chrismoyles.net
- Wed Aug 18, 2004 7:38 pm
#241992
(Please allow me to be a bit self indulgent just this once...)
HAPPY REVIEWING ANNIVERSARY TO ME!!!
1. Scent - Up & Down 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Natasha Bedingfield - These Words, 3. Eminem - The Real Slim Shady, 4. Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved, 5. BUZZ OFF - The Proclaimers - I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles), 6. Beyonce Knowles feat Jay-Z - Crazy In Love 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Shapeshifters - Lola's Theme, 8. Kelis - Milkshake, 9. McFly - That Girl, 10. Pink - God Is A DJ 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. Jo Jo - Leave (Get Out), 12. Cam'ron - Oh Boy, 13. The Killers - All These Things That I've Done 8:30 NEWSBEAT 14. Britney Spears - Toxic, 15. Twista feat Anthony Hamilton - Sunshine, 16. Avril Lavigne - Don't Tell Me, 17. Embrace - Gravity, 18. Stereophonics - The Bartender And The Thief (Tedious Link), 19. Scissor Sisters - Laura, 20. Rooster - Come Get Some, 21. Joss Stone - You Had Me 9:30 NEWSBEAT 22. D. Kay & Epsilon feat Stamina MC - Barcelona, 23. The 411 - Dumb, 24. The Thrills - Whatever Happened To Corey Haim
Yep that’s right, one year today. One whole bloody year of me writing this crap. If you think that’s sad enough though then get this, I even went to the trouble of working out that I've reviewed 136 breakfast shows, 67 afternoon shows, 12 Chappers and Dave Shows and 1 Christmas Show in the past 12 months. In other words, 539 hours worth of Chris’s show and 25 hours worth of Chappers and Daves Shows reviewed on this page courtesy of lickle old me in the last 365 days. I know - I am insane. To read my first ever afternoon review with Uglybob from way back on the 18th August 2003, just click here in the archives and scroll down. If you do, two things will become noticeably apparent about the reviews:
1) They’ve got no better
2) They’ve got about 93 times longer
Ah there’s just so much to god damn write about. Enjoy it while you can though people as there’ll be no second anniversary. Let me exclusively reveal that now in a DLT stylee. I’ll initially carry on on my own until around Christmas, and then the plan is to get more people involved and eventually let them take over the reviews before I (hopefully) go to uni next summer. That’s the plan folks. Just sit back and watch it all go pear shaped...like the start of today’s show. For some reason Chris and Dave were only coming out of the left hand speaker, which meant all those listening on right speakered mono clock radios could hear bugger all at 6:55. Actually to be fair they could hear the jingles and the music (chuckle chuckle vision) as these were coming out of both. Dave suggested getting an engineer in to help:
Dave - Well I mean I could have a go re wiring it but I’m not very good at that sort of thing
(Chris laughs)
Simon Mayo etc etc. Aled was predictably the culprit, as he’d presumably wired something up wrong. Chris told Billy The Kidderminster to give him a hefty kick in the arse but she did a pathetic one that even Aled wasn’t happy with. It’s what Dave usually refers to as a “strong start”. Chris said still better than JK and Joel though, cue the usual round of early morning insults. He called JK a homeless pob with a laugh like Muttley’s (but less likable). He then however added that he likes the pair of them being on before him in the morning. I mean you’d hardly get Chris ripping the piss out of Nemone for weeks on end like this (with the greatest respect to her though as I do like her). However even as a long term JK and Joel fan I don’t mind Chris bullying them a bit, as at least there’s some fresh blood at the station for him to pick on now. In other words Scott Mills is relatively safe for the time being...
Chris - There’s nothing like a good old bitch to start the show
That’s Juliette, who is now just over a week into her time in Athens at the Olympics. She’s covering the Sailing and Fencing for Five Live and told Chris that it’s yet another hot, sunny, bright and breezy day where she is. Cow...
Chris - How long have you been out there for so far?
Jules - 9 days now
Chris - 9 days, and how many gold medals do we have?
