[Chris]

<p>«Deep breath» This is my first review, so please bear with me. Here goes...</p><p>There's no place like home...
... and this studio's no place like home. The team are feeling a little disorientated, despite being back in their usual building. Worse still, they've had to swap studios with JK and Joel.</p><p>« Avril Lavigne - Sk8er Boi · Newsbeat · Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc. · Pharrell Williams - Angel · Franz Ferdinand - Walk Away »</p><p>£150 and a crate of cider
Rachel's so committed to the cause that she stayed in and watched telly instead of going to a friend's 30th birthday party on Friday, which may have been just too much temptation. She did go out on Saturday, though, and took her own tomato juice to a dinner party so she could drink "No-jitos" and "Virgin Marys". Maybe if she had a drink or two the jokes would improve. (It's the way you tell 'em, love.) The breathalyser reading of 0.00 confirmed she'd managed to get through the first half hour of the show without needing a drink, too. Rachel's friends all seem determined to see her fail, and I can't help but think that Chris won't be exactly supportive once he's back on the ale on Friday.</p><p>« Jamelia - Superstar · Newsbeat · One Road Travel featuring Justin Welsh from Queen's Road in Aldershot »</p><p>Foodstuff
"Vegetarian" Dom had a chicken tikka Madras on Friday night. Yesterday, Chris had a gastropub lunch of "classic" chicken Caesar salad (minus the bits he doesn't like) and a pint of tap water. Cue much debate about exactly what constitutes a "classic" chicken Caesar salad, and how bad for you the dressing really is (compared to having a pizza, for instance).</p><p>« Hard-Fi - Cash Machine · Liberty X - Just A Little · Pink - Stupid Girls · Notorious B.I.G. - Nasty Girl · Newsbeat »</p><p>Celebrity Tarzan
Nicola Elliot from Ebbw Vale guessed Patrick Kielty. She didn't win, but she did give Chris an excuse to try out the Welsh that Aled's tried so hard to teach him. Only problem is, she doesn't speak Welsh.</p><p>« Madonna - Music · Meck - Thunder In My Heart Again »</p><p>The Jeremy Paxman of entertainment reporting
It being the final night, the Celebrity Big Brother press conference was busier than usual, and Aled was forced to sit at the front and interview all the housemates. All except Pete, that is, who must have got wind of the grilling that lay ahead and refused to take part. And Aled had worn his Radio 1 "Beat Bullying" top specially. So it was just two generic questions to each of the five housemates, who remained true to character throughout. Traci was diplomatic and uncontroversial, Preston was too cool to say much, Maggot was very talkative and trying to be funny, Chantelle was slightly dippy, and Michael was just, well, weird.</p>

<p>"I was brought up on Spam, and I acquired a taste for olives." - <cite>Michael Barrymore</cite></p>

<p>« Charlotte Church - Call My Name · Newsbeat · One Road Travel »</p><p>Hello Mum and Dad
Actually, I want to say hello to Rachel's Mum and Dad, because Chris wouldn't let her.</p><p>Dave's "Drink When You Want" programme
It's like Paul McKenna's "Eat When You Want" programme, except it involves averaging four pints a day.</p><p>« Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends · Ashlee Simpson - Boyfriend »</p><p>That's My Goal
Dr. Mark's been off the cigarettes for three weeks now, but he's not convinced by recent news reports that people who stop on a whim are more likely to stop forever. Dave only stopped when he really wanted to; Chris doesn't want to, but he wants to want to.</p><p>Rachel, as we've heard, has stayed off the booze, and she's also losing weight and is looking and feeling much better for it.</p>

<p><cite>Chris: </cite>"Rachel's goal is the summer - the World Cup. I think that's a realistic goal."
<cite>Dr. Mark: </cite>"What - she's gonna play?"
<cite>Chris: </cite>"She could be managing!"</p>

<p>Aled has earned his 25m swimming certificate and a 50m badge.</p><p>Dave hasn't started running, but covered himself by cleverly employing the word "possibly" last week. He's sticking to his "S" plan (salad, soup, (s)cereal and now smoothies) and has lost some weight, but Dr. Mark is not impressed with his claim that four pints a day is not binge drinking.</p><p>Chris's goal of walking five miles a week is a mile and a half short, but he reckons that if you count the distance he's covered at the ten pin bowling, at home and at work this week, it will make up the difference.</p><p>Tedious Link
The Farm - All Together Now. Seamless - as long as a road to a farm is a road to nowhere.</p><p>Ramble
Maggot was in the studio, fresh from answering tough "Spam vs. olives" questions on Friday night.</p>

<p><cite>Chris: </cite>"So why did you go in?"
<cite>Maggot: </cite>"I went in to see who else would be in there."</p>

<p>Surely there were easier ways to find that out? Anyway, he won't be changing the name of the band to "Maggot's GLC", but they will soon be appearing in such remote places as Reykjavik, Newport and Wolverhampton.</p><p>« Newsbeat · One Road Travel · Christina Aguilera - Dirrty · Kubb - Grow »</p><p>Beep Beep Busters
Two new contestants today, after Friday's game was abandoned.
On line 1: Joe from Aylesbury, who, after fluffing his intro, just kept shouting: "It's Joe from Aylesbury".
And on line 2: Christina from Eastbourne - who's not Dirrty, not least because she makes a living selling bathroom hygiene products.
Christina won the first round but then, 45 seconds into the Golden Round ("Gold to Gold in 30 seconds"), was faced with the letters DAC:</p>

<p><cite>Chris: </cite>"What DAC are the news and sport double-act from this show?"
<cite>Christina: </cite>"Dominic and Clive."
<cite>Roy: </cite>"Goodbye!"
<cite>Carrie: </cite>"IT'S CARRIE, YOU THICK COW!"</p>

<p>Pips
That means it must be time to finish my first review. Please let me know what you think by [url=mailto:[email protected]]e-mail[/url], PM or in the forum.</p>