chrismoyles.net
- Fri Jun 11, 2004 3:01 pm
#241942
1. Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out, 2. Milk & Sugar - Let The Sunshine In, 3. Scissor Sisters - Laura, 4. Outkast - Roses, 5. BUZZ OFF - New Order - Regret, 6. Red Hot Chili Peppers - By The Way 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Junior Senior - Move Your Feet, 8. Mario Winans feat Enya & P. Diddy - I Don't Wanna Know, 9. Lou Reed - Satellite Of Love (Dab Hands Remix), 10. Coldplay - Clocks 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. Avril Lavigne - Don't Tell Me, 12. Ultrabeat - Pretty Green Eyes, 13. Beastie Boys - Ch-Check It Out, 14. N*E*R*D - Maybe 8:30 NEWSBEAT 15. Jason Nevins feat Holly James - I’m In Heaven, 16. Cassidy feat R. Kelly - Hotel, 17. Oasis - Roll With It, 18. Justin Timberlake - Rock Your Body, 19. N-Trance - Set You Free (Tedious Link), 20. Keane - Everybody's Changing, 21. The 5,6,7,8’s - Woo Hoo, 22. Faithless - Mass Destruction, 23. Kanye West feat Syleena Johnson - All Falls Down 9:30 NEWSBEAT 24. Roger Sanchez - Another Chance, 25. The 411 feat Ghostface Killah - On My Knees, 26. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Fortune Faded
I know a few people disagreed with me on the messageboard when I said that I thought today’s show was the best of the year so far, but absolutely no one could deny that it was a fantastic listen from start to finish. Chris, Dave, Rachel and Aled had all flown out to join the rest of the Radio 1 crew on site at their Portuguese villa, which is situated in a quiet, little village about an hour north of Lisbon. The huge amount of people in the villa today meant a little mini audience for every link of the show. Thankfully it wasn’t quite “oh let’s laugh at everything Chris says”, but that is my main concern for what might happen over the next three weeks. Here‘s a full list of everyone who was in the villa this morning - Chris, Dave, Rachel and Aled (of course), Chappers, Jocelyn, engineers Richard and Steve, Tania, Aled’s mate Paul from security, Miles, Rhys (who’s the big boss of the whole trip), the six competition winners Dan, Mal, Derek, Paul, Tracy and Andy...plus three very irritating flies that were buzzing around and just generally annoying everyone. The whole sound of the show has been given a bit of a continental edge for the trip too. Plinky, plinky stereotypical hispanic guitars have been added on top of the show’s main bed, and Chris’s jingle singers are now announcing that the show is “live from Portugal” at every possible occasion. American Paul Turner has also done a new voiceover session for the show, with the following new liners played today:
- “The Chris Moyles Show Live From Portugal...it’s work not a holiday!!”
- “Chris, Dave, Rachel and Aled...now officially 100% continental”
- “Sun, fun, football and oven chips...it’s The Chris Moyles Show Live From Portugal”
- “The Chris Moyles Show Live From Portugal...lying back and thinking of England”
Chris began with a complaint (surprise surprise) - this time a totally unnecessary and over the top rant about Nemone’s backtiming. He said that for him to be on the air from the middle of nowhere hundreds of miles away was a technical miracle - tons of BBC equipment had been shipped, along with CD’s, wires, cables, computer systems, digital clocks and masking tape to hold it all down. On the other hand, all her and her production staff had to do was backtime a record to exactly 6:55 (not 24 seconds under) and yet they still couldn’t do it. Dave said it was a warm and friendly start to the morning. He said he found their location rather bizarre and surreal, although he agreed that the pool was great and that the view overlooking the lagoon and hilltops was absolutely beautiful. Despite having been there for less than 24 hours, Chris said that they’ve been annoying their neighbours in the next door villa already. Rhys visited them yesterday (they’re an elderly couple) and explained why there would be the odd bit of noise coming from next door early each morning. Chris said that would just be their gay engineer Steve blasting out Gloria Gaynor at half five though, to “check the levels”. Steve isn’t actually gay btw, Chris just likes to wind him up by calling him “love” and “dear”...a bit like David Garrido really. Their flight yesterday may have been seamless and their setting today perfect, but Chris said that one thing was actually not going to plan at all...the weather. It was grey, overcast and raining lightly where they were. This may give us back here great satisfaction, but it provided none whatsoever for Chris, Dave and Chappers. All three of them had put shorts and t-shirts on before they came downstairs to prep for the show at around 6, mistakenly thinking it would be a scorcher outside. Ha ha, how wrong they were. Dominic (who was a star today) quite rightly rubbed in the fact that it was all blue skies back here. This resulted in a couple of fantastic “temperature play offs” at 7 and 9:30, where Chris and Dom both tried to beat each other by shouting out ever increasing numbers of degrees celsius. At one point Dom impersonated Rod McKenzie, who was supposedly telling him from the back of the studio that he’d got a temperature wrong. Dom said in hindsight it probably wasn’t such a good idea to mimic his boss on the air.
