chrismoyles.net
- Wed Jul 07, 2004 2:30 pm
#241964
1. The Black Eyed Peas - Hey Mama 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Lou Reed - Satellite Of Love (Dab Hands Remix), 3. Pink - Just Like A Pill, 4. The Hives - Walk Idiot Walk, 5. BUZZ OFF - Electronic - Getting Away With It, 6. 50 Cent - If I Can’t 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Richard X feat Kelis - Finest Dreams, 8. The Streets - Dry Your Eyes, 9. Keane - Bedshaped, 10. Mario Winans feat Enya & P. Diddy - I Don't Wanna Know 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. The Darkness - Love Is Only A Feeling, 12. Outkast - Roses, 13. Beverley Knight - Come As You Are 8:30 NEWSBEAT 14. DMX - X Gonna Give It To Ya, 15. Snow Patrol - Spitting Games, 16. Basement Jaxx feat Lisa Kekaula - Good Luck, 17. Kanye West feat Syleena Johnson - All Falls Down, 18. Beats International - Dub Be Good To Me (Tedious Link), 19. Razorlight - Golden Touch, 20. D12 - How Come, 21. Maroon 5 - This Love, 22. Usher - Burn 9:30 NEWSBEAT 23. Shapeshifters - Lola's Theme, 24. Coldplay - Yellow, 25. Damien Rice - Cannonball
Today’s show was a bit of a mixed bag but on the whole, very entertaining stuff. Chris began by moaning that Aled had gone mad, which was a bit of a recurring theme throughout the morning. Aled apologised for mucking up the team’s breakfast orders, blaming his errors on pure tiredness. Rach said she was a bit fatigued too today, and felt a bit like she was preggers (although there’s no danger of that let’s be honest). She said she was really looking forward to getting into her sausage sandwich, which wasn’t any kind of euphemism she assured Chris. Juliette had what is referred to as a phantom hangover, all due to the fact that she got well and truly plastered at yesterday’s business meeting lunch type thing. Chris said it was a hell of a way to welcome the shows new executive producer, by leaning over and drunkenly shouting “So what’s your name big boy?”. Jules said she was just “happy”. Chris said she certainly was, and added that all those tourists in the pub really enjoyed photographing her as she went from chair to floor. Dom, Jocelyn, Will and Aled were all sensible and departed the scene early - although those who remained did get the pleasure of hearing Juliette’s drunken parting shot from the street across from the beer garden - “See you, wouldn’t wanna be you!!!”. One Road Travel had been sabotaged today, with Scott *the loser* Mills adding his own little advert to it (unbeknown to the team). He urged people to text “Scott” to 82125 and even claimed that The Mills Mile was the new sponsor of One Road Travel. Chris said that was cheating and Dom didn’t seem best pleased either. I’ll have loads more on all of the Sport Relief stuff later, including Paula Radcliffe live on the phone giving Chris tips on his big run this Saturday (such as don’t bother). Back to Dom for a minute though, as his news became more and more “street” with the more bulletins he read. He used “innit”, “u get me?” and “word” in one bulletin - which prompted Chris to do his now infamous Westwood impression.
Chris (as Westwood) - and here’s my dog MC Dave
Dave - Word to your mother. Guess what by the way, we were actually talking street jive yesterday with some local street hoodlums
(Dom, Jules and Chris laugh)
Dom (laughing) - Were you keeping it real?
Dave said they were. It was just him, Chris and Jeremy Edwards (aka Rachel Stevens’ ex) sitting in a London beer garden enjoying a pint together. Suddenly though they were interrupted by some local “gangstas” leaning over the fence, recognising they were famous and asking for a tenner because of this. I say recognising “they” were famous, but they only recognised Jez to be precise. That is funny enough on it’s own (them recognising a bloke from Hollyoaks and Holby City “and ting”), but what followed was even funnier. They asked Chris what he did, and then believed the reply from Dave/Jez that he was actually a wrestler from WWF Smackdown called Stone Cold Steve Sober. Buzz Off next, which was undisputedly a top pop track today - Getting Away With It by Electronic, number 12 back in December 1989. Well I say undisputedly, Aled actually thought the song was crap (but no change there then). He buzzed first after 1 minute 7 seconds, followed by Rachel on 2:49 and the listeners via the text (51.1% said Buzz Off). That was largely academic anyway as Dave left it on till (almost) the end, eventually buzzing in on 4:04.
