The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
#242023
1. Joss Stone - You Had Me 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Nelly Furtado - Powerless, 3. Green Day - American Idiot, 4. Christina Milian feat Joe Budden - Whatever U Want, 5. BUZZ OFF - N-Trance feat Ricardo Da Force - Stayin' Alive, 6. The White Stripes - 7 Nation Army 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Ashlee Simpson - Pieces Of Me, 8. Good Charlotte - Girls & Boys, 9. Daniel Bedingfield - Nothing Hurts Like Love 8:00 NEWSBEAT 10. Eric Prydz - Call On Me, 11. Usher feat Ludacris - Yeah, 12. Travis - Walking In The Sun, 13. Shapeshifters - Lola’s Theme 8:30 NEWSBEAT 14. Estelle - Free, 15. Stereophonics - Maybe Tomorrow, 16. U2 - One (Tedious Link), 17. Twista feat Anthony Hamilton - Sunshine, 18. The Libertines - What Became Of The Likely Lads, 19. Kelis feat Andre 3000 - Millionaire, 20. Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved 9:30 NEWSBEAT 21. Eamon feat Ghostface - Love Them', 22. Pink - Just Like A Pill, 23. Natasha Bedingfield - Single

There was another wacky Wes - Moyles hand over at five to 7 this morning. The spiky haired one was sporting a bit of a new look for himself today, mmm - that of a scally...
Chris - Can I say you’ve got a real nice chav look going on this morning..
(Rachel laughs)

Obviously true then, as Rach wouldn’t make fun of lickle old Wesley. Chris and Dave were interested to know how him and the Early Breakfast production team stood as regards the copyright issues on their new feature “Mastermind”:
Dave - Y’see we in the past have ripped off tried and tested TV ideas..
Chris - Whoa! whoa! whoa! I don’t think we have, all our quizzes have been dead original
Dave - Well we’ve done similar things...

Wes said he washes his hands of the feature anyway - it’s Nemones. He’s just caretaking. Chris was feeling ok today, and revealed that he spent last night out over at Jonny Culshaws place - admiring the views from the window. Apparently Jon has got really good views all over London from his flat - the BT tower, Canary Wharf etc etc. Chris had the old binoculars out as the sun set, and was looking around distracted by all the different lights flicking on. One of which went on in the bathroom of a nearby house, revealing a topless woman standing there. An unfortunate piece of timing really:
Chris - Anyway she looked...
(Dom, Jules and Dave laugh)
Dave - So hang on, she looks over and sees you.. the well known DJ, holding a pair of binoculars and looking straight through her bathroom window?
Chris - Yeah
(all laugh)
Chris - I don’t know whether this was the right thing to do, but I waved!
Dave - Did you?
(him and Dom laugh)

Hands up if you’ve got an image. Chris began the show with Joss Stone, Nelly Furtado and the awesome new Green Day single American Idiot... which he dedicated to all the American idiots listening online (only live though, not on Listen Again). He asked them to e-mail in and say who they are and where they were, although him and Dave wanted no Brits, only bonafide yanks/foreigners. There were e-mails in from San Francisco, Texas, Michigan, New Jersey... and even one from a proper real Lithuanian. The word of Moyles is spreading there it seems. Chris read out an e-mail from Nikki, listening to the show live late afternoon while working in Sydney. G’day. Nikki added as a P.S on her message: “We’ll miss you Jules!”..
Jules - Oh isn’t that nice!
Chris - So there you go, an Australian lesbian..
(Dave and Dom laugh)

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Buzz Off today was actually a re Buzz Off, as it was a track used once before already this year. It was the terrible “Stayin' Alive” by N-Trance and Ricardo Da Force, number 2 back in September 95. It was previously played back on Thursday 25th March, despite Chris saying he checked the list and couldn’t see it anywhere. Like then, the song went all the way, and like then - Rach buzzed in first. Although this time after 10 seconds and not 9 (she must be warming to it). The listeners mysteriously voted 55% Buzz On, and Dave and Dom were having so much fun bopping along that they didn’t buzz in either... or at least than can be the only reasonable explanation.
Chris - I hope you are having as much fun at home as we’re having here in the studio...
(Dave laughs loudly)

