chrismoyles.net
- Thu Apr 22, 2004 6:35 pm
#241910
(Happy Birthday To Me)
1. Kelis - Milkshake 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Stereophonics - Have A Nice Day, 3. D12 - My Band, 4. Nelly Furtado - Try, 5. BUZZ OFF - U2 - Pride (In The Name Of Love), 6. The Strokes - Reptilia 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. The Rasmus - In The Shadows, 8. D. Kay & Epsilon feat Stamina MC - Barcelona, 9. Christina Milian - Dip It Low, 10. Deepest Blue - Give It Away 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. Ash - Shining Light, 12. Eamon - F**k It (I Don’t Want You Back), 13. Ultrabeat - Pretty Green Eyes, 14. Celeb Squad - You Know The Score 2004 8:30 NEWSBEAT 15. Eve feat Gwen Stefani - Let Me Blow Ya Mind, 16. Franz Ferdinand - Matinée, 17. Basement Jaxx feat Lisa Kekaula - Good Luck, 18. James - Sit Down (Tedious Link), 19. Usher feat Ludacris - Yeah, 20. Muse - Sing For Absolution 9:30 NEWSBEAT 21. Robbie Williams - Rock DJ, 22. Narcotic Thrust - I Like It, 23. Avril Lavigne - Sk8er Boi
Rachel had a bit of a fake tan disaster last night. She was feeling a bit pasty so put some on before she went to sleep. Little did she know that she’d wake up this morning looking like the child of David Dickinson. Chris said she looked like a traffic light saying stop and called her “Rudolph The Rachel Producer”. Rache admitted things had gone a bit wrong (she had streaky elbows) but said with a bit of slap on she’d look better in no time. Chris said as a bloke he just doesn’t understand anything about make up. He said the only thing he knows is that it’s a fine line, cos too little makes a woman look rough and too much makes them look like a slapper. Rachel educated him, saying “it helps to enhance your features and cover up any blemishes”. Chris said it was like the old joke:- Why do girls wear make up and perfume? - Cos they’re ugly and they smell. The mention of perfume led Dave onto a story about his perfume dilemma when trying to buy for Emma at Christmas time. He said that there is so much choice - tubs, bottles etc - and it is so expensive (£35/40) that he just never knows what to get. He said he usually resolves the issue by doing one thing...not getting any. Chris’s girlfriend’s mum bought him some moisturiser for Christmas, and despite always taking the pee out of Aled for moisturising (on the afternoon show), Chris has now changed his tune entirely and does it himself. During the next record texts came in saying Chris and Dave were both so gay for talking about using moisturiser...
Chris (in his camp voice) - I do use moisturiser and ever since I’ve really wanted to have sex with men, I don’t know what it is...(raises voice)...oh, shut up!! (pause and normal voice)...It’s just a coincidence, I always wanted to have sex with men
(plays trail)
ABOUT 30 SECONDS LATER:(off the back of the trail over Deepest Blue)
Chris - 7:57
Dave (interrupting) - I’d just like to point out that I don’t use moisturiser and have never ever wanted to sleep with men
Chris (over vocal) - Right OK. That wasn’t the point I was making though
Dave - No but I mean just to clear up any mess, so to speak (laughs). That came out wrong
(Chris laughs)
Dave - 7:57
Chris got a mammoth four hour power nap between 3 and 7 o’clock yesterday afternoon, which was rudely interrupted by Sophie ringing him to ask what he wanted for his tea. Dave managed to get just two hours sleep yesterday afternoon so he woke up a little late this morning, meaning he got into work at Radio 1 at 5:45 and not 5:15. Not that late in the grand scheme of things but still a little later than usual. Dave was out last night so missed Frank Skinner’s new comedy Shane, which I have to admit was a hell of a lot better than I was expecting. Buzz Off this morning ran all the way through with no votes at all. 85% of all texts said Buzz On. Chris had opted for a real U2 classic, Pride (In The Name Of Love) - number 3 in September 84. Chris gave Carol Vorderman a run for her money by doing the Maths and revealing that that song will be 20 years old in September. As the team each tucked into their regular morning mix of bacon butties, toast and tea, Chris picked up on the fact that Juliette was having the most unusual breakfast combination of all time - orange juice, coffee, pitta bread, humus, strawberries and custard.
Chris - When’s it due Jules?