Chris - It was nice working with you
Dom - Yeah I enjoyed it too (Moyles plays jingle)
If you’re wondering why Chappers had got up so early alongside Chris and Dave, it because he was reading the sport today. This isn’t a regular Portugal thing he’ll be doing on Breakfast, he was just covering for Juliette who had a day off. Chris tried to make Dom paranoid by pretending that Jules was with them in the villa. His impressions of her were crap but he said that she was just sounding a bit different cos of the free wine being handed out at the airport baggage carousels yesterday.
STEAK AND CHIPS, SNORING AND NEW ORDER:
After arriving in Portugal yesterday afternoon, the whole team (roughly 25 of them in total - including Newsbeat reporters etc) went out for a meal in the local village. Like most Portuguese restaurants it specialised in fish and offered an extensive list of different seafood...and steak and chips. This was the only non-fish based item on the menu and had also been spelt incorrectly - it read “steack and chips”. Out of roughly 25 meals ordered, Dave said that there was about 18 portions of steak and chips (including his and Chris’s). Dom said that that was shocking...
Dom - It’s always nice to see a sampling of a local dish
Dave - mmm (pig squeal laugh)
After heading back to the villa, Dave felt completely drained by the long day and all the travelling so went straight off to bed. He said he slept like a log straight through to 6 this morning and was fresh and ready to go rock the nations. Chappers on the other hand sounded knackered, and he said there was a very good reason for that - the aforementioned Mr Vitty.
Chappers - I’d rather have shared a room with a pneumatic drill!!
Mark said Dave snored ALL night long...in every single position he lay - on his back, on his front and on his shoulders. He said he kept rolling Dave over but he still wouldn’t shut up snoring. As a result he’d had virtually no sleep at all. Chris was feeling smug cos he had warned Chappers about this last night. Dave wasn’t happy with the criticism though, and (sounding dead scouse) he told Mark to sod off to the other villa if he didn’t like it. Handbags at dawn, quite liderally.
A text came in saying that they didn’t believe Chris was actually in Portugal. They wanted him to prove it in some way or other. Chris switched on the outdoor atmosphere microphone by the pool and made his way to it in the light rain as Dave filled rather unsuccessfully. The mic picked up the sound of tweeting birds, the big generator and (as Chris splashed the water) the villa’s luxury swimming pool. Undeniably Portugal then eh? Chris said that no doubt that texter would actually think the sound of the splash was coming from a bucket. He said that times are tough with the bad weather they’ve been having - no one’s been able to go for a swim yet. Oh my heart bleeds. All the chat about the swimming pool led to Chris coming up with the idea of putting everyone’s name into a hat and then drawing out a name at random after half nine each day. The deal is that this person then gets chucked in the pool just before the end of the show @ 10. It didn’t happen today but when it starts next week Chris said that they’ll obviously fix it so that it’s Aled who’s chucked in. The Welsh one protested, saying that he was allergic to chlorine and couldn’t swim or summat. He’s definitely bluffing, chuck him in there Chris, he’ll be fine *cough*. Buzz Off today was quite fantastic - New Order and Regret from April 93. Dave called it a classic, Rhys was feeling it and it got a big thumbs up too from Mr Chappers...Aled though didn’t have a clue what it was (he said he had heard it though). He was first to buzz in on 2:08, Dave was next on 3:37 and Rach third on 3:38. 78% said Buzz On so Chris played it in full to the end. He said it came from within his big bag of Buzz Off CD’s, which he was nearly forced to pay excess baggage for at the airport yesterday. He didn’t in the end though as Rachel sweet talked the guy at the check in and sorted it all out. After berating Aled for not knowing the New Order track, Chris tried to spook him by telling him there’s a graveyard with four serial killers buried directly underneath his room at the villa. Aled said he wasn’t so sure after seeing a zombie walking last night. Dave said there was no need to worry as that was just him - he was going to the bog and had got lost on the landing.
CHRIS TOURS THE VILLA:
This was probably the funniest part of today’s show - Chris got on the radio mic and took us outside and upstairs for a mini tour of the outside and inside of the villa. He visited Aled’s room first, which was situated next door to the room where they’ve stuck the loud humming VCS machine. Not a coincidence methinks. Chris said Aled had a teddy on his bed (Dave found this hilarious), a fan, his three phones out (three phones Jones) and a bunch of mancy, unfolded clothes in his wardrobe.
Chris - Let’s just peel the bedsheets back...yep, jazz mags
(Dave and crew in studio downstairs in hysterics)
Chris - I tell you what Dave, they must be Portuguese because they look completely opposite to the jazz mags you and I know
Dave - Yeah, go into the other room now
Chris - She looks very butch
Next was Rachel’s room. Chris looked at what books she’s reading at the moment - “Notes From A Small Island” by Bill Bryson and “How To Produce National Radio Shows” by Rick Baxhill (a slightly in joke that one). Dave and Chappers are sharing a room as you may have gathered from the snoring story. Chris put on his Lloyd Grossman voice and asked who’d live in a room like this - with Lynx Revitalising Shower Gel, Lynx Dry Deodorant and Complete Moisture Plus.
