chrismoyles.net
- Wed Jun 30, 2004 4:31 pm
#241958
1. Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Shapeshifters - Lola's Theme, 3. Evanescence - Going Under, 4. Nina Sky feat Jabba - Move Ya Body, 5. BUZZ OFF - Ugly Kid Joe - Everything About You 7:30 NEWSBEAT 6. The Black Eyed Peas - Let's Get It Started, 7. Stereophonics - Maybe Tomorrow, 8. D12 - How Come 8:00 NEWSBEAT 9. Puretone - Addicted To Bass, 10. Outkast - Roses, 11. Lou Reed - Satellite Of Love (Dab Hands Remix), 12. Avril Lavigne - My Happy Ending 8:30 NEWSBEAT 13. Scissor Sisters - Laura, 14. Jay-Z - Girls Girls Girls, 15. Jet - Are You Gonna Be My Girl, 16. The Streets - Dry Your Eyes, 17. Zoe - Sunshine On A Rainy Day (Tedious Link), 18. Usher - Burn, 19. Snow Patrol - Spitting Games, 20. The Hives - Walk Idiot Walk 9:30 NEWSBEAT 21. Kelis - Trick Me, 22. Oakenfold - Starry Eyed Surprise, 23. The White Stripes - 7 Nation Army
Chris began this morning’s show with more Big Brother chat. He watched it again last night on Channel 4 and said that he is now really enjoying this years series, although on a totally different level to all the previous ones - as he hates almost everybody in there. Especially the psychotic Marco and the just plain irritating “chicken” Michelle. Dave watched it too last night but said that he is just finding it really difficult to care about it this year. Like me, I think both Chris and Dave like Jason and Victor. Jason just because he seems to be heading for a major nervous breakdown, and Victor cos he’s so arrogant and such a game player that it’s funny...and ting. Victor thinks that the new chesty toe sucker Bekki fancies Jason, although Chris said he’d rather cop off with Richard Whiteley than with her. Not a pleasant thought for 6:55 in the morning. Chris (along with most other people I presume) thinks the ditsy blond Shell is by far the prettiest in there, but apart from that the girls are nowt special...and by the way I wasn’t including Nadia in that “girl” category. Chris said a week ago he was spending his nights in Portugal trying to chat up local waitresses, yet now he was sitting at home and watching Big Brother every evening - rock a loo la. If it wasn’t for Mr Arse Meier, we would be playing Holland tonight in the semi finals of Euro 2004. Dave (for some reason) is now supporting the Portuguese, although Chris said he genuinely doesn’t care anymore and has lost all interest in the tournament. I’d go along with that, although Dave couldn’t for some reason. He said he still cared about seeing some of the finest players in Europe, even if Chris didn’t. Sticking with Euro 2004 and Portugal for a minute, Chris told Dominic to tell Dave the “hole in the sand” story from the beach last weekend. Dom told Dave that while him, Chappers and Rachel were out frolicking in the sea, him and Chris had come up with an ingenious plan to dig a hole in the sand and put Dom’s wife sarong over it (don’t worry, she was still wearing a bikini). The idea was to cover it up and thus make Dave sit and fall in it when returning from the sea. However, Dom, his wife Nic and Chris all got bored of waiting for the sarong fall after an hour or so, so they packed up and went to a nearby cafe for a beer. Dave said he did know about this story to some extent, as while packing up later, he somehow managed to step backwards into the now uncovered hole, almost twisting his ankle in the process. Dom said that was possibly even funnier than the original plan. Wes was covering Early Breakfast for Nemone today, which was causing a bit of annoyance in Studio 3...
Chris - I think what Nemone has done is that now Sara Cox has gone, she’s got all of Coxy’s holidays and her own, and all of Dave Pearce’s sick days. Put them all together and she now works four weeks a year..
Dave - We should become Olympic athletes too y’know
Dave’s Introductory Service/Beat The Intro was back again today, with Vitty beating Carrie 3-2. Chris said this meant Carrie was officially a dumb blond, although granted still a lot more attractive than Dave. Dave said Carrie was looking very nice today actually, with her little strappy off the shoulder top. Chris said you can actually see down that if you stand behind her on a chair (as you do). Dave said he hadn’t noticed that for himself. Chris played a trail for Radio One’s new daytime line up of himself, Jo “fresh knickers” Whiley, Colin and Edith and Scott Mills...
