The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
#241909
1. Usher feat Ludacris - Yeah 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Evanescence - Going Under, 3. The Streets - Fit But You Know It, 4. Outkast - The Way You Move, 5. BUZZ OFF - Tom Jones & The Stereophonics - Mama Told Me Not To Come, 6. Dido - White Flag 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. NORE - Nothing, 8. Keane - Everybody’s Changing, 9. Joss Stone - Super Duper Love 8:00 NEWSBEAT 10. Faithless - We Come One, 11. D12 - My Band , 12. No Doubt - It’s My Life 8:30 NEWSBEAT 13. The Rasmus - In The Shadows, 14. Kosheen - Hide U, 15. 50 Cent - If I Can’t, 16. The Darkness - Love Is Only A Feeling, 17. Moby - Natural Blues (Tedious Link), 18. Britney Spears - Toxic, 19. Jay-Z - 99 Problems, 20. Franz Ferdinand - Matinée 9:30 NEWSBEAT 21. Eamon - F**k It (I Don’t Want You Back), 22. Feeder - Forget About Tomorrow, 23. Nelly Furtado - Powerless

Chris had upset Aled before the show even hit the air today, as he had a go at him for never giving a straight yes or no answer when asked a question. Chris said Aled is always making excuses for things and can’t admit when he’s wrong. Off the air Aled told Chris “I’m going to sit next door and hate you” (his exact words). Rachel joined in on the pick on Aled game, telling him he couldn’t go and do a reconnaissance on a venue later in the morning, purely because she wasn’t able to go. Chris called her a two faced witch as Aled even volunteered to stay in work till 2:30, even though he usually finishes at 1. Chris was in the spotted section of the paper today, shockingly spotted leaving a London pub (The Engineer in Primrose Hill). Chris said he hadn’t been to this particular pub for a good few months though, so either it’s been made up or they’re running a long way behind with their celeb spottings. Him and Dave briefly played the spotted game, sticking together a celeb, a place and activity. For example Dave’s best one was Cameron Diaz spotted shopping at Asda in Chingford. Chris has had enough of his overgrowing hair and now wants to get it cut. However, he is very picky with his hair and is reluctant to change hairdressers. This is a problem as he has lost contact with his previous hairdresser since he moved to a new salon. Dave said it was very much “hair today, gone tomorrow” (symbol crash). Chris accidentally deleted his hairdressers number from his phonebook, and this guy’s old place wouldn’t tell Will where he had moved to now (cue comedy salon names from Chris and Dave, such as “Hairy Poppins” and “Fatboy Trims”). Chris did an on air appeal for his hairdresser to get back in touch with him, with Dave calling it a “coiffeur quest”. Chris and Dave got into the usual conversation about Dave’s regular £10 haircut, the same amount that Chris tips his hairdresser for his. Dave admitted his haircuts look cheap so he said the last time he had his locks chopped he went to a more expensive place and had a 35 quid haircut from Aled’s hairdresser. Chris said “check you out on your new breakfast show wage”. Dave said it is the only ever time he’ll go there though as he said his hair no way looks £25 better off than normal. He’s just concluded that he has rubbish hair. Hair that doesn’t lend itself to being trendy. Incidentally Dave gave no tip whatsoever for this new 35 quid barnet, saying that it was far too expensive for a simple haircut anyway. I agree but Chris just responded with a laugh. With Dave’s new R1 Sports show just a few weeks around the corner, he has another photoshoot to publicise it later today. Yesterday he had one with Chappers. Dave said it went OK, although he said he really hates having his photo taken. Today he’s got another and is being interviewed (with Chris), for The Independent. As well as all this it’s Dave’s <s>30th</s> 25th birthday on Saturday, although the team will of course be away in Derry then for One Big Weekend. Performing on Sunday at Prehen Playing Fields will be (friends of the show) The Streets. Chris played their new single Fit But You Know It around 15 minutes into the show, which Dave said he still prefers as an instrumental. He added that it would be good to use as a bed on the show. Chris asked Dave to define what a bed was for the audience. Then a few minutes later when Chris booted the studio metal panelling during Buzz Off, Dave made reference to the studio compressor. Chris told him to stop it with all the jargon, but said it was like a behind the scenes tour for all the radio anoraks listening, who were writing stuff down (hello). The Buzz Off track today was Mama Told Me Not To Come from Tom Jones & The Stereophonics (real Welsh artists for once). The song was played in full as it was 63% buzz on from the listeners. Dave buzzed in however on 1:28, Rache on 1:34 and Aled on 2:52.
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There was more technical stuff after 9 o’clock on the show when Chris played around with Rachel and Dave’s headphones, taking great pleasure in turning them up very loud and causing pain. Chris sent his congratulations to his dad Chris, who retired yesterday after all his years at The Royal Mail. He said he was pleased with his dad’s retirement cos it means he now has a new gardener. Chris read out a bizarre list of ringtones from an ad in the paper this morning. It included Benny Hill, Dangermouse, A-Ha, Robert Miles, Madonna and McFly, which he found slightly unusual. He said he needs a new phone ring as he is bored of I Believe In A Thing Called Love by The Darkness. Dave has stuck with the tried and tested Z Cars, and Aled has a new geeky phone ring from 24 that got Rachel slightly concerned about his health. The show is of course well known to be first on the scene with cutting edge new music, and Chris had more of it this morning. He’d been sent in a CD from Wilton and March Media Productions, featuring a truly awful reggae cover of Pretty Woman by Roy Orbison, from...(wait for it)..Pato Banton and Musical Youth. Nooooo. Dom claimed he was feeling the fresh flava, Jules thought it was great, Chris loved it and Rachel thought it was a grower. I think Dave summed it up perfectly though when he said the following...
Dave - I would suspect that wouldn’t even sound good in Germany
Chris also played much better new music on the show today in the form of Everybody’s Changing by Keane and Super Duper Love by Joss Stone, which I still think is the best song this year by a country mile. When My Band from D12 came on, Dave told of how they wrecked the toilets at Radio 1 the other week when they were in as Westwood’s guests on The Rap Show. Dave said they were “a bit cavalier with the toilet tissue”. Chris asked if the “D” in D12 stood for diarrhoea, at which point Dom was just tucking into his peanut butter sandwich.

