chrismoyles.net
- Thu Jun 17, 2004 1:55 pm
#241947
1. Black Legend - You See The Trouble With Me 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Jet - Are You Gonna Be My Girl, 3. Mario Winans feat Enya & P. Diddy - I Don't Wanna Know, 4. The Farm - Altogether Now (Euro 2004 Mix), 5. BUZZ OFF - Holly Johnson - Americanos, 6. Justin Timberlake - Rock Your Body 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Faithless - Mass Destruction, 8. Christina Aguilera feat Lil' Kim - Can't Hold Us Down, 9. McFly - Obviously, 10. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under The Bridge 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out, 12. Kelis - Trick Me, 13. Baddiel & Skinner and The Lightning Seeds - 3 Lions, 14. N*E*R*D - Maybe 8:30 NEWSBEAT 15. Elvis Vs JXL - A Little Less Conversation, 16. Scissor Sisters - Laura, 17. Eminem - Lose Yourself, 18. Robbie Williams - Strong (Tedious Link), 19. Christina Milian - Dip It Low, 20. Damien Rice - Cannonball, 21. 4-4-2 - Come On England 9:30 NEWSBEAT 22. The Black Eyed Peas - Let's Get It Started, 23. Stereophonics - Maybe Tomorrow, 24. The 411 feat Ghostface Killah - On My Knees, 25. Basement Jaxx feat Lisa Kekaula - Good Luck
Today is the big day then. It’s England v Switzerland at 5 o’clock this evening in Coimbra and hopefully it’ll be three points in the bag to get us off and running at Euro 2004. I honestly couldn’t think of a better way to start the show than with the awesome You See The Trouble With Me by Black Legend, which (you’ll never believe this) is actually 4 years old this month. Chris said he felt like a bag of crap this morning, Dave was tired too, Aled looked rubbish, Jocelyn had drank her body weight in Baileys last night, and as for Rachel...well she was as radiant as ever (of course). Chris said he’d help Dave push her in the pool later, which she wasn’t too pleased about. Chris said she was in a grump again today, but she claimed it was just because she’s the only one who ever cleans up and stacks the villa dishwasher.
Chris - That’s cos you’re a woman, it’s your job!!!
Jules - Oh shut up
Rachel - Thank you Juliette
Chris (sounding shocked) - What are you telling me to shut up for?
Jules - Because you were being sexist
Chris - I’m not being sexist
Dave (laughing) - We’re being realists
(Dom laughs)
Rachel said that from now on she’s going on strike from washing and cleaning up then...mmm yeah right. Sticking with the theme of complaints (no don’t worry Ofcom aren’t involved), Chappers was moaning again about Dave’s snoring this morning. Dave said he thinks it’s got better since he’s been out there in Portugal. Dom had a special technique that he suggested Dave used to reduce his snoring levels - get a tennis ball, place it on his back and then wrap it securely in place by using a pair of tights or something. Dom said theoretically this should stop him snoring as it turns him onto his side at all times. Chappers said that this didn’t particularly matter though - cos Dave snores in whatever position he’s lying. Buzz Off today was a bit of a strange choice by Chris to say the least - Americanos by Holly Johnson, number 4 back in April 1989. Chris said he picked it especially for Dave, but Vitty didn’t think it had aged well and buzzed it off after 1 minute 49. Rachel had done so earlier on just 35 seconds, and then was a right pain in the arse as she went out of control and repeatedly tried to buzz the song off for Aled. He finally crumbled under her bullying tactics after 2 mins 25, and 68% of all texters buzzed it off too. Following Buzz Off, Aled played a quick (and successful) round of Dave’s Introductory Service with songs from 1989, and then set off on a mildly dangerous, top secret mission with security bear Paul (I’ll have loads more on this later). In the meantime Moyles went off on his regular tour of the bedrooms upstairs on the radio mic, or to be more precise his regular tour of Dave and Chappers' bedroom. He lay in Dave’s bed as he said he wanted to feel close and warm to him, which Dave was understandably worried by. Chris said one side of the bed stunk of BO and the other side of perfume. I’ll leave you to ponder that one folks.