Other stuff on the show today included a discussion on unrefrigerated ketchup, Chris accusing Dom of nicking news clips from Five Live without giving any accreditation, and a rather innocuous text from someone called Strewen sparking off a whole fifteen minute link on the word. It had links to Euro MP’s, The Isle Of Sky, Chris’s mate Francis (aka Rossie on Radio Aire), Perth, Devon, Dave’s cousin Collette, the local landlady and some bloke called Andrew. It was like a fifteen minute unwritten Tedious Link.
Chris (by the end of it) - Erm, I’ve now lost the will to live
(Dom laughs)
It may have passed you by but half a million people turned up on the streets of Central London (Village) last night to watch a special F1 parade featuring Jensen Button and erm, other top driver people. Being the official show biatch, Aled was sent down there to do another one of his “Holiday esque” reports, although this time obviously on the race. He did everything right - went down there, got a good vantage point etc...and then realised he’d forgotten the most important thing of all, a microphone. He therefore improvised and recorded it as a voicemail on one of the phones upstairs at Radio One. To say the quality was poor would be lying. It was shite. His voice was muffled, the cars going past drowned him out and he didn’t make any sense at all. Dave’s favourite line (of the ones he could hear), was Aled saying that “they’re all in the lead”. He defended himself and said he had meant to say that the drivers were all bunched up at the front together. Yeah *cough* of course you did Aled.
SPORT RELIEF - PAULA RADCLIFFE LIVE ON THE PHONE:>>>>
Old friend of the show Paula (whom I have met) was live on the phone from some mountain in France this morning, at about 8:15. It’s been a long while since she trained with the team, yet she was still finding it hard to believe that Chris hadn’t done any training at all for this Saturday’s Moyles Mile. He said he really hadn’t, he’d let everything go this past year and a half...
Paula - It must still be there underneath. You’ve just gotta go digging a little bit
Dave - You’d have to dig deep Paula
(Paula laughs)
Chris said in the past he liked to train, do a few hill sprints and a 10K run. Now though he said he couldn’t run a bath let alone a half marathon, preferring to eat, sleep, sit on the couch and watch Big Brother and Hollyoaks. He blamed his ever decreasing stamina. He’s getting old y’see. The conversation turned quickly from flabby Chris to Sport Relief. Paula isn’t running the mile as she’s in Olympic training, but has been getting behind all the schools taking part and trying to convince MP’s to get involved in The Westminster Mile. Without Chris asking, she said she’d text for him - but wanted to know why he wasn’t in the Rachel Stevens video for Some Girls. He said simply because he wasn’t asked, as him and Mills are not considered all that important in the grand scheme of things. He said hopefully they’ll take them both more seriously next time if they raise a bucket load of cash for them, which they are unsurprisingly on course to do. Paula said Sport Relief is a great thing, as it let’s people use “the power and passion of sport to make a positive difference to people less well off than themselves”.
Chris - That’s right
Dave - Yeah that’s what we were gonna say
Chris - Exactly
(Dave and Paula laugh)
Conversation turned to the forthcoming Olympics, with Chris asking perhaps the stupidest question of all time - “Are you in training yet?”. Paula said she just wants to get on with it now as it’s been all she's been thinking about in these past six months (especially while running). On the contrary, Comedy Dave thinks about what he’ll be having for his tea when he runs, and Moyles thinks about stopping at the next lamppost to get a cab home. Nice. The obvious subject of Paula’s erm..shall we say “unique” running style inevitably came up...
Paula - Yeah but I look a bit daft when I’m running sometimes don’t I?
Chris - No
Dave - No, that’s just your style
Chris - Yeah
(all laugh)
Paula - I actually think I’m running normally
Chris (laughs) - Yeah....you’re not
(Dave and Paula laugh)
Chris said he might copy her headless chicken bopping look in Leeds this weekend, although then again he might not. Paula’s best advice to heal and sooth the muscles after a race (maybe not a mile) is of course to jump into a ice bath. No that wasn’t a typo for nice - really an ICE bath. Chris said he wouldn’t do it in a million years, but Paula just told him Dave could tip the ice bags in for him if it was too much hassle.
Chris - Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Dave - I’m not tipping it in!!
