chrismoyles.net
- Tue Apr 24, 2001 7:38 pm
#241312
Oi Oiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!
We ok? Ah, yeah I'm ok. As I told you last week I am a working man, oh yes and as a working man I have run into my first awkward customer. Well I was happily walking serving tables when down the stairs came this..... well what can only be described as She-man. Coming down the stairs was this old woman wearing the most expensive suit and well generally looking posh and tarty well she would have been except she had a moustache. Little did she know she had entered Ben territory and I would soon teach this Trout a lesson. She was very old which makes my job a whole lot easier, I just needed to scare her once and maybe, maybe she would have that fatal heart attack. Now it was about this time when I was thinking about going over and kicking her walking stick out her hand for touching my railing when she looked up and shouted at me ''Young man, would you be a lovely and take my handbag.'' Who the hell did she think she was?!?! Do I look like a porter to her or a lovely.....I bloody well think not! To my delight I saw that she had ordered soup for her starter. He He He. Lucky really I have a cold eh? Oh yes!!! I think you know what I did your not stupid I've got a few words for you..... sneezed, I, in and soup. No one calls me lovely and gets away with it!
Yay it's Comedy Dave's birthday!!!!!! But I am back at school so miss the first half hour of the show, so sorry....
I came in on the team talking about how for Dave's birthday they should go to a proper club.
Chris acted out this scene making it sound like a 1970s holiday resort disco with music like ''Come On Eileen'' and ''The Time Warp''. We also found out that Dave used to do mobile disco's for middle aged people and these were some of the songs that he used on a regular basis. Chris didn't seem to know that Dave used to do these and was surprised.... DJ Vitty in Da House...
Next up was the cake that Clare and Jodie sent Dave for his birthday. They had got on the train and come down special for Dave's birthday. They got him a cake with what looked like Dave on the front but could be mistaken for Ben from A1, now I know for a fact that Clare and Jodie like Ben as they showed me a web site they made about him.... did we order the wrong cake for the wrong person?. Dave said to Chris that he thought they didn't accept food from listeners in case they put poison or something init. Chris told him that was true and they'd bin it after the show.... I was quite upset about this as it makes the beautiful card I sent him look like patterned toilet paper.
Next up was Party Games!!!!! Chris asked Dave what game he would like to play and with a stroke of luck he wanted to play Pass The Parcel which was what Lizzie had got ready.
Lizzie had stuck a prize in each layer so everyone's was a Winner.
1st to take off the wrapping was Will, he won a packet of chocolate buttons.
2nd was Dave, he won a key ring that said '' It's hard to look humble when you look this good''.
3rd was Dave, but Lizzie took the present at she wanted it and had bought it for herself.
4th was Dave, who won a book ''50 Devastating put downs''
5th was Dave, who won Silly String.
6th was Chris, who won athletes foot cream.
and the winner was Will who won a skipping rope!
Dave was quite upset that he didn't win and demanded that he should have won it, when Chris asked him if he really wanted a skipping rope Dave said ''No''....are you mad man?!?!?
Next up was another Party Game.
Chris got Dave to stand up and then Chris put ''The Can-Can'' on and Dave had to dance to this. Chris kept on telling him to get his legs higher by playing Lizzie going ''Hiya''. Dave was saying that he couldn't get his legs any higher and that he wanted to stop this, but as Chris told him it's going on for another 4 minutes until the music runs out...
Next up was Chris talking about a magazine that all Radio stations get and the DJs use for ideas because they are all sad and pathetic and have no real idea's of their own, so they all use this magazine. One of the mags suggestions was that to get callers to call in with funny stories about their randy pets.
Up next were Will and Dave trying to win some chocolate buttons by answering a question correct. The question was '' In what film did David (I have no idea how to spell your second name but he's the bloke from The X-Files) play a widow who marries a woman that got sent his dead wife's heart. Dave phoned a friend his friend Joe and they went to a lot of trouble to get him on the phone and Chris kept on having to loop the music so that it wouldn't run out and Dave wouldn't loose on his birthday. The answer Joe gave was ''You Turn to Me''. Dave decided to go with this and it was right!
Apparently Lizzie has a new boy friend called Donnas (or something like that) and Chris was asking when he gets to meet him. Also he was quite upset that Lizzie wouldn't give him a hug and he said that she was in a bad mood in the morning but she said she wasn't and that she wouldn't hug him because he had just been training and he was covered in sweat....your point..