After “yo yoing” along to the “ho ho” bit, Chris said it really is a shame that Ricardo Da Force was so underrated. Hmm, well that’s certainly one word for him. Dave was loving his little rap near the end of the song, but couldn’t make out what he was saying. He was convinced Mr Da Force was singing “We took a Bee Gees loop and broke it down like kenko”. Chris said no - he was saying “tenko”, although not as in the Japanese war drama. In fact after a Google lyrics search (other search engines are available), it was revealed that Ricardo is actually singing “We took a Bee Gees loop and broke it down like lego”. Dave wasn’t having that...
Dave - So for all these years I’ve been singing “kenko” like an idiot?
(Chris and Dom laugh)

As for the other music on the show today - p*ss poor. The standout tracks obviously being Tedious Link from U2, Travis, Kelis & Andre 3000 (which I really like) - and of course the absolutely fantastic new Libertines track called “What Became Of The Likely Lads”. I’m not actually a massive fan of theirs, but might go out and buy their album on the strength of this track alone.
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WHO SHOULD BE THE SHOWS NEW SPORTS READER?:
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You know how showbiz goes. In a months time it’ll be “Juliette who?”, this as we welcome another lovely sports lady into our warm chrismoyles.net bosoms. Or something like that. Moyles was wasting no time with goodbyes for Jules though, and was already preparing for her departure to Five Live - by thinking of possible replacements. In total him, Dave, Rachel and Dom must have spent 20+ minutes discussing their options, this during a massive link before Tedious Link - and then again during half time. A huge list of potential candidates was compiled, with the (kind of) rules being they had to be female with some sort of sporting connection. Hmm, well it started off well anyway:
*GEORGIE THOMPSON (Sky Sports News babe)
*KELLY DALGLISH (another Sky Sports News babe)
*KIRSTY GALLACHER (Chris wasn’t convinced)
*HELEN CHAMBERLAIN (Dave wasn't convinced)
*GABBY LOGAN (I’m not convinced)
*SUE BARKER: (Is anyone convinced?)
*ABI TITMUSS: (Her TV show is terrific... apparently)
*JENNIFER ELLISON: (Dave said “Titmuss and Ellison” would be the perfect Newsbeat combo)...
Dom - But I’m not going anywhere. I’m here and I’m staying here
Chris - That’s right. Great line..
(Dave laughs)

*JASMINE LOWSON (ex Big Breakfast news reading hottie... and Rachel’s ex flat mate)
*DIANE YOUDALE: (Jet off of Gladiators)
*GIRLS ALOUD: (They could do one day each a week..)
*KATE LAWLER: (Her boyfriend is a footballer)
*LOUISE REDKNAPP: (Her husband is a footballer)
*DANI BEHR: (She’s screwed her fair share of footballers)
*FEARNE COTTON: (Just cos she’s hot)
*MISCELLANEOUS PAGE 3 GIRLS: (For the same reason)
*JO GUEST: (Ditto)
Chris - I hope you’re writing these down by the way..
Dave - I am.. (laughs).. so far on the text we’ve also got votes for Jenna Jameson and Princess Anne
(Chris and Dom laugh)

*KELLY HOLMES: (our Olympic heroine)
*TRISHA: (Great suggestion on the text - and one that got Dom off doing impressions again):
Dave - I think no to Trisha
Chris - Really?
Dave - mmm
Chris - Alright ok, Jordan?
Dave - Yeah
(Dom laughs - this makes Dave laugh)

Rach said the list was too long and rubbish. Chris told her to shut up and go get some breakfast from the canteen... even though Radio 1 doesn’t have one.
Dave - Make tea not war Rachel
After much deliberation, Chris and co scrubbed a few names from the list (e.g Suzi Perry, Sharon Davies, Annabel Croft etc)... leaving just the ones above. It still needed whittling down further though:
Dave - Y’see I could lose Kelly Holmes..
Chris - No!! Keep Kelly
Dom - What so let’s lose the double Olympic medalist and keep Trisha..
(Dave and Chris laugh)
Dom - ... what’s that all about?