Jules - ....none
Chris - Brilliant
Jules - We have a silver and a bronze though
Chris - Ah well there you go. We only need one more then we’ve got our full quota and can go home
(Dave and Rach laugh)
Jules guaranteed Chris that she’ll have a gold medal by Monday. Yeah, she’s gonna nick one from the Americans. She wasn’t hanging around with Ben Ainslie Harriot last night, although she did say she saw Iain Percy and Steve Mitchell in the bar. They’re sailors apparently. Chris said Aled is so jealous of Jules, getting to hang out with all them sailors in the sunshine. Not tonight he’s not though, this as he’s off to see Madonna at Earls Court - jazz hands at the ready. Madge (not Bishop) was up here at the MEN on Saturday and by all accounts was excellent. Probably why Aled has splashed out £160 to see the gig tonight then. Chris recalled the time that him and Dave got tickets to go see her very exclusive performance at Brixton Academy two years ago. Only problem being, they got jarred in the bar beforehand (and I mean jarred), so ended up watching about 8 of her on stage from the back of the auditorium. Chris said he has no idea if she was any good or not - he can’t remember. Tonight he’s gonna be watching the England - Ukraine game on telly, but says he finds friendlies like this really difficult to watch as the constant substitutions mean the players find it really difficult to get any kind of flow going (I know - get him Mr Pundit). *cough* He is right though *cough*. Starting up front tonight for England is Mr Alan Smith, who Chris wished good luck to. However, someone then texted in calling him “a dirty judas” (Smith not Moyles). Chris said he hates the Leeds fans who give Smith grief just cos he’s gone to Man U. He said that they should get over it and just support the badge. They weren’t chanting scum at Danny Pugh (ex Man U and now Leeds) in the Derby match were they? Probably as they’d never heard of him to be fair. I do agree with Chris on this one though. Dave tried to defend the Leeds fans but Chris shot him down. After all if they mess with Smith, they mess with his mate - the Moyles mum Vera. And they don’t want to be doing that. I probably should say (just to keep everyone happy) that Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and the Republic are all playing friendlies tonight too - against Hungary, Latvia, Switzerland and Bulgaria respectively. Keeping the peace y’see.
(not a sight Chris likes to see - Smudger in red)
THE GREAT RADIO ONE POP QUIZ:
Chris said he was feeling a bit rough this morning after his big night out last night at The Radio One Pop Quiz. It wasn’t an official one as such, just one organised by Colin and Edith’s part time producer (and ex Chris Moyles Saturday Show producer) Mr Richard Murdock. He spotted a pop quiz a few Tuesday’s ago at a pub near his place, asked Colin and Edith if they wanted to go...and the whole thing kind of escalated from there. Out in force last night then were: Chris, Dave, their mate Chris Humphreys, The Moyles Missus Sophie, Colin and Edith, Richard, Chappers, Scott Mills, Jocelyn, Hannah, Neil, Laura, Jessica and a load of others from Radio One whose names Chris doesn’t know (despite working with them for years). Rach wasn’t there as she was allegedly “ill”, although she was miraculously better by this morning. Before Chris started running through the nights events, he had to first point out that the quiz wasn’t actually a pop quiz. It was a music quiz for old men and nerds. Very specialist basically. Chris said it was a sign of things to come when the big R1 posse turned up at the pub an hour before it began...to find no tables available. So therefore they had to stand waiting outside the boys toilets for 45 minutes, taking in the stench of bleach and urine. Nice.
Dom - This has got farce written all over it
It got worse. Problem number 3 was that competitive egotistical Irish motor mouth himself - Mr Colin Murray. He was just generally a problem. He was taking the quiz so seriously that he made sure the three Radio One teams were sat in different corners of the room, therefore eliminating the chance of any copying. Because Murray was getting on their thrupnies so much, Chris and Dave named their team “Colin sucks”. They then proceeded to come last with 32 points out of a possible 80. Scott’s team were second and unfortunately Colin’s team did win in the end. Chris alleged seeing Murray on his mobile a lot last night though and Dave even said they had considered informing the quiz authorities. Colin’s team did also seem to be over the maximum 5 player limit, this as daytime BA Jocelyn had been drawn under his evil wing and was sat at their table last night. Rachel wanted to know why. Chris said it was cos his team already had five anyway. Rach said that wasn’t an excuse, he could have hidden her under the table...
Chris - Oh Rachel!!! I work with the girl!!!
