[Chris]

(Christine, Chris and Ben - *insert caption here*...if you have one mail it me)

1. Scissor Sisters - Laura 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Avril Lavigne - My Happy Ending, 3. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Can’t Stop, 4. The 411 - Dumb, 5. BUZZ OFF - PM Dawn - Set Adrift On Memory Bliss, 6. The Strokes - 12:51 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Scent - Up & Down, 8. Sugababes - Freak Like Me, 9. Faithless feat Nina Simone - I Want More, 10. D12 - My Band 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. Sum 41 - Fat Lip, 12. Natasha Bedingfield - These Words, 13. Eric Prydz - Call On Me, 14. Pharrell Williams featuring Jay-Z - Frontin' 8:30 NEWSBEAT 15. Mis-Teeq - One Night Stand, 16. Shapeshifters - Lola's Theme, 17. Outkast - The Way You Move, 18. The Thrills - Whatever Happened To Corey Haim, 19. East 17 - Deep (Tedious Link), 20. Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved, 21. Nelly - Flap Your Wings, 22. Mousse T feat Emma Lanford - Is It Cos I'm Cool? 9:30 NEWSBEAT 23. Twista feat Anthony Hamilton - Sunshine, 24. Good Charlotte - Girls & Boys, 25. Kristian Leontiou - Shining

In stark contrast to yesterday, I thought the show was absolutely fantastic this morning. Chris was the funniest he’s been in ages and the interview with Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor after 9 o’clock was one of the best I’ve heard him ever do. Keep reading and you’ll hear a hell of a lot more on that later, but first we’ll start (as usual) with the latest “wacky banter” from the JK and Joel/Chris Moyles hand overs. It goes without saying that Chris began with the Chuckle Chuckle Vision music today, plus your regular assortment of Chuckle Brother clips too. He asked Dave how long he thinks they can milk this gag before it’s run it’s course. Dave said it’s got at least another couple of weeks left in it yet, which in reality means another couple of years. Joy. Moyles said he didn’t care if Paul and Barry had threatened him with some sort of BBC bullying charge, adding they couldn’t fight their way out of a paper bag. He said they’re even scared of Scott Mills, which is a sign that you really should start worrying...
Chris (laughing) - and this is what I’m like to the new DJ’s that I like!! Do you know what I mean? (laughs again)
Unsurprisingly Joel didn’t hang around for his usual five past seven fag with Chris in the Radio One Smoking Room. Dave said he found that slightly surprising as he didn’t think Chris had been more insulting towards them today compared to any other day. If anything I thought he was less insulting. After watching a bit of the old Bully on Challenge TV last night, Chris was very Bullseye heavy in the opening few links of the show. This predictably prompted texts saying that he was ripping off Peter Kay. Chris said he wasn’t, as the first person to joke about Bully was Jim Bowen himself in his stand up. He said he wasn’t ripping anyone off and had a clear message for all those who thought he was...
Chris - Shut up and go back to bed
Dave (laughing) - It’s not the greatest slogan for a breakfast show is it?
Chris - What?
Dave (laughs) - “Shut up and go back to bed”
Chris - That’s pretty much one of your lines isn’t it?
Dave - Eh? No, “If you don’t like it go back to bed”. We don’t like the haters..
Chris - Ah right yeah, so different
With the weather still consistently inconsistent (i.e peeing it down one minute, blazing sun the next), Chris launched into another rant about the British summer. Thankfully this time Dave reminded him that they had been in Portugal for a month, whether or not it was work and not a holiday is irrelevant. Think yourself lucky you’ve seen at least a bit of sun Chris. Today it’s all towels and saucepans at the ready for possible house leaks, and Chris and Dave both commented on the TV pictures they saw of the awful flooding at Boscastle in North Cornwall last night. Just getting serious for a second, they said they hoped everyone was alright and that *touch wood* no one had been seriously injured by the flooding. Another news story that had caught Chris’s ear this morning was the one about Wacko Jacko being back in court...
Chris - How do you fancy discussing the Michael Jackson story Dom?
Dom - Er we can talk about him appearing in court. Yeah, sure..
Chris - Right. So I believe Michael Jackson has had another day in court?
Dom - That’s right
Chris - Lovely....(moves on)
Other stuff discussed in the first two hours of the show this morning again included Natasha Bedingfield’s sex appeal (high). I agree with Dave, Dom was very harsh yesterday when he said she has a long face and was more or less the female version of Ruud Van Nistelhorse. Well I tell ya she can play for my team anytime (no seriously - we’re short of numbers). Buzz Off today was a top feel good summer tune - Set Adrift On Memory Bliss by PM Dawn, number 3 back in August 1991. Aled was first to buzz in on 8 seconds, Dave surprisingly next on 2:02 (he said he couldn’t be arsed with it today) and Rach third on 2:06. Chris didn’t give out the text percentages but took the song off himself after 2:57 for timing purposes. There was also an exciting new jingle on the show today from Estelle, telling us all that whenever she’s in the UK (which is surely most of the time) she likes to listen to “her boy” Chris Moyles on Radio One. Word to your mother. Juliette was of course back live reading the sport from Athens all morning, dropping little name checks into her bulletins as usual. Today she informed us that Ben Ainslie (Britain’s top sailor and gold medal hopeful) had offered to buy her a drink at the bar last night:
Chris - And we wonder why we haven’t got any bloody golds so far!! It’s cos they’re all getting lashed in the bar with you, you drunken lush!!!
Dom - and the weather...
(Jules and Chris interrupt again and start talking)
Dom (in the background sounding unenthusiastic) - gonna be wet *plays stab*