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(I can imagine it now - “here’s news and sport with Dom and Trisha, it’s 8:00”..)
Jules wasn’t present for any of these links, and even walked in a bit late for one of her sport bulletins. Chris said this wasn’t Five Live yet love, and told her to be on time. She agreed - saying that Five Live were rubbish at timekeeping...
Rachel - oooh
Chris - Well there you go, that’s how to impress the bosses before you start..
Dom - Controversial

Chris said she had a point though. He was listening to 606 at 10:15 the other week. Moyles also did his “lock up your husbands” line again to the wives of all North West footballers, asking Jules if she had any particular players in “her radar” yet. She said no, not even Alan Smith (Chris’s suggestion):
Jules - He didn’t do anything for me when I interviewed him... I mean
(Chris, Dave and Dom burst out laughing)
Chris (laughing) - Well he’s only meant to answer your questions
(Jules laughs)


PILES, GUESS THE DISEASE AND THE SECRET STUDENT GETS SOME ACTION:>>>
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High brow. Chris played the dull album track that is Nothing Hurts Like Love by Daniel Ber-dingfield, and then took issue with the title:
Dave - There’s loads of things that hurt more than love..
Chris - Yeah?
Dave - Piles
(Chris laughs)

Moyles said he wouldn’t know. A suddenly very defensive Dave said neither would he. He’d just heard it hurt - y’know like root canal surgery. Chris said he may never have had piles, but he had had *turns mic off* several years ago. This sparked a guessing game on the text that Chris called “Guess The Disease”... pure Sanyo. Apparently it was itchy and live yoghurt would do the trick. Dave compared it in a respect to herpes, as it’s hard to get rid of:
Chris - I thought that was a shop on Oxford Circus
Dave - That’s Hermes...
Chris - Right
(Dom and Jules laugh)

Not wanting to feel left out, Dave revealed that he used to get a little rash on the base of his back when he was a kid, and now it re appears whenever he gets sunburnt. A bit like a cold sore (but nothing to do with coleslaw Chris). Rach wasn’t convinced this was prime time national radio material, but Dave said she needn’t worry - it’s an education.
Dave - It’s not a problem, I have a cream for it. It’s called Zovirax!
(Dom and Chris laugh)
Dom - That’s lovely..
Chris - and if you’re just tucking into your breakfast this morning..
(plays jingle)

- Please note that other back rash creams are available. Thanks.
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The double 00 student was back on the show today, albeit via a voice message left yesterday afternoon. It explained how he had met a lovely lady on Sunday night, spent that night romancing her - and therefore missed a few lectures on the Monday morning as a result. He said at the point of the message he was once again busy “laying foundations”...
Dave - He’s “laying foundations” eh?..
Chris (laughs) - She’s obviously some kind of foreign exchange student
Dave - mmm
(both laugh)
Chris (*in generic foreign voice*) - Hello my name is Foundations, nice to meet you..


THE OBLIGATORY ROUND UP OF OTHER CRAP TODAY:>>>
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*Jules sitting on the fence ahead of tonight’s Leeds - Stoke game. (She’s a Vale fan y’see). The team also discussed Kidderminsters return to bottom spot in Coca Cola League 2 - and their player Youssou Diop - who Dave said would probably struggle to get into the Radio 1 team.
*Chris giving advice to the EastEnders script writers about how to liven up the show. Page 3 girls and lesbians - it’s the way forward..
*Chris also had a new drop to play - from Jo Jo. She did one for Scott Mills too though, the bitch.
*Chris and Dave also discussed going to the movies one afternoon later in the week, Chris to see Supersize Me and Dave to see Wimbledon.
*There were also more brochures of “fit” violinist groups to look at. The team weren’t too impressed overall. Moyles said even Rachel scrubs up better than that:
Rach - Thanks Chris
*Also today, it was “trouble free Tuesday” on One Road Travel, Dave had Notting Hill star Rhys Ifans (innit boyo) as a Guess Who, and Chris had a go at Jo Whiley for being dressed in some kind of picnic rug with tassels... on the day (of all days) that she has a fashion correspondent in on her show. At the 10 o’clock hand over Jo said they were very fashionable. Chris said yeah, in Kazakhstan maybe.