(Aled and Dave laugh loudly)
Chris said Rach knows he only does that with the work experience girls. Cue the *hello my darlin’, do you wanna get a head in radio?* line. Dave said to be fair Joce had been talking to all sorts of strange men last night. Moyles asked if she had been wearing another one of those mini skirts that just about cover her arse cheeks:
Chris - The trollop
Chris said she was like the 7-Eleven - open all hours. Rach said he couldn’t say that. He just did love. Casting aside the rock hard picture round, the “hip hop” round and (believe it or not) the “prog rock round”, Chris said at least he could take something from the worlds worst pop quiz - one of the greatest Guess Whos he’s ever spotted. Mr Shane McGowan. The landlord introduced the two of them after Dave had left and Shane <s>said</s> slurred to Chris that he should come back and try the pop quiz again sometime. I’m thinking it highly likely we’ll have a bit of The Pogues on Buzz Off tomorrow. The ultimate winner of the evening was Colin, so Chris is already plotting his revenge - in yet another Moyles/Mills/Murray Challenge. He’s considering six possible options at the moment, all of which he thinks he can beat Colin at/in:
1) A Camp Pop Quiz
2) Lazer Quest
3) Cake Eating Contest
4) Riding Rollercoasters
5) Riding Rollercoasters While Eating Cake
6) Not Talking
PONCHO MUNGUS ON THE CHRIS MOYLES SHOW:
(The Poncho Crew)
Howdy people. Bint Eastwood’s poncho was the default joke on the show again today for day number 2. Chris said that green poncho is actually growing on him now. Not really, he lied. He said only Stevie Wonder would find that a good look. Jules asked if Rach had pistols in her pockets. Chris said he didn’t know but she has bristols in her turn ups (cue laughter from Comedic Dave).
Dom - Ponchohontas in the house
Unbeknown to Rach, River Island had sent in ponchos for the whole team. Therefore just before half nine, they banished her to Studio 4 while they got her “surprise” ready. Rach wasn’t happy as the Studio 4 door said “Do Not Enter Danger!!” on it. Chris told her to relax and shut up, and then did a makeshift sound effect of her walking through the door and falling down a big hole. Dave found it very funny. Not as funny as Rach found them in their ponchos though. She returned a minute later and must have laughed for at least 30 seconds without stopping for breath. It was an almighty cackle let me tell you. Chris said his poncho was like a travel rug. Rach said it wasn’t too dissimilar to a bath mat actually. Dave was a cowboy, Aled a cowgirl and Dom looking very masculine in his Cher one, although Juliette in Athens said she couldn’t envisage someone bald wearing a poncho. Dom told her to be quiet and said he looks quite alluring as a cowboy...
Dave - Riding along with the wind in his skin..
(all laugh)
Dom told Dave to shut up and said at least he didn’t look like a “Himalayan Cattle Herder”. True.
(Rach in fits of laughter as she discovers them in their ponchos)
BUZZ OFF, DAVE DOES MATHS AND ALED DOES VERNON (SO TO SPEAK):>>>
It was actually a fairly good show today, although I preferred yesterdays with Ben Stiller and his wife Christine Taylor in as live guests (to download clips courtesy of Tipsy Dipsy from the messageboard then just click here). Chris played out brief edited highlights from their visit at 7:45 this morning, although earlier he had been suggesting that they just re run the full 40 minute interview. Rach said no but Chris thought it was a good idea...
Dave - mmm...cos nothing really happens till 8 anyway does it?
Chris (laughs) - What on our show?
Dave - mmm
Chris - I think that’s a bit harsh Dave..(Dave laughs)..we’re about to do Buzz Off with yet another great record from my home CD collection
Today Chris opted for I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers, number 11 back in August 88. Like Aled I hate this song, although it did generate a surprisingly strong 88% Buzz On response on the text. The Welsh one buzzed in first on 1 minute 20 and then Rach and Dave just as it ended on 3:28. Chris talked after 8:30 about the greatest PR *we’ve got nothing to lose* stunt he’d ever come across during his time at Radio One. It’s from a company called “Gift Bricks Europe”, who've sent him a letter enclosing a free engraved Leeds United supporter plaque with his name on. Chris said it was very nice and very heavy, if not slightly gravestone esque. Aled thought it was very sad as it was like a tombstone saying Leeds are dead, although Chris soon stopped him talking like that. Basically the letter from Gemma McSweeney suggested that these Leeds plaques can be purchased directly from Gift Bricks Europe for fifty quid, who will then donate £20 from each sale back to Leeds United Football Club themselves. A stunning offer but slightly optimistic, as the letter said that 50 000 purchases = £1 million for LUFC. Chris said that’s great, but there’s no way in a million years that he’d get 50 000 listeners to part with 50 quid each to go towards Leeds United. Dave just loved the irony of trying to raise money for financially stricken Leeds by getting people to buy what look like Leeds gravestones. The 50 000 purchases = 1 million pounds was something raising concern on the text though. Suspicions were high that this conversion was wrong, so Dave got out his calculator and notebook and did the Maths. No really he did. And he’s no Carol Vorderman as we all know. Basically he spent five minutes dissecting, dividing and multiplying...to find out that the figure was actually right in the first place. Great.
