chrismoyles.net
- Tue Aug 10, 2004 3:44 pm
#241986
(Nadia Meets The Moyles...who looks erm, comfortable)
1. The Libertines - Can't Stand Me Now 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Britney Spears - Toxic, 3. Franz Ferdinand - Michael, 4. Estelle - 1980, 5. BUZZ OFF - Warren G - This DJ, 6. Basement Jaxx feat Lisa Kekaula - Good Luck 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Twista feat Anthony Hamilton - Sunshine, 8. Kylie Minogue - Love At First Sight, 9. The Thrills - Whatever Happened To Corey Haim, 10. Razorlight - Golden Touch 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. The Cardigans - Lovefool, 12. The 411 - Dumb, 13. Joss Stone - You Had Me 8:30 NEWSBEAT 14. Jay-Z - Change Clothes, 15. Scent - Up & Down, 16. Nelly Furtado - Try, 17. Lostprophets - Last Summer, 18. 4 Non Blondes - What’s Up (Tedious Link), 19. Outkast - Roses, 20. Embrace - Gravity, 21. Natasha Bedingfield - These Words 9:30 NEWSBEAT 22. Coldplay - Trouble, 23. Shapeshifters - Lola's Theme, 24. No Doubt - It’s My Life
Again another mixed bag of a show this morning - it has to be said distinctly average up until half time, but thereafter brilliant. We’ll start at the top though, with Chris and Dave given the job of bigging up Radio One’s Free Results Helpline on 0808 100 8000, basically for all those getting their standards and highers grades in Scotland this morning. Chris said the read he had in front of him was cleverly worded and all, but essentially meant one thing...call this number if you ballsed up big time. Dave tried to put a more positive perspective on things, saying that Radio One was simply here to help whatever your results were. The real message being - don’t panic. Chris said yeah, but do panic if you’re the cleverest in your family and have failed all your exams when you were meant to get straight A’s. Cos you’ve let everyone you know down basically. Hmm, Dave said Chris wasn’t helping.
Dave - I just love the irony of us giving out educational advice
(Chris laughs)
Moyles suggested they leave that to the trained advisers, although he did get peed off by some of texts from north of the border correcting him on the full name for standards and highers. He told them that if his and Dave’s help wasn’t wanted, they’d just go elsewhere. I mean they even went the extra mile and made a bagpipe/dance bed that fused together traditional and modern music. I hear it’s the new specialist show on at the weekends - Bagpipe dance. Chris said you don’t get any stereotyping on this show, as the Scottish jig medley he had requested turned out sounding Dutch. He said that’s what happens when you get a Welshman to get you some Scottish music though. However, you can’t knock Aled for trying. Chris asked people to phone up and let the team know how they did, so they could put together some lovely little montages, packages and dedications for later. Chris said he doesn’t like the word “dedications” though, so was trying to think of an alternative.
Dave - We’ll think of a word, y’see this is where our education has let us down..
(Chris laughs)
Texts came in saying that they would let Chris know their results...when the post arrived. Chris said they made a good point. Dave just laughed. Needless to say the aforementioned calls in never took place in the end and virtually nothing else was said on the matter. Oh and remember, for all you jocks that did well today...