Chris - Dave, have you been suffering from a cold?
Dave - No
Chris - Well there’s loads of tissues on the floor down by this side of the bed
Chris said he had also noticed Dave's sheets were crusty and had a strange pattern on them (and good morning kids). Other discoveries were 18 bottles of Lynx, copies of OK and Hello magazine, and a big pile of mucky jazz mags in Dave’s sock draw (for comic effect obviously). Chris also ran through Dave’s CD stack on the windowsill - Supergrass, Groove Armada, Feeder and surprisingly Gloria Gaynor, Liza Minnelli and Dave Pearce’s Dance Anthems. Again these weren’t really there, it was just for comic effect...I mean no one would even dream of buying that last one for gods sake.
ALED AT THE SWITZERLAND TEAM HOTEL:
Yep Producer Rachel takes the credit for this genius idea - sending Aled off to cause havoc outside the Switzerland players team hotel. When Aled arrived he said security was tight, but somehow he’d managed to sneak his way in and right up to the bottom floor windows underneath all the big suites upstairs (suites as in rooms you understand, not toffos or chewits). That was the good news, the bad news was that he’d forgotten to take any noise making equipment with him from the villa kitchen. Therefore, he only had his own voice as a piece of noise making equipment, although if you remember the Pot Noodle fiasco on afternoons last year then you’ll know that that’s fairly deadly too. The plan was for Aled to chant and make as much noise as he could until he got arrested. Technically this was yet another illegal act - breaking and entering (some sort of privacy issue) but Chris and Dave didn’t really care and had plans in case Aled was caught anyway.
Chris - If anyone finds you and Paul Aled, just say that you’re Pete and Geoff from Virgin Radio
(Aled and Dave laugh)
Dave - Actually if you get busted Aled, just say that you’ve got diplomatic immunity
(Chris laughs)
Chris asked people to text in chants for Aled to shout out at the Swiss players in the hotel. The best suggestion was linked to a news story today, which said that if the Swiss beat England tonight, each player will be presented with the traditional gift that accompanies any great sporting achievement in their country - a cow (as in the animal you understand). Cowabunga. The task was therefore set - to the tune of "you’re not singing any more", Aled had to shout out “You’re not getting, you’re not getting, you’re not getting any cows, you’re not getting any cows!!”. He did this, made a woo sound, shouted England and then ran off to hide behind a bush. One security guard nearby just laughed at him. The next chant set also had an offer of 100 euros behind it from Chris, it was to spell out “England” in a cheerleader stylee, made a load of noise, shout “the Swiss smell of cheese” and then run off. Unbelievably Aled accepted and completed the challenge, which again was hilarious. Chris said there’s nothing like a bit of mild racism first thing in the morning...
Dave - Borderline xenophobia
Unfortunately for Aled, the next security guard that saw him did come up to ask what he was doing, but Jones said he took pity on him as soon as he found out he was Welsh and then just let him go.
STUBBSY AND LAWRO:
Yep - them two blokes off Football Focus were live in the villa this morning. Ray has now been on the show quite a few times, but Lawro was making just his second appearance, his first was on Comic Relief Day last year. He wasn’t best pleased with his 6:30 alarm call this morning.
Chris - So you two are out here working for the BBC and watching loads of football. What a great gig, how did you manage to pull something like that off?
(Dave laughs)
Grumpy Lawro had started with the insults early, referring to himself and Stubbsy as legends - and Chris as a nobody. Moyles said he knew Mark was just jealous of his good looks and great physique. Lawro said more like his Atkins diet, which prompted a chorus of “ooohs” from around the villa. Chris fought back, calling Mark an ex Chuckle Brother lookalike (poor) and David Dickinson...cos he’s caught the sun you see. Cheap as chips. Lawro wasn’t saving the (admittedly light hearted) insults just for Chris...
Lawro - Dave, did you hear about the Everton player of the year do?
Dave - *sighs* Come on then..
Lawro - It’s a rollover!!