Dave - But at least like in all my exams I showed my working out...you get extra points for that y’know
With tomorrow being results day for all AS level and A level students, last Friday’s Mini Moyles revealed that Vernon will be going back to his old school to visit some of the students opening their results...live on The Chris Moyles Breakfast Show. That is probably what explains his visit to the studio this morning, i.e for planning etc. Chris didn’t actually say he was there at any point, but you kind of knew once the team randomly started talking about Vernon Kay impressions and the fact that Aled could do a genius Bo Selecta type one of him. Cue Aled’s almost seamless impression from the back of the studio. In fact it was indeed Mr Kay himself - you can see him below on the studio webcam. Dom then did his atrocious Vernon voice (he was obviously hoping he’d do it for him at first) and Jules then did hers in Athens, which was hilarious. Chris even got her to shout it out over her hotel balcony and add “Come On Team GB” on the end. It was probably her funniest moment on Breakfast so far.
(That's Vernon you can see - just to Rachel's right)
(Dom holding what looks like a tiny model of Daves head on the webcam - just a bizarre image I thought I should include)
CARPARK CATCHPHRASE RETURNS IN STYLE:
EMMA a dippy communications studies student from Bristol 2
SAM who installs disabled stairlifts in Stratford Upon Avon 1
**A very funny return for CPC today. Chris wasn’t impressed with Joce’s caller selection again though, with particular regards to Emma and her donkey mates Beth and Steph on their way to Newquay. Joce said that they’re really sweet girls though...
Chris - They sound like chipmunks on acid
(Dave laughs)
Roy Walker wasn’t impressed either - especially as the girls didn’t seem to fully grasp the concept of honking their horn before they answered. Chris asked Roy if he wanted to go to Newquay with them.
Roy - I wouldn’t go if you paid me
(all laugh)
Mind you if you thought Joce had ballsed up by putting Atomic Mutton through on line 1, she then went and put some bloke who installs disabled stairlifts through on line 2. Chris said she was killing him - how the hell was he gonna make a gag about that occupation? To be fair he did manage it...
Chris - Do you enjoy your job Sam or is it a bit up and down?
ber dum cha *symbol*. The funniest thing Sam did was say “see you later, sweet” as Chris said goodbye. Stwaaaight up.**
Daves Tedious Link
East 17 Deep - East 17 star Brian Harvey is very short and in that respect shares something in common with other short celebrities such as Bruno Brookes, Diddy David Hamilton and Ronnie Corbett - If you swap the B of Corbett with a V and add an extra E on the end you get “corvette”, as in Little Red Corvette which was a big hit for Prince - Prince is mates with Sheena Easton who sung For Your Eyes Only from the 1981 Bond film starring Roger Moore - Roger Moore has met Prince Charles - Prince Charles is next in line to the throne which means that one day he could be king - King had a 1985 hit with Love And Pride - The word “pride” shares many of the same letters as “bridge”, which is something that has a span - Span is also a word associated with hands, which in turn is a term concerned with the height of horses - Horses can take part in lots of sports such as horse racing, polo and of course show jumping - Show jumping involves both horse and rider attempting to get over a bar - A bar of a different type is where you’d expect to find a bar maid, or a bartender as they say in America - and if a bartender had been putting his hand in the till and stealing from his boss, he would not only be a bartender but also a thief - Which links us to Stereophonics and The Bartender And The Thief
MINI MOYLES UPDATE:>>> (thanks to tipsydipsy)
- Tomorrow Vernon is back at the school where he used to be a cleaner in Bolton. He'll be joining students as they open their A Level Results live on air
- Plus, Secret Student will be launched - more details in the morning
- Good luck to all home nations in their international football friendlies tonight
- Rachel won't be watching any though, she's going to see Madonna with Aled at Earls Court
<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=8277">> Wednesday 18th August 2004 - What Did You Think Of This Show/Review? Tell Us Here! <</A>
HAPPY REVIEWING ANNIVERSARY TO ME!!!