Next up was the return of the Phantom Log Leaver. Chris was talking about this person who ever he or she is again. He said that they had returned and it was like they couldn't hit the toilet when they went for number 1s and when they went for a number 2 it was like they had stored it and then let it out all at once in one explosive shot. Chris was wondering who it is because he thought it was Simon Mayo but now he has left it couldn't be him. So who could it be?
Next up was Chris talking about how he didn't get how people could read on the toilet. He was also talking about how you should never have the free bar snacks has men hardly ever wash their hands after going to the toilet.....now he tells us. Will told Chris a story about one person who works at Radio 1 who wont go to the toilet unless he has a magazine to read in there. Apparently even if he is absolutely bursting he wont go until he finds a magazine that he hasn't read. Also they got a funny e-mail from a listener saying that the his friend does the same but he was once so desperate for something to read in there because he couldn't find anything that he took a vinegar bottle into the toilet to read.... I have been known to read in the toilet but only stuff like Play Boy.
During News Beat there was a funny story about some Scientists travelling to Loch Ness where they were intent on capturing The Loch Ness Monster and The leader of The White Witches had gone up there to cast spells because he didn't want them to find it, which Chris found quite funny. One of the listeners e-mailed in and said that the leader of The White Witches sounded a bit like Neil Morresy and he did.
Next up the team gave Dave his birthday cards that the they had bought him. Also they got a cake for Dave but they weren't aloud to light the candles in doors so they couldn't have it.
Next up were some Radio 1 DJs singing Dave happy birthday. They were Sara Cox, Scott Mills, Nemone and the Dreem Teem. They all wished Dave a Happy birthday and the Dreem Teem added that Dave wouldn't know a gag if it came up and bit him on the ass but in the nicest way possible.
Last was Lizzie's VERY scary singing. She was singing along to Robbie Willaims - Let love be your energy like she always does but she changes the words to let love be your enemy. To be honest her singing sounded like a cat in a liquidiser. Her voice went up and down more than mine does and sounded slightly manish but very entertaining.
Well that was about it if there is anything wrong tell someone that gives a damn but as with last week if you want to send me some porn that would be nice....... oh and whoever sent me that Animal Sex you are a sick sick person!!!! I mean what type of person sends a man Monkey Porn?!?!? Though I must say some of the facial expression the monkey got were very good........ first anticipation, then fear, then pleasure, then pride and oh then disappointment........... And I think you know why, the sticky bun was there but there was no cream in the middle.
Ben
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We ok? Ah, yeah I'm ok. As I told you last week I am a working man, oh yes and as a working man I have run into my first awkward customer. Well I was happily walking serving tables when down the stairs came this..... well what can only be described as She-man. Coming down the stairs was this old woman wearing the most expensive suit and well generally looking posh and tarty well she would have been except she had a moustache. Little did she know she had entered Ben territory and I would soon teach this Trout a lesson. She was very old which makes my job a whole lot easier, I just needed to scare her once and maybe, maybe she would have that fatal heart attack. Now it was about this time when I was thinking about going over and kicking her walking stick out her hand for touching my railing when she looked up and shouted at me ''Young man, would you be a lovely and take my handbag.'' Who the hell did she think she was?!?! Do I look like a porter to her or a lovely.....I bloody well think not! To my delight I saw that she had ordered soup for her starter. He He He. Lucky really I have a cold eh? Oh yes!!! I think you know what I did your not stupid I've got a few words for you..... sneezed, I, in and soup. No one calls me lovely and gets away with it!
Yay it's Comedy Dave's birthday!!!!!! But I am back at school so miss the first half hour of the show, so sorry....
I came in on the team talking about how for Dave's birthday they should go to a proper club.
Chris acted out this scene making it sound like a 1970s holiday resort disco with music like ''Come On Eileen'' and ''The Time Warp''. We also found out that Dave used to do mobile disco's for middle aged people and these were some of the songs that he used on a regular basis. Chris didn't seem to know that Dave used to do these and was surprised.... DJ Vitty in Da House...
Next up was the cake that Clare and Jodie sent Dave for his birthday. They had got on the train and come down special for Dave's birthday. They got him a cake with what looked like Dave on the front but could be mistaken for Ben from A1, now I know for a fact that Clare and Jodie like Ben as they showed me a web site they made about him.... did we order the wrong cake for the wrong person?. Dave said to Chris that he thought they didn't accept food from listeners in case they put poison or something init. Chris told him that was true and they'd bin it after the show.... I was quite upset about this as it makes the beautiful card I sent him look like patterned toilet paper.
Next up was Party Games!!!!! Chris asked Dave what game he would like to play and with a stroke of luck he wanted to play Pass The Parcel which was what Lizzie had got ready.
