chrismoyles.net
- Fri Oct 01, 2004 6:13 pm
#242026
JULIETTE LEAVES THE CHRIS MOYLES SHOW!!!
(She’s waving!!... although granted not in that pic)
1. Natasha Bedingfield - These Words 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. The Strokes - Reptilia, 3. Deep Dish - Flashdance, 4. Robbie Williams - Radio, 5. BUZZ OFF - Kylie Minogue - Hand On Your Heart, 6. Nina Sky feat Jabba - Move Ya Body 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Green Day - American Idiot, 8. Britney Spears - Toxic, 9. Eminem - Just Lose It, 10. The Black Eyed Peas - Shut Up 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. Junior Senior - Move Your Feet, 12. Ashlee Simpson - Pieces Of Me, 13. The Chris Moyles Team - Dire Straits - Romeo and JULIETTE, 14. Eric Prydz - Call On Me 8:30 NEWSBEAT 15. Emergency Tape Play #1 - Outkast - Hey Ya, 16. Sugababes - Hole In The Head, 17. Snow Patrol - Chocolate, 18. Jo Jo - Leave (Get Out), 19. Bon Jovi - Livin' On A Prayer (Tedious Link), 20. Emergency Tape Play #2 - Outkast - Hey Ya, 21. Sugababes - Hole In The Head, 22. Estelle - Free, 23. The Zutons - Don't Ever Think (Too Much) 9:30 NEWSBEAT 24. Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved, 25. DMX - X Gon' Give It To Ya, 26. The Chris Moyles Team - Dire Straits - Romeo and JULIETTE
Make sure you’re sitting comfortably everyone, as this may take a while. So after 153 breakfast shows and 764 sport bulletins (count em).. Juliette *ey up mi duck* Ferrington finally left The Chris Moyles Show this morning, amidst a mix of tears, presents, messages, musical tributes... and ringing fire alarms. If you don’t know, she’s off to work at Five Live in Manchester - so today was her all singing, all dancing send off from the show. Quite emotional too, with both her and Rachel in floods of tears on a couple of occasions (but importantly first at 8:09 - meaning Dom won last nights sweepstake). Considering their collective lack of sleep, I thought everyone on the team managed to pull together to give her a really fitting send off - which I have to admit was looking very unlikely back at five to 7. Reason being, they were all out till the wee small hours for Juliette’s leaving do - and that meant late taxis and gravelly voices all round this morning. Chris started with a big thanks to Dave and Rachel - the two geniuses that had scheduled the whole thing for a feckin Thursday. They said they had to, but Chris said he got to bed so late (half 2) that it was nearly Wes FM until 10 this morning. Highlights of the evening included another rather large team karaoke session, yet another beer spilling to crotch incident... and a drunk Chris ringing Dominic repeatedly for 20 mins as Dom tried to get to sleep - which in the end resulted in the bald headed one having to switch his phone off. Thankfully he saw the funny side. The evenings proceedings had begun with burnt steaks all round at Planet Hollywood - and then progressed onto a back up boozer for an open mic karaoke session. Highlights included Jules singing Bon Jovi’s Livin' On A Prayer (badly - Chris had the audio), Dom singing like a drunk Cartman on the Kiki Dee bits of “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” with some mentalist woman (don’t ask)... and Dave and Rachel duetting on... ah I forget. I do know it wasn’t Suddenly by Billy Ocean though, as the butch looking bird running the stage had already nabbed that for herself before Dave could get there. Vitty was also disappointed that him leaving early meant he missed out on Dom, Chris, Rach and Jules singing Band Aid “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” to a pub full of bemused drunks. As for the others - well Aled was being a miserable git and wouldn’t sing, Joce wouldn’t either - and big boss Ben Cooper also came down for a bit of a pint and a sing song with Moyles too. It’s fair to say his timing wasn’t the best though...
Dave - You were stood behind him throughout all of his performance with that knowing look, thinking “you’re rubbish compared to me”..
(all laugh)
Dave - .. as you nonchalantly twisted the microphone
The evenings events had had a bit of an impact on the teams health today - with Rach a bit peeky and Dave and Dom both borderline sick. Chris seemed to have recovered quite a bit by the end of the show, but still had time to fit in his obligatory whinge about getting up early. He said unless you work for NASA or are saving lives, it’s just plain wrong...
Rachel - So you don’t see your life as saving lives then?
Chris and Dave (together) - No..
Dave - It’s more entertainment... well sometimes anyway
(Chris and Rach laugh)
THE TRIBUTES POUR IN FOR JULES:
(... and it’s all too much for her)
I know it makes me sound like a girl but today’s show was quite emotional. Certainly more emotional than any other “leaving show” I can remember - which are usually just an excuse for a few cheesy records, a Moped cover, Chris to do his Bono impression - and Culshaw to come back on the show for some This Is Your Life style messages down the phone. But not anymore kids! Now the team have hit the big time, A list celebrities are just lining up to get on that phone and leave a message for whoevers leaving the show. *cough* Well if Longman counts anyway...
Longman - Hi Jules, it’s Longman. I’m really sorry to hear you’re leaving Radio 1... (Jules laughs in background)... and I’ll miss waking up to your voice every morning. But then again - you’re only moving 45 minutes away from me, and from what I’ve heard about you, the amount you drink and what you like... well I’ll probably be waking up next to you soon...