NEW NON-JULES JINGLE:>>>
“Well there’s Comedy Dave, who was born in Hong Kong,
And then producer Rachel, she is never wrong,
Dominic’s our news man, he reads the news each day,
And then there’s little Aled, who really is... Welsh,
The Chris Moyles Show, National Radio One”

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PERSONALISED JINGLE WEEK - DAY 2:>>> GARETH VICKERS
“Hello to Gareth Vickers, this was sent in by your missus,
So thanks to Claire for writing in, we send you our best wishes,
Got tonsillitis recently, and lost eleven pounds,
He likes The Streets, Oasis, but he loves Northampton Town,
The Chris Moyles Show, National Radio One”


CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
CHARLOTTE a medical rep from Shefford in Bedfordshire 2
NEIL who sells holidays over the phone in Shipley West Yorkshire 1

Dom - Have you ever had a disease Roy?
Roy - I’ve always wanted one of those
(Dom and Dave laugh)
Dom - mmm
Dave - You haven’t!
Dom - Not the one he’s got
Dave - Not from what I’ve heard..
Roy - I’ve never been there before
(Dom and Chris laugh)
Dave - Yeah, probably just as well

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Chris - Rachel, would you like to say anything to Roy?
Rach - No
Chris - Woah, why?
Roy - Well that’s not very nice
Chris - That’s not very nice at all
Rach - I’m not talking to him
Chris - Wow..
Roy - I’ve never been so insulted in all my life
Rach (laughs) - Aww I love him really
Chris - Would you like to talk to Rachel Roy?
Roy - I can’t think of anything I’d like to do less!!
(Rach and Dave laugh)
Chris - Fair enough!..
Dave - Well said


Daves Tedious Link
Blur Country House - Blur’s Country House enjoyed one of the most high profile chart battles for the coveted number one spot nearly ten years ago, when they were up against Oasis and Roll With It - Blur won this particular battle and the man who delivered the news to the nation was the one and only Mark Goodier - Mark Goodier shares the same surname as Mark Hughes, whose Blackburn side were beaten one nil last night at Charlton - Charlton are the team supported by Rodney and Del Trotter in Only Fools And Horses - Horses are one of the few types of large animals that are good for riding on, other examples of course being camels and elephants - Elephants are the primary source of Ivory, and scientists are now able to identify the DNA make up of an ivory tusk, and locate quite precisely the elephant source from which it came, providing an important tool in the fight against illegal poaching - Poaching of a different type is a popular form of cooking eggs - Eggs are sold by the dozen, which is a word meaning twelve, although interestingly in the field of bakery, a bakers dozen actually amounts to thirteen - and thirteen is another good example of a prime number, meaning that it’s only divisible by itself and one - Which links us to U2 and One

FLAWS
*Mark Goodier shares the same christian name as Mark Hughes, not the same surname
*There was also a big debate on who Rodney and Del Boy support in OFAH. The general feeling at the end of half time (following extensive research by Rach and Joce), was that Rodney supports Chelsea, his dad and his grandad support Millwall - and that his mum supports Charlton.

MINI MOYLES UPDATE:>>> (cheers again to Sarah Hillary)
- Tomorrow Dom will be interviewing Gwyneth Paltrow so we'll be asking for your questions
- Chris may be going home to sleep today, but is tempted by an offer of lunch and a trip to the pictures with Dom. Well lets face it - who wouldn’t?
- Dave is going home to clean his crock pot (i.e pressure cooker) and Rachel is doing more packing for the big move
- Aled is working then training, Jules is going to the funfair near her house and Joce is getting her hair trimmed (no gags please)...
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<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=8450">> Tuesday 28th September 04 - What Did You Think Of This Show/Review? Tell Us Here! <</A>

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