Jules - Chance’ll be a fine thing
Chris went slightly controversial and during/following the news bulletins with Dom this morning, he talked about the Diana, Big Ron and Gloria Hunniford stories making the headlines. He said he found the papers reaction to photos of Diana dying being shown in the US as slightly two faced, as only last week they published photos of Gloria Hunniford grieving and burying her own daughter Caron Keating. Regarding Big Ron, Chris said he sensed a bit of a witchunt from the papers and some unreliable quotes this morning. He also came alarmingly close to revealing what Ron actually said (which would have cost him his job too). Chris however condemned Ron and called him a naughty boy.
Chris - Look at me putting the world to right
Dave - You’re a champion of truth, honour and justice
Chris (laughs) - Well I don’t know about that
Chris’s mate Will Mellor has recorded a song with “The Celeb Squad”, backing England for Euro 2004. It’s called “You Know The Score Euro 2004” and he’s been bugging Chris about playing it for weeks (I don’t think it’s been signed yet - and when you hear it you’ll know why). It’s pretty rubbish and Will sings it in a football fan voice, not his natural singing voice. It’s certainly not the worst football song you’ve ever heard though and it is all for charidee (The Bobby Moore Fund for Cancer Research UK) so it’s going to a good cause. One text came in saying it would indeed sound a lot better after two pints of lager.
ONE BIG WEEKEND IN DERRY - VIP TICKETS:>>>
Today is Day 4 of the big VIP competition and James from Portsmouth was on the phone after 8:30 this morning, hoping to win a pair of tickets for him and a friend to go to Derry this weekend. Today’s listener password is “Yesterday’s password was too long, just give my mates the tickets!!!”. James said he hadn’t been able to get hold of two of his five callers so was hoping Chris didn’t ring one of those. He didn’t. He rang Carole, James’s mum. First time around the phone answered but there was no reply (we later found out it answered between Carole’s legs by accident...good mornin). Technically by the rules of the game James had lost, but against his better judgment Chris was persuaded by Aled and Dave to ring back his mum. She was on her way to work and did answer this time - but with “hello” and not with the password. Chris berated her and she had a go back, telling Chris not to provoke her or question her love for her son. Chris said he never did to be honest, he only questioned her ability to answer the phone with a set phrase. Chris joked she had ruined James’s life forever and he said James would now probably never end up with a girlfriend.
James - I don’t think I’ll ever get a girlfriend Chris!!
Carole - Yeah, there’s no fear of that
Chris (laughs) - Oh right
Chris had to let them both go gently, cos James hadn’t won the tickets despite his mum saying he was the best son in the world. Chris kinda came out of the situation as the evil bad guy.
Dave - Much as that didn’t go quite as we planned, it’ll sound good on tomorrows trail I believe
(Chris laughs)
The team questioned the brightness of putting your mum on the list in the first place, but Aled still thought it was a bit cruel and unfair on James that he didn’t get any tickets at all. He then said something about Chris’s mum that Chris didn’t take as a compliment (I can’t remember exactly what it was, I haven’t written it down here and can’t be arsed listening again to check). Chris said his mum would kick Aled’s head in the next time she saw him and decided to ring her live on the air during half time to find out what she had to say on the matter. Chris said he bet she was listening...
Rachel - She might answer with the password
(Dave and Aled laugh as Chris dials)
It would have been radio gold but unfortunately Vera was busy chatting to someone else and the line was busy. Chris said if Aled cared so much about James going he could always ditch his mates Craig and Samantha and put James on his allocation instead.
Aled - Oooh. I haven’t got a big allocation
Chris - I have heard that
(him, Dave and Rache laugh)
The show is live from Derry tomorrow morning and the team are catching their plane over there later this afternoon. Dom, Chris and Aled are all scared of flying and Dom said he might need a few drinks beforehand to settle his nerves. Chris said that was funny as he had also needed a drink before the train visits to Newcastle, Liverpool and Southampton. He said Dom must just be feared of transport generally.
Chris - I’m just a little bit worried for him. If he continues drinking this much he’s gonna be management before he knows it
(plays trail)
Dom said it’s not the take off or landing that scare him on a plane, just the bit in between (especially if there’s any turbulence). Chris advised Dom to make the time go quicker by having a dump. He then went into detail, pretty unnecessary at any time, never mind at half 8 in the morning. The team are going out in Derry tonight, although seen as though they have the whole weekend (including Dave’s birthday) to get sloshed, Vitty thinks they should have “a modest and restrained start to the weekend” tonight.