(off the back of trail)
Chris - Can I just say, if you listen to Radio One regularly then fair enough - there is an advert for four of the shows. However, if you’d never listened to Radio One before in your life, wouldn’t you think we were a bunch of dysfunctional morons
(him and Dave laugh)
Chris - You’ve got me sexually harassing somebody, Jo Whiley then putting me down, Colin getting Edith to dress up in a nurses outfit like some bad carry on movie, and then Scott Mills phoning up some girl in a burger bar as Jack Black and telling her to stick Chicken McNuggets up her backside. Welcome to the exciting new world of Radio One..
(plays Streets)
Sticking with the subject of Scott’s show, Chris was unhappy that some trout faced caller (his words not mine) had rung up yesterday and claimed that her and her dad think Chris is the UK’s campest man. Scott is doing some sort of Campman feature at the moment y’see. Chris played out the clip, which finished with Scott telling her that he’d send her out the new McFly album.
Chris - Punishment indeed for the precocious stage school wannabe
(plays trail)
Buzz Off this morning was a top, top tune - Everything About You by Ugly Kid Joe (number 3 back in June 1992). Rachel was first to buzz on 1:19 and Aled next on 3:28. Dave left it well alone and the text vote was overwhelmingly Buzz On too. I just think it was nice to hear a song with a proper ending being played on Radio One, and not just some cop out fade. Other music on the show today included Puretone, The Hives and the great new single by Avril Lavigne called My Happy Ending (out on August 9th). Along with He Wasn’t, it’s by far the stand out track on her top new album “Under My Skin”. If you read the review yesterday then you’ll no doubt know about Chris’s childish fart machine antics on the Jo Whiley Show. He said he wasn’t proud of them...then admitted he was and replayed the clips. He said he knew it was very immature but it was still hilarious, and by the sounds of it both Dom and Carrie agreed. This as they broke down during their 8:30 Newsbeat bulletin, which was pestered with fart sound effects. Chris said that following his success on the Jo Whiley Show, he is now off to hide the fart machine in Wogan’s Radio 2 studio. He did brilliant impressions of what Wogan’s show and the Today programme on Radio 4 would sound like if interrupted by his fart machine.
ALED’S AMAZING CHILD PRODIGIES:
It started out as just normal bit of post news chat with Dom, but with the contribution of Aled it escalated into the main talking point of this morning’s show - child development. Dom told Chris that his son Finton is fine. He’s nearly a year old and is crawling now. Chris said he didn’t know if that was good or not as he doesn’t understand how old babies are meant to before they do certain things, e.g walk and talk. The idea is that it’s roughly one to walk and two to talk. Chris said that was appalling - you have to wait two years for your child to have a conversation with you. Dom burst out laughing at this point and asked Chris what conversation he wanted to have with a child of two. Chris said that babies really know how to speak instantly, and he claimed that they are just lazy for the first two years of their life. Again Dom sniggered at this point..
Chris - Hey, I don’t just make these things up
Dom (still sniggering) - Absolutely not
Chris - I’m not just an idiot
(Dom makes strange noise combining a laugh with a gulp and a choke)
(Dave and Carrie laugh)
Chris said he was no child psychology expert (no sh*t sherlock) but has read between the lines and thinks that kids could be cooking barbecues and stuff at six, but just choose not to cos they’re lazy. Despite his protests that he doesn’t get and isn’t ready for kids, Rachel thinks Chris will make a great dad.
Dave - You can relate to children, you speak on their level
Chris took that as a compliment although I’m not sure she should have. Aled said he thinks Chris would make a great dad too. That got Chris thinking about what Aled would be like as a dad. Aled said that he’d make a great dad as he’s good with kids and his friends often give him theirs to look after for weekends and stuff. Chris branded him a liar but Aled claimed that three weeks ago he looked after his friends kids for the weekend, 13 month old Karl and 9 month old Pippa. Aled added that this wasn’t in his rat infested flat by the way. Chris was interested to know what Aled would do to keep a 9 month old girl entertained for a weekend...
