The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
#241998
1. Estelle - 1980 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Red Hot Chili Peppers - By The Way, 3. Joss Stone - You Had Me, 4. Keane - Bedshaped, 5. BUZZ OFF - Jermaine Stewart - We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off, 6. Outkast - Roses 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Basement Jaxx - Where’s Your Head At, 8. Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved, 9. The Darkness - I Believe In A Thing Called Love (Live @ Maida Vale for Jo Whiley - 09/02/04) 8:00 NEWSBEAT 10. Madonna - Ray Of Light, 11. The 411 - Dumb, 12. Armand Van Helden - My My My 8:30 NEWSBEAT 13. Kylie Minogue - Love At First Sight, 14. 3 Of A Kind - Baby Cakes, 15. The Black Eyed Peas feat Justin Timberlake - Where Is The Love, 16. Lostprophets - Last Summer, 17. The Beloved - Hello (Tedious Link), 18. Natasha Bedingfield - These Words, 19. Embrace - Gravity, 20. Shapeshifters - Lola's Theme, 21. goldielookinchain - Guns Don't Kill People, Rappers Do 9:30 NEWSBEAT 22. Stereophonics - Have A Nice Day, 23. Jo Jo - Leave (Get Out), 24. Beyonce Knowles feat Sean Paul - Baby Boy

The show began with another technical balls up this morning. All Chris’s fault, although he tried to pass the blame off on Nemone. The top and bottom of the problem was that he forgot to press the button that puts his studio on the air instead of hers. So therefore all we got was a long silence and Nemone switching her mic on to tell Chris to “take it”. He apologised to everyone about this schoolboy error and chatted briefly to Nemone herself, but she seemed very uncomfortable with the whole thing and eager to get off. It was what Dave normally refers to as a “strong start”:
(Dave laughs)
Chris - A great start this morning..
Dave - It’s gonna be good today I think..

Chris said that first five minutes of the show is a bit like the five minute warm up before a football match, where the players just jog up and down on the spot and pass the ball around a bit. The show kicks off at 7 in other words. Sticking with the subject of that there football, Chris and Dave chatted about the Sky Sports Soccer Saturday legend that is Mr *monkey hanger* Jeff Stelling - and then about last night’s midweek Premiership action, including Arsenal beating Blackburn 3-0 at Highbury to smash that 42 match unbeaten league record set by Forest back in the 70’s. If you think that’s unbelievable though, then try this one out for size - the last team to beat them were Leeds United. Which is a feckin long time ago as Leeds fans can justify. Aled sounded confused about the whole Arsenal link, as Chris and Dave had started it by being sarcastic and saying it was a bad result for them last night. They had to therefore explain to him that Arsenal won and have gone over a season unbeaten - now passing Forests record etc etc...
Aled - Who’s Forest?
Dave - oh jesus...*sighs*...Nottingham Forest
(him and Chris laugh)
Dave - Link overboard!

This remember from the honorary vice president of Aberystwyth Town Football Club. Who by the way are currently 6th in the brilliantly named “Vauxhall Masterfit Welsh Premier League”. Almost as ridiculous as The Coca Cola Championship...but not quite. Aled hasn’t been to a game yet this season (shock horror) but said he might go against Afan Lido tomorrow night - as he’s going home for the Bank Holiday weekend. Chris hadn’t heard about this, he thought Aled was staying in Leeds with them. It turns out he’s not though - he’s driving home straight after the show on Friday. That basically means the planned team outing for the weekend is dying on it’s arse - Rach is going back to London, Aled to Aberystwyth, Dave to the Everton - West Brom match...and don’t forget Jules is still in Greece. That basically means it’s Dom, Chris and Greyhead going to watch Supergrass at Leeds tomorrow - rock on. Although we’ve kind of drifted off the subject a bit, another great football story from this week is that from the Yeovil - Plymouth match in the Carling Cup at Huish Park on Tuesday. Chris had read about on page 33 of today’s Sun and told Dave. It starts with a Plymouth player getting injured and Yeovil’s Lee Johnson (crap when we played them this season) kicking the ball back to their keeper Luke McCormick. He however misses it and it goes in, so Yeovil are leading 1-0. In the name of “fair play” (who needs it), the Yeovil manager then tells his players to all stand still while Plymouth’s Stevie Crawford runs up the other end and taps it in for 1-1. Genius. Dave said if he was manager he would have just told them it was just one of those things and carried on as normal. That’ll be a dead cert on Question Of Sport next year btw.
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(Terry Henry - scored and made one for the gooners last night)