WHEN DOM MET UMA:
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So Dom finally met up with Kill Bill star Uma Thurman yesterday for his big interview, which went much better than expected. For a start he got 12 minutes chatting to her instead of 5, and a full 8 mins passed by before the windmill wind up signal was given by her people. Dom said Uma was lovely and very beautiful in real life. Aled agreed as he accompanied Dom to the interview yesterday afternoon. On the way to the hotel Dom and Aled decided to get her a present, so Aled leaped out of the cab to a local shop and bought a plastic sword (cos of the amount of sword play in Kill Bill y’see...borderline genius). Dom then signed it on behalf of the team (see top right pic) and presented it to her as a gift. She said she’d take it home for her son but then left it in the hotel, so it was returned to Radio 1 this morning.
Dom - There’s gratitude for you
Dom chatted briefly to her about the film (Chris didn’t have any of those clips today) but was interested really in more pressing matters, such as babysitting, cheese and naked statues of her grandma. His opening question was more of a plea, for her to babysit young Finton for him and his wife Nic this afternoon so they can have a nice break. Uma didn’t sound too convincing when she said Finton was a nice name, but Dom fell for it.
Chris - Oh come on she lied, it’s a ridiculous name...we all know that
Chris had signed one of his Superman postcards for Uma. She read it out:- “To Uma, as you are here in London town I thought that I would invite you out for a drink in a traditional British pub.
P.S I’m not mad or anything so you will be safe,
Love Chris”.

She laughed but Dom said she looked at best shocked and at worst disgusted by the offer. Chris played the clip again and paused it after she laughed at Dom...
Chris - That laugh is on tape surely
Dom - No that’s real, she found me very funny!!
(Chris and Dave laugh)
Chris - Yeah...looking

Texts came in saying she laughs like Rick Mayall and SquareBob SpongePants. Dom asked Uma about the Uma Rumour (guh huh) that there is a naked statue of her grandma on show in some Swedish port. He also asked her the cheese question. She said St. Andre, a soft, white and creamy cheese. This got Dom giggling. Chris said “Jesus, you’re getting aroused by cheese”. Dom thought they got on great guns and sensed a bit of flirting on Uma’s part. Chris said there wasn’t and said it was blatantly obvious she hated him. Dom said come to think of it she did leave rather quickly when the interview finished. He ended that interview by asking Uma if she would record a little drop jingle for the show, saying her name and plugging The Chris Moyles Breakfast Show.
Uma - Anything for the cause of Radio 1
Dom - Thanks very much yeah. Cos you’re a big fan of Radio 1?
Uma - Desperate
Dom (laughs) - Yeah it is

Chris was glad Dom had a good time and said that while he was busy spending his afternoon interviewing Hollywood A-Lister Uma in a posh London hotel suite, he too was busy himself...busy stuffing his face at Pizza Express that is. Rock a loo la indeed.

