normal spaces. Rachel said it was so they could get their pushchairs out. Dave tutted at this response and said in that case there was no point to these spaces and they should either be just normal or available to everyone.
Rachel - You wait for the barrage of abuse you’re gonna get now
Dave - Eh?
Rachel - 81199
Chris - Don’t encourage them!!!
Dave - Exactly. What kind of producer are you, encouraging people to complain against me Rachel. You’re supposed to be protecting me!!
(Rachel laughs)
Dave - Good morning Ofcom by the way

Somehow the topic of conversation next turned to bikes, with Dave saying that no “real” bikes have radios on them. Chris said he was sure some Hells Angels ones did. A text came in telling Dave that if he thinks Hells Angels don’t own real bikes then he should pop round for a chat and a cuppa with some of them so that they can discuss the matter further with him. Dave declined this generous offer and didn’t seem very apologetic. He said he wasn’t arsed if he’d upset anyone or not.
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There was a story in Newsbeat today about Mark Roberts, the renowned scouse streaker who’s most recently been in trouble for streaking at the SuperBowl. Chris said that he had met Mark, explaining it was when he appeared as a guest on Live With Chris Moyles. Dave said he had been wondering how Chris had met this man with a penchant for public nudity. Chris logged onto Mark’s official website (he said he just clicked on Aled’s favourites) and Dave was wondering where he was getting off on looking at those pics. Dominic said that it’s not just men who streak, but it’s fair to say Chris is right when he described most female streakers as munters with big floppy breasts. It’s not as if the show could have got much more low-brow at this point but then Chris said he daren’t break wind this morning. I won’t go into the reasons why but Dave described Chris as having an “inability to fluctuate with confidence”. Dom said Jules had stunk out the newsroom with one of her farts earlier, to which she responded “Everybody trumps - what’s the problem?”. Chris said he now knew why Jules puts on so much perfume in the morning - to eliminate the stink of guff.
Chris - and if you’re just waking up and tucking into your coco pops, enjoy your breakfast. It’s 7 minutes past 8...
(plays jingle)

Chris ended the show today by plugging it on Listen Again, saying you could hear it all online from roughly half past ten (Listen Again is still playing up BTW - in case any Radio 1 staff are reading this). Jo Whiley after the pips complained that if the Radio 1 listeners had any loyalty they would be listening to her at half past and not to Moyles again on the net. Chris quickly back pedalled and told people to listen to Listen Again when Nemone was on at 1 instead (let’s face it, Whiley or Nemone - either way you’re not missing much).

CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
ZOSHA a sales rep from Birmingham 2
LUCAS a plumber from Bury St Edmunds 0
**Chris couldn’t pronounce “Zosha” (it’s polish) so decided to call her a wide range of different names - including Claire, Sally and Jeremiah. Zosha said her surname was “Kaizashowzay” (or that’s what it sounded like anyway).
Chris - Zosha Kaizashowzay? Doesn’t he play for Everton?
Dave - No that’s Thomas Radzinski
Chris - Right OK
**

Daves Tedious Link
Feeder Buck Rogers - Buck Rogers shares the same surname as both Roy Rogers and Ginger Rogers, who are both names from the past - as was King Harold who died in an unfortunate archery accident - Archery was a popular form of fighting in the olden days, prior to the invention of firearms - Firearms are one of the items on the list of things you shouldn’t be carrying on an aircraft, as are fireworks - Fireworks are traditionally set off to celebrate Guy Fawkes - Guy Fawkes shares the same first name as Guy Chambers, the former writing partner of Robbie Williams - Robbie Williams is mates with Max Beesley, who used to go out with Scarey Spice - Scarey Spice shouldn’t be mistaken for Old Spice, which is actually a type of men's fragrance, the advert for which featured the music “Carmina Burana” by Karl Orf - “Orf” is how the posh people pronounce off - Off is the opposite of on - On is arguably the most important button on a television - Television is the drug of the nation - The plural of nation is nations - Nations tend to have their own unique flags - Flags blow in the wind - and if the wind were to blow while you were having dinner outside an Al Fresco diner, it may cause you problems applying your salt and pepper - Which links us to Salt-N-Pepa and Push It

TEDIOUS LINK FLAWS - KING HAROLD’S DEATH:>>>>
Dave upset yet more people today, with his description of King Harold’s death during Tedious Link, which Chris discussed with him during the half time period of the show. Dave said that some “minor inaccuracies” had been brought up in his link, such as the fact that King Harold was killed by a large sword and not indeed by an arrow to his eye. One texter also very much doubted that the death had been an “unfortunate accident” as the Normans had been trying to kill him. Dave laughed and simply said that it was an accident from Harold’s perspective.

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