JERMAINE STEWART ON BUZZ OFF AND DEAD OR ALIVE RETURNS:>>>>
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It was 80’s fever again this morning on Buzz Off, with Chris going for the August 86 number 2 classic that is We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off (To Have A Good Time) by Jermaine Stewart...which Chris unsurprisingly has somewhere on 12 inch. Great pop song though and the listeners seemed to recognise the fact, voting 67% in favour of Buzz On. The whole team let the song run without buzzing, which has to be some kind of record (you go check the stats books). Slaphead Dom had an interesting question regarding the track though - is Jermaine Stewart a man or a woman? Dave didn’t know, but Chris said he was definitely a man - although granted he sings like a woman. Chris obviously did a bit of a Google search on him during the 7:30 news, which sadly revealed that Jermaine passed away in 1997...at the age of just 40. The team were all very sad to hear this - particularly Dave and Chris who said they’d always had this song in common since meeting, ironically in 1997. Dave said in a way his music still lives on though - with today’s Buzz Off being a nice tribute.
Dave - Rest in peace Jermaine, good record...
Dom - Good record but it’s brought the mood down a bit hasn’t it?

In a quick attempt the lighten the spirits, Jermaine’s (albeit sad) death had prompted the recall of one of Radio One’s greatest ever quizzes - Dead or Alive. Only problem being, Producer Rachel was having difficulty finding a list for Chris to use...
(Dave laughs like Muttley)
Dave - So we need to find a comprehensive list of dead or alive famous people..

Chris was trying all sorts of obscure URL’s - for example http://www.deadcelebrities.com
and http://www.deadpopstars.com (which as you can see, don’t work). Man of news and authority Dom came in to bail the link out - saying that http://www.deadoralive.com is good for him. Like for me though, Chris said it says “Site In Progress” when he loads it on his computer...
Dom - No, mine is site...y’know...done
(Dave and Chris laugh)

Moyles said this was just like Dom’s song lyrics link from yesterday - a great idea but something not thought through properly.
Dave - Let’s save it for prime time
(Dom laughs)
Chris - It’s a tribute to Simon Mayo, who is alive by the way...
Dave - On 5 Alive..
Chris (laughs) - That’s right
Dave - 909 & 693, news and sport from the BBC
Chris - There you go. You’re dying to work there aren’t you?
Dave - Yeah..

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(Still a great listen, especially with Mark Kermode on Fridays - Simon Mayo on Five Live)

- The Site I think Chris used in the end - http://www.deadoraliveinfo.com

DEAD OR ALIVE?:>>>> (note: how the team answered in brackets below)
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*Karen Carpenter is DEAD (Correct - Jules)
*Richard Carpenter is ALIVE (Correct - Dom)
*Kim Carnes is ALIVE (Correct - Dave)
*Thomas Dolby is ALIVE (Correct - Jules)
*Bobby McFerrin is ALIVE (Wrong - Dom)
*Andy Gibb is DEAD (Correct - Dave)
*Maurice Gibb is DEAD (Wrong - Jules)
*Robert Palmer is DEAD (Correct - Dom)
Chris (moving on) - Comedy Dave..
Dom - Alive
(Dave and Chris laugh)

*Nancy Sinatra is ALIVE (Correct - Dave)
*Rick Springfield is ALIVE (Correct - Jules)
*Dusty Springfield is DEAD (Correct - Dom)
*Frank Zappa is DEAD (Correct - Dave)
*Chubby Checker is ALIVE (Wrong - Jules)
*Jerry Lee Lewis is ALIVE (Wrong - Dom)
*Del Shannon is DEAD (Correct - Dave)
- FINAL SCORES:>>>> DAVE 5, JULES 3, DOM 3
Dom asked if anyone else felt slightly uncomfortable doing this feature. I know I would, but Producer Rach shook her head vigorously (cue Dom laughing). Chris said seen as though Rach is alright with this feature he might try and run “The Dead Pool” past her. He’s been trying to do it since 98 and it basically means picking 10 celebs in January and tallying up how many of them die by the end of year, putting individual odds on each one. Thankfully Rach said there is no way that is going to happen as it’s sick.