RACHEL’S PONCHO:

Chris - Describe to everyone why we’re calling you Clint Eastwood this morning
Rach - Today I am wearing a poncho
Chris - Yeah
Aled - The hat’s a bit much though
(Dave and Chris laugh)
Rach (sarcastically) - Oh you’re funny as well Aled!
Chris (laughing) - Yeah the spurs don’t suit you..
Dave - Do you know that’s twice in two days Aled’s done a funny gag about this time..
That just before Buzz Off, and the poncho bashing didn’t ease off after that. Chris said she must be short sighted and colourblind to have wasted 29 quid on that (although she bought it in LA so technically it should be dollars). Rach said her and all her friends like it so that’s the main thing. One of these so called friends wasn’t though, Juliette had slated it before even viewing a webcam pic. She said ponchos just make her think of old men chewing on grass and smoking rolled up cigarettes, then subtly adding that she was sure Rach looked lovely in it anyway. Chris said she was wrong - she looks ridiculous. Judge for yourself, that pic above is the pic in question. Rach said she loves it when Chris becomes a style guru, I mean he’s hardly a fashion icon himself. Moyles said she had to be fair though - that poncho makes her look like a big unwrapped opal fruit. Backtracking brown noser Aled told her he liked it...
Aled - I’m not into ponchos but out of all the ponchos, you wear it the best..
(Dave and Rach laugh)
Texts came in calling Rach “Billy The Kid...derminster” and “Bint Eastwood”, which she said she found highly offensive. She hates the word “bint”. Dave doesn’t so wins, fact. He also said that it isn’t offensive as in Arabic it means girl/woman/wife/princess.
Chris - There you go, and of course what with us being an Arabic based radio show you should have known that
Dave - mmm
Rach - Silly me
Earlier in the link Dave had tried on the poncho (see below), with a similar range of names suggested on the text. These included “Camp Eastwood”, “Clint Gaywood” and (my personal favourite) “Unbutch Cassidy”. Dave thought that with a beret he’d look quite French actually, although Chris continued the camp man theme by saying that he honestly did look like a gay cowboy. Make up your own minds folks...