(Chris, Dave and Ray laugh)
Dave wanted to know what Mr Coca Cola League Championship Moyles was laughing at. That soon shut him up. Lawro is doing the TV commentary for the BBC at Euro 2004 so has been to virtually a game a day since the tournament started. He was at the Portugal game last night, although he couldn’t remember who they were playing. He blamed his one day off the booze (they were playing Russia). Tonight he’s in Leiria doing the live commentary on the France v Croatia match, but said he will sit down to watch the England - Switzerland game in the stadium compound beforehand (it’s white shirts again for England tonight, I repeat white shirts). Lawro said that England should win easily today as he saw Switzerland’s first match with Croatia and said it was the best advert for cricket he’d ever seen. He also added that France and England are the two best teams he’s seen in the competition so far, and thinks despite their defeat the other night, there is no reason to believe that England can’t still go on and win the tournament. Ray agreed with Mark’s verdict and said that he’d be watching tonight’s game from the International Broadcast Centre in Lisbon, where he is based for all of the beeb’s highlights shows. Chris’s “researchers” had got him details via the web of Lawro’s glittering playing honours, featuring numerous European Cups, League titles, League Cups and FA Cups etc.
Chris - It’s just so impressive
Dave - A glittering career
Chris - Yeah
Lawro - and I’m here
Chris - and he’s here live
Dave - I know yeah, stick this on your CV
(Lawro and Dave laugh)
MARK AND RAY - FOOTBALL CHAT:>>>>
Ray asked Chris and Dave what they made of Henrik Larsson’s diving header for (the mighty) Sweden against Bulgaria the other night. Chris said unfortunately they didn’t actually see the match in question as they were too busy playing lilo wars in the pool...
(Lawro and Ray laugh)
Ray - How does that work?
Chris - Well one gets on one end and another on the other end and you just race towards each other and have to pull, erm...let me phrase this right. You have to...
Dave (interrupts) - pull the other one off so to speak
Chris - Basically yeah
(Ray and Lawro laugh)
Chris - It’s a great game, Aled plays it
Lawro - Often
Chappers joined the team after 9 to talk football, and had some official championship stats supplied by BenQ. Ray said Ben must work hard on his own (ber dum cha) and Lawro asked if the English equivalent of BenQ was B & Q. Chappers and Stubbsy discussed how teams are seperated if they're left on the same number of points at the end of a group stage. The list went on forever and included goal difference, goals scored, the result against the team in question, the qualifying co efficient, FIFA fair play rankings, penalty shoot outs and drawing lots. Chris said that if they were still level by this point then they could decide who goes through by either a round of lilo wars or a “best chant” competition. Ray said if that was the case then “You’re not getting any cows!!” would definitely take England through. Chappers fired a few simple Euro 2004 questions at Chris, who took great pride (for instance) in correctly answering that Portugal were the hosts of Euro 2004.
Chappers - Well done. It’s like being sat opposite John Motson
Lawro - No I can assure you it’s not
(everyone laughs)
Chris talked about the time he met Motty at the Great North Run two years ago. Lawro told him not to slag the Mots off as he got him, Ray and Ray’s son a helicopter from the finishing line this year. Chris called Lawrenson a crazy grey haired man and asked him what time Bargain Hunt was on today (that annoys him badly btw). If you’ve checked out today’s playlist you’ll notice roughly five football related records in there. One of these football tunes is the cover of Come On Eileen by 4-4-2, called Come On England (y’see what they’ve done there). This is the record that Chris and Dave were asked to get involved in a few months back, and listening to it now they were glad that they didn’t. Chris called it mess, Dave called it muck and Moyles also added that all their credibility would have vanished immediately if they’d sung on that rubbish.