Dave - The world’s your lobster
Today Chris showcased yet more awful material from his home CD collection, this time from CD’s picked up while back in Leeds at the weekend. He ran through a ton of them, this after his Buzz Off selection of This DJ by Warren G officially went down like a fart in a crowded lift. Dave called it “muck”, “rubbish”, “dreadful” and “the worst Buzz Off song ever” (nah, the Vengaboys take some beating). He was unsurprisingly first on the buzzer after 27 seconds, followed by Rachel on 39, Aled on 44 and the listeners (with 70% Buzz Off) on 1 minute 43. Chris said it was a classic piece of old skool R n B flavour, and just a taster of his interesting and eclectic music collection. Which also includes the following: Army Of Lovers, UB40, Kim Appleby, Lonnie Gordon, Phil Collins, OMD, Right Said Fred, Sir Mix A Lot and U96 with Das Boot from August 1992. Classic techno with genuinely awful keyboard production. Dave was shocked and appalled when Chris said he actually saw them live once. Rach said she preferred the bagpipe dance to that rubbish. Chris told her to shut it and said that if he was on 6Music he’d be praised for that eclectic mix. As it is he’s on Radio One and ridiculed, just like so many others. Dom said Chris’s problem is that he doesn’t play enough “emo and rockabilly” like Mike Davies does. Yeah, that trail doesn’t really make any sense to anyone does it. Up here it was like the Amazon yesterday - a million degrees hot but huge thunderstorms and downpours all day. Very muggy (eh Dom). It seems it was a similar story in London too, as Chris turned up for work again in shorts and t-shirt...while it continued to pee it down outside. Dave said he was very disappointed in yesterday’s weather and asked Dom for exact details on what it’d be like in London today. Byrne’s answer wasn’t that convincing, and he confessed that when he usually does the weather it’s kinda more from Ceefax than from his own meteorologist predictions. Dom’s Weather Report Generator is still here btw - fun for all the family.
Juliette kind of ruined Dom’s “great” Guess Who this morning by correctly identifying John Motson as the mystery celeb who was having a pint in his local on Friday night. She said she knew Motty lived near him, that’s why she got it so quick. Live from Athens again, she went missing on a couple of occasions due to technical problems. Chris said he was concerned for her as when a tram goes by it sounds like a fire alarm...and then she disappears.
Chris - I’m worried for your safety Jules
Jules - Would you like to come over here and protect me?
Dave - No
(Chris laughs)
Jules - I didn’t ask you Dave
(Chris & Dave make collective “oooh” noise)
NADIA LIVE IN THE STUDIO:
Chris - It’s a rubbish show today isn’t it?
Dave - Well so far it’s been rubbish yeah
Chris - But it’s just about to get dramatically better...
...or maybe not. Big Brother winner Nadia was this morning’s live studio guest after 8 o’clock, and although the interview began well it soon petered out badly. I think having Nadia for half an hour (so to speak) would have been better than dragging the whole thing out until 9, although I suppose she/he is a big name at the minute so it did make sense. Chris and “Nads” got on very well, with Chris very appreciative of her coming in so early after the big BB party last night. She said a great night was had by all, especially as it was a free bar. Ah, always a winner. To try and make Nadia feel a bit more at home, Chris and Dave tried out some of the Portuguese lingo that they learned during Euro 2004. Some words were more successful than others though, i.e “bon dia” and “obrigado” rather than “mmm...bellas rodas” (Chris couldn't be arsed to explain). He said to Nads that they’d been visiting her home country this summer...
Nadia - Yeah? Same place?
Chris - Yeah
Dave - Still there
(Nadia laughs in her Jar Jar Binks voice)
Chris talked to her about life before Big Brother. She explained that she had been working as a bank cashier since moving here in December 96. Chris said he couldn’t see that, cue his first round of Nadia impressions that one texter likened to the voice of Count Duckula. Nadia said she can’t see herself going back to work there now, despite Chris’s claims it’d be great for business. Dave suggested she open up her own bank called “Nad West” (borderline genius). Nadia said the only real problem in working in a bank though is the fact that you can’t go out for a fag during the day. Chris told her to stop sweating about that btw, she could go out of the studio for one in 10 minutes (before she exploded). Oh and if you’re wondering where Nadia lives (and hopefully you’re not)...the answer is Woking. Yep, home of the Greyhead itself.
Chris - So you came from the beautiful Portugal...
Nadia - Yeah
Chris - ...to Woking. What went wrong?
(Nadia laughs)
Chris chatted to Nadia about the usual crap - what she will spend her money on, has the feeling sunk in yet blah blah blah. I got the impression he was running out of stuff to ask her at one point. He tried to make her say “he’s a bully” for him (he liked it when she said it to Jason apparently), but she wasn’t really up for it. The topic of conversation inevitably turned back to smoking, and Chris said he’d just like to point out to all the kids listening that smoking is bad for you...