Dave - Hello (all laugh)
Dave’s Complete Moisture Plus is his contact lense solution btw. Also on view in the room was Mark’s big hat, Dave’s two black short sleeved shirts, his Everton shirt and his two England shirts - plus his England towels with the flag of St George on them.
Chris - And what’s this here? Let me have a look...I believe it belongs to Chappers
(switches on - it makes buzzing sound)
Chris - Oh you filthy devil!!!
(raucous laughter from everyone)
That was actually Dave’s razor by the way - Dave said he could recognise the sound of it from downstairs. Finally Chris went to his own room to pick up his new pair of Prada sandals, that retail in the shops at just £135 kids. Chris put them on for the first time and said that he could feel the quality. Dave was disgusted with him and asked if he’d gone mad. Chris said he’d simply treated himself, reminding Dave that he earns far more than him and is ridiculously rich.
Dave - But no one spends that sort of money on glorified flip flops!!!
Dave also added that Chris’s feet were horrible, which backfired as Rhys backed up Chris (so to speak) by saying that Dave had awful hobbit feet.
Dave - I don’t even know what hobbit feet are!!
Chris - Well look down at the floor where you are!!! (Dave laughs and hits N*E*R*D vocal)
DES, DANNY COWAN AND EASY PORTUGUESEY:>>>>
Notoriously bad flyer Chris found yesterday’s flight fine, although Aled thought it was a bit wobbly. Chris said there is less turbulence at the front of the plane mind you. Yep Mr *I’m still Chris from the block* Moyles had been upgraded into the executive seats as he got on board the plane, leaving Dave, Chappers, Aled and the rest of the other Radio 1 clowns to sit at the back by the toilets in cattle class. Aled had actually been offered an upgrade too but turned it down as he had thought of the other members of the team (unlike Chris). No that’s not true actually. Chris had thought of the other members of the team...but took the upgrade anyway. We should be glad he did cos it was up in the posh seats that Chris bumped into a few other celebrities flying out to Portugal - namely Zoe Ball, Norman Cook, Peter Reid and the only and only...Mr Des Lynam!!! Dom played Guess Who and was understandably impressed. Chris said that after meeting Des, he now has to get the jingle remade about all the stars he’s met, cos the pay off is that he’s never met Des Lynam. He told Des he’d change it to “and now he’s met Des Lynam”, who said he’d record him a line for it saying something like “and he has you know”. A great story made even better by the fact that smooth Des even went against his reputation and helped a struggling old lady off the little bus that takes you from the plane to the terminal building at the airport. His exact words were “Do you need a bit of help there my darlin’?”. Chris said he couldn’t believe he’d witnessed it with his own eyes.
The show was running smoothly enough until 7:30, when Danny Cowan mucked up the One Road Travel buttons in London. He’s the northern Irish fella who drives the desk when Chris and co are on OB’s. Chris made him open his mic, and then told him he was letting the side down. He explained that Danny had played the dry One Road Travel beds and not the ones with voiceover from American Paul on. He soon found the correct ones after some direction from Chris and got back into his good books immediately by saying the now legendary “stick it out”. Dom played a clip in the news of the topless mud wrestling going on in the Big Brother house last night. He back announced it fantastically...
Dom - (clip ends) The sound on Radio 1 of topless mud wrestling
(hits sport bed and Chappers laughs before he starts reading)
This idea has been explored on a regular basis with Dom and Mafalda recently, but it is now becoming a daily feature in Portugal with Mr Comedy Dave. The new feature is called “Easy Portuguesy” and Dave will act as Chris’s instructor, helping him to eliminate communication difficulties and overcome and master the beautiful, intricate language that is Portuguese. In other words look in his handbook and teach him a few phrases. Chris was fine with that, but just doubted that Dave from Hong Kong (via Warrington) would be a better Portuguese teacher than Rhys’s half cousin Ben who lives in Portugal and speaks the language fluently. Dave glossed over this and started off with three basic phrases for Chris today: “Do you speak English?”, “I don’t speak much Portuguese” and “Could you speak more slowly?”. As much as Chris said he enjoyed learning them, he found them slightly stupid as you wouldn’t say to someone both “Could you speak more slowly?” and “I don’t speak much Portuguese” in the same conversation. There’d just be no point. American Paul voiced the new jingles for Easy Portuguesy, which will return on Monday.
COMPETITION WINNERS, SPRINKLED SPEAKERS AND FOOTY CHAT:>>>>
Chris got on the radio mic and took a trip next door to catch up with competition winners Dan, Derek and Tracy and their three freeloading friends. Dan seems a tad dull and Derek is a natural on the radio (smell the irony) so Chris therefore moved swiftly onto talking to foxy Tracy, who’s boyfriend is in Sydney. She therefore has brought her travelling companion Andy Brown with her to Portugal...