(Jules laughs loudly)
Longman - .. so you never know, I might even treat you to one of my special pies
(Jules and Dave laugh)
Other good luck messages came courtesy of Ray Stubbs, Lawro, Ben Ainslie (which she was chuffed about), Gwyneth Paltrow, Jo Whiley, Edith, Andy from Groove Armada (sounding remarkably like Nicky Campbell), Vernon Kay (in a great Beatles Hey Jules stylee) - and after Longman, the second best message of the bunch... from Chappers:
Chappers - Oh Jules, Jules, Jules... what can I say? We joined Radio 1 at the same time together didn’t we, so we’ve been a couple for five years.. although not like that, despite you trying on several occasions at Christmas parties..
Mark also said he was going to miss her attempts to sound posh until she comes across a word with a U in it - when she reverts to being a good old northern girl. He also wished her all the best back home in Manchester, and reminded her of the cheap booze up here:
Chappers - and watch out for Wayne Rooney will you, because you’re his ideal age
Classic. Apparently Alan Smith was meant to leave Jules a message too, but didn’t. Chris said it was understandable - what with him being a busy man and all..
Jules - He plays for Manchester United now
Chris - Yeah alright, leave it...
With the time at 8:15, Jules was quite chuffed with herself to be honest. She’d got through the first hour and a bit of her farewell show without turning into a blubbering wreck... although all that was about to change. Chris even said everyone would chip in £20 to give her a cash incentive not to cry at the next item - which was her leaving present from Comedy Dave. He had written a song for her, featuring his, Chris and Doms vocal talents - performed to the crappy instrumental of Dire Straits’ “Romeo and Juliet” (y’see what’s coming here)... and changed with lyrics for her to “Romeo and JULIETTE”.
Jules - So I get to keep the money if I don’t cry?
Chris - Yeah... but it’s not gonna happen though
Dave - There’s no danger of you getting any money
Chris - Yep, you’re gonna bawl like a biatch
(Dom laughs)
*intro plays*
Jules - Oh! It’s Dire Straits!
Chris - That’s right
Dave - Or is it? It’s dire certainly...
I didn’t think so - it’ll probably go down as one of the best songs Daves ever written. So because it’s both Jules and my last day... (and cos I can), here’s the full lyrics to her tribute tune:
THE TEAM’S MUSICAL TRIBUTE TO JULES:>>> DIRE STRAITS: ROMEO AND JULIETTE
(Verse 1 - Chris)
A sad man Dominic, sings a Newsbeat serenade,
Can’t believe what he’s heard, about the news just been relayed,
Apparently she’s leaving, her decision has been made,
Dom takes a breath, and says “Hey Jules, tell me about it”,
Juliette says “Hey Dominic, you know I just got back”,
Been over at my house you know, I’ve had a few things that I had to pack,
It’s true that I’m leaving, got a new job and new flat in Manchester,
And so I’m off, and there’s nowt you can do about that,
(Chorus - Dom)
Juliette, I can’t do Newsbeat on my own,
I’m gonna miss you, like a dog misses his favourite marrowbone,
It’ll sound strange - and odd, and so very very wrong,
When Chris says “it’s 8:30, let’s get some news and sport with Dom”.. and no Juliette..
(Verse 2 - Dave)
Now listen up Dominic, please don’t be so sad,
Gotta pull yourself together man, wipe your eyes and get a grip soft lad,
I’m only going to Manchester, I’m not moving to the moon,
And I’ll be straight back down to see you all real soon,
Well ok Juliette, you better keep in touch,
Won’t be the same without you babe, and well.. you know we’ll miss you much,
So you take care now, we know you’ll be a big hit,
Just don’t let the bosses see you drunk and doing the splits,
(Chorus - Dom)
Juliette, I can’t do Newsbeat on my own,
I’m gonna miss you, like a dog misses his favourite marrowbone,
It will sound strange - and odd, and so very very wrong,
When Chris says “it’s 8:30, let’s get some news and sport with Dom”.. and no Juliette..
(music fades to end)
So as predicted, Jules got all teary. It seemed to be sinking in that she was leaving the best Radio 1 Breakfast Show since Mike Smith. *ahem*. Chris said they were only half way through the show too:
Jules - No no, nothing will beat that..
Chris - Really?
Jules - That was absolutely gorgeous!!
Chris - Well it’s good that you say that because we haven’t got anything else
(Dave laughs)
*Chris plays 8:30 news stab*
FIRE ALARM CHAOS:
Now if you’ve listened to Chris for years and years like me - you always have certain moments or features that tend to stick out in your mind above anything else. “Moyles Gold” I like to call them... and here’s another to add to the list. It all started innocuously enough at half 8, when (unbeknownst to us) the pulsating little red strobe light in the studio started flashing. This is basically the fire alarm ringing, although because the microphones were switched on - it didn’t make a sound. Chris therefore finished the news and sport, played a jingle (not the personalised one, which was delayed) and went straight into Hey Ya by Outkast. Slightly odd considering that wasn’t the song he promoted into the news, and also odd (*geek alert*) cos it had the pre built Radio 1 jingle on the start of it - which is never played anymore with that track. Being half asleep I didn’t make anything of it, even when the Sugababes came on next - i.e. the 2 tracks played on the emergency tape after Mark and Lard’s final show in April. What I’m trying to say basically is that the team had to get out of the building quick, so Chris stuck on the emergency tape and did a runner. All R1 staff and Billy (the security guy with the afro) were outside on the street - waiting for them. After getting back in the studio before the end of the Sugababes, a collective decision was made by the team not to say anything. So we knew nowt in other words. Hmm, not for long...
*Chris back announces Tedious Link, but the fire alarm starts ringing loudly*
Jules (laughing) - You said there were gonna be plenty of surprises
Dave - Well surprises to us too Jules...(to Chris).. put the echo on a minute
Chris - Ok
Dave (with echo) - Let’s get reaaadddy to evacuaaaaaate!!!!!