Aled - We’d play games, go running around the park...
(collective shouts from Chris and Dave - both laughing)
Dave - Aled you don’t go running at nine months!!
Chris - Seriously Aled, what are you on about?
Aled - They run! They do!
Dave - No they don’t!!!
(Madman Aled)
Aled added that Pippa has a more enhanced vocabulary than Karl, despite being four months younger. Chris said Aled is heading for a nervous breakdown if he keeps going on like this. He said it seems even Jones is starting to believe his own lies and has got himself caught up in a major one..
Dave - I think it’s the fictional work of a madman
(Dom and Carrie laugh)
Aled said Chris underestimated his skills with kids and insisted that it did happen. He said Karl and Pippa weren’t brother and sister, but were from two separate families who were “close friends”. Chris called him a creche and said he was the BBC’s new unofficial nursery service - Aled Doubtfire. Dave kept stressing to Aled that he really should check their birth certificates:
Chris (impersonating Aled) - Yes we go running in the park and er..we do the Times crossword together (Dave laughs)
Chris - How old is she? She’s 8 weeks
Dave (joining in while laughing) - We went wind surfing, it was great
Chris (laughs) - We’re going to Paris at the weekend and we’re gonna bring her along cos her French is brilliant!!
(Dave laughs)
Chris - ...*sighs*, jesus
Aled - I tell you, he’s better at football than I am (Dave laughs)
Chris - Oh my god, so are dead people!!!
Chris realised that three weeks ago Aled was on his Where’s Aled tour with Security Bear Paul. Aled said yeah they were, but they were near Leicester where his friends live - and they all stayed in a hotel together. Chris recapped to get the story straight - 3 weeks ago he and huge black guy Security Bear Paul stayed together in a Leicester Hotel with two kids from separate families, that Aled then went running in the park with..
Aled - Yes
Chris said Aled really is a pathological liar who can’t separate fact from fiction anymore. He needs some help that's for sure..
DR. MARK HAMILTON LIVE ON THE PHONE:>>>>
Dr. Mark linked up live with the show after 7:30, coming live from the studio set up in his own house in Manchester (which presumably is how he records stuff throughout the week for Newsbeat). After briefly chatting about him, his wife and his five year old son seeing Sophie at Glastonbury last week, Mark got on to the serious stuff - Aled’s story. Mark said that it wasn’t beyond the realms of possibility, but it was pretty damn close. Aled interrupted to say that he had now checked his facts and got the correct ages for his two amazing child prodigies. Karl is 15 months old (not 13), and Pippa is actually older at 16 months (and not 9). Another example of Aled’s blatant incompetence, but at least at these ages Mark said the story was more believable. This wasn’t the reason why Mark was on the show today though, it was actually to give an on air check up on Comedy Dave. Just to clarify again, Dave has come back from Portugal with an ear infection and diagnosed conjunctivitis in his left eye. Dave said a doctor had told him yesterday that his ear infection was due to a mixture of wax build up and the ear being closed due to inflammation inside the ear hole. Mark seemed to understand (well he is a real doctor) and asked Dave which of the two infections had come first and if they were matching eyes and ears. Dave said the eye was first and they are an opposing eye and ear combo. Mark said in that case he may like to see Dave for a bit of study when he comes down this weekend..
Dave - Shall we do it in the pub?
Dr. Mark (laughs) - Yeah we can do yeah
(Chris laughs)
Dave said he’d got both infections from sharing a pool with all the scumbags from Radio One, who’ve (in his words) “infested me with all sorts of muck”. Dr Mark said that his eye infection would have been caused by him collecting bacteria in his fingernails and then rubbing his eyes. Dave said that his fingernails haven’t been collecting bacteria though, they’ve just been in normal places that fingers go...
Dave - Thumbing through books and stuff
(Chris and Dr. Mark laugh)
Dr. Mark - The last time you thumbed through a book Dave, when was that?