Chris - Tracy by the way has brought her “travelling companion”..(laughter)..so let’s not beat about the bush then Tracy, do you have sex with him?
Tracy - No
(Collective laughter - Aled’s security mate Paul in hysterics)
Chris (laughing) - I’m only joking obviously, that was a joke
(Paul carries on laughing)
Chris - So your travelling partner, is he...is he...? (pause) You two are sharing a room but you don’t see him as a threat in any way?
Tracy - Oh no
Chris - Yep Aled, I think you’re right. He probably is (cue huge laughter)
What made this moment even funnier was the fact that the guy in question (Andy) came back at Chris with the weakest punch ever.
Aled ran downstairs about midnight last night to inform everyone that the sprinklers were going off in the garden and showering the two £2,500 speakers and atmos mics out there. Gay engineer Steve responded by opening up another can of lager while Richard went outside to check the damage. He came back saying that there had been a bit of a sprinker - speaker disaster, but said there was no need to worry as “they’re designed for this type of abuse”. Chris said he didn’t know you could now get fancy waterproof speakers. Yesterday the incredibly stupid decision was made by the Football League to rebrand for next season, which now means that instead of Divison One, Two and Three we’ll have “The Football League Championship”, “Football League One” and “Football League Two”. It may sound better for Chris and me (I now support a team in League Two not Divison Three), but in reality it’s just corporate nonsense caused entirely by new sponsors Coca Cola. Chris said he looks forward to Leeds battling it out with Crewe and co for “The Championship” next season. He asked Chappers what he knew about their new signings Paul Butler and Julian Joachim. Dave called them “fresh young talent”. I know Butler cos he played for us (Bury) when we won promotion from Div 3 back in 96 and when we won Divison 2 in 1997. He’s now at Wolves - big, tall, strong and very dirty - perfect for Leeds then. This means that Leeds now have an ex Bury coach as manager, an ex Bury manager as coach and one ex Bury player in their central defence. As Yazz & The Plastic Population once didn’t sing, the only way is down. Attention turned to more important issues, this Sunday’s big match in Lisbon - England v France. Chappers talked about Terry, Rooney, Beckham, Scholes and the best way to defend against Thierry Henry. One unnamed Premiership defender apparently said the best way was to kick him, call him names and watch him sulk.
Chris - That’s exactly what we do to Aled!!
(Dave and Chappers laugh)
Chappers - Aled is the Thierry Henry of Radio One!!
England will be wearing white on Sunday and not red. Chris gave out this information and said that he felt like a pirate radio DJ giving out the dress code for a rave. Him, Mark and Dave are all going for a 1-1 draw. I’ll go for us to lose 2-1 with Zinedine Zidane scoring two in injury time, one from a free kick and one from a penalty...not that I’m putting this review up late and have already seen the game or owt...don’t be stupid *cough*.
Chris - Hey Chappers, how many people do you think are in this room?
Chappers - (looks around)...20?
Chris - Yeah wasn’t that your audience on Breakfast? (laughter)
Chappers (laughing) - Oooh. Eh don’t drag me into this!!*
Chris - I’m only joking
* It sounds like Chris and Coxy really don’t get on then, even though Chris says they do
(Chappers gets teased about his and Coxy’s breakfast ratings)
CONTINENTAL CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
GREG a mechanic in a workshop in St Ives 2
GAVIN a dry liner from Kingsbury 0
Daves Tedious Link
The Chemical Brothers and Noel Gallagher Setting Sun - A setting sun is something which is best seen if you’re facing west - If you add the word “wild” to west you get Wild West, which is somewhere you’d expect to find cowboys - Cowboys wear hats - Hats were traditionally the primary industry in Luton - Luton is now famous for it’s airport - An airport is somewhere that has a runway, as does a fashion show - A fashion show is somewhere you might see Vernon Kay - Vernon Kay shares the same surname as his Bolton compatriot Peter Kay - Peter Kay advertises bitter - Bitter the taste is one of the five senses - If you add an extra sense there would be a sixth sense - The Sixth Sense was a film starring Bruce Willis - Bruce Willis starred in Die Hard where a load of people were held against their will by baddies - and if you were unfortunate enough to be held captive by gun-toting baddies, you would probably be hoping that one day they’d “set you free” - Which links us to N-Trance and Set You Free
WEEK HIGHLIGHTS:
SHOW OF THE WEEK: Friday
MOMENTS OF THE WEEK: Proxy chat, CBBC’s patronising trails, Chris’s garden/jungle and internal phone fun (Monday), the cheesy S Club 7 Buzz Off link, Hot Mommas, learning Portuguese and parts of the Paddy Kielty interview (Tuesday), the Tim Henman interview, Carpark Catchphrase and the sticker book swapsies (Wednesday), the airport final exploits of James from Northampton (Thursday) and all the new jingles and beds, the tour of the villa, the steak and chips and snoring stories, plus Buzz Off and chatting to Tracy and Andy (all today). Don’t forget you can Listen Again to every show from this week by following the links to Listen Again from Chris’s Radio 1 mini-site.