1. Scent - Up & Down 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Natasha Bedingfield - These Words, 3. Eminem - The Real Slim Shady, 4. Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved, 5. BUZZ OFF - The Proclaimers - I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles), 6. Beyonce Knowles feat Jay-Z - Crazy In Love 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Shapeshifters - Lola's Theme, 8. Kelis - Milkshake, 9. McFly - That Girl, 10. Pink - God Is A DJ 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. Jo Jo - Leave (Get Out), 12. Cam'ron - Oh Boy, 13. The Killers - All These Things That I've Done 8:30 NEWSBEAT 14. Britney Spears - Toxic, 15. Twista feat Anthony Hamilton - Sunshine, 16. Avril Lavigne - Don't Tell Me, 17. Embrace - Gravity, 18. Stereophonics - The Bartender And The Thief (Tedious Link), 19. Scissor Sisters - Laura, 20. Rooster - Come Get Some, 21. Joss Stone - You Had Me 9:30 NEWSBEAT 22. D. Kay & Epsilon feat Stamina MC - Barcelona, 23. The 411 - Dumb, 24. The Thrills - Whatever Happened To Corey Haim
Yep that’s right, one year today. One whole bloody year of me writing this crap. If you think that’s sad enough though then get this, I even went to the trouble of working out that I've reviewed 136 breakfast shows, 67 afternoon shows, 12 Chappers and Dave Shows and 1 Christmas Show in the past 12 months. In other words, 539 hours worth of Chris’s show and 25 hours worth of Chappers and Daves Shows reviewed on this page courtesy of lickle old me in the last 365 days. I know - I am insane. To read my first ever afternoon review with Uglybob from way back on the 18th August 2003, just click here in the archives and scroll down. If you do, two things will become noticeably apparent about the reviews:
1) They’ve got no better
2) They’ve got about 93 times longer
Ah there’s just so much to god damn write about. Enjoy it while you can though people as there’ll be no second anniversary. Let me exclusively reveal that now in a DLT stylee. I’ll initially carry on on my own until around Christmas, and then the plan is to get more people involved and eventually let them take over the reviews before I (hopefully) go to uni next summer. That’s the plan folks. Just sit back and watch it all go pear shaped...like the start of today’s show. For some reason Chris and Dave were only coming out of the left hand speaker, which meant all those listening on right speakered mono clock radios could hear bugger all at 6:55. Actually to be fair they could hear the jingles and the music (chuckle chuckle vision) as these were coming out of both. Dave suggested getting an engineer in to help:
Dave - Well I mean I could have a go re wiring it but I’m not very good at that sort of thing
(Chris laughs)
Simon Mayo etc etc. Aled was predictably the culprit, as he’d presumably wired something up wrong. Chris told Billy The Kidderminster to give him a hefty kick in the arse but she did a pathetic one that even Aled wasn’t happy with. It’s what Dave usually refers to as a “strong start”. Chris said still better than JK and Joel though, cue the usual round of early morning insults. He called JK a homeless pob with a laugh like Muttley’s (but less likable). He then however added that he likes the pair of them being on before him in the morning. I mean you’d hardly get Chris ripping the piss out of Nemone for weeks on end like this (with the greatest respect to her though as I do like her). However even as a long term JK and Joel fan I don’t mind Chris bullying them a bit, as at least there’s some fresh blood at the station for him to pick on now. In other words Scott Mills is relatively safe for the time being...
Chris - There’s nothing like a good old bitch to start the show
That’s Juliette, who is now just over a week into her time in Athens at the Olympics. She’s covering the Sailing and Fencing for Five Live and told Chris that it’s yet another hot, sunny, bright and breezy day where she is. Cow...
Chris - How long have you been out there for so far?
Jules - 9 days now
Chris - 9 days, and how many gold medals do we have?