Chris (interrupts) - It was a pamphlet for his new microwave
(The Sunday Surgery - Emma B and Dr. Mark Hamilton)
ALED’S RAT UPDATE:
Aled was back to give a rat update after 8:00. He said investigations yesterday have discovered that the rat’s nest is actually under his own bed, so he has set up his own computer nearby with a motion detecting webcam to film the rat and stick it online. In fact there is now a whole new section dedicated to it at Radio 1 ONLINE - For that please click here.
Dave - Where did you get hold of a webcam so quickly?
Aled - I’ve got one
Dave - Oh (laughs)
Aled - Yeah, all computers come with webcams now, and this is a motion detecting one so if you move it takes a video
(Chris and Rachel laugh)
Rachel - Oh Aled!
Chris - Why do you possess a motion detecting webcam that takes video?
Aled - All new computers have them. That was standard with the computer when I bought it
Dave - So now you have it trained on the hole?
(Chris laughs)
Aled said that as soon as the rat is spotted on the webcam, the pic will be put straight up on Radio One ONLINE.
Aled - When I have something I’ll put it straight up
(Chris laughs)
Dave - Blimey...9:05. Every day another single entendre..
Rachel - We love you Aled (laughs)
Dave - You make our life so easy. We don’t even have to write this stuff
After the show yesterday, Aled told Chris that he was ringing up a rat place to try and arrange for some people to come round to his flat and sort it out. With the whole “rat in me kitchen” thing from yesterday, Chris thought it would be funny for Aled to ring a place up from work and then try to fit in as many UB40 song titles as he could, which no doubt would have hilarious consequences *cough*. However, it soon became clear that Aled was no Steve Penk and not the greatest wind up phone call prankster in the world. After the slightly confused woman from the rat place put the phone down on Aled, Chris said it was like Noel Edmonds had never left Radio One. Dave said maybe “Aled’s rubbish wind up” could become a regular feature on the show....*cough*....or maybe not.
ALED’S FLAT IDOL - DAY 1:>>>>
The show was Aled mungus today as Chris continued on the subject of his flat - and in particular the two sponging blokes who live there without a job. Chris called them stupid losers and said that Aled was a sucker who was too nice to kick either of them out..
Chris - What are their names again?
Aled - No I think that’s a line I better not cross
Chris - Ok, and then the other one?
(all laugh)
Chris said because they know Aled won’t do anything about them despite their unemployment and lack of contribution to the rent, him and Dave have decided to boot them out and find 2 new flat mates for Aled in the new show feature - Flat Idol. Surprisingly Aled found this “cool” and seemed quite happy with the idea..
PROFILE OF IDEAL CANDIDATE -:
- Male or Female, he doesn’t mind the sex (so to speak)
**Aled - Not too attractive
Chris - Why?
Dave - That rules us out then
Chris - Yeah
(Rachel laughs)**
- Age, 35 or under
- Hair Colour, not important
- Star Sign, Leo
**Dave (laughs) - Whoa, whoa, whoa - you’re not fussed on hair colour or gender, but they have to be Leo?!!**
- Pets, no cats and only small dogs cos big dogs scare Aled (cue laughter)
- Vegetarians fine as long as they don’t mind Aled eating meat in front of them
* Don’t miss tomorrow mornings show as there’ll be more Flat Idol with Chris trying to find Aled two brand new flat mates
CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
OWEN a sharp T-Mobile telecommunications engineer from Disley 2
KATIE a cute sounding French student from Norwich 1
Daves Tedious Link
Basement Jaxx Rendez-Vu - “Rendez-Vu” is a French word, as are poisson, baguette and beret - The plural of beret is berets, which shouldn’t be mistaken for berries, which you might find in a fruit salad - Fruit salad is often served with cream - Cream Of Mushroom is a type of soup - Soup is best eaten with a spoon - Spoons are the cutlery of choice for high profile bender Uri Geller - Uri Geller shares the same surname as both Monica and Ross Geller, who were characters in the now defunct series Friends - Friends was set in New York, even though secretly it was filmed in LA - LA stands for Los Angeles, the city of angels - Angels was a big hit for Robbie Williams and featured on the album Life Thru A Lens - The plural of lens is lenses, as in contact lenses which I can’t wear until I clear up my rare and serious eye condition called conjunctivitis - Conjunctivitis affects the eye area around the eyeball - Ball is a popular surname for celebrities with first names such as Alan, Bobby, Johnny and of course Zoe - and when you think of the name Zoe in the context of early 90’s one hit wonders who sung about changeable weather in the form of sunshine on rainy days, you think of Zoe and Sunshine On A Rainy Day - Which links us predictably to Zoe and Sunshine On A Rainy Day