NOEL GALLAGHER ON THE SHOW THIS MONDAY
Just like he was four years ago at Euro 2000, Noel will be a guest on the show this forthcoming Monday. He’s going to the England - France game the night before and will drop by for a chat with Chris and Dave in the morning, although he’s said that he’s not going to sing. Rachel has brought a huge guitar from Radio 1 over just in case. These producer types are always thinking eh...
<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=7946">> Moyles Live In Portugal - Friday June 11th Show & Show Review - HAVE YOUR SAY!! <</A>
I know a few people disagreed with me on the messageboard when I said that I thought today’s show was the best of the year so far, but absolutely no one could deny that it was a fantastic listen from start to finish. Chris, Dave, Rachel and Aled had all flown out to join the rest of the Radio 1 crew on site at their Portuguese villa, which is situated in a quiet, little village about an hour north of Lisbon. The huge amount of people in the villa today meant a little mini audience for every link of the show. Thankfully it wasn’t quite “oh let’s laugh at everything Chris says”, but that is my main concern for what might happen over the next three weeks. Here‘s a full list of everyone who was in the villa this morning - Chris, Dave, Rachel and Aled (of course), Chappers, Jocelyn, engineers Richard and Steve, Tania, Aled’s mate Paul from security, Miles, Rhys (who’s the big boss of the whole trip), the six competition winners Dan, Mal, Derek, Paul, Tracy and Andy...plus three very irritating flies that were buzzing around and just generally annoying everyone. The whole sound of the show has been given a bit of a continental edge for the trip too. Plinky, plinky stereotypical hispanic guitars have been added on top of the show’s main bed, and Chris’s jingle singers are now announcing that the show is “live from Portugal” at every possible occasion. American Paul Turner has also done a new voiceover session for the show, with the following new liners played today:
- “The Chris Moyles Show Live From Portugal...it’s work not a holiday!!”
- “Chris, Dave, Rachel and Aled...now officially 100% continental”
- “Sun, fun, football and oven chips...it’s The Chris Moyles Show Live From Portugal”
- “The Chris Moyles Show Live From Portugal...lying back and thinking of England”
Chris began with a complaint (surprise surprise) - this time a totally unnecessary and over the top rant about Nemone’s backtiming. He said that for him to be on the air from the middle of nowhere hundreds of miles away was a technical miracle - tons of BBC equipment had been shipped, along with CD’s, wires, cables, computer systems, digital clocks and masking tape to hold it all down. On the other hand, all her and her production staff had to do was backtime a record to exactly 6:55 (not 24 seconds under) and yet they still couldn’t do it. Dave said it was a warm and friendly start to the morning. He said he found their location rather bizarre and surreal, although he agreed that the pool was great and that the view overlooking the lagoon and hilltops was absolutely beautiful. Despite having been there for less than 24 hours, Chris said that they’ve been annoying their neighbours in the next door villa already. Rhys visited them yesterday (they’re an elderly couple) and explained why there would be the odd bit of noise coming from next door early each morning. Chris said that would just be their gay engineer Steve blasting out Gloria Gaynor at half five though, to “check the levels”. Steve isn’t actually gay btw, Chris just likes to wind him up by calling him “love” and “dear”...a bit like David Garrido really. Their flight yesterday may have been seamless and their setting today perfect, but Chris said that one thing was actually not going to plan at all...the weather. It was grey, overcast and raining lightly where they were. This may give us back here great satisfaction, but it provided none whatsoever for Chris, Dave and Chappers. All three of them had put shorts and t-shirts on before they came downstairs to prep for the show at around 6, mistakenly thinking it would be a scorcher outside. Ha ha, how wrong they were. Dominic (who was a star today) quite rightly rubbed in the fact that it was all blue skies back here. This resulted in a couple of fantastic “temperature play offs” at 7 and 9:30, where Chris and Dom both tried to beat each other by shouting out ever increasing numbers of degrees celsius. At one point Dom impersonated Rod McKenzie, who was supposedly telling him from the back of the studio that he’d got a temperature wrong. Dom said in hindsight it probably wasn’t such a good idea to mimic his boss on the air.
Chris - It was nice working with you
Dom - Yeah I enjoyed it too (Moyles plays jingle)
If you’re wondering why Chappers had got up so early alongside Chris and Dave, it because he was reading the sport today. This isn’t a regular Portugal thing he’ll be doing on Breakfast, he was just covering for Juliette who had a day off. Chris tried to make Dom paranoid by pretending that Jules was with them in the villa. His impressions of her were crap but he said that she was just sounding a bit different cos of the free wine being handed out at the airport baggage carousels yesterday.