SECRET STUDENT AND THE TEAM TALK GCSE’S:
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Here we go with the next bunch then:
- First up a Southern girl who is rooming at uni with lots of lovely ladies in ill fitting clothes - and will also be putting her hand up a cows bottom at uni next year...
Chris - So she’s studying Media then..
Dave - No I think she’s probably doing Agricultural Studies

- Next a Leeds fan with the ultimate Yorkshire accent. He sounded dull, thick, likes a drink and wants to be Secret Student for any help “you guys at Radio One can give me”:
Dave - He sounds like he could do with a bit of help..
- Also today there was a freebie wanting Southern girl and an OK sounding guy who likes pies. And by “OK” I mean better than the majority of these muppets.
- Except the next one, who said she’s an ex catholic schoolgirl just ready to let loose, get out and have some fun at uni. *gulps*. Chris said they might be in with a chance with her as she sounded loose...
Chris - OK, let’s go for a bloke
*plays start of clip*
Chris (stops clip) - Oh I think I pressed the wrong button
(Chris and Rach laugh)

- This high pitched Scottish fella sounded very creepy and like the Scottish version of Avid Merrion. He feckin loves schalabrities...
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Today is GCSE Results Day and just like with A Levels last week, the team chatted about what grades they got. Or rather quizzed Chris about how he did...
Chris - I told you last week, I think I got an E or an F in Electronics...
Dave - Was that it?
Chris - No!! That was my lowest one..
Dave - Oh..
(Dave and Aled laugh)

Chris actually got 5 GCSE’s - half of Aled’s 10 (he got 5 B’s and 5 C’s). Chris said he could stick his 10 GCSE’s up his arse though, he has a better girlfriend and a nicer car. Chris said Aled’s teachers must be proud of him now (still making tea)...whereas he can now drive past Mr Smith in his sports car and tell him to eat his dust. Ego a go go. Dave and Moyles managed to tick that box by plugging the One Life Free Results Helpline again on 0808 100 8000. Chris said without wanting to promote underage drinking, he went and got slaughtered on Sambuca when he got his grades. Oh and he had a Pot Noodle too.
Dave - It’s a good job you’re not at the other end of the phone line!
(Rach and Chris laugh)


OTHER BITS AND BOBS - PLUS THE TEAM IN LEEDS TONIGHT WITH JO WHILEY:>>>>
Other stuff this morning included old Camp David tutting hilariously after Tedious Link, Chris calling Juliette a “sportsman whore” for shoving her breasts in Beano Ben Ainslie’s face t’other day, and Rachel saying hello to her newly married cousin Katie...who’s now back from honeymoon and listening online again in LA. This prompted a very funny discussion on the time difference between here and LA (they’re 8 hours behind) that ran into Carpark Catchphrase at 9:45 (that’s 1:45 LA time - no flies on me). Gareth from Tadcaster won the cue to call tickets to the Leeds festival after ringing in during The Darkness, and don’t forget the team are all travelling up to Leeds after the show today for the big book signing at Leeds Met from 5:30 (Chris is getting his haircut especially). Full rules on the book signing are available here but the basics are no bibles or porn, no bibles of porn - and no books like the Joy Of Sex or the Kama Sutra. Chris said this because he was born and bred in Leeds and knows that otherwise there’d be up to 50 smart arses in burberry cabs and old Leeds Utd Strongbow shirts - all asking Rachel to sign the centre pages of Razzle. Chris said he knew as he probably would have done that:
Dave - What do you mean “would have done”?
(Chris and Rach laugh)