<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=147835#147835">> Wednesday June 30th Show & Show Review - HAVE YOUR SAY!! <</A>
Chris began this morning’s show with more Big Brother chat. He watched it again last night on Channel 4 and said that he is now really enjoying this years series, although on a totally different level to all the previous ones - as he hates almost everybody in there. Especially the psychotic Marco and the just plain irritating “chicken” Michelle. Dave watched it too last night but said that he is just finding it really difficult to care about it this year. Like me, I think both Chris and Dave like Jason and Victor. Jason just because he seems to be heading for a major nervous breakdown, and Victor cos he’s so arrogant and such a game player that it’s funny...and ting. Victor thinks that the new chesty toe sucker Bekki fancies Jason, although Chris said he’d rather cop off with Richard Whiteley than with her. Not a pleasant thought for 6:55 in the morning. Chris (along with most other people I presume) thinks the ditsy blond Shell is by far the prettiest in there, but apart from that the girls are nowt special...and by the way I wasn’t including Nadia in that “girl” category. Chris said a week ago he was spending his nights in Portugal trying to chat up local waitresses, yet now he was sitting at home and watching Big Brother every evening - rock a loo la. If it wasn’t for Mr Arse Meier, we would be playing Holland tonight in the semi finals of Euro 2004. Dave (for some reason) is now supporting the Portuguese, although Chris said he genuinely doesn’t care anymore and has lost all interest in the tournament. I’d go along with that, although Dave couldn’t for some reason. He said he still cared about seeing some of the finest players in Europe, even if Chris didn’t. Sticking with Euro 2004 and Portugal for a minute, Chris told Dominic to tell Dave the “hole in the sand” story from the beach last weekend. Dom told Dave that while him, Chappers and Rachel were out frolicking in the sea, him and Chris had come up with an ingenious plan to dig a hole in the sand and put Dom’s wife sarong over it (don’t worry, she was still wearing a bikini). The idea was to cover it up and thus make Dave sit and fall in it when returning from the sea. However, Dom, his wife Nic and Chris all got bored of waiting for the sarong fall after an hour or so, so they packed up and went to a nearby cafe for a beer. Dave said he did know about this story to some extent, as while packing up later, he somehow managed to step backwards into the now uncovered hole, almost twisting his ankle in the process. Dom said that was possibly even funnier than the original plan. Wes was covering Early Breakfast for Nemone today, which was causing a bit of annoyance in Studio 3...
Chris - I think what Nemone has done is that now Sara Cox has gone, she’s got all of Coxy’s holidays and her own, and all of Dave Pearce’s sick days. Put them all together and she now works four weeks a year..
Dave - We should become Olympic athletes too y’know
Dave’s Introductory Service/Beat The Intro was back again today, with Vitty beating Carrie 3-2. Chris said this meant Carrie was officially a dumb blond, although granted still a lot more attractive than Dave. Dave said Carrie was looking very nice today actually, with her little strappy off the shoulder top. Chris said you can actually see down that if you stand behind her on a chair (as you do). Dave said he hadn’t noticed that for himself. Chris played a trail for Radio One’s new daytime line up of himself, Jo “fresh knickers” Whiley, Colin and Edith and Scott Mills...
(off the back of trail)
Chris - Can I just say, if you listen to Radio One regularly then fair enough - there is an advert for four of the shows. However, if you’d never listened to Radio One before in your life, wouldn’t you think we were a bunch of dysfunctional morons
(him and Dave laugh)
Chris - You’ve got me sexually harassing somebody, Jo Whiley then putting me down, Colin getting Edith to dress up in a nurses outfit like some bad carry on movie, and then Scott Mills phoning up some girl in a burger bar as Jack Black and telling her to stick Chicken McNuggets up her backside. Welcome to the exciting new world of Radio One..