Despite initial desk trouble, Chris banged the system into evacuation again, and they all buggered off outside. They arrived back in the studio about 7 or 8 minutes later, just as the Sugababes track was mixing into the RHCP. A breathless Chris apologised, switched the tape off... and explained all.
Chris - Good to hear Outkast and the Sugababes again eh?
Dave - mmm. They’re on high rotation at the moment..
Dom - Every other song
(Dave laughs)
Dean in Bristol texted in to say “Moyles, even when you’re about to burn to death, you’re still cracking funnies”. Chris said yeah - sorry to all his critics for the fact he hadn’t died. He also stressed that fire alarms don’t work wonders for your hangover either - the complete opposite of quiet lickle Jocelyn...
Rach - Oh here she comes...
*door opens*
Joce (shouting) - I can go and get Billy’s megaphone!!
(Rach and Aled laugh)
Chris - No really...
JULES SAYS GOODBYE TO THE CHRIS MOYLES SHOW:>>>
(A teary Jules examines her presents)
All slightly self indulgent but what the hell. After her final sport bulletin, Chris went round the room to gage the mood:
Chris - Dominic let me just come to you, how do you feel right now?
Dom - I feel like I’m losing not only a colleague... but also a sports reader
(Jules, Dave and Rach laugh)
Dave said he felt sick... but that was cos of his hangover. He said Jules will be ace at Five Live, Aled said he loved her loads, Rach sounded devastated she was leaving... and Chris said “and me to”. It seemed the whole of the UK was crying on their way to work too (jesus) as the recorded listener messages and texts were all brown nosing her big time...
Jules - I didn’t realise so many people liked me..
Chris - Yeah, neither did we
There was also a brief 1 minute 30 package of her best bits (cos in truth that’s all there is) - and a polite “have you stopped crying yet?” from Parf Daddy, this as he saw her in the corridor..
Chris - Which his way of saying “thanks for all your hard work, we’re really gonna miss you”..
Dave - Yeah, “Can I have your pass?”
(Chris laughs)
Presents to end with then - and Jules had a special Guess Whooee lined up and ready to go on the phone. After a minute or so she finally clicked that it was Martin Foyle - manager of her beloved Port Vale. He seemed like a top fella, wished her all the best - and said Dean Glover, Andy Porter and Mark Grew all sent their love:
Jules - You’re doing quite well as well!!
Martin - Yeah not bad..
Jules (interrupts) - Well actually, last couple of results not great but..
(all burst out laughing - including Martin)
Jules - What happened with those six goals in those two last league games?
Martin - Well y’know we’ve got young kids haven’t we, but er.. they’re gradually getting better
Jules (interrupting again) - and why did you sell Brooker?
Chris (interrupts) - Yeah alright Jules, stop grilling the poor man!!
Martin had sent down one of his training tops (washed) - framed and signed by all the Vale squad. Jules was delighted and couldn’t thank him enough, examining the shirt for signatures etc..
Jules - ooh Billy Paynter
Chris - Eh?
Jules - Billy Paynter
Chris - What? “Because we want to”... that one
Dave - No that’s Billie Piper
Chris - Oh right ok sorry
(Jules laughs)
Jules said that will look great on her flat wall in Manchester - along with another gift she got today, the only picture ever taken of the full breakfast team. The original team that is. By now Jules was on her fourth box of Kleenex - and she had one more cry during a second play of her Dire Straits tribute song. She also said a few words - stressing that these last ten months are the happiest she’s ever had down in London, she’s made great mates with everyone on the team... and she’s gonna miss them all badly.
(collective “awww”)
Chris - I think I’m gonna be sick..
Jules - I’m an emotional wreck!
Chris - Well no change there then
Jules - I just need a wine now, maybe a vodka..
(all laugh)
Jules - ... preferably stiff
(Chris and Dave collective “wooah!!”)
Chris - I’ll try my best for you love but I can’t promise anything..
(all laugh again)
Chris - .. I meant to try and get the BBC Club open early
Dave - Of course
(Juliette’s big Port Vale present)
JINGLE FOR JULES:>>>
”So Jules is really leaving us, it sadly is no myth,
She’s leaving Chris for Manchester, she’s just like Alan Smith,
So here’s our last goodbye to you, it’s such a lovely touch,
Please remember Juliette, we love you very much,
The Chris Moyles Show, National Radio One”
MY FINAL EVER SHOW MINI ROUND UP:>>>
*With it being her last show an all (did I mention that?), Jules got to pick today’s Buzz Off track from Chris’s 1989 Best Of Compilation CD. She opted for Kylie’s May 89 number one hit “Hand On Your Heart”... and let me tell you, Aled nearly exploded. The over sentimental ass kissing texters voted 90% Buzz On - and predictably the team also let it run through without any buzzes.
*Chris also played the new single by Eminem today called ”Just Lose It”, as well as the brilliant new Zutons record “Don't Ever Think (Too Much)” - a must have for any record collection... unless it’s a sh*t one.
*That awful Spot The Differences feature also made an unwelcome return after half seven, with a pair of Premiership tickets up for grabs for tomorrow afternoons Barclays Premiership match at St Mary’s between Southampton and City. Katie (a recruitment administrator from Southampton) won the tickets - although the game was more like “Spot The Sound Effects” today, what with their being only one commentary clip of Anders Svensson’s goal for the Saints against Blackburn last month.
Chris - It’s going well this morning isn’t it?