Chris - I believe that children are our future
Dave - Teach them well and they will lead the way
Chris - That’s right
(Nadia laughs)
Other stuff discussed as the interview got very dull was the lack of music in the house, Nadia’s hunt for a man (my advice is look in the mirror) and her Celebrity chums The Cheeky Girls...who she linked up live to in the diary room during a task. Chris told her to avoid them at all costs as they’re very weird. Dave added that their also Transylvanians born on Halloween in a big castle or summat...cheeky cheeky.
* To Listen Again or for the first time to Chris’s interview with Nadia then open up the following link into your Real One player - When Chris Met Nads (21 minutes of edited highlights).
SOFA STAINS, SCOTCHGUARDING AND WALKING IN THE RAIN:
As I mentioned at the top of the review, the final hour of this morning’s show was class. Half time was basically Chris and Dave rambling on (let’s get ready to ramble indeed) about the events of last night. Chris had gone over to Daves new place for a few drinks. However, as it was peeing it down outside and they could only sit on the floor inside, they decided to go out in search of some food. The reason they could only sit on the floor was because Dave’s new sofa has just been scotchguarded and the guy with the canisters and sprays and stuff told him he had to leave it for 24 hours before anyone sat on it. Chris asked Dave what having something “scotchguard” actually meant...
Dave - Basically it’s a stain protection thing so that...when rather than if my wife spills her red wine on the sofa, we’ve then got more chance of getting it off...
(Chris laughs, Dave stops, realises and laughs too)
Dave - I meant get the stain off obviously
Chris (laughs) - So hang on a second. There’s a spillage on the sofa and a stain, but now you and your wife will be able to get it off a lot easier...
Dave (laughs) - Absolutely yeah
So Chris and Dave headed out to catch a bite to eat. First of all Dave took him to some sort of Bistro that has a review from Time Out magazine in 1978 in the window. It was closed. Rach said just as well as she doesn’t see Chris and Dave as bistro kind of guys. Next they headed off to a pub Dave “knew” served food. By the way I should probably point out that they were walking and it was bucketing it down with rain at this point. Chris was suitably dressed in his Prada sandals, shorts and short sleeved shirt. Not really a great look in the peeing cold rain. After passing numerous potential places to eat, they finally arrived at the pub...which predictably wasn’t serving food. Cue another 10 minute walk up the steepest hill ever before they finally settled on somewhere to eat. Chris asked Dave why he didn’t want to go in that pizza place they saw a while back. He said cos it was some kind of one table communal pizza parlour that looked full of drug addicts, drunks and “shady lookin’ dudes”. I’m sure the food’s great though. In the end Chris had some cheeky Thai number he wasn’t impressed with, and at the second attempt Dave had beef (not prawn) curry. Texts came in regarding scotchguarding and the subject turned back to that of sofas...
Dave - As of this afternoon it’ll be ready for action...(Chris & Rachel laugh)...if, if action is sitting down obviously
Chris (laughs) - Really?
Dave - Yeah
Chris - Well whichever way you like to do it Dave, I think you should keep it to yourself
Dave (laughing) - Then I’ll have more chance of getting it off!!
(Chris laughs)
Dave (reassuring Rach) - That’ll make sense to those who listened to the first part of the link Rachel
Chris - Rachel! (she does her Carpark Catchphrase line)
CHRIS OR DAVE - WHO IS THE CAMPEST OF THEM ALL?:>>>>
This all started with Chris’s pre recorded appearance as a judge on Scott Mills’ Campman competition yesterday afternoon, which he mentioned as a bit of a throwaway comment at around 20 past 9. Dave asked if he was suitably qualified for judging a “camp contest”, then adding that come to think of it he was as his whole demeanour can be camp on occasions. For example Dave claimed there was plenty of gay flirting, winking and nudging going on when David Walliams was in the studio earlier this year. Despite denying it, Chris said at least he was a very open person and in touch with his feminine side.
Dave - I sometimes think that you’re slightly curious, very broad minded, experimental and open to all sorts of offers
Vitty added that since he has known Chris, he has always thought it not beyond the realms of possibility. Speechless at the fact Dave was basically calling him bi or gay, Chris ignored Rachel’s plea to “abort conversation” and launched into a tirade on Dave, accusing him of only getting married as he was worried about his sexuality. He also branded him “a closed emotional box”. ..