Jules - ....none
Chris - Brilliant
Jules - We have a silver and a bronze though
Chris - Ah well there you go. We only need one more then we’ve got our full quota and can go home
(Dave and Rach laugh)
Jules guaranteed Chris that she’ll have a gold medal by Monday. Yeah, she’s gonna nick one from the Americans. She wasn’t hanging around with Ben Ainslie Harriot last night, although she did say she saw Iain Percy and Steve Mitchell in the bar. They’re sailors apparently. Chris said Aled is so jealous of Jules, getting to hang out with all them sailors in the sunshine. Not tonight he’s not though, this as he’s off to see Madonna at Earls Court - jazz hands at the ready. Madge (not Bishop) was up here at the MEN on Saturday and by all accounts was excellent. Probably why Aled has splashed out £160 to see the gig tonight then. Chris recalled the time that him and Dave got tickets to go see her very exclusive performance at Brixton Academy two years ago. Only problem being, they got jarred in the bar beforehand (and I mean jarred), so ended up watching about 8 of her on stage from the back of the auditorium. Chris said he has no idea if she was any good or not - he can’t remember. Tonight he’s gonna be watching the England - Ukraine game on telly, but says he finds friendlies like this really difficult to watch as the constant substitutions mean the players find it really difficult to get any kind of flow going (I know - get him Mr Pundit). *cough* He is right though *cough*. Starting up front tonight for England is Mr Alan Smith, who Chris wished good luck to. However, someone then texted in calling him “a dirty judas” (Smith not Moyles). Chris said he hates the Leeds fans who give Smith grief just cos he’s gone to Man U. He said that they should get over it and just support the badge. They weren’t chanting scum at Danny Pugh (ex Man U and now Leeds) in the Derby match were they? Probably as they’d never heard of him to be fair. I do agree with Chris on this one though. Dave tried to defend the Leeds fans but Chris shot him down. After all if they mess with Smith, they mess with his mate - the Moyles mum Vera. And they don’t want to be doing that. I probably should say (just to keep everyone happy) that Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and the Republic are all playing friendlies tonight too - against Hungary, Latvia, Switzerland and Bulgaria respectively. Keeping the peace y’see.
(not a sight Chris likes to see - Smudger in red)
THE GREAT RADIO ONE POP QUIZ:
Chris said he was feeling a bit rough this morning after his big night out last night at The Radio One Pop Quiz. It wasn’t an official one as such, just one organised by Colin and Edith’s part time producer (and ex Chris Moyles Saturday Show producer) Mr Richard Murdock. He spotted a pop quiz a few Tuesday’s ago at a pub near his place, asked Colin and Edith if they wanted to go...and the whole thing kind of escalated from there. Out in force last night then were: Chris, Dave, their mate Chris Humphreys, The Moyles Missus Sophie, Colin and Edith, Richard, Chappers, Scott Mills, Jocelyn, Hannah, Neil, Laura, Jessica and a load of others from Radio One whose names Chris doesn’t know (despite working with them for years). Rach wasn’t there as she was allegedly “ill”, although she was miraculously better by this morning. Before Chris started running through the nights events, he had to first point out that the quiz wasn’t actually a pop quiz. It was a music quiz for old men and nerds. Very specialist basically. Chris said it was a sign of things to come when the big R1 posse turned up at the pub an hour before it began...to find no tables available. So therefore they had to stand waiting outside the boys toilets for 45 minutes, taking in the stench of bleach and urine. Nice.
Dom - This has got farce written all over it
It got worse. Problem number 3 was that competitive egotistical Irish motor mouth himself - Mr Colin Murray. He was just generally a problem. He was taking the quiz so seriously that he made sure the three Radio One teams were sat in different corners of the room, therefore eliminating the chance of any copying. Because Murray was getting on their thrupnies so much, Chris and Dave named their team “Colin sucks”. They then proceeded to come last with 32 points out of a possible 80. Scott’s team were second and unfortunately Colin’s team did win in the end. Chris alleged seeing Murray on his mobile a lot last night though and Dave even said they had considered informing the quiz authorities. Colin’s team did also seem to be over the maximum 5 player limit, this as daytime BA Jocelyn had been drawn under his evil wing and was sat at their table last night. Rachel wanted to know why. Chris said it was cos his team already had five anyway. Rach said that wasn’t an excuse, he could have hidden her under the table...
Chris - Oh Rachel!!! I work with the girl!!!