Lizzie had stuck a prize in each layer so everyone's was a Winner.
1st to take off the wrapping was Will, he won a packet of chocolate buttons.
2nd was Dave, he won a key ring that said '' It's hard to look humble when you look this good''.
3rd was Dave, but Lizzie took the present at she wanted it and had bought it for herself.
4th was Dave, who won a book ''50 Devastating put downs''
5th was Dave, who won Silly String.
6th was Chris, who won athletes foot cream.
and the winner was Will who won a skipping rope!
Dave was quite upset that he didn't win and demanded that he should have won it, when Chris asked him if he really wanted a skipping rope Dave said ''No''....are you mad man?!?!?
Next up was another Party Game.
Chris got Dave to stand up and then Chris put ''The Can-Can'' on and Dave had to dance to this. Chris kept on telling him to get his legs higher by playing Lizzie going ''Hiya''. Dave was saying that he couldn't get his legs any higher and that he wanted to stop this, but as Chris told him it's going on for another 4 minutes until the music runs out...
Next up was Chris talking about a magazine that all Radio stations get and the DJs use for ideas because they are all sad and pathetic and have no real idea's of their own, so they all use this magazine. One of the mags suggestions was that to get callers to call in with funny stories about their randy pets.
Up next were Will and Dave trying to win some chocolate buttons by answering a question correct. The question was '' In what film did David (I have no idea how to spell your second name but he's the bloke from The X-Files) play a widow who marries a woman that got sent his dead wife's heart. Dave phoned a friend his friend Joe and they went to a lot of trouble to get him on the phone and Chris kept on having to loop the music so that it wouldn't run out and Dave wouldn't loose on his birthday. The answer Joe gave was ''You Turn to Me''. Dave decided to go with this and it was right!
Apparently Lizzie has a new boy friend called Donnas (or something like that) and Chris was asking when he gets to meet him. Also he was quite upset that Lizzie wouldn't give him a hug and he said that she was in a bad mood in the morning but she said she wasn't and that she wouldn't hug him because he had just been training and he was covered in sweat....your point..
Next up was the return of the Phantom Log Leaver. Chris was talking about this person who ever he or she is again. He said that they had returned and it was like they couldn't hit the toilet when they went for number 1s and when they went for a number 2 it was like they had stored it and then let it out all at once in one explosive shot. Chris was wondering who it is because he thought it was Simon Mayo but now he has left it couldn't be him. So who could it be?
Next up was Chris talking about how he didn't get how people could read on the toilet. He was also talking about how you should never have the free bar snacks has men hardly ever wash their hands after going to the toilet.....now he tells us. Will told Chris a story about one person who works at Radio 1 who wont go to the toilet unless he has a magazine to read in there. Apparently even if he is absolutely bursting he wont go until he finds a magazine that he hasn't read. Also they got a funny e-mail from a listener saying that the his friend does the same but he was once so desperate for something to read in there because he couldn't find anything that he took a vinegar bottle into the toilet to read.... I have been known to read in the toilet but only stuff like Play Boy.
During News Beat there was a funny story about some Scientists travelling to Loch Ness where they were intent on capturing The Loch Ness Monster and The leader of The White Witches had gone up there to cast spells because he didn't want them to find it, which Chris found quite funny. One of the listeners e-mailed in and said that the leader of The White Witches sounded a bit like Neil Morresy and he did.
Next up the team gave Dave his birthday cards that the they had bought him. Also they got a cake for Dave but they weren't aloud to light the candles in doors so they couldn't have it.
Next up were some Radio 1 DJs singing Dave happy birthday. They were Sara Cox, Scott Mills, Nemone and the Dreem Teem. They all wished Dave a Happy birthday and the Dreem Teem added that Dave wouldn't know a gag if it came up and bit him on the ass but in the nicest way possible.
Last was Lizzie's VERY scary singing. She was singing along to Robbie Willaims - Let love be your energy like she always does but she changes the words to let love be your enemy. To be honest her singing sounded like a cat in a liquidiser. Her voice went up and down more than mine does and sounded slightly manish but very entertaining.
Well that was about it if there is anything wrong tell someone that gives a damn but as with last week if you want to send me some porn that would be nice....... oh and whoever sent me that Animal Sex you are a sick sick person!!!! I mean what type of person sends a man Monkey Porn?!?!? Though I must say some of the facial expression the monkey got were very good........ first anticipation, then fear, then pleasure, then pride and oh then disappointment........... And I think you know why, the sticky bun was there but there was no cream in the middle.
Ben
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