The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
#242020
1. Beyonce Knowles feat Jay-Z - Crazy In Love 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. The Darkness - Growing On Me, 3. Ashlee Simpson - Pieces Of Me, 4. Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved, 5. BUZZ OFF - Underworld - Born Slippy 7:30 NEWSBEAT 6. Sean Paul - Gimme The Light, 7. Green Day - American Idiot, 8. Travis - Walking In The Sun, 9. Shapeshifters - Lola’s Theme, 10. The Thrills - Whatever Happened To Corey Haim 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. Natasha Bedingfield - These Words, 12. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Can’t Stop, 13. Christina Milian feat Joe Budden - Whatever U Want 8:30 NEWSBEAT 14. Kelis - Milkshake, 15. Razorlight - Vice, 16. Avril Lavigne - Don't Tell Me, 17. Feeder - Seven Days In The Sun (Tedious Link), 18. Eric Prydz - Call On Me, 19. Terror Squad feat Fat Joe & Remy - Lean Back, 20. Estelle - Free 9:30 NEWSBEAT 21. Joss Stone - You Had Me, 22. U2 - Beautiful Day, 23. Justin Timberlake - Rock Your Body

Best show all week this, despite the fact that Chris and Dave began once again by moaning about their alleged “man flu”. To be fair it was more Chris than Dave - and Moyles said perhaps those seven pints of Heineken he had last night aren’t particularly good for man flu after all. I’m gonna stick my neck out on the line here and say that they aren’t (I know). The chat about man flu had really peed some bloke off on the text:
TEXT MESSAGE: - “Sorry guys but another bloody show starting with man flu and boozing has lost you a listener. Steve, Luton”
Chris said that didn’t really count though - as he’s from Luton. He did add that they would all severely miss Steve if he decided to go away and experiment with other breakfast show DJ’s. Some fella texted in telling them to ignore Steve, as they’d just gained a listener... “good morning”. Dave asked if they were in credit now then.
ANOTHER TEXT: - “I’m off too, this show’s appalling. Jeremy, Milton Keynes”[/u]
Again though - Milton Keynes, it doesn’t count. Chris did a bit of an MK put down about “The Point”, which is apparently where all the chavs hang out - at the arcades, cinema and Pizza Hut. Chris (who did live there for a year) said it’s a hell hole. Cue the old roundabouts and concrete cows stereotypes. Moyles went on the defensive and was quick to add that MK does make sense really... as it’s easy to get to anywhere.
Dave - Are you gonna talk about the grid system again?
Chris - Yeah. Woah, sorry - do I bore you with it? Do I bore you with tales of the grid system?
(Dave laughs)
Chris - Well fine, I won’t talk about it if you’re gonna be like that..
Dave - Well no I didn’t mean that, I didn’t mean to be rude

Predictably a ton of text abuse came in for Chris, with his favourite message of the lot being the one from Milton Keyner Jamie - which simply read “shut it you gays”. Despite his bad condition, Chris still managed a wry smile when he arrived in work this morning - to find Rachel arguing with the engineers. She was wearing her new top and kinky boots today btw - which Dave said actually made her look quite feminine. Note the “actually”. Chris said her top really helps show off her massive breasts too... oh and her tiny delicate shoulders. Rach wasn’t used to such compliments:
Rach - You are definitely ill...
(Chris laughs)

Dave said no - him and Chris are like the Trinny and Susannah of Radio 1. Fashion tips from fashionable people. After Rach continually refused to accept any compliments, Chris said fine - she does look like a sack of crap. Ahh back to normal eh...
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THE SUFFRAGETTES, BLOKESTATION AND SOCCER AM:
A long time after this (when Chris and Dave were busy discussing Suranne Jones’s cleavage) Rachel butted in and told them off for talking too much about women.
Chris - But Rach y’see, the thing is with Dave and I, we love the ladies...
(Joce laughs)

Not all of them though - cos some are mousses and hippacrocopigs (great word). Dave said to be honest, they were sent down to this here earth to check out the hot ladies and their breasts...
Rach - I don’t know what the world would do without you both
Chris - That’s a very good point Rachel
Dave - Yeah you know you’re right
(Rach laughs)
Dave - Hang on a minute though, we’ve probably done more this morning for the female movement than the Suffragettes...
(Rach laughs)