ONE BIG WEEKEND IN DERRY - VIP TICKETS:>>>
Today is Day 3 of the big VIP competition and Stacy (20) from Gloucester was on the phone after 8 o’clock this morning, hoping to win a pair of tickets for her and a friend to go to Derry this weekend. Today’s listener password is “I heard the competition on Monday and Tuesday and I’m desperate to go to One Big Weekend, so please Radio 1 give me some tickets cos today it is my turn!!”. Stacy wasn’t sure her mates would be able to remember all that though...
Stacy - It’s really long and hard this today innit?
Dave - Well indeed...good mornin
Chris - If I had a pound for every time I’d ever heard that my love

Surprisingly her mate Emma did get the phrase correct (or so we thought). After saying congratulations and playing a record, Chris was informed by some very fussy texters that Emma had said “Thursday” instead of Tuesday when saying the phrase. Most of the team agreed it was an accidental slip of the tongue and a very harsh technicality to pick her up on, but Chris decided a text vote was the right thing to do and put the decision on whether or not Stacy got the tickets to the listeners. After a fifteen minute session of VOTE YES and VOTE NO on 81199, the results overwhelmingly voted that she should get the tickets - 94% to just 6%. Stacy goes through to Friday’s VIP final draw and to stand a chance of being in that draw alongside her then go to Option 6 on 08700 100 100 or register via Radio 1 ONLINE.
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THE CHRIS MOYLES APPROVED WORKPLACE AWARD:>>>
Today was Day 1 of the battle for only the second ever Chris Moyles Approved Workplace award. There will be two workplaces from Derry on both today and tomorrow’s show, fighting it out against each other in answering 45 seconds worth of questions on the show and the team in general. The top two scores of the week then qualify for the grand final on either Friday or Monday’s show - simple. Today’s contestants were Keiran from North West Tyres & Exhaust Centre and Keenan from McLoughlin’s fruit and veg. Keenan seemed a fairly normal bloke but Keiran was anything but. He didn’t half go on, or as Chris put it “wasn’t backwards in coming forwards”. Keiran is a sound technician in the evening time and said him and Paddy Kielty go way back. Chris is of course mates with Paddy, so asked Keiran what he thought of Paddy’s drinking. Keiran replied by saying “oh he can’t drink for shit man”, which Chris made him apologise for. After Keiran dragged the score back from 1-3 to finish 3-3 in the competition, he let out a large scream that sounded (to me and presumably the team) like “C’mon you * eejit!!!”. It turns out he didn’t say that but Dave said “Good morning Ofcom” and Rachel nearly had a heart attack.
Chris - She thought you said something rude Keiran
Keiran - No I’m not that bad no...gentle on the touch
(everyone laughs)

To answer questions in the competition, Keiran and Keenan had to shout out the names of their companies. The way Keiran shouted out “North West Tyres!!” amused Chris so much that he dropped it in throughout the remainder of the show.
Application forms for The Chris Moyles Approved Workplace award are here - (note: only apply if you work in Derry).

CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
MATTHEW a funny but slightly annoying tubular technician (scaffolder) from Leeds 2
JAMES who puts up false walls and ceilings in Nottingham 1

Daves Tedious Link
Take That Pray - If you remove the first letter of pray you get “ray”, as in Ray Stubbs the host of Football Focus - Focus is what the eye fails to do properly if you are a wearer of correctional lenses - Lenses need frames, as do snooker players - Snooker players are often found at The Crucible - A crucible is a round sort of bowl thing that you have to use in chemistry - If you combine the word “chemistry” with the word “heathen” you get Heathen Chemistry, which was the title of a recent album by Oasis - Oasis contain two brothers, as do The Black Crowes - Crows are scared of scarecrows - Scarecrow was mates with Mrs. King - Mrs King is the mother of Ledley King, who plays for Spurs - Spurs are found on the boots of cowboys - Cowboys ride horses - Horses have tails and tails rhymes with whales - One of the most famous celebrity whales from the world of literature is Moby Dick - and if you remove Moby’s Dick you’re left simply with Moby - Which links us to Moby and Natural Blues

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