Chris - He’s not allowed anywhere near the bathroom when I’m in there thank you very much
Dave - It’s not a 2 player sport Paula
(Paula laughs)
Paula promised Chris that her hubby <name> would sit in an ice bath (he hates them) for as long as it takes Chris to run the mile on Sunday. OK, half an hour it is then. Paula and Chris exchanged good luck messages for their respective events, although it’s fairly obvious which is more important. The Moyles Mile of course *cough*.
Today’s show was super Sport Relief heavy, a fact that will continue to anger me, despite me knowing that Chris has just three days left to sell it. The show started as it meant to go on, by beginning with a sensitive advert voiced by Will Kinder. It was over the Hovis music and featured him referring to Chris’s dad as “an unselfish beacon of humanity” who was putting others health ahead of his own to walk this weekend’s Moyles Mile (not technically true but still). Will urged people to text in “Chris” to 82125 for Chris’s dad (ironically also called Chris), if not for the Moyles junior himself. The sob story is proving affective, with Chris significantly ahead of Mills at the half way mark of the campaign (for the latest scores just click here). Today is also the final registration day for anyone wanting to run the extra mile for Sport Relief. You need to register before midnight @ http://www.sportrelief.com, which will cost you £7.50. Then just take your pick of destination - although not The Mills Mile in Southampton obviously. If you’ve been listening to the show all week you’ll no doubt have heard some of the celebrity endorsements Chris has been receiving for his Moyles Mile on Saturday. All have been fairly nice (Lineker and Redgrave aside), and also quite short...i.e better for the radio. The average length of message so far has been about 15 seconds, but (as we know) Chris Eubank likes to do his things his own way. He and Shane Warne had their messages played out this morning, with Eubanks lasting a mammoth 55 seconds. In it he said he hoped to meet Chris outside of Radio One, as he was very respectful to him when he came in on afternoons last year. Eubanks competitive edge also came out when he said that if Chris runs his mile in Leeds, he’ll be forced to trot (not walk) his mile in Brighton. That word once again folks - trot.
(end of clip)
Dom - He’s normal isn’t he!!
(all laugh as Chris starts The Darkness)
Dave - He’s just an average bloke
Dom - Joe Public!
Chris (laughing) - Oh mate I’m telling you
(Cwis Euubank...)
MOYLES GOES MAD:
You only get these days once in a while but when they come around they’re special. Chris was in a very snappy mood and had to get a few things off his chest. First to face his wrath were the “jokers” in charge of Leeds United. Moyles said he’d been biting his tongue on this issue for a few weeks but couldn’t resist anymore. He couldn’t believe Nick Barmby had been paid a million quid to leave, adding that if they want to know how to run a football club then they should come to him. He was manager of the Soccer Six champions don’t forget. I suggest he stick that on his CV and then he might be in with the chance of a coaching position at Elland Road. Chris said he was shocked and stunned the board hadn’t come out and explained what was going on. In particular why the season tickets were remaining more or less the price despite them selling Alan Smith, Viduka, Harte (almost), Matteo, Robinson, Bridges, Milner and Barmby all in the same summer. I think it’s called balancing the books Chris. Dave reminded Moyles of the good news though - they have signed Ricketts. Chris was wondering what they’d do with poor Adam though, he’s only an actor for gods sake (ber dum tish). Oh and btw, note the fact he is only an actor and not a singer...thanks.
Despite Chris taking his foot off the accelerator of insults on Rachel today (he told Dave to write that one down for the movie), he still couldn’t resist a classic Moyles old skool rant at her, Dave and Aled after 8:45. Chris’s problem was the fact that Aled always looks at Rachel when Chris is talking to him, asking for permission to do Guess Who’s etc. He claimed it was cos he was scared of her, although Chris has a sneaky suspicion that he has a bit of a thing going for her. Hmm, doubtful. Aled promised to not look at her or talk to her anymore, but Chris hadn’t finished yet. He went into one of his OTT egomaniac “it’s my show!!!” rants, that didn’t go down too well on the text (unsurprisingly). He said Aled was his biatch, Rachel a woman he’d saved from overnights, Dance Anthems and JK and Joel, and as for Dave...well just two words for what could’ve been his future...Chapp Ers. He said the way they had all repayed him was pathetic and pitiful, screaming at Aled that he needed a drink not a hug.
Chris - You don’t realise how much pressure I’m under!!!