Chris - You know that we’re recognised as the coolest DJ’s on the planet Dave
Dave - We’d be seen as small time clowns if we’d got involved in that
Chris - Yep, I mean we are cool. If you look up cool in the dictionary these days there’s me and you there (Lawro laughs off mic)
Chris - Anyway coming up next we’ll play Busted
(9:30 news stab)
As I mentioned earlier, Lawro was doing the commentary on the Portugal - Russia match last night, which the Portuguese won 2-0. Chris had the local radio commentary of the first goal and played it out this morning. You’ll probably know that continental commentators tend to get a bit excited in such circumstances, and this guy’s scream of “Goaaaalllll!!!!” lasted for 14 seconds (measured with the pips underneath). As we know from his old Let’s Get Ready To Ramble precursor, Dave is no slack when it comes to holding a note for quite a long time. Chris challenged him to scream “Goaaaalllll!!!!” at the point in the commentary where the Portuguese fella does, and see how long he could last for (with added reverb). It was a stunning performance by Mr McVitty, who scored a sensational 28 seconds (double what the Portuguese fella did). Lawro and Ray were mightily impressed, Mark even thought Dave had got stuck up there at one point.
COMEDY DAVE’S EASY PORTUGUESEY DAY 5 - PLUS ALED RETURNS:>>>>
The fact Lawro and Stubbsy were on made no difference to Dave, who still had important phrases to teach us in Easy Portuguesey. All today’s were related to visiting restaurants. Dave taught us “excuse me waiter”, “one draught beer please”, “good evening/good afternoon” and “I’m here on business”. Plus especially for Lawro, Dave had the Portuguese translation of “I’d like the wine list please”.
Lawro - No I just say “Crystal” and it comes
Dave - Crystal, is also the local beer here as well as being champagne. Did you know that?
Lawro - I do now (Chris laughs)
Dave - 1 euro 96 for six in our local supermarket, tremendous value I’m sure you’ll agree...
Chris - Yeah, alright (Stubbsy and Lawro laugh)
(pause)
Chris (talking to Lawro) - What’s the Portuguese for Crystal eh? Do you know what I mean? The Puff Daddy of football over there
(Stubbsy and Dave laugh)
Chris - The Puff Daddy of BBC Sport
Lawro - Never leave your roots mate
Chris - Eh? You need yours doing!!!
(Lawro, Dave and Ray laugh as Chris plays 411 & Ghostface Killah)
Aled arrived back to rapturous applause for his efforts at the Swiss hotel, which will hopefully go some way to affecting tonight’s result in England’s favour.
**Lawro - Did you get the Swiss team?
Aled - Sorry?
Lawro - Did you get the Swiss team?
Aled - In what way?
Lawro - What do you mean, “in what way”?
(everyone laughs)
Dave - Not their numbers!!! (Chris laughs)**
**Ray - Aled, are they playing the diamond or the sapphire formation tonight? Did you find that out?
Aled (hesitant) - I asked and they said sapphire
(everyone laughs)
Lawro - He's for real isn’t he? I didn’t think he was**
- Aled embarrassed himself further with his lack of football knowledge. At one point he claimed a team had 13 players and then at another he claimed that they each had “2 reserves”. It took Lawro a while to fully grasp the fact that Aled was being deadly serious, but he eventually realised that he was. Lawro said he was off to Leiria for the France match tonight but will be back in Lisbon for Football Focus this Saturday. Stubbsy said Chris and Dave were more than welcome to come on the show. As a pair I think they might have done, but Dave can’t cos of his show with Chappers and therefore it’s unlikely that Chris will either.
NO CARPARK CATCHPHRASE TODAY
Carpark Catchphrase was cancelled this morning as Aled’s ventures meant it was the only time the team could do Easy Portuguesey (i.e after 9:30), plus of course Ray Stubbs and Mark Lawrenson were still their special guests. Do not fear though Carpark fans - Roy Walker and Mr Fish will be back on tomorrow morning.