(Unbutch Cassidy himself)

DODGEBALL STUFF:>>>>

Knowing very well that the subject probably wouldn’t be discussed with today’s guests Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor (aka Mrs Stiller) after 9 o’clock, Chris talked for long periods about their new movie Dodgeball before they arrived. Him, Rach and Dave all watched it yesterday at 20th Century Fox in London - basically at a quite posh, cool and private screening. The only other people there were journos and film buff type people scattered around, plus on the front row with his 2 kids and Heart FM London Breakfast co presenter Harriet Scott...fat Jono himself. Yep fat Jono Coleman, the sweaty Australian off of Celebrity Fat Club (no typo btw). Chris and him had a brief chat, with Moyles noticing that one of the main charidees advertised on Jono’s free Heart FM t-shirt was in a funny typeface. This it seems is cos they put the wrong one on to begin with and had to amend them all. Genius. Chris was sporting his “calm down dear, it’s only a t-shirt” t-shirt. With Jono dealt with and Chris, Dave and Rach all sitting down...they realised that sat in front of them was some nobody from Virgin Radio. This after he introduced himself and started asking them loads of questions, such as “what time do you lot get up then?” and “how much writing do you do before each show?”. Chris was like Jesus, shut up idiot, we’re here to watch the god damn movie (but only in his head obviously). I’m sure he was all grip and grin really...
Chris - If you wanna know our biogs go to the website and read them off there pillock
(link is here - I’m guessing it was Ben Jones or someone)

The most surprising thing about the whole film was the fact that Dave stayed awake throughout. While trying not to give stuff away, Chris briefly explained the plot (which surely qualifies as “giving stuff away” does it not?). He then ran through his top five moments of the movie, along with Rachel and Dave. Two of Rach’s favourite bits were “the beginning” and “the end”. She also said it’s quite educational...
Chris - I tell you what, James King’s got nothing to worry about has he?
(Rach laughs)
Amongst Dave’s top five were “accessibility”, “film length”, “Chuck Norris” and “gratuitous shots of cheerleaders in hot pants”. Well that’s me going to see this film then. Rach called those shots unnecessary. I call them a basic requirement. Chris’s top five also contained Christine Taylor in a very short skirt. He called her a hottie, but Dave was hoping he wouldn’t use the same terminology with her face to face after 9.
Chris - Why not?
Dave - Do you not think that’s insulting?
Chris - no, no, she’s worth one
Dave - OK
Chris said he thought Ben would take it as a compliment to have a fellow actor pouring all over his wife. Those crazy thespians eh? Chris compared his non visual role in Wimbledon to that of Richard Burton in War Of The Worlds. Dom made him repeat that just to clarify. Dave burst out laughing.
Dave - and remember, when you think tennis you think Chris Moyles
Dom - I do
When Ben and Christine arrived during half time, Aled popped into the studio to inform Chris of their massive entourage. Moyles said yeah, well they’re major A List Hollywood stars. They need their security people, caterers, watch wearers and filofax carriers to follow them around. Hereby started a hilarious discussion on filofaxes that somehow resulted in Aled offering to ghost write Chris’s autobiography. Bizarre.

BEN STILLER AND CHRISTINE TAYLOR LIVE IN THE STUDIO:

Now I said this at the top of the review but I think this interview ranks amongst the best Chris has done at Radio One throughout the years. Three main reasons - 1) he was so funny, 2) cos Ben Stiller was hilarious, and 3) cos Christine Taylor seemed to love him. Perfect ingredients I think for a clip on next years Sony tape. Moyles began by back announcing Nelly in his OTT American voice (how y’all doin), which Dave said gave him a more transatlantic appeal. I dunno, I’d say it was borderline offensive. Very funny though - and Christine seemed to love it. If you’re wondering who the hell she is btw, she’s Ben’s wife, has been in numerous films such as The Wedding Planner and erm, Dodgeball (see here on IMDB) - plus also played Ross’s bald love interest Bonnie in Friends ten years ago. Chris didn’t really do his usual *perv on the female guest* interview, but that probably had a lot to do with the fact that her husband was sitting liderally yards away from him (Chris told her it was a contractual obligation that they had to have him on the show too). It wasn’t your archetypal interview opener as they discussed headphones, microphone suspension systems and cable stuff. Chris explained how he can change the sound so that the show only comes out of one speaker, making it therefore unavailable to people listening with only one ear to a mono clock radio...
Ben - Ah they won’t hear it. Right, that’s good. Must be a real feeling of power...
Chris (laughs) - Oh I’m telling ya
Chris also told Ben that the studios were designed by them scientists at NASA. You know, the ones who design radio studios for the moon. Chris also explained about the Tube line below and the studio shaking, which Ben called “surround sound”. Chris compared it to an earthquake in a Hollywood movie and did his impression. Ben asked him if he’d got that from his Royal Academy Of Dramatic Arts Training. Chris said no actually, you’d never believe it but he’s not had one acting lesson in his life.
Chris - It’s strange that you should bring up my acting actually...
Dave (interrupting) - Oh go on tell em about the movie *sighs* here we go..
Chris - Well Ben brought it up, I didn’t bring it up
(Christine laughs)
Chris explained to both Ben and Christine that he too is set to become a major name in Hollywood on the back of his debut film role in an upcoming British production. He said that it stars amongst others Spiderman’s girlfriend (and in an ideal world my future wife) Miss Kirsten Dunst.
Ben - Cool, so you’re playing a superhero of some type then?
Chris - Well...erm, no..
(Dave laughs)
Chris finally explained that he plays a DJ on the radio in the film Wimbledon, which both Ben and Christine already knew of from the billboards up around the States at the moment. Chris said his little scene (which mentions the the character name played by Paul Betterbuys) is 17 seconds of genius. He said yes recording it was a good experience, a bit like it would be recording for The Simpsons. Just him standing in front of a mic...
Ben - That must’ve been different for you, standing in front of a microphone..
(Christine laughs)

(Dunst and Betterbuys in Chris’s movie Wimbledon. He makes the film...)

Now if you haven’t heard the interview yet then you may have noticed that virtually all the chat so far has been about Chris. I know that’s as per usual, but Ben and Christine seemed to enjoy not talking about the movie. Once they got chatting to Dave about seating/standing positions though...
Chris (interrupting on purpose) - Yeah, so back to me...
(Ben and Christine laugh)
Chris told Ben that if the producer of one of his movies is ever short of a voiceover artist, he knows where to turn. Yeah, Paul Turner. Not really. Chris said he could audition for the roles here and now, so did his American Breakfast DJ impression saying that you were listening to KWWLF or whatever, in yet another deep George W Bush type Texas accent ...
Ben - Like a constipated American person
Chris - Well yes
(Christine, Dave, Rach and Will laugh)
After a brief break for a bit of Mousse T (Christine wanted to know if he was related to Ice T) and the 9:32 news (which Ben was prompting Chris about - his reaction was very funny)...the team starting discussing One Road Travel, facial hair and cheese. Chris denied Ben’s claims that he had a moustache, saying he had the same as Rachel - mild stubble (cue the off mic shouts of “oi!!”). Dom came down from upstairs to show off his wacky fake goatee, although this is of course not the first time him and Ben had met. Dom interviewed him and Jennifer Aniston back in February about Along Came Polly...
Ben - We had a good time. Yeah, you asked me what my favourite cheese was
Dom - yeah and you replied...with your answer
(Ben laughs)
Briefly conversation did turn to Dodgeball and the blond highlighted wig that Ben wears. It was feathered, lethal and modelled on Patrick Swayze’s wig in Roadhouse. Chris said he loves that film and has it on DVD. Christine claimed to have never seen it, but knew he was called Dalton or something in it. Chris said yeah, and explained that he lived upstairs in an old mans farmhouse.
Ben - I think you’re confusing that with Rumplestiltskin
Chris (laughs) - No
Ben - He weaves gold at night...
(Dave and Christine laugh)
Chris (laughing) - Yeah that’s Roadhouse right?