*sighs*
Chris - I’m now gonna play a record and calm down
(Basement Jaxx starts playing)
Dave (after a 2 second pause) - I’ll have a cup of tea Al if you’re making
Aled - Sure yeah, one sugar?
Dave - Two please
Aled - OK
Chris - I’ll have a cup of tea actually if you’re gonna do them
Aled - Rac..? (stops half way through remembering that he’s not allowed to look at or talk to Rachel) Oh Nothing...
(Chris and Dave laugh - hits vocal)
Next to wind Chris up was Aled’s Guess Who from outside Radio One yesterday. Five minutes of valuable air time was spent guessing the identity of this mystery “celeb”, only for him to reveal it was none other than ex Blue Peter presenter Tim Vincent.
Chris (screaming) - Are you insane???!!!
Chris called him a talentless pillock (Vincent not Aled) and said that was the worst Guess Who since Dave saw Dr Hilary Jones. The body language of Dave and Rachel kind of gave away their disappointment in Aled. Dave had his head down and Rach crossed her arms and walked away. Chris said he hoped Jones was proud of himself.
JOCELYN’S HAIR - FASHION OR NOT?:>>>>
Continuing the very surreal pattern to today’s show (Chris said he goes into therapy at half ten), lickle Irish daytime BA Jocelyn was showing off her blond highlights when she arrived at work at 9 o’clock. Chris was confused though, as he thought her hair had become lop sided, i.e cut on the right but not on the left. She said that was the fashion nowadays, before joking that she could only afford one side.
Joceyln - This took two and a half hours to do
Chris - Are you having a laugh?
Dave - It would have taken five if they’d done the whole lot
(Aled and Jocelyn laugh)
Chris asked since when lop sided hair has been considered a style and said that he suddenly felt very old himself.
Dave - This would never have happened in our day
Rachel and Aled tried to defend Joss’s new look, but Chris said that having hair like that was just like wearing one shoe or one having one eye closed all the time. Dave demonstrated the “one eye” technique...
Rachel - That’s what you looked like in Portugal!
(all laugh)
Dave (shouting) - Shut your face that was conjunctivitis and it wasn’t funny Rachel! Don’t mock my afflictions!
(Rachel keeps on laughing)
Dave said that a lad in his class at school actually had his hair cut lop sided like Jocelyn’s, only he did himself with a pair of kitchen scissors.
Chris - Yeah but did he not end up in a special place?
Chris - Well he was certainly in a special set for Science
(Chris and Dave laugh)
Dave - I was in the set above
Joss said her haircut cost her 90 quid, which now pushes Chris down into second place in terms of expensive haircuts on The Moyles Show. Dom brought a pair of pliers into the studio and Chris wanted to experiment Joss’s new hair technique on Dave. Vitty wasn’t having any of it, and Aled said he wouldn’t be able to carry it off anyway.
Dave - Are you trying to say I’m unfashionable Aled?
(long pause) Aled - Er...erm, ....er Chris?
Chris (pause) - Rachel?
Rach - The lines are open for Carpark Catchphrase... (etc etc)
(Jocelyn’s new hair - fashion or not?)
CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
NATASHA an unemployed PA from Wandsworth in London 2
CATON a thick computer engineer from Scunthorpe 0
Daves Tedious Link
SWV Right Here - If you add “Right Now” to the end of “Right Here” you get “Right Here Right Now”, which was a hit for Fatboy Slim - The word “slim” shares many of the same letters as the word “skin”, which is often associated with milk and small round stones sitting by a smooth glassy lake - Lake first name Ricki is a chat show host in America, as is Jerry Springer - The word “springer” in the world of dogs is a type of spaniel - Spaniel’s ears is a derogatory term for saggy boobs - “Saggy boobs” sounds a bit like “sag aloo”, which is something you might find on an Indian menu - Indian menus are normally coated in plastic to stop drunks spilling Kingfisher all over them - Kingfisher is also a type of bird that feeds on fish, and in that respect shares something in common with a herron - If you replace the N of herron for a D you get herrod, as in King Herod who was a famous baddie in the bible - The bible is something you’ll always find in a hotel room, thanks to the Gideons - and hotels like airports, often have the word “International” in the title - and when you think of the word “international” in the context of one hit wonders from the year 1990 who topped the charts, you think of Beats International - Which links us to Beats International and Dub Be Good To Me
CHRIS AND DAVE GET “THEIR CALL” ON SCOTT MILLS’ SHOW
Yep, with Mills sabotaging One Road Travel it was payback time for Chris and Dave this afternoon. They were first on the line on Scott’s Your Call feature, with him cutting them both off as they urged people to text “Chris” to 82125. You can download the clip here (thanks to Nick McQueen from the messageboard) but it won’t be there for long. Actually, I’d expect it to be added to The All New Sound Vault upon it’s relaunch in the coming weeks.