Daves Tedious Link
Groove Armada At The River - The word “armada” is synonymous with the Spanish, who are also famous for making omelettes - Omelettes are what we all had for lunch yesterday, which were really nice - The word “nice” shares exactly the same word construction as Nice, which is a city in France - France narrowly beat England on Sunday which means three points are required tonight against the Swiss - The Swiss are skilled in the art of making watches - Watches are worn by referees - The word “referee” rhymes with Geoffrey, who was a character in Rainbow - Rainbows are created by the refraction of light within water particles - Water particles are the main components of clouds - Clouds are less common in Portugal than they are in say somewhere like Manchester - Manchester was the birthplace of our guest on Monday, who was Mr Noel Gallagher - and when Noel Gallagher has a cup of tea, he likes to have two teabags in it rather than just one, because he likes his tea to be strong - Which links us predictably to Robbie Williams and Strong (Chris said Noel would no doubt be delighted that Dave linked from him to Robbie)
<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=7988">> Moyles Live In Portugal - Thurs June 15th Show & Show Review - HAVE YOUR SAY!! <</A>
Today is the big day then. It’s England v Switzerland at 5 o’clock this evening in Coimbra and hopefully it’ll be three points in the bag to get us off and running at Euro 2004. I honestly couldn’t think of a better way to start the show than with the awesome You See The Trouble With Me by Black Legend, which (you’ll never believe this) is actually 4 years old this month. Chris said he felt like a bag of crap this morning, Dave was tired too, Aled looked rubbish, Jocelyn had drank her body weight in Baileys last night, and as for Rachel...well she was as radiant as ever (of course). Chris said he’d help Dave push her in the pool later, which she wasn’t too pleased about. Chris said she was in a grump again today, but she claimed it was just because she’s the only one who ever cleans up and stacks the villa dishwasher.
Chris - That’s cos you’re a woman, it’s your job!!!
Jules - Oh shut up
Rachel - Thank you Juliette
Chris (sounding shocked) - What are you telling me to shut up for?
Jules - Because you were being sexist
Chris - I’m not being sexist
Dave (laughing) - We’re being realists
(Dom laughs)
Rachel said that from now on she’s going on strike from washing and cleaning up then...mmm yeah right. Sticking with the theme of complaints (no don’t worry Ofcom aren’t involved), Chappers was moaning again about Dave’s snoring this morning. Dave said he thinks it’s got better since he’s been out there in Portugal. Dom had a special technique that he suggested Dave used to reduce his snoring levels - get a tennis ball, place it on his back and then wrap it securely in place by using a pair of tights or something. Dom said theoretically this should stop him snoring as it turns him onto his side at all times. Chappers said that this didn’t particularly matter though - cos Dave snores in whatever position he’s lying. Buzz Off today was a bit of a strange choice by Chris to say the least - Americanos by Holly Johnson, number 4 back in April 1989. Chris said he picked it especially for Dave, but Vitty didn’t think it had aged well and buzzed it off after 1 minute 49. Rachel had done so earlier on just 35 seconds, and then was a right pain in the arse as she went out of control and repeatedly tried to buzz the song off for Aled. He finally crumbled under her bullying tactics after 2 mins 25, and 68% of all texters buzzed it off too. Following Buzz Off, Aled played a quick (and successful) round of Dave’s Introductory Service with songs from 1989, and then set off on a mildly dangerous, top secret mission with security bear Paul (I’ll have loads more on this later). In the meantime Moyles went off on his regular tour of the bedrooms upstairs on the radio mic, or to be more precise his regular tour of Dave and Chappers' bedroom. He lay in Dave’s bed as he said he wanted to feel close and warm to him, which Dave was understandably worried by. Chris said one side of the bed stunk of BO and the other side of perfume. I’ll leave you to ponder that one folks.
Chris - Dave, have you been suffering from a cold?
Dave - No
Chris - Well there’s loads of tissues on the floor down by this side of the bed
Chris said he had also noticed Dave's sheets were crusty and had a strange pattern on them (and good morning kids). Other discoveries were 18 bottles of Lynx, copies of OK and Hello magazine, and a big pile of mucky jazz mags in Dave’s sock draw (for comic effect obviously). Chris also ran through Dave’s CD stack on the windowsill - Supergrass, Groove Armada, Feeder and surprisingly Gloria Gaynor, Liza Minnelli and Dave Pearce’s Dance Anthems. Again these weren’t really there, it was just for comic effect...I mean no one would even dream of buying that last one for gods sake.