THE CHRIS MOYLES APPROVED WORKPLACE AWARD - DAY 2:>>>
Today is Day 2 of the Workplace competition and compared to yesterday it was a huge anticlimax...cos there were actually normal people on the phones. Anne from Donley & Taggart in Eglinton beat Deirdre from Shell Direct in Derry 3-2. This means that there will be three teams battling it out for The Chris Moyles Approved Workplace Award, either tomorrow or on Monday morning’s show (which incidentally will come live from Derry as well).
Chris popped his head round Jo Whiley’s studio door after 9 to say hello. She responded by touching him up...well fondling his man boobs anyway. Chris said he was thinking about reporting her for sexual harassment. Chris then used lines like “I’m gonna do her...in court” and “I’ll give her one...in court”. Dave told the story of how he accidentally once walked in on her while she was on the toilet. No-one asked why he was in the female toilets which I found slightly surprising. This particular conversation ended with everyone laughing, Chris referring to Jo as “Jo fingers Whiley” and Rachel hurriedly scrambling around asking him to play a record.
CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
STUART a Woolworths delivery driver from Swindon 2
STEVEN a gas service engineer from Glasgow 0
**About half an hour earlier Rachel opened the lines for Carpark Catchphrase...
Rachel - Call now, 08700 100 100. You have to be in a car, know your catchphrases and be in a car park
Dave - What a beautiful voice
Rachel - Thank you
Chris - Yeah it’s like fingers down a blackboard
Rachel - Does it match my tan?
Chris - Yeah, ridiculous
(hits Usher vocal - Rachel and Dave laugh)**
Daves Tedious Link
Moby Natural Blues - Moby is a vegetarian, as is Paul McCartney - Paul McCartney is married to Heather Mills - Heather Mills shares the same surname as Scott Mills - Scott Mills uses fake tan, as does Rachel, which if not applied properly can stain your hands - Hands that do dishes use Fairy - Fairy is used by International Velvet star Nanette Newman, who is the mother of Emma Forbes - Emma Forbes shares the same christian name as Emma Thompson, who starred in Love Actually - Love Actually was directed by Richard Curtis - Richard Curtis shares one name in common with Curtis Stigers, who scored a 1992 hit with I Wonder Why - Two months later and with two less words in the title, Why was a hit for miss Annie Lennox - Annie Lennox has short hair, as does Tim Booth from James - and James have recorded some superb records over the years, with one of the best known and most commercially successful being Sit Down - Which links us to James and Sit Down
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1. Kelis - Milkshake 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Stereophonics - Have A Nice Day, 3. D12 - My Band, 4. Nelly Furtado - Try, 5. BUZZ OFF - U2 - Pride (In The Name Of Love), 6. The Strokes - Reptilia 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. The Rasmus - In The Shadows, 8. D. Kay & Epsilon feat Stamina MC - Barcelona, 9. Christina Milian - Dip It Low, 10. Deepest Blue - Give It Away 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. Ash - Shining Light, 12. Eamon - F**k It (I Don’t Want You Back), 13. Ultrabeat - Pretty Green Eyes, 14. Celeb Squad - You Know The Score 2004 8:30 NEWSBEAT 15. Eve feat Gwen Stefani - Let Me Blow Ya Mind, 16. Franz Ferdinand - Matinée, 17. Basement Jaxx feat Lisa Kekaula - Good Luck, 18. James - Sit Down (Tedious Link), 19. Usher feat Ludacris - Yeah, 20. Muse - Sing For Absolution 9:30 NEWSBEAT 21. Robbie Williams - Rock DJ, 22. Narcotic Thrust - I Like It, 23. Avril Lavigne - Sk8er Boi
Rachel had a bit of a fake tan disaster last night. She was feeling a bit pasty so put some on before she went to sleep. Little did she know that she’d wake up this morning looking like the child of David Dickinson. Chris said she looked like a traffic light saying stop and called her “Rudolph The Rachel Producer”. Rache admitted things had gone a bit wrong (she had streaky elbows) but said with a bit of slap on she’d look better in no time. Chris said as a bloke he just doesn’t understand anything about make up. He said the only thing he knows is that it’s a fine line, cos too little makes a woman look rough and too much makes them look like a slapper. Rachel educated him, saying “it helps to enhance your features and cover up any blemishes”. Chris said it was like the old joke:- Why do girls wear make up and perfume? - Cos they’re ugly and they smell. The mention of perfume led Dave onto a story about his perfume dilemma when trying to buy for Emma at Christmas time. He said that there is so much choice - tubs, bottles etc - and it is so expensive (£35/40) that he just never knows what to get. He said he usually resolves the issue by doing one thing...not getting any. Chris’s girlfriend’s mum bought him some moisturiser for Christmas, and despite always taking the pee out of Aled for moisturising (on the afternoon show), Chris has now changed his tune entirely and does it himself. During the next record texts came in saying Chris and Dave were both so gay for talking about using moisturiser...