<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=148303#148303">> Wednesday July 7th Show & Show Review - HAVE YOUR SAY!! <</A>
Today’s show was a bit of a mixed bag but on the whole, very entertaining stuff. Chris began by moaning that Aled had gone mad, which was a bit of a recurring theme throughout the morning. Aled apologised for mucking up the team’s breakfast orders, blaming his errors on pure tiredness. Rach said she was a bit fatigued too today, and felt a bit like she was preggers (although there’s no danger of that let’s be honest). She said she was really looking forward to getting into her sausage sandwich, which wasn’t any kind of euphemism she assured Chris. Juliette had what is referred to as a phantom hangover, all due to the fact that she got well and truly plastered at yesterday’s business meeting lunch type thing. Chris said it was a hell of a way to welcome the shows new executive producer, by leaning over and drunkenly shouting “So what’s your name big boy?”. Jules said she was just “happy”. Chris said she certainly was, and added that all those tourists in the pub really enjoyed photographing her as she went from chair to floor. Dom, Jocelyn, Will and Aled were all sensible and departed the scene early - although those who remained did get the pleasure of hearing Juliette’s drunken parting shot from the street across from the beer garden - “See you, wouldn’t wanna be you!!!”. One Road Travel had been sabotaged today, with Scott *the loser* Mills adding his own little advert to it (unbeknown to the team). He urged people to text “Scott” to 82125 and even claimed that The Mills Mile was the new sponsor of One Road Travel. Chris said that was cheating and Dom didn’t seem best pleased either. I’ll have loads more on all of the Sport Relief stuff later, including Paula Radcliffe live on the phone giving Chris tips on his big run this Saturday (such as don’t bother). Back to Dom for a minute though, as his news became more and more “street” with the more bulletins he read. He used “innit”, “u get me?” and “word” in one bulletin - which prompted Chris to do his now infamous Westwood impression.
Chris (as Westwood) - and here’s my dog MC Dave
Dave - Word to your mother. Guess what by the way, we were actually talking street jive yesterday with some local street hoodlums
(Dom, Jules and Chris laugh)
Dom (laughing) - Were you keeping it real?
Dave said they were. It was just him, Chris and Jeremy Edwards (aka Rachel Stevens’ ex) sitting in a London beer garden enjoying a pint together. Suddenly though they were interrupted by some local “gangstas” leaning over the fence, recognising they were famous and asking for a tenner because of this. I say recognising “they” were famous, but they only recognised Jez to be precise. That is funny enough on it’s own (them recognising a bloke from Hollyoaks and Holby City “and ting”), but what followed was even funnier. They asked Chris what he did, and then believed the reply from Dave/Jez that he was actually a wrestler from WWF Smackdown called Stone Cold Steve Sober. Buzz Off next, which was undisputedly a top pop track today - Getting Away With It by Electronic, number 12 back in December 1989. Well I say undisputedly, Aled actually thought the song was crap (but no change there then). He buzzed first after 1 minute 7 seconds, followed by Rachel on 2:49 and the listeners via the text (51.1% said Buzz Off). That was largely academic anyway as Dave left it on till (almost) the end, eventually buzzing in on 4:04.
Other stuff on the show today included a discussion on unrefrigerated ketchup, Chris accusing Dom of nicking news clips from Five Live without giving any accreditation, and a rather innocuous text from someone called Strewen sparking off a whole fifteen minute link on the word. It had links to Euro MP’s, The Isle Of Sky, Chris’s mate Francis (aka Rossie on Radio Aire), Perth, Devon, Dave’s cousin Collette, the local landlady and some bloke called Andrew. It was like a fifteen minute unwritten Tedious Link.