(plays Streets)
Sticking with the subject of Scott’s show, Chris was unhappy that some trout faced caller (his words not mine) had rung up yesterday and claimed that her and her dad think Chris is the UK’s campest man. Scott is doing some sort of Campman feature at the moment y’see. Chris played out the clip, which finished with Scott telling her that he’d send her out the new McFly album.
Chris - Punishment indeed for the precocious stage school wannabe
(plays trail)
Buzz Off this morning was a top, top tune - Everything About You by Ugly Kid Joe (number 3 back in June 1992). Rachel was first to buzz on 1:19 and Aled next on 3:28. Dave left it well alone and the text vote was overwhelmingly Buzz On too. I just think it was nice to hear a song with a proper ending being played on Radio One, and not just some cop out fade. Other music on the show today included Puretone, The Hives and the great new single by Avril Lavigne called My Happy Ending (out on August 9th). Along with He Wasn’t, it’s by far the stand out track on her top new album “Under My Skin”. If you read the review yesterday then you’ll no doubt know about Chris’s childish fart machine antics on the Jo Whiley Show. He said he wasn’t proud of them...then admitted he was and replayed the clips. He said he knew it was very immature but it was still hilarious, and by the sounds of it both Dom and Carrie agreed. This as they broke down during their 8:30 Newsbeat bulletin, which was pestered with fart sound effects. Chris said that following his success on the Jo Whiley Show, he is now off to hide the fart machine in Wogan’s Radio 2 studio. He did brilliant impressions of what Wogan’s show and the Today programme on Radio 4 would sound like if interrupted by his fart machine.
ALED’S AMAZING CHILD PRODIGIES:
It started out as just normal bit of post news chat with Dom, but with the contribution of Aled it escalated into the main talking point of this morning’s show - child development. Dom told Chris that his son Finton is fine. He’s nearly a year old and is crawling now. Chris said he didn’t know if that was good or not as he doesn’t understand how old babies are meant to before they do certain things, e.g walk and talk. The idea is that it’s roughly one to walk and two to talk. Chris said that was appalling - you have to wait two years for your child to have a conversation with you. Dom burst out laughing at this point and asked Chris what conversation he wanted to have with a child of two. Chris said that babies really know how to speak instantly, and he claimed that they are just lazy for the first two years of their life. Again Dom sniggered at this point..
Chris - Hey, I don’t just make these things up
Dom (still sniggering) - Absolutely not
Chris - I’m not just an idiot
(Dom makes strange noise combining a laugh with a gulp and a choke)
(Dave and Carrie laugh)
Chris said he was no child psychology expert (no sh*t sherlock) but has read between the lines and thinks that kids could be cooking barbecues and stuff at six, but just choose not to cos they’re lazy. Despite his protests that he doesn’t get and isn’t ready for kids, Rachel thinks Chris will make a great dad.
Dave - You can relate to children, you speak on their level
Chris took that as a compliment although I’m not sure she should have. Aled said he thinks Chris would make a great dad too. That got Chris thinking about what Aled would be like as a dad. Aled said that he’d make a great dad as he’s good with kids and his friends often give him theirs to look after for weekends and stuff. Chris branded him a liar but Aled claimed that three weeks ago he looked after his friends kids for the weekend, 13 month old Karl and 9 month old Pippa. Aled added that this wasn’t in his rat infested flat by the way. Chris was interested to know what Aled would do to keep a 9 month old girl entertained for a weekend...
Aled - We’d play games, go running around the park...
(collective shouts from Chris and Dave - both laughing)
Dave - Aled you don’t go running at nine months!!
Chris - Seriously Aled, what are you on about?
Aled - They run! They do!
Dave - No they don’t!!!
(Madman Aled)
Aled added that Pippa has a more enhanced vocabulary than Karl, despite being four months younger. Chris said Aled is heading for a nervous breakdown if he keeps going on like this. He said it seems even Jones is starting to believe his own lies and has got himself caught up in a major one..