Chris (in his camp voice) - I do use moisturiser and ever since I’ve really wanted to have sex with men, I don’t know what it is...(raises voice)...oh, shut up!! (pause and normal voice)...It’s just a coincidence, I always wanted to have sex with men
(plays trail)
ABOUT 30 SECONDS LATER:(off the back of the trail over Deepest Blue)
Chris - 7:57
Dave (interrupting) - I’d just like to point out that I don’t use moisturiser and have never ever wanted to sleep with men
Chris (over vocal) - Right OK. That wasn’t the point I was making though
Dave - No but I mean just to clear up any mess, so to speak (laughs). That came out wrong
(Chris laughs)
Dave - 7:57
Chris got a mammoth four hour power nap between 3 and 7 o’clock yesterday afternoon, which was rudely interrupted by Sophie ringing him to ask what he wanted for his tea. Dave managed to get just two hours sleep yesterday afternoon so he woke up a little late this morning, meaning he got into work at Radio 1 at 5:45 and not 5:15. Not that late in the grand scheme of things but still a little later than usual. Dave was out last night so missed Frank Skinner’s new comedy Shane, which I have to admit was a hell of a lot better than I was expecting. Buzz Off this morning ran all the way through with no votes at all. 85% of all texts said Buzz On. Chris had opted for a real U2 classic, Pride (In The Name Of Love) - number 3 in September 84. Chris gave Carol Vorderman a run for her money by doing the Maths and revealing that that song will be 20 years old in September. As the team each tucked into their regular morning mix of bacon butties, toast and tea, Chris picked up on the fact that Juliette was having the most unusual breakfast combination of all time - orange juice, coffee, pitta bread, humus, strawberries and custard.
Chris - When’s it due Jules?
Jules - Chance’ll be a fine thing
Chris went slightly controversial and during/following the news bulletins with Dom this morning, he talked about the Diana, Big Ron and Gloria Hunniford stories making the headlines. He said he found the papers reaction to photos of Diana dying being shown in the US as slightly two faced, as only last week they published photos of Gloria Hunniford grieving and burying her own daughter Caron Keating. Regarding Big Ron, Chris said he sensed a bit of a witchunt from the papers and some unreliable quotes this morning. He also came alarmingly close to revealing what Ron actually said (which would have cost him his job too). Chris however condemned Ron and called him a naughty boy.
Chris - Look at me putting the world to right
Dave - You’re a champion of truth, honour and justice
Chris (laughs) - Well I don’t know about that
Chris’s mate Will Mellor has recorded a song with “The Celeb Squad”, backing England for Euro 2004. It’s called “You Know The Score Euro 2004” and he’s been bugging Chris about playing it for weeks (I don’t think it’s been signed yet - and when you hear it you’ll know why). It’s pretty rubbish and Will sings it in a football fan voice, not his natural singing voice. It’s certainly not the worst football song you’ve ever heard though and it is all for charidee (The Bobby Moore Fund for Cancer Research UK) so it’s going to a good cause. One text came in saying it would indeed sound a lot better after two pints of lager.
ONE BIG WEEKEND IN DERRY - VIP TICKETS:>>>
Today is Day 4 of the big VIP competition and James from Portsmouth was on the phone after 8:30 this morning, hoping to win a pair of tickets for him and a friend to go to Derry this weekend. Today’s listener password is “Yesterday’s password was too long, just give my mates the tickets!!!”. James said he hadn’t been able to get hold of two of his five callers so was hoping Chris didn’t ring one of those. He didn’t. He rang Carole, James’s mum. First time around the phone answered but there was no reply (we later found out it answered between Carole’s legs by accident...good mornin). Technically by the rules of the game James had lost, but against his better judgment Chris was persuaded by Aled and Dave to ring back his mum. She was on her way to work and did answer this time - but with “hello” and not with the password. Chris berated her and she had a go back, telling Chris not to provoke her or question her love for her son. Chris said he never did to be honest, he only questioned her ability to answer the phone with a set phrase. Chris joked she had ruined James’s life forever and he said James would now probably never end up with a girlfriend.
James - I don’t think I’ll ever get a girlfriend Chris!!