Chris (by the end of it) - Erm, I’ve now lost the will to live
(Dom laughs)
It may have passed you by but half a million people turned up on the streets of Central London (Village) last night to watch a special F1 parade featuring Jensen Button and erm, other top driver people. Being the official show biatch, Aled was sent down there to do another one of his “Holiday esque” reports, although this time obviously on the race. He did everything right - went down there, got a good vantage point etc...and then realised he’d forgotten the most important thing of all, a microphone. He therefore improvised and recorded it as a voicemail on one of the phones upstairs at Radio One. To say the quality was poor would be lying. It was shite. His voice was muffled, the cars going past drowned him out and he didn’t make any sense at all. Dave’s favourite line (of the ones he could hear), was Aled saying that “they’re all in the lead”. He defended himself and said he had meant to say that the drivers were all bunched up at the front together. Yeah *cough* of course you did Aled.
SPORT RELIEF - PAULA RADCLIFFE LIVE ON THE PHONE:>>>>
Old friend of the show Paula (whom I have met) was live on the phone from some mountain in France this morning, at about 8:15. It’s been a long while since she trained with the team, yet she was still finding it hard to believe that Chris hadn’t done any training at all for this Saturday’s Moyles Mile. He said he really hadn’t, he’d let everything go this past year and a half...
Paula - It must still be there underneath. You’ve just gotta go digging a little bit
Dave - You’d have to dig deep Paula
(Paula laughs)
Chris said in the past he liked to train, do a few hill sprints and a 10K run. Now though he said he couldn’t run a bath let alone a half marathon, preferring to eat, sleep, sit on the couch and watch Big Brother and Hollyoaks. He blamed his ever decreasing stamina. He’s getting old y’see. The conversation turned quickly from flabby Chris to Sport Relief. Paula isn’t running the mile as she’s in Olympic training, but has been getting behind all the schools taking part and trying to convince MP’s to get involved in The Westminster Mile. Without Chris asking, she said she’d text for him - but wanted to know why he wasn’t in the Rachel Stevens video for Some Girls. He said simply because he wasn’t asked, as him and Mills are not considered all that important in the grand scheme of things. He said hopefully they’ll take them both more seriously next time if they raise a bucket load of cash for them, which they are unsurprisingly on course to do. Paula said Sport Relief is a great thing, as it let’s people use “the power and passion of sport to make a positive difference to people less well off than themselves”.
Chris - That’s right
Dave - Yeah that’s what we were gonna say
Chris - Exactly
(Dave and Paula laugh)
Conversation turned to the forthcoming Olympics, with Chris asking perhaps the stupidest question of all time - “Are you in training yet?”. Paula said she just wants to get on with it now as it’s been all she's been thinking about in these past six months (especially while running). On the contrary, Comedy Dave thinks about what he’ll be having for his tea when he runs, and Moyles thinks about stopping at the next lamppost to get a cab home. Nice. The obvious subject of Paula’s erm..shall we say “unique” running style inevitably came up...
Paula - Yeah but I look a bit daft when I’m running sometimes don’t I?
Chris - No
Dave - No, that’s just your style
Chris - Yeah
(all laugh)
Paula - I actually think I’m running normally
Chris (laughs) - Yeah....you’re not
(Dave and Paula laugh)
Chris said he might copy her headless chicken bopping look in Leeds this weekend, although then again he might not. Paula’s best advice to heal and sooth the muscles after a race (maybe not a mile) is of course to jump into a ice bath. No that wasn’t a typo for nice - really an ICE bath. Chris said he wouldn’t do it in a million years, but Paula just told him Dave could tip the ice bags in for him if it was too much hassle.
Chris - Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Dave - I’m not tipping it in!!
Chris - He’s not allowed anywhere near the bathroom when I’m in there thank you very much
Dave - It’s not a 2 player sport Paula
(Paula laughs)
Paula promised Chris that her hubby <name> would sit in an ice bath (he hates them) for as long as it takes Chris to run the mile on Sunday. OK, half an hour it is then. Paula and Chris exchanged good luck messages for their respective events, although it’s fairly obvious which is more important. The Moyles Mile of course *cough*.