Dave - I think it’s the fictional work of a madman
(Dom and Carrie laugh)
Aled said Chris underestimated his skills with kids and insisted that it did happen. He said Karl and Pippa weren’t brother and sister, but were from two separate families who were “close friends”. Chris called him a creche and said he was the BBC’s new unofficial nursery service - Aled Doubtfire. Dave kept stressing to Aled that he really should check their birth certificates:
Chris (impersonating Aled) - Yes we go running in the park and er..we do the Times crossword together (Dave laughs)
Chris - How old is she? She’s 8 weeks
Dave (joining in while laughing) - We went wind surfing, it was great
Chris (laughs) - We’re going to Paris at the weekend and we’re gonna bring her along cos her French is brilliant!!
(Dave laughs)
Chris - ...*sighs*, jesus
Aled - I tell you, he’s better at football than I am (Dave laughs)
Chris - Oh my god, so are dead people!!!
Chris realised that three weeks ago Aled was on his Where’s Aled tour with Security Bear Paul. Aled said yeah they were, but they were near Leicester where his friends live - and they all stayed in a hotel together. Chris recapped to get the story straight - 3 weeks ago he and huge black guy Security Bear Paul stayed together in a Leicester Hotel with two kids from separate families, that Aled then went running in the park with..
Aled - Yes
Chris said Aled really is a pathological liar who can’t separate fact from fiction anymore. He needs some help that's for sure..
DR. MARK HAMILTON LIVE ON THE PHONE:>>>>
Dr. Mark linked up live with the show after 7:30, coming live from the studio set up in his own house in Manchester (which presumably is how he records stuff throughout the week for Newsbeat). After briefly chatting about him, his wife and his five year old son seeing Sophie at Glastonbury last week, Mark got on to the serious stuff - Aled’s story. Mark said that it wasn’t beyond the realms of possibility, but it was pretty damn close. Aled interrupted to say that he had now checked his facts and got the correct ages for his two amazing child prodigies. Karl is 15 months old (not 13), and Pippa is actually older at 16 months (and not 9). Another example of Aled’s blatant incompetence, but at least at these ages Mark said the story was more believable. This wasn’t the reason why Mark was on the show today though, it was actually to give an on air check up on Comedy Dave. Just to clarify again, Dave has come back from Portugal with an ear infection and diagnosed conjunctivitis in his left eye. Dave said a doctor had told him yesterday that his ear infection was due to a mixture of wax build up and the ear being closed due to inflammation inside the ear hole. Mark seemed to understand (well he is a real doctor) and asked Dave which of the two infections had come first and if they were matching eyes and ears. Dave said the eye was first and they are an opposing eye and ear combo. Mark said in that case he may like to see Dave for a bit of study when he comes down this weekend..
Dave - Shall we do it in the pub?
Dr. Mark (laughs) - Yeah we can do yeah
(Chris laughs)
Dave said he’d got both infections from sharing a pool with all the scumbags from Radio One, who’ve (in his words) “infested me with all sorts of muck”. Dr Mark said that his eye infection would have been caused by him collecting bacteria in his fingernails and then rubbing his eyes. Dave said that his fingernails haven’t been collecting bacteria though, they’ve just been in normal places that fingers go...
Dave - Thumbing through books and stuff
(Chris and Dr. Mark laugh)
Dr. Mark - The last time you thumbed through a book Dave, when was that?
Chris (interrupts) - It was a pamphlet for his new microwave
(The Sunday Surgery - Emma B and Dr. Mark Hamilton)
ALED’S RAT UPDATE:
Aled was back to give a rat update after 8:00. He said investigations yesterday have discovered that the rat’s nest is actually under his own bed, so he has set up his own computer nearby with a motion detecting webcam to film the rat and stick it online. In fact there is now a whole new section dedicated to it at Radio 1 ONLINE - For that please click here.
Dave - Where did you get hold of a webcam so quickly?
Aled - I’ve got one
Dave - Oh (laughs)
Aled - Yeah, all computers come with webcams now, and this is a motion detecting one so if you move it takes a video
(Chris and Rachel laugh)
Rachel - Oh Aled!