(Dom and Dave laugh)
PERSONALISED JINGLE WEEK - DAY 5 (THE BEST ONE):>>> JULIA CARTER
“Julia Carter’s 27, blond hair and 36DD,
She’s gonna tie the not next May - to fiancee Ashlee,
She drives a bright blue Corsa, but she doesn’t like to boast,
She likes to have a drink or 2, and then bump into lamp posts,
The Chris Moyles Show, National Radio One”
NO CARPARK CATCHPHRASE TODAY
Due to Jules leaving... but do not fear car park fans, Roy and Mr Fish will return to your lives 2 weeks on Monday. Not long to wait then.. *cough*.
Daves Tedious Link - Dedicated To Jules
Aerosmith Dude (Looks Like A Lady) - Aerosmiths Steven Tyler has a famous daughter called Liv - Live Forever was a single taken from the classic album Definitely Maybe - “Maybe Baby” was the title of the film based on the Ben Elton novel Inconceivable, but they obviously had to change the name as the Americans wouldn’t have known what “inconceivable” meant - “Meant” rhymes with “Gwent”, which is a county in Wales - Wales is the birthplace of Sian Lloyd - Lloyd George was a famous politician, while the similar sounding Boy George was actually the lead singer of Culture Club - Culture Club scored a 1983 chart topper with Karma Chameleon - A chameleon is one of the few animals that can change it’s colour - Color Me Badd are responsible for the horrendous I Wanna Sex U Up - Up is one of two directional options in the world of elevator travel - Travel is what you’d have to do if you needed to get from London to Manchester - Manchester is where our very own lovely Juliette Ferrington is moving to, as she becomes Five Live’s all star north west football reporter - and if you were travelling from London to Manchester you’d probably want to hear some of your favourite songs to while away the three hour journey - and if you were Juliette Ferrington, one of these favourite musical treats would have to be Livin' On A Prayer by Bon Jovi - Which links us to Bon Jovi and Livin' On A Prayer
FLAW
*Gwent is no longer a county in Wales
MINI MOYLES UPDATE:>>> (thanks for the last time to Sarah Hillary)
- So the team have all gone on holiday for 2 weeks... and Juliette has gone forever!!
- The team will be back on the 18th of October and of course Scott Mills (who else) will be taking care of business at breakfast until then...
- They are contractually obliged to say all next week Scott will be joined by Robbie Williams... but I’m not, so won’t. Oh balls.
- Scott and Chappers will also have the Big Fact Hunt (knowledge is power) every morning - plus a celebrity call at ten past nine.
WEEK HIGHLIGHTS:
SHOW OF THE WEEK: TODAY!! (but I had to say that)
MOMENTS OF THE WEEK: (From Monday) - Chris’s brilliant Dave/Jules announcement, Tim from Accounts goes break dancing, Carpark Catchphrase and Tedious Link, (From Tuesday) - Wes is a chav, Chris and his binoculars, post Daniel Bedingfield link and CPC again, (From Wednesday) - Mathematical Mayhem, Questions For Gwyneth and the half time blag list, (From Thursday) - The legend that is Tony Blackburn, When Dom Met Gwyneth, Jocelyn’s late night antics and a classic CPC, (Plus From Today) - Jules jingles, messages, tribute song and the fire alarm going off on the air... a historical Chris Moyles moment.
*Remember you can hear all of the weeks shows again via Radio 1 ONLINE - just follow the BBC Radio Player links from Chris’s mini site @ http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/chrismoyles. Do note though that Scott Mills’ breakfast covers will replace Chris on Listen Again, starting this Monday.
MILLS IN FOR MOYLES - AND CHAPPERS AND DAVE RETURN!!!
So as I just mentioned, Mills takes over things on breakfast for a fortnight from this forthcoming Monday. Wes then takes his place on Drive for week number one, and Spoony (stupidly) fills Scott’s afternoon slot in week 2. This in turn (you still with me?), means that Spoony’s 7-10am Weekend Breakfast slots become vacant over the weekend of October 9th & 10th. Dave and Chappers therefore make their return to the airwaves (details of their new feature here) - and basically the folks and folkesses on the messageboard would be grateful for a review of these two shows. Unfortunately I’ll be retired and sitting with my feet up smoking my pipe then (or rather be in bed asleep), so if you want to review either of these two shows then just do so in Word or whatever and stick them in an e-mail over to [url=mailto:[email protected]]mailto:[email protected][/url]. Thank you please...
<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=8450">> Friday 1st October 2004 - What Did You Think Of This Show/Review? Tell Us Here! <</A>
THE FINAL BIT
Ok then, just before I finally grab my coat and leave you all in peace - a few brief thank yous to get through. Firstly to Chris Harris, who for some reason has enabled me to post my inane ramblings and sarcastic remarks on this page for near on 13 months now. What the hell he was I do not know. Big thanks must also go to Radio 1 ONLINE (for consistently letting me nick their pictures), Chris and Aled (for mentioning my work far too frequently on the air) - and also to the numerous number of other people who have got in touch and helped with my reviews in some way or other, whether it be with Mini Moyles updates or whatever.
As you can probably tell, an awful lot of time and effort has gone into this page over the last year, and hopefully you’ve enjoyed reading it (although if you didn’t then screw you). I’ll still be hanging around like a bad smell on the boards and the Tedious Links page - as needless to say, I’ll still be as dedicated a listener to the show as ever before. Reason being, it’s the best radio show I’ve ever heard... and safe to say, it’s the best radio show that I will ever hear.
Good luck finally to Juliette over at Five Live, and also to the all new chrismoyles.net reviewing team, who will take up residence on this page from Monday October 18th - ironically the same day there is a new addition to the show team. Dave, Ande, Ste, Tom and Steve will be your new reviewers... so be nice.