Dave - I’m not a closed emotional box! (Rach laughs)
Chris - Yes you are, you’re a disgrace
Dave - I am not!
Chris - You didn’t even say to your own wife that you loved her on your wedding day!
Dave - I got carried away by the whole emotion of the day
Chris - But you were also drunk when you proposed and she made you do it again sober!!
(Rach laughs)
Dave - I wasn’t drunk when we got married though, no way. I hadn’t even touched a drink beforehand...(pauses and thinks)...well actually, that’s a lie
Chris said Emma was simply a smokescreen to mask Daves sexuality troubles, and he said she was just another ones of those Russian wives he buys off the internet - wivesfordave.com etc. Dave said you never find stuff like “internetwives.com” or “Latvian Lovelies” in his favourites, although Moyles disagreed and said that the top favourite on there is actually “Russian Women To Let”. Dom said this story was news worthy and Chris suggested Trudy Barber run a piece on it for 12.45 Newsbeat. Dave said Chris was simply trying to direct the conversation away from himself and his “issues”. Moyles called Dave a daft homophobe and said that he had even kissed Chris once. Vitty’s voice went all brilliantly panic stricken as he asked when, which made Rachel (and most people listening I think) burst out laughing.
Dom - Do you two want to stop flirting and we’ll crack on with the news?
Chris - OK fair enough
(news stab)
Chris - Yeah you saw through it there Dom didn’t you? We’ll start with you in a minute..
(Dave and Dom laugh)
Chris - We’ll get the news out of the way and then it’s your turn sunshine
Dave (laughs) - Watch out cheeky!
(The happy couple themselves)
As the arguments heated up and Dave accused Chris of having an inflate-a-date doll, they decided to settle the matter once and for all with a text poll on 81199. Who is camper - Chris or Dave? Simple as that. They both staked their cases and berated Dom when he encouraged people to vote for both of them. Chris urged people to “prove a point today and prove that Dave is..*cough*..right moving on..” Dave replied by saying Moyles was exotic in his tastes and wasn’t adverse to the odd bit of man flirting. Despite Juliette and Lucy from Preston (on the text) pledging their support to Chris, he did win the text vote by a landslide 66% to 33%. He claimed there must have been something wrong with the system. Hmm, I bet.
CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
WAYNE a gas man from Leeds 2
*SHELLEY a 21 year old actor from Glasgow 1
*Shelley is an actor in the current BBC One kids series Jeopardy, which next goes out today at 5pm on CBBC One. They filmed the series in Australia and she plays Shona (the girl on the left in this pic, the only one I could find):
Daves Tedious Link
Primal Scream Loaded - Primal Scream bassist Mani used to be in the Stone Roses with Ian Brown and John Squire - John Squire shares the same christian name as John Nettles, who played Bergerac, the detective based in Jersey - Jersey is a channel island famous for it’s cattle and in that respect shares something in common with Guernsey - Guernsey is the birthplace of Matt Le Tissier - Matt Le Tissier isn’t the only celebrity with the words “Matt” and “Le” in his name, because there is also Matt Le Blanc who played Joey in Friends - Friends was set in New York - New York is home to the Beastie Boys, who had a 1987 hit with No Sleep Till Brooklyn - Brooklyn Beckham is the eldest son of Victoria and David Beckham - David Beckham is a team mate of Ronaldo, who has large protruding teeth - Other people with big teeth include Esther Rantzen and Cilla Black - Neither Esther Rantzen nor Cilla Black have blond hair, so I suppose you could say that they are both “non blondes” - and if they were in a room with Floella Benjamin and Kathy Lloyd, you would describe the four of them as being 4 Non Blondes - Which links us to 4 Non Blondes and What’s Up (which Chris hates)
NO MINI MOYLES UPDATE TODAY
For some reason unbeknown to moi. Make your own up kids.