As in Emmeline Pankhurst, womens rights and tying yourself to bars (and no Chris she wasn’t on her hen night). There was also of course “the burning of the bras”, which Rach said she wouldn’t even do with her old space bra (if she still had it) - as bras are just too expensive.
Dave - They can survive re entry... so to speak
Chris said considering the amount of times they’ve plugged Babestation since Monday, he’s quite surprised they’ve not had an invitation to go on there and tease and tantalise the women of the UK. Dave said that would be “Blokestation” (copyright 2004 - or so they thought).
Dave - all this... “oooh I’m touching my knee”
(Chris laughs)

Blokestation has already been done though, so isn’t worth pursuing. It was done on Soccer AM - although Chris said no one watches that bilge anyway. Soccer AM was a truly great show five years ago, although now I find it a bit boring. Chris is of course ridiculed by Tim Lovejoy and The Colonel on there every week - although he has never even met Tim, and wonders why he hates his guts so much.
Dave - I think it’s a good show
Chris - It’s a great show actually. I take it back...

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(http://www.skysports.com/skysports/socceram)

LOVE LIFE, LOVE SANDWICHES - AND THE SHOW GOES GLOBAL:
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After yesterday’s big sandwich show, today was time for a “butty update”:
Chris - Are we going to talk to Longman Rachel?
Rach - Yes, he was good yesterday..
Dave - Eh, you’re warming to him now aren’t you?
Chris - Oooh. There’s a bit of love for Longman coming from Rachel, and we already know there’s some coming from Juliette..
Jules - He’s fit!
Chris - You’ve got no chance by the way..
Jules - Story of my life

They didn’t actually chat to Longman in the end, although Chris did get a text from him thanking everyone for the 30% increase in takings yesterday. Instead we got a montage from people at the sandwich shops serving "The Chris Moyles Show Chicken Curry and rice sandwich” yesterday. The final guy in the package ended his message by saying “love life, love sandwiches”:
Chris - Yeah! Get in my friend!!
Dave (laughs) - “Love life, love sandwiches”
Chris - It’s the new phrase for a new generation
*plays clip again - ends with “love life, love sandwiches”*
Chris - That’s right
Dave - I don’t want a love sandwich
(pause)
Jules - What?
(Dom laughs as Chris plays jingle)

Chris said that’s what you get when you go out with Aled (good mornin). A few e-mails had come into the show from people in sandwich shops abroad, also saying that they were selling the shows sandwich yesterday. Chris decided to do something he hasn’t done in a while, and try and get a big list of people and where they were listening abroad - on after the next 2 records. A nice global feature - bringing the world closer together. The list revealed people were listening live in St Lucia, South Africa, Switzerland, Australia, Japan, Canada, Israel, Sweden, Hong Kong, France, Taiwan... and the US of A. Chris decided to get two of those listeners up on the phone for a chat. The first was Fiona, listening in San Diego California - where the time was nearly half past midnight (she was meant to leave work at 7 too). She works for a biotech company, and is originally from Wiltshire. She sounded well fit. Chris asked her if she’d found an American man for herself since she moved over there five years ago. She said no, as the men in San Diego are mostly dogs (although that was Chris kind of putting words into her mouth there).
Chris - See you need a good British man out there, that’s what you need
Fiona - I do, yeah. I had one the other weekend when I was back for a wedding, but he’s still in England
(Chris laughs)
Dave - When you say “you had one” you mean you found one?
Fiona (realises) - I found one yeah (laughs), that’s what I meant..

Joining Fiona on the phone was Shirley, listening in Taipei Taiwan - at nearly 2:30pm in the afternoon. It’s fair to say compared to Fiona she was less talkative, not as easy to understand - and less enthusiastic about making a friend across the globe. “Awkward” springs to mind.
Chris - This isn’t working as well as I thought, I must be honest
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BRILLIANT LURGY WARS ON THE CHRIS MOYLES SHOW:
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You have never heard so much chaos in a radio studio before (well not since Oasis on The Evening Session in 97). Basically the team were playing tigs off ground again (which I still find a bit boring) - although today it all kicked off. Dave was more or less attacked as he stood on 2 pieces of A4, which were protecting him from lurgy woman Rachel. He therefore pushed her over twice (in a Paulo Di Canio stylee), which resulted in her falling over and banging her head. Dave though was proclaiming his innocence:
Dave - She banged her head when she came up from the table...
(Dom, Jules and Chris laugh)
Dave (laughs) - ... but that sounds completely wrong
Chris - You banged her head man!
Dave - I never banged her head, she was trying to take my feet away so I just y’know.. palmed her off... no that sounds wrong as well!!!
Jules (laughs loudly) - 9:31