Today’s show was super Sport Relief heavy, a fact that will continue to anger me, despite me knowing that Chris has just three days left to sell it. The show started as it meant to go on, by beginning with a sensitive advert voiced by Will Kinder. It was over the Hovis music and featured him referring to Chris’s dad as “an unselfish beacon of humanity” who was putting others health ahead of his own to walk this weekend’s Moyles Mile (not technically true but still). Will urged people to text in “Chris” to 82125 for Chris’s dad (ironically also called Chris), if not for the Moyles junior himself. The sob story is proving affective, with Chris significantly ahead of Mills at the half way mark of the campaign (for the latest scores just click here). Today is also the final registration day for anyone wanting to run the extra mile for Sport Relief. You need to register before midnight @ http://www.sportrelief.com, which will cost you £7.50. Then just take your pick of destination - although not The Mills Mile in Southampton obviously. If you’ve been listening to the show all week you’ll no doubt have heard some of the celebrity endorsements Chris has been receiving for his Moyles Mile on Saturday. All have been fairly nice (Lineker and Redgrave aside), and also quite short...i.e better for the radio. The average length of message so far has been about 15 seconds, but (as we know) Chris Eubank likes to do his things his own way. He and Shane Warne had their messages played out this morning, with Eubanks lasting a mammoth 55 seconds. In it he said he hoped to meet Chris outside of Radio One, as he was very respectful to him when he came in on afternoons last year. Eubanks competitive edge also came out when he said that if Chris runs his mile in Leeds, he’ll be forced to trot (not walk) his mile in Brighton. That word once again folks - trot.
(end of clip)
Dom - He’s normal isn’t he!!
(all laugh as Chris starts The Darkness)
Dave - He’s just an average bloke
Dom - Joe Public!
Chris (laughing) - Oh mate I’m telling you
(Cwis Euubank...)
MOYLES GOES MAD:
You only get these days once in a while but when they come around they’re special. Chris was in a very snappy mood and had to get a few things off his chest. First to face his wrath were the “jokers” in charge of Leeds United. Moyles said he’d been biting his tongue on this issue for a few weeks but couldn’t resist anymore. He couldn’t believe Nick Barmby had been paid a million quid to leave, adding that if they want to know how to run a football club then they should come to him. He was manager of the Soccer Six champions don’t forget. I suggest he stick that on his CV and then he might be in with the chance of a coaching position at Elland Road. Chris said he was shocked and stunned the board hadn’t come out and explained what was going on. In particular why the season tickets were remaining more or less the price despite them selling Alan Smith, Viduka, Harte (almost), Matteo, Robinson, Bridges, Milner and Barmby all in the same summer. I think it’s called balancing the books Chris. Dave reminded Moyles of the good news though - they have signed Ricketts. Chris was wondering what they’d do with poor Adam though, he’s only an actor for gods sake (ber dum tish). Oh and btw, note the fact he is only an actor and not a singer...thanks.
Despite Chris taking his foot off the accelerator of insults on Rachel today (he told Dave to write that one down for the movie), he still couldn’t resist a classic Moyles old skool rant at her, Dave and Aled after 8:45. Chris’s problem was the fact that Aled always looks at Rachel when Chris is talking to him, asking for permission to do Guess Who’s etc. He claimed it was cos he was scared of her, although Chris has a sneaky suspicion that he has a bit of a thing going for her. Hmm, doubtful. Aled promised to not look at her or talk to her anymore, but Chris hadn’t finished yet. He went into one of his OTT egomaniac “it’s my show!!!” rants, that didn’t go down too well on the text (unsurprisingly). He said Aled was his biatch, Rachel a woman he’d saved from overnights, Dance Anthems and JK and Joel, and as for Dave...well just two words for what could’ve been his future...Chapp Ers. He said the way they had all repayed him was pathetic and pitiful, screaming at Aled that he needed a drink not a hug.
Chris - You don’t realise how much pressure I’m under!!!
*sighs*
Chris - I’m now gonna play a record and calm down
(Basement Jaxx starts playing)
Dave (after a 2 second pause) - I’ll have a cup of tea Al if you’re making
Aled - Sure yeah, one sugar?
Dave - Two please
Aled - OK
Chris - I’ll have a cup of tea actually if you’re gonna do them
Aled - Rac..? (stops half way through remembering that he’s not allowed to look at or talk to Rachel) Oh Nothing...
(Chris and Dave laugh - hits vocal)
Next to wind Chris up was Aled’s Guess Who from outside Radio One yesterday. Five minutes of valuable air time was spent guessing the identity of this mystery “celeb”, only for him to reveal it was none other than ex Blue Peter presenter Tim Vincent.