(Aled and Dave laugh loudly)
Chris said Rach knows he only does that with the work experience girls. Cue the *hello my darlin’, do you wanna get a head in radio?* line. Dave said to be fair Joce had been talking to all sorts of strange men last night. Moyles asked if she had been wearing another one of those mini skirts that just about cover her arse cheeks:
Chris - The trollop
Chris said she was like the 7-Eleven - open all hours. Rach said he couldn’t say that. He just did love. Casting aside the rock hard picture round, the “hip hop” round and (believe it or not) the “prog rock round”, Chris said at least he could take something from the worlds worst pop quiz - one of the greatest Guess Whos he’s ever spotted. Mr Shane McGowan. The landlord introduced the two of them after Dave had left and Shane <s>said</s> slurred to Chris that he should come back and try the pop quiz again sometime. I’m thinking it highly likely we’ll have a bit of The Pogues on Buzz Off tomorrow. The ultimate winner of the evening was Colin, so Chris is already plotting his revenge - in yet another Moyles/Mills/Murray Challenge. He’s considering six possible options at the moment, all of which he thinks he can beat Colin at/in:
1) A Camp Pop Quiz
2) Lazer Quest
3) Cake Eating Contest
4) Riding Rollercoasters
5) Riding Rollercoasters While Eating Cake
6) Not Talking
PONCHO MUNGUS ON THE CHRIS MOYLES SHOW:
(The Poncho Crew)
Howdy people. Bint Eastwood’s poncho was the default joke on the show again today for day number 2. Chris said that green poncho is actually growing on him now. Not really, he lied. He said only Stevie Wonder would find that a good look. Jules asked if Rach had pistols in her pockets. Chris said he didn’t know but she has bristols in her turn ups (cue laughter from Comedic Dave).
Dom - Ponchohontas in the house
Unbeknown to Rach, River Island had sent in ponchos for the whole team. Therefore just before half nine, they banished her to Studio 4 while they got her “surprise” ready. Rach wasn’t happy as the Studio 4 door said “Do Not Enter Danger!!” on it. Chris told her to relax and shut up, and then did a makeshift sound effect of her walking through the door and falling down a big hole. Dave found it very funny. Not as funny as Rach found them in their ponchos though. She returned a minute later and must have laughed for at least 30 seconds without stopping for breath. It was an almighty cackle let me tell you. Chris said his poncho was like a travel rug. Rach said it wasn’t too dissimilar to a bath mat actually. Dave was a cowboy, Aled a cowgirl and Dom looking very masculine in his Cher one, although Juliette in Athens said she couldn’t envisage someone bald wearing a poncho. Dom told her to be quiet and said he looks quite alluring as a cowboy...
Dave - Riding along with the wind in his skin..
(all laugh)
Dom told Dave to shut up and said at least he didn’t look like a “Himalayan Cattle Herder”. True.
(Rach in fits of laughter as she discovers them in their ponchos)
BUZZ OFF, DAVE DOES MATHS AND ALED DOES VERNON (SO TO SPEAK):>>>
It was actually a fairly good show today, although I preferred yesterdays with Ben Stiller and his wife Christine Taylor in as live guests (to download clips courtesy of Tipsy Dipsy from the messageboard then just click here). Chris played out brief edited highlights from their visit at 7:45 this morning, although earlier he had been suggesting that they just re run the full 40 minute interview. Rach said no but Chris thought it was a good idea...
Dave - mmm...cos nothing really happens till 8 anyway does it?
Chris (laughs) - What on our show?
Dave - mmm
Chris - I think that’s a bit harsh Dave..(Dave laughs)..we’re about to do Buzz Off with yet another great record from my home CD collection
Today Chris opted for I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers, number 11 back in August 88. Like Aled I hate this song, although it did generate a surprisingly strong 88% Buzz On response on the text. The Welsh one buzzed in first on 1 minute 20 and then Rach and Dave just as it ended on 3:28. Chris talked after 8:30 about the greatest PR *we’ve got nothing to lose* stunt he’d ever come across during his time at Radio One. It’s from a company called “Gift Bricks Europe”, who've sent him a letter enclosing a free engraved Leeds United supporter plaque with his name on. Chris said it was very nice and very heavy, if not slightly gravestone esque. Aled thought it was very sad as it was like a tombstone saying Leeds are dead, although Chris soon stopped him talking like that. Basically the letter from Gemma McSweeney suggested that these Leeds plaques can be purchased directly from Gift Bricks Europe for fifty quid, who will then donate £20 from each sale back to Leeds United Football Club themselves. A stunning offer but slightly optimistic, as the letter said that 50 000 purchases = £1 million for LUFC. Chris said that’s great, but there’s no way in a million years that he’d get 50 000 listeners to part with 50 quid each to go towards Leeds United. Dave just loved the irony of trying to raise money for financially stricken Leeds by getting people to buy what look like Leeds gravestones. The 50 000 purchases = 1 million pounds was something raising concern on the text though. Suspicions were high that this conversion was wrong, so Dave got out his calculator and notebook and did the Maths. No really he did. And he’s no Carol Vorderman as we all know. Basically he spent five minutes dissecting, dividing and multiplying...to find out that the figure was actually right in the first place. Great.