ALED AT THE SWITZERLAND TEAM HOTEL:
Yep Producer Rachel takes the credit for this genius idea - sending Aled off to cause havoc outside the Switzerland players team hotel. When Aled arrived he said security was tight, but somehow he’d managed to sneak his way in and right up to the bottom floor windows underneath all the big suites upstairs (suites as in rooms you understand, not toffos or chewits). That was the good news, the bad news was that he’d forgotten to take any noise making equipment with him from the villa kitchen. Therefore, he only had his own voice as a piece of noise making equipment, although if you remember the Pot Noodle fiasco on afternoons last year then you’ll know that that’s fairly deadly too. The plan was for Aled to chant and make as much noise as he could until he got arrested. Technically this was yet another illegal act - breaking and entering (some sort of privacy issue) but Chris and Dave didn’t really care and had plans in case Aled was caught anyway.
Chris - If anyone finds you and Paul Aled, just say that you’re Pete and Geoff from Virgin Radio
(Aled and Dave laugh)
Dave - Actually if you get busted Aled, just say that you’ve got diplomatic immunity
(Chris laughs)
Chris asked people to text in chants for Aled to shout out at the Swiss players in the hotel. The best suggestion was linked to a news story today, which said that if the Swiss beat England tonight, each player will be presented with the traditional gift that accompanies any great sporting achievement in their country - a cow (as in the animal you understand). Cowabunga. The task was therefore set - to the tune of "you’re not singing any more", Aled had to shout out “You’re not getting, you’re not getting, you’re not getting any cows, you’re not getting any cows!!”. He did this, made a woo sound, shouted England and then ran off to hide behind a bush. One security guard nearby just laughed at him. The next chant set also had an offer of 100 euros behind it from Chris, it was to spell out “England” in a cheerleader stylee, made a load of noise, shout “the Swiss smell of cheese” and then run off. Unbelievably Aled accepted and completed the challenge, which again was hilarious. Chris said there’s nothing like a bit of mild racism first thing in the morning...
Dave - Borderline xenophobia
Unfortunately for Aled, the next security guard that saw him did come up to ask what he was doing, but Jones said he took pity on him as soon as he found out he was Welsh and then just let him go.
STUBBSY AND LAWRO:
Yep - them two blokes off Football Focus were live in the villa this morning. Ray has now been on the show quite a few times, but Lawro was making just his second appearance, his first was on Comic Relief Day last year. He wasn’t best pleased with his 6:30 alarm call this morning.
Chris - So you two are out here working for the BBC and watching loads of football. What a great gig, how did you manage to pull something like that off?
(Dave laughs)
Grumpy Lawro had started with the insults early, referring to himself and Stubbsy as legends - and Chris as a nobody. Moyles said he knew Mark was just jealous of his good looks and great physique. Lawro said more like his Atkins diet, which prompted a chorus of “ooohs” from around the villa. Chris fought back, calling Mark an ex Chuckle Brother lookalike (poor) and David Dickinson...cos he’s caught the sun you see. Cheap as chips. Lawro wasn’t saving the (admittedly light hearted) insults just for Chris...
Lawro - Dave, did you hear about the Everton player of the year do?
Dave - *sighs* Come on then..
Lawro - It’s a rollover!!
(Chris, Dave and Ray laugh)
Dave wanted to know what Mr Coca Cola League Championship Moyles was laughing at. That soon shut him up. Lawro is doing the TV commentary for the BBC at Euro 2004 so has been to virtually a game a day since the tournament started. He was at the Portugal game last night, although he couldn’t remember who they were playing. He blamed his one day off the booze (they were playing Russia). Tonight he’s in Leiria doing the live commentary on the France v Croatia match, but said he will sit down to watch the England - Switzerland game in the stadium compound beforehand (it’s white shirts again for England tonight, I repeat white shirts). Lawro said that England should win easily today as he saw Switzerland’s first match with Croatia and said it was the best advert for cricket he’d ever seen. He also added that France and England are the two best teams he’s seen in the competition so far, and thinks despite their defeat the other night, there is no reason to believe that England can’t still go on and win the tournament. Ray agreed with Mark’s verdict and said that he’d be watching tonight’s game from the International Broadcast Centre in Lisbon, where he is based for all of the beeb’s highlights shows. Chris’s “researchers” had got him details via the web of Lawro’s glittering playing honours, featuring numerous European Cups, League titles, League Cups and FA Cups etc.