<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=8246">> Tuesday August 10th 2004 - What Did You Think Of This Show/Review? Tell Us Here! <</A>
(Nadia Meets The Moyles...who looks erm, comfortable)
1. The Libertines - Can't Stand Me Now 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Britney Spears - Toxic, 3. Franz Ferdinand - Michael, 4. Estelle - 1980, 5. BUZZ OFF - Warren G - This DJ, 6. Basement Jaxx feat Lisa Kekaula - Good Luck 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Twista feat Anthony Hamilton - Sunshine, 8. Kylie Minogue - Love At First Sight, 9. The Thrills - Whatever Happened To Corey Haim, 10. Razorlight - Golden Touch 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. The Cardigans - Lovefool, 12. The 411 - Dumb, 13. Joss Stone - You Had Me 8:30 NEWSBEAT 14. Jay-Z - Change Clothes, 15. Scent - Up & Down, 16. Nelly Furtado - Try, 17. Lostprophets - Last Summer, 18. 4 Non Blondes - What’s Up (Tedious Link), 19. Outkast - Roses, 20. Embrace - Gravity, 21. Natasha Bedingfield - These Words 9:30 NEWSBEAT 22. Coldplay - Trouble, 23. Shapeshifters - Lola's Theme, 24. No Doubt - It’s My Life
Again another mixed bag of a show this morning - it has to be said distinctly average up until half time, but thereafter brilliant. We’ll start at the top though, with Chris and Dave given the job of bigging up Radio One’s Free Results Helpline on 0808 100 8000, basically for all those getting their standards and highers grades in Scotland this morning. Chris said the read he had in front of him was cleverly worded and all, but essentially meant one thing...call this number if you ballsed up big time. Dave tried to put a more positive perspective on things, saying that Radio One was simply here to help whatever your results were. The real message being - don’t panic. Chris said yeah, but do panic if you’re the cleverest in your family and have failed all your exams when you were meant to get straight A’s. Cos you’ve let everyone you know down basically. Hmm, Dave said Chris wasn’t helping.
Dave - I just love the irony of us giving out educational advice
(Chris laughs)
Moyles suggested they leave that to the trained advisers, although he did get peed off by some of texts from north of the border correcting him on the full name for standards and highers. He told them that if his and Dave’s help wasn’t wanted, they’d just go elsewhere. I mean they even went the extra mile and made a bagpipe/dance bed that fused together traditional and modern music. I hear it’s the new specialist show on at the weekends - Bagpipe dance. Chris said you don’t get any stereotyping on this show, as the Scottish jig medley he had requested turned out sounding Dutch. He said that’s what happens when you get a Welshman to get you some Scottish music though. However, you can’t knock Aled for trying. Chris asked people to phone up and let the team know how they did, so they could put together some lovely little montages, packages and dedications for later. Chris said he doesn’t like the word “dedications” though, so was trying to think of an alternative.
Dave - We’ll think of a word, y’see this is where our education has let us down..
(Chris laughs)
Texts came in saying that they would let Chris know their results...when the post arrived. Chris said they made a good point. Dave just laughed. Needless to say the aforementioned calls in never took place in the end and virtually nothing else was said on the matter. Oh and remember, for all you jocks that did well today...