Chris (screaming) - Are you insane???!!!
Chris called him a talentless pillock (Vincent not Aled) and said that was the worst Guess Who since Dave saw Dr Hilary Jones. The body language of Dave and Rachel kind of gave away their disappointment in Aled. Dave had his head down and Rach crossed her arms and walked away. Chris said he hoped Jones was proud of himself.
JOCELYN’S HAIR - FASHION OR NOT?:>>>>
Continuing the very surreal pattern to today’s show (Chris said he goes into therapy at half ten), lickle Irish daytime BA Jocelyn was showing off her blond highlights when she arrived at work at 9 o’clock. Chris was confused though, as he thought her hair had become lop sided, i.e cut on the right but not on the left. She said that was the fashion nowadays, before joking that she could only afford one side.
Joceyln - This took two and a half hours to do
Chris - Are you having a laugh?
Dave - It would have taken five if they’d done the whole lot
(Aled and Jocelyn laugh)
Chris asked since when lop sided hair has been considered a style and said that he suddenly felt very old himself.
Dave - This would never have happened in our day
Rachel and Aled tried to defend Joss’s new look, but Chris said that having hair like that was just like wearing one shoe or one having one eye closed all the time. Dave demonstrated the “one eye” technique...
Rachel - That’s what you looked like in Portugal!
(all laugh)
Dave (shouting) - Shut your face that was conjunctivitis and it wasn’t funny Rachel! Don’t mock my afflictions!
(Rachel keeps on laughing)
Dave said that a lad in his class at school actually had his hair cut lop sided like Jocelyn’s, only he did himself with a pair of kitchen scissors.
Chris - Yeah but did he not end up in a special place?
Chris - Well he was certainly in a special set for Science
(Chris and Dave laugh)
Dave - I was in the set above
Joss said her haircut cost her 90 quid, which now pushes Chris down into second place in terms of expensive haircuts on The Moyles Show. Dom brought a pair of pliers into the studio and Chris wanted to experiment Joss’s new hair technique on Dave. Vitty wasn’t having any of it, and Aled said he wouldn’t be able to carry it off anyway.
Dave - Are you trying to say I’m unfashionable Aled?
(long pause) Aled - Er...erm, ....er Chris?
Chris (pause) - Rachel?
Rach - The lines are open for Carpark Catchphrase... (etc etc)
(Jocelyn’s new hair - fashion or not?)
CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
NATASHA an unemployed PA from Wandsworth in London 2
CATON a thick computer engineer from Scunthorpe 0
Daves Tedious Link
SWV Right Here - If you add “Right Now” to the end of “Right Here” you get “Right Here Right Now”, which was a hit for Fatboy Slim - The word “slim” shares many of the same letters as the word “skin”, which is often associated with milk and small round stones sitting by a smooth glassy lake - Lake first name Ricki is a chat show host in America, as is Jerry Springer - The word “springer” in the world of dogs is a type of spaniel - Spaniel’s ears is a derogatory term for saggy boobs - “Saggy boobs” sounds a bit like “sag aloo”, which is something you might find on an Indian menu - Indian menus are normally coated in plastic to stop drunks spilling Kingfisher all over them - Kingfisher is also a type of bird that feeds on fish, and in that respect shares something in common with a herron - If you replace the N of herron for a D you get herrod, as in King Herod who was a famous baddie in the bible - The bible is something you’ll always find in a hotel room, thanks to the Gideons - and hotels like airports, often have the word “International” in the title - and when you think of the word “international” in the context of one hit wonders from the year 1990 who topped the charts, you think of Beats International - Which links us to Beats International and Dub Be Good To Me
CHRIS AND DAVE GET “THEIR CALL” ON SCOTT MILLS’ SHOW
Yep, with Mills sabotaging One Road Travel it was payback time for Chris and Dave this afternoon. They were first on the line on Scott’s Your Call feature, with him cutting them both off as they urged people to text “Chris” to 82125. You can download the clip here (thanks to Nick McQueen from the messageboard) but it won’t be there for long. Actually, I’d expect it to be added to The All New Sound Vault upon it’s relaunch in the coming weeks.
<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=148303#148303">> Wednesday July 7th Show & Show Review - HAVE YOUR SAY!! <</A>