Chris - Why do you possess a motion detecting webcam that takes video?
Aled - All new computers have them. That was standard with the computer when I bought it
Dave - So now you have it trained on the hole?
(Chris laughs)
Aled said that as soon as the rat is spotted on the webcam, the pic will be put straight up on Radio One ONLINE.
Aled - When I have something I’ll put it straight up
(Chris laughs)
Dave - Blimey...9:05. Every day another single entendre..
Rachel - We love you Aled (laughs)
Dave - You make our life so easy. We don’t even have to write this stuff
After the show yesterday, Aled told Chris that he was ringing up a rat place to try and arrange for some people to come round to his flat and sort it out. With the whole “rat in me kitchen” thing from yesterday, Chris thought it would be funny for Aled to ring a place up from work and then try to fit in as many UB40 song titles as he could, which no doubt would have hilarious consequences *cough*. However, it soon became clear that Aled was no Steve Penk and not the greatest wind up phone call prankster in the world. After the slightly confused woman from the rat place put the phone down on Aled, Chris said it was like Noel Edmonds had never left Radio One. Dave said maybe “Aled’s rubbish wind up” could become a regular feature on the show....*cough*....or maybe not.
ALED’S FLAT IDOL - DAY 1:>>>>
The show was Aled mungus today as Chris continued on the subject of his flat - and in particular the two sponging blokes who live there without a job. Chris called them stupid losers and said that Aled was a sucker who was too nice to kick either of them out..
Chris - What are their names again?
Aled - No I think that’s a line I better not cross
Chris - Ok, and then the other one?
(all laugh)
Chris said because they know Aled won’t do anything about them despite their unemployment and lack of contribution to the rent, him and Dave have decided to boot them out and find 2 new flat mates for Aled in the new show feature - Flat Idol. Surprisingly Aled found this “cool” and seemed quite happy with the idea..
PROFILE OF IDEAL CANDIDATE -:
- Male or Female, he doesn’t mind the sex (so to speak)
**Aled - Not too attractive
Chris - Why?
Dave - That rules us out then
Chris - Yeah
(Rachel laughs)**
- Age, 35 or under
- Hair Colour, not important
- Star Sign, Leo
**Dave (laughs) - Whoa, whoa, whoa - you’re not fussed on hair colour or gender, but they have to be Leo?!!**
- Pets, no cats and only small dogs cos big dogs scare Aled (cue laughter)
- Vegetarians fine as long as they don’t mind Aled eating meat in front of them
* Don’t miss tomorrow mornings show as there’ll be more Flat Idol with Chris trying to find Aled two brand new flat mates
CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
OWEN a sharp T-Mobile telecommunications engineer from Disley 2
KATIE a cute sounding French student from Norwich 1
Daves Tedious Link
Basement Jaxx Rendez-Vu - “Rendez-Vu” is a French word, as are poisson, baguette and beret - The plural of beret is berets, which shouldn’t be mistaken for berries, which you might find in a fruit salad - Fruit salad is often served with cream - Cream Of Mushroom is a type of soup - Soup is best eaten with a spoon - Spoons are the cutlery of choice for high profile bender Uri Geller - Uri Geller shares the same surname as both Monica and Ross Geller, who were characters in the now defunct series Friends - Friends was set in New York, even though secretly it was filmed in LA - LA stands for Los Angeles, the city of angels - Angels was a big hit for Robbie Williams and featured on the album Life Thru A Lens - The plural of lens is lenses, as in contact lenses which I can’t wear until I clear up my rare and serious eye condition called conjunctivitis - Conjunctivitis affects the eye area around the eyeball - Ball is a popular surname for celebrities with first names such as Alan, Bobby, Johnny and of course Zoe - and when you think of the name Zoe in the context of early 90’s one hit wonders who sung about changeable weather in the form of sunshine on rainy days, you think of Zoe and Sunshine On A Rainy Day - Which links us predictably to Zoe and Sunshine On A Rainy Day
<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=147835#147835">> Wednesday June 30th Show & Show Review - HAVE YOUR SAY!! <</A>