STEAK AND CHIPS, SNORING AND NEW ORDER:
After arriving in Portugal yesterday afternoon, the whole team (roughly 25 of them in total - including Newsbeat reporters etc) went out for a meal in the local village. Like most Portuguese restaurants it specialised in fish and offered an extensive list of different seafood...and steak and chips. This was the only non-fish based item on the menu and had also been spelt incorrectly - it read “steack and chips”. Out of roughly 25 meals ordered, Dave said that there was about 18 portions of steak and chips (including his and Chris’s). Dom said that that was shocking...
Dom - It’s always nice to see a sampling of a local dish
Dave - mmm (pig squeal laugh)
After heading back to the villa, Dave felt completely drained by the long day and all the travelling so went straight off to bed. He said he slept like a log straight through to 6 this morning and was fresh and ready to go rock the nations. Chappers on the other hand sounded knackered, and he said there was a very good reason for that - the aforementioned Mr Vitty.
Chappers - I’d rather have shared a room with a pneumatic drill!!
Mark said Dave snored ALL night long...in every single position he lay - on his back, on his front and on his shoulders. He said he kept rolling Dave over but he still wouldn’t shut up snoring. As a result he’d had virtually no sleep at all. Chris was feeling smug cos he had warned Chappers about this last night. Dave wasn’t happy with the criticism though, and (sounding dead scouse) he told Mark to sod off to the other villa if he didn’t like it. Handbags at dawn, quite liderally.
A text came in saying that they didn’t believe Chris was actually in Portugal. They wanted him to prove it in some way or other. Chris switched on the outdoor atmosphere microphone by the pool and made his way to it in the light rain as Dave filled rather unsuccessfully. The mic picked up the sound of tweeting birds, the big generator and (as Chris splashed the water) the villa’s luxury swimming pool. Undeniably Portugal then eh? Chris said that no doubt that texter would actually think the sound of the splash was coming from a bucket. He said that times are tough with the bad weather they’ve been having - no one’s been able to go for a swim yet. Oh my heart bleeds. All the chat about the swimming pool led to Chris coming up with the idea of putting everyone’s name into a hat and then drawing out a name at random after half nine each day. The deal is that this person then gets chucked in the pool just before the end of the show @ 10. It didn’t happen today but when it starts next week Chris said that they’ll obviously fix it so that it’s Aled who’s chucked in. The Welsh one protested, saying that he was allergic to chlorine and couldn’t swim or summat. He’s definitely bluffing, chuck him in there Chris, he’ll be fine *cough*. Buzz Off today was quite fantastic - New Order and Regret from April 93. Dave called it a classic, Rhys was feeling it and it got a big thumbs up too from Mr Chappers...Aled though didn’t have a clue what it was (he said he had heard it though). He was first to buzz in on 2:08, Dave was next on 3:37 and Rach third on 3:38. 78% said Buzz On so Chris played it in full to the end. He said it came from within his big bag of Buzz Off CD’s, which he was nearly forced to pay excess baggage for at the airport yesterday. He didn’t in the end though as Rachel sweet talked the guy at the check in and sorted it all out. After berating Aled for not knowing the New Order track, Chris tried to spook him by telling him there’s a graveyard with four serial killers buried directly underneath his room at the villa. Aled said he wasn’t so sure after seeing a zombie walking last night. Dave said there was no need to worry as that was just him - he was going to the bog and had got lost on the landing.
CHRIS TOURS THE VILLA:
This was probably the funniest part of today’s show - Chris got on the radio mic and took us outside and upstairs for a mini tour of the outside and inside of the villa. He visited Aled’s room first, which was situated next door to the room where they’ve stuck the loud humming VCS machine. Not a coincidence methinks. Chris said Aled had a teddy on his bed (Dave found this hilarious), a fan, his three phones out (three phones Jones) and a bunch of mancy, unfolded clothes in his wardrobe.
Chris - Let’s just peel the bedsheets back...yep, jazz mags
(Dave and crew in studio downstairs in hysterics)
Chris - I tell you what Dave, they must be Portuguese because they look completely opposite to the jazz mags you and I know
Dave - Yeah, go into the other room now
Chris - She looks very butch
Next was Rachel’s room. Chris looked at what books she’s reading at the moment - “Notes From A Small Island” by Bill Bryson and “How To Produce National Radio Shows” by Rick Baxhill (a slightly in joke that one). Dave and Chappers are sharing a room as you may have gathered from the snoring story. Chris put on his Lloyd Grossman voice and asked who’d live in a room like this - with Lynx Revitalising Shower Gel, Lynx Dry Deodorant and Complete Moisture Plus.
Dave - Hello (all laugh)
Dave’s Complete Moisture Plus is his contact lense solution btw. Also on view in the room was Mark’s big hat, Dave’s two black short sleeved shirts, his Everton shirt and his two England shirts - plus his England towels with the flag of St George on them.
Chris - And what’s this here? Let me have a look...I believe it belongs to Chappers
(switches on - it makes buzzing sound)
Chris - Oh you filthy devil!!!