Chris - It’s just so impressive
Dave - A glittering career
Chris - Yeah
Lawro - and I’m here
Chris - and he’s here live
Dave - I know yeah, stick this on your CV
(Lawro and Dave laugh)
MARK AND RAY - FOOTBALL CHAT:>>>>
Ray asked Chris and Dave what they made of Henrik Larsson’s diving header for (the mighty) Sweden against Bulgaria the other night. Chris said unfortunately they didn’t actually see the match in question as they were too busy playing lilo wars in the pool...
(Lawro and Ray laugh)
Ray - How does that work?
Chris - Well one gets on one end and another on the other end and you just race towards each other and have to pull, erm...let me phrase this right. You have to...
Dave (interrupts) - pull the other one off so to speak
Chris - Basically yeah
(Ray and Lawro laugh)
Chris - It’s a great game, Aled plays it
Lawro - Often
Chappers joined the team after 9 to talk football, and had some official championship stats supplied by BenQ. Ray said Ben must work hard on his own (ber dum cha) and Lawro asked if the English equivalent of BenQ was B & Q. Chappers and Stubbsy discussed how teams are seperated if they're left on the same number of points at the end of a group stage. The list went on forever and included goal difference, goals scored, the result against the team in question, the qualifying co efficient, FIFA fair play rankings, penalty shoot outs and drawing lots. Chris said that if they were still level by this point then they could decide who goes through by either a round of lilo wars or a “best chant” competition. Ray said if that was the case then “You’re not getting any cows!!” would definitely take England through. Chappers fired a few simple Euro 2004 questions at Chris, who took great pride (for instance) in correctly answering that Portugal were the hosts of Euro 2004.
Chappers - Well done. It’s like being sat opposite John Motson
Lawro - No I can assure you it’s not
(everyone laughs)
Chris talked about the time he met Motty at the Great North Run two years ago. Lawro told him not to slag the Mots off as he got him, Ray and Ray’s son a helicopter from the finishing line this year. Chris called Lawrenson a crazy grey haired man and asked him what time Bargain Hunt was on today (that annoys him badly btw). If you’ve checked out today’s playlist you’ll notice roughly five football related records in there. One of these football tunes is the cover of Come On Eileen by 4-4-2, called Come On England (y’see what they’ve done there). This is the record that Chris and Dave were asked to get involved in a few months back, and listening to it now they were glad that they didn’t. Chris called it mess, Dave called it muck and Moyles also added that all their credibility would have vanished immediately if they’d sung on that rubbish.
Chris - You know that we’re recognised as the coolest DJ’s on the planet Dave
Dave - We’d be seen as small time clowns if we’d got involved in that
Chris - Yep, I mean we are cool. If you look up cool in the dictionary these days there’s me and you there (Lawro laughs off mic)
Chris - Anyway coming up next we’ll play Busted
(9:30 news stab)
As I mentioned earlier, Lawro was doing the commentary on the Portugal - Russia match last night, which the Portuguese won 2-0. Chris had the local radio commentary of the first goal and played it out this morning. You’ll probably know that continental commentators tend to get a bit excited in such circumstances, and this guy’s scream of “Goaaaalllll!!!!” lasted for 14 seconds (measured with the pips underneath). As we know from his old Let’s Get Ready To Ramble precursor, Dave is no slack when it comes to holding a note for quite a long time. Chris challenged him to scream “Goaaaalllll!!!!” at the point in the commentary where the Portuguese fella does, and see how long he could last for (with added reverb). It was a stunning performance by Mr McVitty, who scored a sensational 28 seconds (double what the Portuguese fella did). Lawro and Ray were mightily impressed, Mark even thought Dave had got stuck up there at one point.