New team, new reviewers - classic radio.
(She’s waving!!... although granted not in that pic)
1. Natasha Bedingfield - These Words 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. The Strokes - Reptilia, 3. Deep Dish - Flashdance, 4. Robbie Williams - Radio, 5. BUZZ OFF - Kylie Minogue - Hand On Your Heart, 6. Nina Sky feat Jabba - Move Ya Body 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Green Day - American Idiot, 8. Britney Spears - Toxic, 9. Eminem - Just Lose It, 10. The Black Eyed Peas - Shut Up 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. Junior Senior - Move Your Feet, 12. Ashlee Simpson - Pieces Of Me, 13. The Chris Moyles Team - Dire Straits - Romeo and JULIETTE, 14. Eric Prydz - Call On Me 8:30 NEWSBEAT 15. Emergency Tape Play #1 - Outkast - Hey Ya, 16. Sugababes - Hole In The Head, 17. Snow Patrol - Chocolate, 18. Jo Jo - Leave (Get Out), 19. Bon Jovi - Livin' On A Prayer (Tedious Link), 20. Emergency Tape Play #2 - Outkast - Hey Ya, 21. Sugababes - Hole In The Head, 22. Estelle - Free, 23. The Zutons - Don't Ever Think (Too Much) 9:30 NEWSBEAT 24. Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved, 25. DMX - X Gon' Give It To Ya, 26. The Chris Moyles Team - Dire Straits - Romeo and JULIETTE
Make sure you’re sitting comfortably everyone, as this may take a while. So after 153 breakfast shows and 764 sport bulletins (count em).. Juliette *ey up mi duck* Ferrington finally left The Chris Moyles Show this morning, amidst a mix of tears, presents, messages, musical tributes... and ringing fire alarms. If you don’t know, she’s off to work at Five Live in Manchester - so today was her all singing, all dancing send off from the show. Quite emotional too, with both her and Rachel in floods of tears on a couple of occasions (but importantly first at 8:09 - meaning Dom won last nights sweepstake). Considering their collective lack of sleep, I thought everyone on the team managed to pull together to give her a really fitting send off - which I have to admit was looking very unlikely back at five to 7. Reason being, they were all out till the wee small hours for Juliette’s leaving do - and that meant late taxis and gravelly voices all round this morning. Chris started with a big thanks to Dave and Rachel - the two geniuses that had scheduled the whole thing for a feckin Thursday. They said they had to, but Chris said he got to bed so late (half 2) that it was nearly Wes FM until 10 this morning. Highlights of the evening included another rather large team karaoke session, yet another beer spilling to crotch incident... and a drunk Chris ringing Dominic repeatedly for 20 mins as Dom tried to get to sleep - which in the end resulted in the bald headed one having to switch his phone off. Thankfully he saw the funny side. The evenings proceedings had begun with burnt steaks all round at Planet Hollywood - and then progressed onto a back up boozer for an open mic karaoke session. Highlights included Jules singing Bon Jovi’s Livin' On A Prayer (badly - Chris had the audio), Dom singing like a drunk Cartman on the Kiki Dee bits of “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” with some mentalist woman (don’t ask)... and Dave and Rachel duetting on... ah I forget. I do know it wasn’t Suddenly by Billy Ocean though, as the butch looking bird running the stage had already nabbed that for herself before Dave could get there. Vitty was also disappointed that him leaving early meant he missed out on Dom, Chris, Rach and Jules singing Band Aid “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” to a pub full of bemused drunks. As for the others - well Aled was being a miserable git and wouldn’t sing, Joce wouldn’t either - and big boss Ben Cooper also came down for a bit of a pint and a sing song with Moyles too. It’s fair to say his timing wasn’t the best though...
Dave - You were stood behind him throughout all of his performance with that knowing look, thinking “you’re rubbish compared to me”..
(all laugh)
Dave - .. as you nonchalantly twisted the microphone
The evenings events had had a bit of an impact on the teams health today - with Rach a bit peeky and Dave and Dom both borderline sick. Chris seemed to have recovered quite a bit by the end of the show, but still had time to fit in his obligatory whinge about getting up early. He said unless you work for NASA or are saving lives, it’s just plain wrong...
Rachel - So you don’t see your life as saving lives then?
Chris and Dave (together) - No..
Dave - It’s more entertainment... well sometimes anyway
(Chris and Rach laugh)
THE TRIBUTES POUR IN FOR JULES:
(... and it’s all too much for her)
I know it makes me sound like a girl but today’s show was quite emotional. Certainly more emotional than any other “leaving show” I can remember - which are usually just an excuse for a few cheesy records, a Moped cover, Chris to do his Bono impression - and Culshaw to come back on the show for some This Is Your Life style messages down the phone. But not anymore kids! Now the team have hit the big time, A list celebrities are just lining up to get on that phone and leave a message for whoevers leaving the show. *cough* Well if Longman counts anyway...
Longman - Hi Jules, it’s Longman. I’m really sorry to hear you’re leaving Radio 1... (Jules laughs in background)... and I’ll miss waking up to your voice every morning. But then again - you’re only moving 45 minutes away from me, and from what I’ve heard about you, the amount you drink and what you like... well I’ll probably be waking up next to you soon...
(Jules laughs loudly)
Longman - .. so you never know, I might even treat you to one of my special pies
(Jules and Dave laugh)
Other good luck messages came courtesy of Ray Stubbs, Lawro, Ben Ainslie (which she was chuffed about), Gwyneth Paltrow, Jo Whiley, Edith, Andy from Groove Armada (sounding remarkably like Nicky Campbell), Vernon Kay (in a great Beatles Hey Jules stylee) - and after Longman, the second best message of the bunch... from Chappers:
Chappers - Oh Jules, Jules, Jules... what can I say? We joined Radio 1 at the same time together didn’t we, so we’ve been a couple for five years.. although not like that, despite you trying on several occasions at Christmas parties..