(raucous laughter from everyone)
That was actually Dave’s razor by the way - Dave said he could recognise the sound of it from downstairs. Finally Chris went to his own room to pick up his new pair of Prada sandals, that retail in the shops at just £135 kids. Chris put them on for the first time and said that he could feel the quality. Dave was disgusted with him and asked if he’d gone mad. Chris said he’d simply treated himself, reminding Dave that he earns far more than him and is ridiculously rich.
Dave - But no one spends that sort of money on glorified flip flops!!!
Dave also added that Chris’s feet were horrible, which backfired as Rhys backed up Chris (so to speak) by saying that Dave had awful hobbit feet.
Dave - I don’t even know what hobbit feet are!!
Chris - Well look down at the floor where you are!!! (Dave laughs and hits N*E*R*D vocal)
DES, DANNY COWAN AND EASY PORTUGUESEY:>>>>
Notoriously bad flyer Chris found yesterday’s flight fine, although Aled thought it was a bit wobbly. Chris said there is less turbulence at the front of the plane mind you. Yep Mr *I’m still Chris from the block* Moyles had been upgraded into the executive seats as he got on board the plane, leaving Dave, Chappers, Aled and the rest of the other Radio 1 clowns to sit at the back by the toilets in cattle class. Aled had actually been offered an upgrade too but turned it down as he had thought of the other members of the team (unlike Chris). No that’s not true actually. Chris had thought of the other members of the team...but took the upgrade anyway. We should be glad he did cos it was up in the posh seats that Chris bumped into a few other celebrities flying out to Portugal - namely Zoe Ball, Norman Cook, Peter Reid and the only and only...Mr Des Lynam!!! Dom played Guess Who and was understandably impressed. Chris said that after meeting Des, he now has to get the jingle remade about all the stars he’s met, cos the pay off is that he’s never met Des Lynam. He told Des he’d change it to “and now he’s met Des Lynam”, who said he’d record him a line for it saying something like “and he has you know”. A great story made even better by the fact that smooth Des even went against his reputation and helped a struggling old lady off the little bus that takes you from the plane to the terminal building at the airport. His exact words were “Do you need a bit of help there my darlin’?”. Chris said he couldn’t believe he’d witnessed it with his own eyes.
The show was running smoothly enough until 7:30, when Danny Cowan mucked up the One Road Travel buttons in London. He’s the northern Irish fella who drives the desk when Chris and co are on OB’s. Chris made him open his mic, and then told him he was letting the side down. He explained that Danny had played the dry One Road Travel beds and not the ones with voiceover from American Paul on. He soon found the correct ones after some direction from Chris and got back into his good books immediately by saying the now legendary “stick it out”. Dom played a clip in the news of the topless mud wrestling going on in the Big Brother house last night. He back announced it fantastically...
Dom - (clip ends) The sound on Radio 1 of topless mud wrestling
(hits sport bed and Chappers laughs before he starts reading)
This idea has been explored on a regular basis with Dom and Mafalda recently, but it is now becoming a daily feature in Portugal with Mr Comedy Dave. The new feature is called “Easy Portuguesy” and Dave will act as Chris’s instructor, helping him to eliminate communication difficulties and overcome and master the beautiful, intricate language that is Portuguese. In other words look in his handbook and teach him a few phrases. Chris was fine with that, but just doubted that Dave from Hong Kong (via Warrington) would be a better Portuguese teacher than Rhys’s half cousin Ben who lives in Portugal and speaks the language fluently. Dave glossed over this and started off with three basic phrases for Chris today: “Do you speak English?”, “I don’t speak much Portuguese” and “Could you speak more slowly?”. As much as Chris said he enjoyed learning them, he found them slightly stupid as you wouldn’t say to someone both “Could you speak more slowly?” and “I don’t speak much Portuguese” in the same conversation. There’d just be no point. American Paul voiced the new jingles for Easy Portuguesy, which will return on Monday.
COMPETITION WINNERS, SPRINKLED SPEAKERS AND FOOTY CHAT:>>>>
Chris got on the radio mic and took a trip next door to catch up with competition winners Dan, Derek and Tracy and their three freeloading friends. Dan seems a tad dull and Derek is a natural on the radio (smell the irony) so Chris therefore moved swiftly onto talking to foxy Tracy, who’s boyfriend is in Sydney. She therefore has brought her travelling companion Andy Brown with her to Portugal...
Chris - Tracy by the way has brought her “travelling companion”..(laughter)..so let’s not beat about the bush then Tracy, do you have sex with him?
Tracy - No
(Collective laughter - Aled’s security mate Paul in hysterics)
Chris (laughing) - I’m only joking obviously, that was a joke
(Paul carries on laughing)
Chris - So your travelling partner, is he...is he...? (pause) You two are sharing a room but you don’t see him as a threat in any way?
Tracy - Oh no
Chris - Yep Aled, I think you’re right. He probably is (cue huge laughter)
What made this moment even funnier was the fact that the guy in question (Andy) came back at Chris with the weakest punch ever.