COMEDY DAVE’S EASY PORTUGUESEY DAY 5 - PLUS ALED RETURNS:>>>>
The fact Lawro and Stubbsy were on made no difference to Dave, who still had important phrases to teach us in Easy Portuguesey. All today’s were related to visiting restaurants. Dave taught us “excuse me waiter”, “one draught beer please”, “good evening/good afternoon” and “I’m here on business”. Plus especially for Lawro, Dave had the Portuguese translation of “I’d like the wine list please”.
Lawro - No I just say “Crystal” and it comes
Dave - Crystal, is also the local beer here as well as being champagne. Did you know that?
Lawro - I do now (Chris laughs)
Dave - 1 euro 96 for six in our local supermarket, tremendous value I’m sure you’ll agree...
Chris - Yeah, alright (Stubbsy and Lawro laugh)
(pause)
Chris (talking to Lawro) - What’s the Portuguese for Crystal eh? Do you know what I mean? The Puff Daddy of football over there
(Stubbsy and Dave laugh)
Chris - The Puff Daddy of BBC Sport
Lawro - Never leave your roots mate
Chris - Eh? You need yours doing!!!
(Lawro, Dave and Ray laugh as Chris plays 411 & Ghostface Killah)
Aled arrived back to rapturous applause for his efforts at the Swiss hotel, which will hopefully go some way to affecting tonight’s result in England’s favour.
**Lawro - Did you get the Swiss team?
Aled - Sorry?
Lawro - Did you get the Swiss team?
Aled - In what way?
Lawro - What do you mean, “in what way”?
(everyone laughs)
Dave - Not their numbers!!! (Chris laughs)**
**Ray - Aled, are they playing the diamond or the sapphire formation tonight? Did you find that out?
Aled (hesitant) - I asked and they said sapphire
(everyone laughs)
Lawro - He's for real isn’t he? I didn’t think he was**
- Aled embarrassed himself further with his lack of football knowledge. At one point he claimed a team had 13 players and then at another he claimed that they each had “2 reserves”. It took Lawro a while to fully grasp the fact that Aled was being deadly serious, but he eventually realised that he was. Lawro said he was off to Leiria for the France match tonight but will be back in Lisbon for Football Focus this Saturday. Stubbsy said Chris and Dave were more than welcome to come on the show. As a pair I think they might have done, but Dave can’t cos of his show with Chappers and therefore it’s unlikely that Chris will either.
NO CARPARK CATCHPHRASE TODAY
Carpark Catchphrase was cancelled this morning as Aled’s ventures meant it was the only time the team could do Easy Portuguesey (i.e after 9:30), plus of course Ray Stubbs and Mark Lawrenson were still their special guests. Do not fear though Carpark fans - Roy Walker and Mr Fish will be back on tomorrow morning.
Daves Tedious Link
Groove Armada At The River - The word “armada” is synonymous with the Spanish, who are also famous for making omelettes - Omelettes are what we all had for lunch yesterday, which were really nice - The word “nice” shares exactly the same word construction as Nice, which is a city in France - France narrowly beat England on Sunday which means three points are required tonight against the Swiss - The Swiss are skilled in the art of making watches - Watches are worn by referees - The word “referee” rhymes with Geoffrey, who was a character in Rainbow - Rainbows are created by the refraction of light within water particles - Water particles are the main components of clouds - Clouds are less common in Portugal than they are in say somewhere like Manchester - Manchester was the birthplace of our guest on Monday, who was Mr Noel Gallagher - and when Noel Gallagher has a cup of tea, he likes to have two teabags in it rather than just one, because he likes his tea to be strong - Which links us predictably to Robbie Williams and Strong (Chris said Noel would no doubt be delighted that Dave linked from him to Robbie)
<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=7988">> Moyles Live In Portugal - Thurs June 15th Show & Show Review - HAVE YOUR SAY!! <</A>