Mark also said he was going to miss her attempts to sound posh until she comes across a word with a U in it - when she reverts to being a good old northern girl. He also wished her all the best back home in Manchester, and reminded her of the cheap booze up here:
Chappers - and watch out for Wayne Rooney will you, because you’re his ideal age
Classic. Apparently Alan Smith was meant to leave Jules a message too, but didn’t. Chris said it was understandable - what with him being a busy man and all..
Jules - He plays for Manchester United now
Chris - Yeah alright, leave it...
With the time at 8:15, Jules was quite chuffed with herself to be honest. She’d got through the first hour and a bit of her farewell show without turning into a blubbering wreck... although all that was about to change. Chris even said everyone would chip in £20 to give her a cash incentive not to cry at the next item - which was her leaving present from Comedy Dave. He had written a song for her, featuring his, Chris and Doms vocal talents - performed to the crappy instrumental of Dire Straits’ “Romeo and Juliet” (y’see what’s coming here)... and changed with lyrics for her to “Romeo and JULIETTE”.
Jules - So I get to keep the money if I don’t cry?
Chris - Yeah... but it’s not gonna happen though
Dave - There’s no danger of you getting any money
Chris - Yep, you’re gonna bawl like a biatch
(Dom laughs)
*intro plays*
Jules - Oh! It’s Dire Straits!
Chris - That’s right
Dave - Or is it? It’s dire certainly...
I didn’t think so - it’ll probably go down as one of the best songs Daves ever written. So because it’s both Jules and my last day... (and cos I can), here’s the full lyrics to her tribute tune:
THE TEAM’S MUSICAL TRIBUTE TO JULES:>>> DIRE STRAITS: ROMEO AND JULIETTE
(Verse 1 - Chris)
A sad man Dominic, sings a Newsbeat serenade,
Can’t believe what he’s heard, about the news just been relayed,
Apparently she’s leaving, her decision has been made,
Dom takes a breath, and says “Hey Jules, tell me about it”,
Juliette says “Hey Dominic, you know I just got back”,
Been over at my house you know, I’ve had a few things that I had to pack,
It’s true that I’m leaving, got a new job and new flat in Manchester,
And so I’m off, and there’s nowt you can do about that,
(Chorus - Dom)
Juliette, I can’t do Newsbeat on my own,
I’m gonna miss you, like a dog misses his favourite marrowbone,
It’ll sound strange - and odd, and so very very wrong,
When Chris says “it’s 8:30, let’s get some news and sport with Dom”.. and no Juliette..
(Verse 2 - Dave)
Now listen up Dominic, please don’t be so sad,
Gotta pull yourself together man, wipe your eyes and get a grip soft lad,
I’m only going to Manchester, I’m not moving to the moon,
And I’ll be straight back down to see you all real soon,
Well ok Juliette, you better keep in touch,
Won’t be the same without you babe, and well.. you know we’ll miss you much,
So you take care now, we know you’ll be a big hit,
Just don’t let the bosses see you drunk and doing the splits,
(Chorus - Dom)
Juliette, I can’t do Newsbeat on my own,
I’m gonna miss you, like a dog misses his favourite marrowbone,
It will sound strange - and odd, and so very very wrong,
When Chris says “it’s 8:30, let’s get some news and sport with Dom”.. and no Juliette..
(music fades to end)
So as predicted, Jules got all teary. It seemed to be sinking in that she was leaving the best Radio 1 Breakfast Show since Mike Smith. *ahem*. Chris said they were only half way through the show too:
Jules - No no, nothing will beat that..
Chris - Really?
Jules - That was absolutely gorgeous!!
Chris - Well it’s good that you say that because we haven’t got anything else
(Dave laughs)
*Chris plays 8:30 news stab*
FIRE ALARM CHAOS:
Now if you’ve listened to Chris for years and years like me - you always have certain moments or features that tend to stick out in your mind above anything else. “Moyles Gold” I like to call them... and here’s another to add to the list. It all started innocuously enough at half 8, when (unbeknownst to us) the pulsating little red strobe light in the studio started flashing. This is basically the fire alarm ringing, although because the microphones were switched on - it didn’t make a sound. Chris therefore finished the news and sport, played a jingle (not the personalised one, which was delayed) and went straight into Hey Ya by Outkast. Slightly odd considering that wasn’t the song he promoted into the news, and also odd (*geek alert*) cos it had the pre built Radio 1 jingle on the start of it - which is never played anymore with that track. Being half asleep I didn’t make anything of it, even when the Sugababes came on next - i.e. the 2 tracks played on the emergency tape after Mark and Lard’s final show in April. What I’m trying to say basically is that the team had to get out of the building quick, so Chris stuck on the emergency tape and did a runner. All R1 staff and Billy (the security guy with the afro) were outside on the street - waiting for them. After getting back in the studio before the end of the Sugababes, a collective decision was made by the team not to say anything. So we knew nowt in other words. Hmm, not for long...
*Chris back announces Tedious Link, but the fire alarm starts ringing loudly*
Jules (laughing) - You said there were gonna be plenty of surprises
Dave - Well surprises to us too Jules...(to Chris).. put the echo on a minute
Chris - Ok
Dave (with echo) - Let’s get reaaadddy to evacuaaaaaate!!!!!