Aled ran downstairs about midnight last night to inform everyone that the sprinklers were going off in the garden and showering the two £2,500 speakers and atmos mics out there. Gay engineer Steve responded by opening up another can of lager while Richard went outside to check the damage. He came back saying that there had been a bit of a sprinker - speaker disaster, but said there was no need to worry as “they’re designed for this type of abuse”. Chris said he didn’t know you could now get fancy waterproof speakers. Yesterday the incredibly stupid decision was made by the Football League to rebrand for next season, which now means that instead of Divison One, Two and Three we’ll have “The Football League Championship”, “Football League One” and “Football League Two”. It may sound better for Chris and me (I now support a team in League Two not Divison Three), but in reality it’s just corporate nonsense caused entirely by new sponsors Coca Cola. Chris said he looks forward to Leeds battling it out with Crewe and co for “The Championship” next season. He asked Chappers what he knew about their new signings Paul Butler and Julian Joachim. Dave called them “fresh young talent”. I know Butler cos he played for us (Bury) when we won promotion from Div 3 back in 96 and when we won Divison 2 in 1997. He’s now at Wolves - big, tall, strong and very dirty - perfect for Leeds then. This means that Leeds now have an ex Bury coach as manager, an ex Bury manager as coach and one ex Bury player in their central defence. As Yazz & The Plastic Population once didn’t sing, the only way is down. Attention turned to more important issues, this Sunday’s big match in Lisbon - England v France. Chappers talked about Terry, Rooney, Beckham, Scholes and the best way to defend against Thierry Henry. One unnamed Premiership defender apparently said the best way was to kick him, call him names and watch him sulk.
Chris - That’s exactly what we do to Aled!!
(Dave and Chappers laugh)
Chappers - Aled is the Thierry Henry of Radio One!!
England will be wearing white on Sunday and not red. Chris gave out this information and said that he felt like a pirate radio DJ giving out the dress code for a rave. Him, Mark and Dave are all going for a 1-1 draw. I’ll go for us to lose 2-1 with Zinedine Zidane scoring two in injury time, one from a free kick and one from a penalty...not that I’m putting this review up late and have already seen the game or owt...don’t be stupid *cough*.
Chris - Hey Chappers, how many people do you think are in this room?
Chappers - (looks around)...20?
Chris - Yeah wasn’t that your audience on Breakfast? (laughter)
Chappers (laughing) - Oooh. Eh don’t drag me into this!!*
Chris - I’m only joking
* It sounds like Chris and Coxy really don’t get on then, even though Chris says they do
(Chappers gets teased about his and Coxy’s breakfast ratings)
CONTINENTAL CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
GREG a mechanic in a workshop in St Ives 2
GAVIN a dry liner from Kingsbury 0
Daves Tedious Link
The Chemical Brothers and Noel Gallagher Setting Sun - A setting sun is something which is best seen if you’re facing west - If you add the word “wild” to west you get Wild West, which is somewhere you’d expect to find cowboys - Cowboys wear hats - Hats were traditionally the primary industry in Luton - Luton is now famous for it’s airport - An airport is somewhere that has a runway, as does a fashion show - A fashion show is somewhere you might see Vernon Kay - Vernon Kay shares the same surname as his Bolton compatriot Peter Kay - Peter Kay advertises bitter - Bitter the taste is one of the five senses - If you add an extra sense there would be a sixth sense - The Sixth Sense was a film starring Bruce Willis - Bruce Willis starred in Die Hard where a load of people were held against their will by baddies - and if you were unfortunate enough to be held captive by gun-toting baddies, you would probably be hoping that one day they’d “set you free” - Which links us to N-Trance and Set You Free
WEEK HIGHLIGHTS:
SHOW OF THE WEEK: Friday
MOMENTS OF THE WEEK: Proxy chat, CBBC’s patronising trails, Chris’s garden/jungle and internal phone fun (Monday), the cheesy S Club 7 Buzz Off link, Hot Mommas, learning Portuguese and parts of the Paddy Kielty interview (Tuesday), the Tim Henman interview, Carpark Catchphrase and the sticker book swapsies (Wednesday), the airport final exploits of James from Northampton (Thursday) and all the new jingles and beds, the tour of the villa, the steak and chips and snoring stories, plus Buzz Off and chatting to Tracy and Andy (all today). Don’t forget you can Listen Again to every show from this week by following the links to Listen Again from Chris’s Radio 1 mini-site.
NOEL GALLAGHER ON THE SHOW THIS MONDAY
Just like he was four years ago at Euro 2000, Noel will be a guest on the show this forthcoming Monday. He’s going to the England - France game the night before and will drop by for a chat with Chris and Dave in the morning, although he’s said that he’s not going to sing. Rachel has brought a huge guitar from Radio 1 over just in case. These producer types are always thinking eh...
<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=7946">> Moyles Live In Portugal - Friday June 11th Show & Show Review - HAVE YOUR SAY!! <</A>