Carole - Yeah, there’s no fear of that
Chris (laughs) - Oh right
Chris had to let them both go gently, cos James hadn’t won the tickets despite his mum saying he was the best son in the world. Chris kinda came out of the situation as the evil bad guy.
Dave - Much as that didn’t go quite as we planned, it’ll sound good on tomorrows trail I believe
(Chris laughs)
The team questioned the brightness of putting your mum on the list in the first place, but Aled still thought it was a bit cruel and unfair on James that he didn’t get any tickets at all. He then said something about Chris’s mum that Chris didn’t take as a compliment (I can’t remember exactly what it was, I haven’t written it down here and can’t be arsed listening again to check). Chris said his mum would kick Aled’s head in the next time she saw him and decided to ring her live on the air during half time to find out what she had to say on the matter. Chris said he bet she was listening...
Rachel - She might answer with the password
(Dave and Aled laugh as Chris dials)
It would have been radio gold but unfortunately Vera was busy chatting to someone else and the line was busy. Chris said if Aled cared so much about James going he could always ditch his mates Craig and Samantha and put James on his allocation instead.
Aled - Oooh. I haven’t got a big allocation
Chris - I have heard that
(him, Dave and Rache laugh)
The show is live from Derry tomorrow morning and the team are catching their plane over there later this afternoon. Dom, Chris and Aled are all scared of flying and Dom said he might need a few drinks beforehand to settle his nerves. Chris said that was funny as he had also needed a drink before the train visits to Newcastle, Liverpool and Southampton. He said Dom must just be feared of transport generally.
Chris - I’m just a little bit worried for him. If he continues drinking this much he’s gonna be management before he knows it
(plays trail)
Dom said it’s not the take off or landing that scare him on a plane, just the bit in between (especially if there’s any turbulence). Chris advised Dom to make the time go quicker by having a dump. He then went into detail, pretty unnecessary at any time, never mind at half 8 in the morning. The team are going out in Derry tonight, although seen as though they have the whole weekend (including Dave’s birthday) to get sloshed, Vitty thinks they should have “a modest and restrained start to the weekend” tonight.
THE CHRIS MOYLES APPROVED WORKPLACE AWARD - DAY 2:>>>
Today is Day 2 of the Workplace competition and compared to yesterday it was a huge anticlimax...cos there were actually normal people on the phones. Anne from Donley & Taggart in Eglinton beat Deirdre from Shell Direct in Derry 3-2. This means that there will be three teams battling it out for The Chris Moyles Approved Workplace Award, either tomorrow or on Monday morning’s show (which incidentally will come live from Derry as well).
Chris popped his head round Jo Whiley’s studio door after 9 to say hello. She responded by touching him up...well fondling his man boobs anyway. Chris said he was thinking about reporting her for sexual harassment. Chris then used lines like “I’m gonna do her...in court” and “I’ll give her one...in court”. Dave told the story of how he accidentally once walked in on her while she was on the toilet. No-one asked why he was in the female toilets which I found slightly surprising. This particular conversation ended with everyone laughing, Chris referring to Jo as “Jo fingers Whiley” and Rachel hurriedly scrambling around asking him to play a record.
CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
STUART a Woolworths delivery driver from Swindon 2
STEVEN a gas service engineer from Glasgow 0
**About half an hour earlier Rachel opened the lines for Carpark Catchphrase...
Rachel - Call now, 08700 100 100. You have to be in a car, know your catchphrases and be in a car park
Dave - What a beautiful voice
Rachel - Thank you
Chris - Yeah it’s like fingers down a blackboard
Rachel - Does it match my tan?
Chris - Yeah, ridiculous
(hits Usher vocal - Rachel and Dave laugh)**
Daves Tedious Link
Moby Natural Blues - Moby is a vegetarian, as is Paul McCartney - Paul McCartney is married to Heather Mills - Heather Mills shares the same surname as Scott Mills - Scott Mills uses fake tan, as does Rachel, which if not applied properly can stain your hands - Hands that do dishes use Fairy - Fairy is used by International Velvet star Nanette Newman, who is the mother of Emma Forbes - Emma Forbes shares the same christian name as Emma Thompson, who starred in Love Actually - Love Actually was directed by Richard Curtis - Richard Curtis shares one name in common with Curtis Stigers, who scored a 1992 hit with I Wonder Why - Two months later and with two less words in the title, Why was a hit for miss Annie Lennox - Annie Lennox has short hair, as does Tim Booth from James - and James have recorded some superb records over the years, with one of the best known and most commercially successful being Sit Down - Which links us to James and Sit Down
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