Despite initial desk trouble, Chris banged the system into evacuation again, and they all buggered off outside. They arrived back in the studio about 7 or 8 minutes later, just as the Sugababes track was mixing into the RHCP. A breathless Chris apologised, switched the tape off... and explained all.
Chris - Good to hear Outkast and the Sugababes again eh?
Dave - mmm. They’re on high rotation at the moment..
Dom - Every other song
(Dave laughs)
Dean in Bristol texted in to say “Moyles, even when you’re about to burn to death, you’re still cracking funnies”. Chris said yeah - sorry to all his critics for the fact he hadn’t died. He also stressed that fire alarms don’t work wonders for your hangover either - the complete opposite of quiet lickle Jocelyn...
Rach - Oh here she comes...
*door opens*
Joce (shouting) - I can go and get Billy’s megaphone!!
(Rach and Aled laugh)
Chris - No really...
JULES SAYS GOODBYE TO THE CHRIS MOYLES SHOW:>>>
(A teary Jules examines her presents)
All slightly self indulgent but what the hell. After her final sport bulletin, Chris went round the room to gage the mood:
Chris - Dominic let me just come to you, how do you feel right now?
Dom - I feel like I’m losing not only a colleague... but also a sports reader
(Jules, Dave and Rach laugh)
Dave said he felt sick... but that was cos of his hangover. He said Jules will be ace at Five Live, Aled said he loved her loads, Rach sounded devastated she was leaving... and Chris said “and me to”. It seemed the whole of the UK was crying on their way to work too (jesus) as the recorded listener messages and texts were all brown nosing her big time...
Jules - I didn’t realise so many people liked me..
Chris - Yeah, neither did we
There was also a brief 1 minute 30 package of her best bits (cos in truth that’s all there is) - and a polite “have you stopped crying yet?” from Parf Daddy, this as he saw her in the corridor..
Chris - Which his way of saying “thanks for all your hard work, we’re really gonna miss you”..
Dave - Yeah, “Can I have your pass?”
(Chris laughs)
Presents to end with then - and Jules had a special Guess Whooee lined up and ready to go on the phone. After a minute or so she finally clicked that it was Martin Foyle - manager of her beloved Port Vale. He seemed like a top fella, wished her all the best - and said Dean Glover, Andy Porter and Mark Grew all sent their love:
Jules - You’re doing quite well as well!!
Martin - Yeah not bad..
Jules (interrupts) - Well actually, last couple of results not great but..
(all burst out laughing - including Martin)
Jules - What happened with those six goals in those two last league games?
Martin - Well y’know we’ve got young kids haven’t we, but er.. they’re gradually getting better
Jules (interrupting again) - and why did you sell Brooker?
Chris (interrupts) - Yeah alright Jules, stop grilling the poor man!!
Martin had sent down one of his training tops (washed) - framed and signed by all the Vale squad. Jules was delighted and couldn’t thank him enough, examining the shirt for signatures etc..
Jules - ooh Billy Paynter
Chris - Eh?
Jules - Billy Paynter
Chris - What? “Because we want to”... that one
Dave - No that’s Billie Piper
Chris - Oh right ok sorry
(Jules laughs)
Jules said that will look great on her flat wall in Manchester - along with another gift she got today, the only picture ever taken of the full breakfast team. The original team that is. By now Jules was on her fourth box of Kleenex - and she had one more cry during a second play of her Dire Straits tribute song. She also said a few words - stressing that these last ten months are the happiest she’s ever had down in London, she’s made great mates with everyone on the team... and she’s gonna miss them all badly.
(collective “awww”)
Chris - I think I’m gonna be sick..
Jules - I’m an emotional wreck!
Chris - Well no change there then
Jules - I just need a wine now, maybe a vodka..
(all laugh)
Jules - ... preferably stiff
(Chris and Dave collective “wooah!!”)
Chris - I’ll try my best for you love but I can’t promise anything..
(all laugh again)
Chris - .. I meant to try and get the BBC Club open early
Dave - Of course
(Juliette’s big Port Vale present)
JINGLE FOR JULES:>>>
”So Jules is really leaving us, it sadly is no myth,
She’s leaving Chris for Manchester, she’s just like Alan Smith,
So here’s our last goodbye to you, it’s such a lovely touch,
Please remember Juliette, we love you very much,
The Chris Moyles Show, National Radio One”
MY FINAL EVER SHOW MINI ROUND UP:>>>
*With it being her last show an all (did I mention that?), Jules got to pick today’s Buzz Off track from Chris’s 1989 Best Of Compilation CD. She opted for Kylie’s May 89 number one hit “Hand On Your Heart”... and let me tell you, Aled nearly exploded. The over sentimental ass kissing texters voted 90% Buzz On - and predictably the team also let it run through without any buzzes.
*Chris also played the new single by Eminem today called ”Just Lose It”, as well as the brilliant new Zutons record “Don't Ever Think (Too Much)” - a must have for any record collection... unless it’s a sh*t one.
*That awful Spot The Differences feature also made an unwelcome return after half seven, with a pair of Premiership tickets up for grabs for tomorrow afternoons Barclays Premiership match at St Mary’s between Southampton and City. Katie (a recruitment administrator from Southampton) won the tickets - although the game was more like “Spot The Sound Effects” today, what with their being only one commentary clip of Anders Svensson’s goal for the Saints against Blackburn last month.
Chris - It’s going well this morning isn’t it?