Dave - The world’s your lobster
Today Chris showcased yet more awful material from his home CD collection, this time from CD’s picked up while back in Leeds at the weekend. He ran through a ton of them, this after his Buzz Off selection of This DJ by Warren G officially went down like a fart in a crowded lift. Dave called it “muck”, “rubbish”, “dreadful” and “the worst Buzz Off song ever” (nah, the Vengaboys take some beating). He was unsurprisingly first on the buzzer after 27 seconds, followed by Rachel on 39, Aled on 44 and the listeners (with 70% Buzz Off) on 1 minute 43. Chris said it was a classic piece of old skool R n B flavour, and just a taster of his interesting and eclectic music collection. Which also includes the following: Army Of Lovers, UB40, Kim Appleby, Lonnie Gordon, Phil Collins, OMD, Right Said Fred, Sir Mix A Lot and U96 with Das Boot from August 1992. Classic techno with genuinely awful keyboard production. Dave was shocked and appalled when Chris said he actually saw them live once. Rach said she preferred the bagpipe dance to that rubbish. Chris told her to shut it and said that if he was on 6Music he’d be praised for that eclectic mix. As it is he’s on Radio One and ridiculed, just like so many others. Dom said Chris’s problem is that he doesn’t play enough “emo and rockabilly” like Mike Davies does. Yeah, that trail doesn’t really make any sense to anyone does it. Up here it was like the Amazon yesterday - a million degrees hot but huge thunderstorms and downpours all day. Very muggy (eh Dom). It seems it was a similar story in London too, as Chris turned up for work again in shorts and t-shirt...while it continued to pee it down outside. Dave said he was very disappointed in yesterday’s weather and asked Dom for exact details on what it’d be like in London today. Byrne’s answer wasn’t that convincing, and he confessed that when he usually does the weather it’s kinda more from Ceefax than from his own meteorologist predictions. Dom’s Weather Report Generator is still here btw - fun for all the family.
Juliette kind of ruined Dom’s “great” Guess Who this morning by correctly identifying John Motson as the mystery celeb who was having a pint in his local on Friday night. She said she knew Motty lived near him, that’s why she got it so quick. Live from Athens again, she went missing on a couple of occasions due to technical problems. Chris said he was concerned for her as when a tram goes by it sounds like a fire alarm...and then she disappears.
Chris - I’m worried for your safety Jules
Jules - Would you like to come over here and protect me?
Dave - No
(Chris laughs)
Jules - I didn’t ask you Dave
(Chris & Dave make collective “oooh” noise)
NADIA LIVE IN THE STUDIO:
Chris - It’s a rubbish show today isn’t it?
Dave - Well so far it’s been rubbish yeah
Chris - But it’s just about to get dramatically better...
...or maybe not. Big Brother winner Nadia was this morning’s live studio guest after 8 o’clock, and although the interview began well it soon petered out badly. I think having Nadia for half an hour (so to speak) would have been better than dragging the whole thing out until 9, although I suppose she/he is a big name at the minute so it did make sense. Chris and “Nads” got on very well, with Chris very appreciative of her coming in so early after the big BB party last night. She said a great night was had by all, especially as it was a free bar. Ah, always a winner. To try and make Nadia feel a bit more at home, Chris and Dave tried out some of the Portuguese lingo that they learned during Euro 2004. Some words were more successful than others though, i.e “bon dia” and “obrigado” rather than “mmm...bellas rodas” (Chris couldn't be arsed to explain). He said to Nads that they’d been visiting her home country this summer...
Nadia - Yeah? Same place?
Chris - Yeah
Dave - Still there
(Nadia laughs in her Jar Jar Binks voice)
Chris talked to her about life before Big Brother. She explained that she had been working as a bank cashier since moving here in December 96. Chris said he couldn’t see that, cue his first round of Nadia impressions that one texter likened to the voice of Count Duckula. Nadia said she can’t see herself going back to work there now, despite Chris’s claims it’d be great for business. Dave suggested she open up her own bank called “Nad West” (borderline genius). Nadia said the only real problem in working in a bank though is the fact that you can’t go out for a fag during the day. Chris told her to stop sweating about that btw, she could go out of the studio for one in 10 minutes (before she exploded). Oh and if you’re wondering where Nadia lives (and hopefully you’re not)...the answer is Woking. Yep, home of the Greyhead itself.
Chris - So you came from the beautiful Portugal...
Nadia - Yeah
Chris - ...to Woking. What went wrong?
(Nadia laughs)
Chris chatted to Nadia about the usual crap - what she will spend her money on, has the feeling sunk in yet blah blah blah. I got the impression he was running out of stuff to ask her at one point. He tried to make her say “he’s a bully” for him (he liked it when she said it to Jason apparently), but she wasn’t really up for it. The topic of conversation inevitably turned back to smoking, and Chris said he’d just like to point out to all the kids listening that smoking is bad for you...