LISTENER QUESTIONS:>>>>
Chris did the old thing of asking people to ring in with a question for Ben or Christine, then record an introductory piece on tape...on the basis of which it would be decided whether or not to hear their question. The no no’s were Tony from Burnley and Craig from Bristol (his clip hadn’t been edited properly and had Aled on there). The yes’s were:
* Simon from Birmingham - who wanted to know if he could stay at theirs in LA next year (er no - but they offered to hook him up at a hotel)
* Gazelle in Oxford - who wanted Ben’s favourite quote from Happy Gilmore
Ben - There is one that sticks in the memory. She goes “Can I have a glass of milk and I go “you can have a warm glass of shut the hell up”
(Chris, Dave and Christine laugh)
* Jay in Hartlepool - who wanted to know if Ben had ever milked anything in real life like he did in Meet The Parents (no - imaginative answer)

Just before the suits dragged them off to go do some other interview, Ben told Chris to “quit the cigarettes man”, get off the booze and get onto the treadmill with his trainer (he must have told him he had one off the air). He also told Chris to tell his trainer to turn the treadmill up...
Chris (laughs) - Well turning it on would help
(Dave laughs)
Christine made Chris feel uncomfortable just before the end of the interview by telling him he made her laugh, and he in turn made Ben uncomfortable by telling Christine she was a very beautiful and excellent actress. Ben said he better move so that Dave could sit down. He also told Dave he had a bit of a Clive Owen thing going on. Dave asked who he was (*cough* King Arthur etc Dave). Chris said no, Ben was thinking of Michael Owen, which as expected went way over the soccer hating yankee doodles head. Chris told them both good luck with Dodgeball (out August 27th) and in return they told him good luck with his microphone pulley/suspension system. Basically a reference to the way the mics are positioned if you hadn’t worked it out.

(Ben and Christine in Dodgeball)
- Read James King’s Dodgeball Review here
- Visit The Radio One Movie Mini Site here
- And Check Out James’s excellent One Click Film Show on Listen Again here

NO CARPARK CATCHPHRASE TODAY -
Due to Ben & Christine being on after 9 this morning, there was no time for Roy Walker and Mr Fish today. Yes I know it’s a hardship for the nation but Carpark Catchphrase will return tomorrow though Carpark fans, that's after 9:30.

Daves Tedious Link
James Born Of Frustration - James are led by a singer called Tim - If you add an E to the end of Tim you get time, the telling of which is the main reason for having a watch - The plural of watch is watches, which are a major export from Switzerland - People from Switzerland are called Swiss, the same as the cheese which traditionally contains holes - Holes are integral to the sport of golf - Golf is the only sport in the world that involves bunkers - The word “bunkers” shares many of the same letters as “spelunkers”, which as we all know is the term for people who like to explore underground potholes and caves and stuff - Caves are often wet and contain bats - Bats have very advanced natural radar which enables them to navigate in the dark - Dark is a word associated with chocolate, night time and the bottom of the sea - and if you were at the bottom of the sea in say a pressurised diving chamber or perhaps even a submarine, it’s fair to say that you’d be very very “deep” - Which links us to East 17 and Deep

MAJOR FLAW (or as Dave called it “a minor discrepancy”)
*Bats don’t have “very advanced natural radar”, they have Sonar. Fact. Everyone bar Dave wins.

A VERY MINI MOYLES UPDATE:>>> (cheers Jono)
- Rachel has booked herself into therapy to try and get over the roasting she received for her poncho this morning
- Dom has found instructions to make his own poncho and Dave has finally put together his bookcase
- Chris is seeing his personal trainer today and preparing for tonight's pop quiz (more news on that tomorrow)


PLUS - Tomorrow is a very special day for moi. Find out why by checking back here for Wednesday’s review.

<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=8277">> Tuesday 17th August 2004 - What Did You Think Of This Show/Review? Tell Us Here! <</A>