(Dom and Dave laugh)
PERSONALISED JINGLE WEEK - DAY 5 (THE BEST ONE):>>> JULIA CARTER
“Julia Carter’s 27, blond hair and 36DD,
She’s gonna tie the not next May - to fiancee Ashlee,
She drives a bright blue Corsa, but she doesn’t like to boast,
She likes to have a drink or 2, and then bump into lamp posts,
The Chris Moyles Show, National Radio One”
NO CARPARK CATCHPHRASE TODAY
Due to Jules leaving... but do not fear car park fans, Roy and Mr Fish will return to your lives 2 weeks on Monday. Not long to wait then.. *cough*.
Daves Tedious Link - Dedicated To Jules
Aerosmith Dude (Looks Like A Lady) - Aerosmiths Steven Tyler has a famous daughter called Liv - Live Forever was a single taken from the classic album Definitely Maybe - “Maybe Baby” was the title of the film based on the Ben Elton novel Inconceivable, but they obviously had to change the name as the Americans wouldn’t have known what “inconceivable” meant - “Meant” rhymes with “Gwent”, which is a county in Wales - Wales is the birthplace of Sian Lloyd - Lloyd George was a famous politician, while the similar sounding Boy George was actually the lead singer of Culture Club - Culture Club scored a 1983 chart topper with Karma Chameleon - A chameleon is one of the few animals that can change it’s colour - Color Me Badd are responsible for the horrendous I Wanna Sex U Up - Up is one of two directional options in the world of elevator travel - Travel is what you’d have to do if you needed to get from London to Manchester - Manchester is where our very own lovely Juliette Ferrington is moving to, as she becomes Five Live’s all star north west football reporter - and if you were travelling from London to Manchester you’d probably want to hear some of your favourite songs to while away the three hour journey - and if you were Juliette Ferrington, one of these favourite musical treats would have to be Livin' On A Prayer by Bon Jovi - Which links us to Bon Jovi and Livin' On A Prayer
FLAW
*Gwent is no longer a county in Wales
MINI MOYLES UPDATE:>>> (thanks for the last time to Sarah Hillary)
- So the team have all gone on holiday for 2 weeks... and Juliette has gone forever!!
- The team will be back on the 18th of October and of course Scott Mills (who else) will be taking care of business at breakfast until then...
- They are contractually obliged to say all next week Scott will be joined by Robbie Williams... but I’m not, so won’t. Oh balls.
- Scott and Chappers will also have the Big Fact Hunt (knowledge is power) every morning - plus a celebrity call at ten past nine.
WEEK HIGHLIGHTS:
SHOW OF THE WEEK: TODAY!! (but I had to say that)
MOMENTS OF THE WEEK: (From Monday) - Chris’s brilliant Dave/Jules announcement, Tim from Accounts goes break dancing, Carpark Catchphrase and Tedious Link, (From Tuesday) - Wes is a chav, Chris and his binoculars, post Daniel Bedingfield link and CPC again, (From Wednesday) - Mathematical Mayhem, Questions For Gwyneth and the half time blag list, (From Thursday) - The legend that is Tony Blackburn, When Dom Met Gwyneth, Jocelyn’s late night antics and a classic CPC, (Plus From Today) - Jules jingles, messages, tribute song and the fire alarm going off on the air... a historical Chris Moyles moment.
*Remember you can hear all of the weeks shows again via Radio 1 ONLINE - just follow the BBC Radio Player links from Chris’s mini site @ http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/chrismoyles. Do note though that Scott Mills’ breakfast covers will replace Chris on Listen Again, starting this Monday.
MILLS IN FOR MOYLES - AND CHAPPERS AND DAVE RETURN!!!
So as I just mentioned, Mills takes over things on breakfast for a fortnight from this forthcoming Monday. Wes then takes his place on Drive for week number one, and Spoony (stupidly) fills Scott’s afternoon slot in week 2. This in turn (you still with me?), means that Spoony’s 7-10am Weekend Breakfast slots become vacant over the weekend of October 9th & 10th. Dave and Chappers therefore make their return to the airwaves (details of their new feature here) - and basically the folks and folkesses on the messageboard would be grateful for a review of these two shows. Unfortunately I’ll be retired and sitting with my feet up smoking my pipe then (or rather be in bed asleep), so if you want to review either of these two shows then just do so in Word or whatever and stick them in an e-mail over to [url=mailto:[email protected]]mailto:[email protected][/url]. Thank you please...
<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=8450">> Friday 1st October 2004 - What Did You Think Of This Show/Review? Tell Us Here! <</A>
THE FINAL BIT
Ok then, just before I finally grab my coat and leave you all in peace - a few brief thank yous to get through. Firstly to Chris Harris, who for some reason has enabled me to post my inane ramblings and sarcastic remarks on this page for near on 13 months now. What the hell he was I do not know. Big thanks must also go to Radio 1 ONLINE (for consistently letting me nick their pictures), Chris and Aled (for mentioning my work far too frequently on the air) - and also to the numerous number of other people who have got in touch and helped with my reviews in some way or other, whether it be with Mini Moyles updates or whatever.
As you can probably tell, an awful lot of time and effort has gone into this page over the last year, and hopefully you’ve enjoyed reading it (although if you didn’t then screw you). I’ll still be hanging around like a bad smell on the boards and the Tedious Links page - as needless to say, I’ll still be as dedicated a listener to the show as ever before. Reason being, it’s the best radio show I’ve ever heard... and safe to say, it’s the best radio show that I will ever hear.
Good luck finally to Juliette over at Five Live, and also to the all new chrismoyles.net reviewing team, who will take up residence on this page from Monday October 18th - ironically the same day there is a new addition to the show team. Dave, Ande, Ste, Tom and Steve will be your new reviewers... so be nice.
New team, new reviewers - classic radio.