Remember all physical contact is at the discretion of the individual team member tonight, although Dave said if you put your 34DD breasts between a cover then technically it counts as a book (albeit pop up) and the team can sign them (note: this offer is only available to the females out there).
(Aled and Rach laugh)
Rach (laughing) - We’ll see people dressed as books!...”afternoon everybody”!!..
(Aled and Dave laugh)

Chris said as regards the Leeds festival over the weekend, Jo Whiley keeps on looking at him with a wry smile ever since she’s learned the two of them are both going to be there. Chris said she’s either got something in her eye or she’s been winking at him too. Dave said it was probably the former and said there’s certainly no physical attraction between the two of them. After the pips at ten Jo said there is something in her eyes - fear, and she also wants armed guards for her hotel room, even though her and Moyles are in different hotels by request.
Chris - No we’re not anymore. I’ve moved you!!
(Dave and Jo laugh)
Jo - Nooo!!!!!
Chris - I’ve moved you my darlin’. I tell you, you are staying in the love shack room of the hotel in Leeds with me. And I tell ya, I’ve already made the sign which says “if the room is a rockin’, don’t come a knockin!!!”
(Dave and Jo laugh)

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(Jo Whiley - live from Leeds both Friday and Saturday from 10. She’s standing in for Vernon on Saturday)

NEW JINGLE:>>>>
“This week we’re going to Leeds, which is the place of Chris’s birth,
It gave us Jimmy Saville, and Chris’s massive girth,
We’re live at the Leeds Festival, there’s lots of famous bands,
But the only thing that interests Chris are all the bloody food stands,
The Chris Moyles Show, National Radio One”


CARPARK CATCHPHRASE - READING AND LEEDS SPECIAL:
NEIL who works in IT in Leeds 2
DOMINIQUE a 24 year old Select area manager from Reading 1

**Quite a good CPC today. Neil won tickets to Leeds this weekend, but the main highlight was Chris messing around with the Roy Walker sound bites again - first with Dave and Dom, and then with the two (slightly slow it has to be said) contestants..
Chris - These are sharp aren’t they Roy?
*Plays Roy Walker Clip* - No they’re proper idiots!!
(Chris, Dave, Dom, Neil and Dominique all laugh)
**

Daves Tedious Link
Robbie Williams South Of The Border - South Of The Border was taken from the album Life Thru A Lens - The word “lens” shares exactly the same word construction as Lens, which is a town in northern France - Northern France is also famous for the production of champagne - Champagne bottles contain a cork - Cork is a county in southern Ireland and is home to Roy Keane - Keane’s lead singer Tom was once mistaken for somebody completely different by Chris Moyles at a gig, and in that respect shares something in common with Chris from The Seahorses and Will from Coldplay - Coldplay’s more famous frontman Chris Martin shares one name in common with Martin Clues, who starred in Men Behaving Badly alongside Neil Morrissey - If you remove the “Neil” part of Neil Morrissey, you’re left simply with Morrissey, who I’m looking forward to seeing at the Leeds festival this Sunday - Sunday is a popular day for goers of church - The plural of church is churches, which tend to have bells - Bells were also traditionally used in the ringing mechanism of a telephone - and if the telephone were to ring and you were to pick it up and answer it in English, your first word would probably be “hello” - Which links us to The Beloved and Hello

THE SHOW LIVE IN LEEDS TOMORROW FROM 6:55 - DON’T MISS IT!!!

MINI MOYLES UPDATE:>>> (Cheers to Jono)
- “Where’s Aled” is back tomorrow as Aled will be out and about in Leeds giving away tickets for this weekends festival
- Like in April, the last hour of the show tomorrow will be the Ten Hour Takeover rehearsal
- The real thing is on Monday at 10am but we’ll supposedly get to choose all the songs between 9 and 10 tomorrow morning
- There's also tickets to be won for Blackburn Vs Man Utd in the Premiership 
- Plus of course it's the big book signing tonight, and all on the team apart from Dave will be getting the train up. He’s getting the car cos he’s going to the Everton - West Brom match on Saturday..
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<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=8319">> Thursday 26th August 2004 - What Did You Think Of This Show/Review? Tell Us Here! <</A>

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