Dave - But at least like in all my exams I showed my working out...you get extra points for that y’know
With tomorrow being results day for all AS level and A level students, last Friday’s Mini Moyles revealed that Vernon will be going back to his old school to visit some of the students opening their results...live on The Chris Moyles Breakfast Show. That is probably what explains his visit to the studio this morning, i.e for planning etc. Chris didn’t actually say he was there at any point, but you kind of knew once the team randomly started talking about Vernon Kay impressions and the fact that Aled could do a genius Bo Selecta type one of him. Cue Aled’s almost seamless impression from the back of the studio. In fact it was indeed Mr Kay himself - you can see him below on the studio webcam. Dom then did his atrocious Vernon voice (he was obviously hoping he’d do it for him at first) and Jules then did hers in Athens, which was hilarious. Chris even got her to shout it out over her hotel balcony and add “Come On Team GB” on the end. It was probably her funniest moment on Breakfast so far.
(That's Vernon you can see - just to Rachel's right)
(Dom holding what looks like a tiny model of Daves head on the webcam - just a bizarre image I thought I should include)
CARPARK CATCHPHRASE RETURNS IN STYLE:
EMMA a dippy communications studies student from Bristol 2
SAM who installs disabled stairlifts in Stratford Upon Avon 1
**A very funny return for CPC today. Chris wasn’t impressed with Joce’s caller selection again though, with particular regards to Emma and her donkey mates Beth and Steph on their way to Newquay. Joce said that they’re really sweet girls though...
Chris - They sound like chipmunks on acid
(Dave laughs)
Roy Walker wasn’t impressed either - especially as the girls didn’t seem to fully grasp the concept of honking their horn before they answered. Chris asked Roy if he wanted to go to Newquay with them.
Roy - I wouldn’t go if you paid me
(all laugh)
Mind you if you thought Joce had ballsed up by putting Atomic Mutton through on line 1, she then went and put some bloke who installs disabled stairlifts through on line 2. Chris said she was killing him - how the hell was he gonna make a gag about that occupation? To be fair he did manage it...
Chris - Do you enjoy your job Sam or is it a bit up and down?
ber dum cha *symbol*. The funniest thing Sam did was say “see you later, sweet” as Chris said goodbye. Stwaaaight up.**
Daves Tedious Link
East 17 Deep - East 17 star Brian Harvey is very short and in that respect shares something in common with other short celebrities such as Bruno Brookes, Diddy David Hamilton and Ronnie Corbett - If you swap the B of Corbett with a V and add an extra E on the end you get “corvette”, as in Little Red Corvette which was a big hit for Prince - Prince is mates with Sheena Easton who sung For Your Eyes Only from the 1981 Bond film starring Roger Moore - Roger Moore has met Prince Charles - Prince Charles is next in line to the throne which means that one day he could be king - King had a 1985 hit with Love And Pride - The word “pride” shares many of the same letters as “bridge”, which is something that has a span - Span is also a word associated with hands, which in turn is a term concerned with the height of horses - Horses can take part in lots of sports such as horse racing, polo and of course show jumping - Show jumping involves both horse and rider attempting to get over a bar - A bar of a different type is where you’d expect to find a bar maid, or a bartender as they say in America - and if a bartender had been putting his hand in the till and stealing from his boss, he would not only be a bartender but also a thief - Which links us to Stereophonics and The Bartender And The Thief
MINI MOYLES UPDATE:>>> (thanks to tipsydipsy)
- Tomorrow Vernon is back at the school where he used to be a cleaner in Bolton. He'll be joining students as they open their A Level Results live on air
- Plus, Secret Student will be launched - more details in the morning
- Good luck to all home nations in their international football friendlies tonight
- Rachel won't be watching any though, she's going to see Madonna with Aled at Earls Court
<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=8277">> Wednesday 18th August 2004 - What Did You Think Of This Show/Review? Tell Us Here! <</A>