Chris - I believe that children are our future
Dave - Teach them well and they will lead the way
Chris - That’s right
(Nadia laughs)
Other stuff discussed as the interview got very dull was the lack of music in the house, Nadia’s hunt for a man (my advice is look in the mirror) and her Celebrity chums The Cheeky Girls...who she linked up live to in the diary room during a task. Chris told her to avoid them at all costs as they’re very weird. Dave added that their also Transylvanians born on Halloween in a big castle or summat...cheeky cheeky.
* To Listen Again or for the first time to Chris’s interview with Nadia then open up the following link into your Real One player - When Chris Met Nads (21 minutes of edited highlights).
SOFA STAINS, SCOTCHGUARDING AND WALKING IN THE RAIN:
As I mentioned at the top of the review, the final hour of this morning’s show was class. Half time was basically Chris and Dave rambling on (let’s get ready to ramble indeed) about the events of last night. Chris had gone over to Daves new place for a few drinks. However, as it was peeing it down outside and they could only sit on the floor inside, they decided to go out in search of some food. The reason they could only sit on the floor was because Dave’s new sofa has just been scotchguarded and the guy with the canisters and sprays and stuff told him he had to leave it for 24 hours before anyone sat on it. Chris asked Dave what having something “scotchguard” actually meant...
Dave - Basically it’s a stain protection thing so that...when rather than if my wife spills her red wine on the sofa, we’ve then got more chance of getting it off...
(Chris laughs, Dave stops, realises and laughs too)
Dave - I meant get the stain off obviously
Chris (laughs) - So hang on a second. There’s a spillage on the sofa and a stain, but now you and your wife will be able to get it off a lot easier...
Dave (laughs) - Absolutely yeah
So Chris and Dave headed out to catch a bite to eat. First of all Dave took him to some sort of Bistro that has a review from Time Out magazine in 1978 in the window. It was closed. Rach said just as well as she doesn’t see Chris and Dave as bistro kind of guys. Next they headed off to a pub Dave “knew” served food. By the way I should probably point out that they were walking and it was bucketing it down with rain at this point. Chris was suitably dressed in his Prada sandals, shorts and short sleeved shirt. Not really a great look in the peeing cold rain. After passing numerous potential places to eat, they finally arrived at the pub...which predictably wasn’t serving food. Cue another 10 minute walk up the steepest hill ever before they finally settled on somewhere to eat. Chris asked Dave why he didn’t want to go in that pizza place they saw a while back. He said cos it was some kind of one table communal pizza parlour that looked full of drug addicts, drunks and “shady lookin’ dudes”. I’m sure the food’s great though. In the end Chris had some cheeky Thai number he wasn’t impressed with, and at the second attempt Dave had beef (not prawn) curry. Texts came in regarding scotchguarding and the subject turned back to that of sofas...
Dave - As of this afternoon it’ll be ready for action...(Chris & Rachel laugh)...if, if action is sitting down obviously
Chris (laughs) - Really?
Dave - Yeah
Chris - Well whichever way you like to do it Dave, I think you should keep it to yourself
Dave (laughing) - Then I’ll have more chance of getting it off!!
(Chris laughs)
Dave (reassuring Rach) - That’ll make sense to those who listened to the first part of the link Rachel
Chris - Rachel! (she does her Carpark Catchphrase line)
CHRIS OR DAVE - WHO IS THE CAMPEST OF THEM ALL?:>>>>
This all started with Chris’s pre recorded appearance as a judge on Scott Mills’ Campman competition yesterday afternoon, which he mentioned as a bit of a throwaway comment at around 20 past 9. Dave asked if he was suitably qualified for judging a “camp contest”, then adding that come to think of it he was as his whole demeanour can be camp on occasions. For example Dave claimed there was plenty of gay flirting, winking and nudging going on when David Walliams was in the studio earlier this year. Despite denying it, Chris said at least he was a very open person and in touch with his feminine side.
Dave - I sometimes think that you’re slightly curious, very broad minded, experimental and open to all sorts of offers
Vitty added that since he has known Chris, he has always thought it not beyond the realms of possibility. Speechless at the fact Dave was basically calling him bi or gay, Chris ignored Rachel’s plea to “abort conversation” and launched into a tirade on Dave, accusing him of only getting married as he was worried about his sexuality. He also branded him “a closed emotional box”. ..
Dave - I’m not a closed emotional box! (Rach laughs)
Chris - Yes you are, you’re a disgrace
Dave - I am not!
Chris - You didn’t even say to your own wife that you loved her on your wedding day!
Dave - I got carried away by the whole emotion of the day
Chris - But you were also drunk when you proposed and she made you do it again sober!!
(Rach laughs)
Dave - I wasn’t drunk when we got married though, no way. I hadn’t even touched a drink beforehand...(pauses and thinks)...well actually, that’s a lie
Chris said Emma was simply a smokescreen to mask Daves sexuality troubles, and he said she was just another ones of those Russian wives he buys off the internet - wivesfordave.com etc. Dave said you never find stuff like “internetwives.com” or “Latvian Lovelies” in his favourites, although Moyles disagreed and said that the top favourite on there is actually “Russian Women To Let”. Dom said this story was news worthy and Chris suggested Trudy Barber run a piece on it for 12.45 Newsbeat. Dave said Chris was simply trying to direct the conversation away from himself and his “issues”. Moyles called Dave a daft homophobe and said that he had even kissed Chris once. Vitty’s voice went all brilliantly panic stricken as he asked when, which made Rachel (and most people listening I think) burst out laughing.
Dom - Do you two want to stop flirting and we’ll crack on with the news?
Chris - OK fair enough
(news stab)
Chris - Yeah you saw through it there Dom didn’t you? We’ll start with you in a minute..
(Dave and Dom laugh)
Chris - We’ll get the news out of the way and then it’s your turn sunshine
Dave (laughs) - Watch out cheeky!
(The happy couple themselves)
As the arguments heated up and Dave accused Chris of having an inflate-a-date doll, they decided to settle the matter once and for all with a text poll on 81199. Who is camper - Chris or Dave? Simple as that. They both staked their cases and berated Dom when he encouraged people to vote for both of them. Chris urged people to “prove a point today and prove that Dave is..*cough*..right moving on..” Dave replied by saying Moyles was exotic in his tastes and wasn’t adverse to the odd bit of man flirting. Despite Juliette and Lucy from Preston (on the text) pledging their support to Chris, he did win the text vote by a landslide 66% to 33%. He claimed there must have been something wrong with the system. Hmm, I bet.
CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
WAYNE a gas man from Leeds 2
*SHELLEY a 21 year old actor from Glasgow 1
*Shelley is an actor in the current BBC One kids series Jeopardy, which next goes out today at 5pm on CBBC One. They filmed the series in Australia and she plays Shona (the girl on the left in this pic, the only one I could find):
Daves Tedious Link
Primal Scream Loaded - Primal Scream bassist Mani used to be in the Stone Roses with Ian Brown and John Squire - John Squire shares the same christian name as John Nettles, who played Bergerac, the detective based in Jersey - Jersey is a channel island famous for it’s cattle and in that respect shares something in common with Guernsey - Guernsey is the birthplace of Matt Le Tissier - Matt Le Tissier isn’t the only celebrity with the words “Matt” and “Le” in his name, because there is also Matt Le Blanc who played Joey in Friends - Friends was set in New York - New York is home to the Beastie Boys, who had a 1987 hit with No Sleep Till Brooklyn - Brooklyn Beckham is the eldest son of Victoria and David Beckham - David Beckham is a team mate of Ronaldo, who has large protruding teeth - Other people with big teeth include Esther Rantzen and Cilla Black - Neither Esther Rantzen nor Cilla Black have blond hair, so I suppose you could say that they are both “non blondes” - and if they were in a room with Floella Benjamin and Kathy Lloyd, you would describe the four of them as being 4 Non Blondes - Which links us to 4 Non Blondes and What’s Up (which Chris hates)
NO MINI MOYLES UPDATE TODAY
For some reason unbeknown to moi. Make your own up kids.
<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=8246">> Tuesday August 10th 2004 - What Did You Think Of This Show/Review? Tell Us Here! <</A>