They all knew it’d end in tears, but nevertheless the game continued after (and even during) the 9:30 news and sport. In fact midway through Juliette’s bulletin you could hear Dave shouting off mic “don't make me hurt you!!!”. As Dom proceeded to the weather and One Road Travel, Jules joined in. In the end a combination of her and Rach brought Dave to the deck:
Dave (loud - off mic) - That is cheating!! You can’t have two girls on one guy at a time...
Jules - You love it!!
(all laugh)
Chris (in his TV reporter voice) - Jules, how do you feel about your twosome with Rachel to get Dave on the ground?
Jules - Hard!
Dave - Wahey, absolutely!!... no diggity
Jules - No doubt

Scott from Online may have ended the show with the lurgy inside the Radio 1 building, but outside it was a completely different matter...
Dom - You gave me the challenge to tig a member of the public with the lurgy..
Chris - Yes
Dom (laughs) - The first woman wasn’t quite playing ball and didn’t get it... here she is
*plays clip of him on street*
Dom - Do you listen to The Chris Moyles Show?
Random foreign woman - No, I don’t have any TV
Dom - You have no TV. Ok bye bye...
(Chris, Dave and Rach laugh)

The next fella (called Ben) did understand though, and promised to pass the lurgy round work all day. He vowed to meet Dom back by reception at around the same time tomorrow, to return the lurgy to it’s rightful owner.

SECRET STUDENT, CHRIS CALLS LIAM GAY - AND THE TEAM TALK DANCE:>>>
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Mr Secret Student was on early alarm call today - as Chris and Dave chatted to him at 7:41. He’d just woke up and (it’s fair to say) sounded like a bag of knackers. He blamed the big club, the cheap alcohol... and the long drinking session in another flat afterwards (no mixing of the drinks however). Mr Secret Student (let’s call him say... John) said he had absolutely no idea what time he got to bed - which Chris said was an insight into real student life. John said last night was a bit of a babe fest to be fair - but then again, there is a large ratio of women to men at the uni he's at (is that a clue folks?). He is feeling it in the pocket after 4 wild nights out of partying so far this week, although he said he may go out again tonight after a long afternoon sleep.
Chris (laughing) - I wanna keep you on cos you’re making me sound more sober...
After the Secret Student had got off the phone, Chris said he can’t wait till he finds a chick and gets laid...
Chris - That said, I don’t know if he’s straight or gay
Dave - He could be anything
Chris - mmm
Dave - We’re a broad church
Chris - What?
Dave - Pardon?
(Chris laughs)

Chris was flicking through the morning *ooh aah* Daily Star when he found a story about Nic Appleton and Liam Gallagher. Apparently they’ve split after four years, which Chris wasn’t disputing. What he was disputing though was some of the quotes and general tabloid journalist language used in there. Being the gallant man that he is, he offered to go out with Nicole if she wanted. He said only cos Sophie fancies Liam though - so they could have some kind of swapsies going on.
Chris - and by the way, a picture of Liam Gallagher looking g...looking gay - hello?
Dave (laughs loudly) - We’d just like to say that he doesn’t look gay at all!!

Chris said he actually meant to say “a picture of Liam Gallagher looking cool” - what a mistaker to maker eh? Chris decided to bail out of the link early, and said that if anyone who was listening knew Liam - please don’t tell him Chris called him gay on the Radio 1 Breakfast Show. Dave did a great impression of what Liam might have been like after hearing Chris say that, while tucking into his cereal...
Chris (laughing) - I didn’t say it!
Dave - You did

Buzz Off today was a real classic. Certainly one of the greatest dance songs of all time - Born Slippy by Underworld (number 2 back in July 96). Quite rightly it was played in full with no buzzes and no talking at all, and the listener text vote was a landslide 91% in favour too. Justifiably so - as they just don’t come much better than that. Chris said that when he was in Birmingham last Saturday, a guy came up to him - who he had shared a drunk night out with back in Newcastle in 99 (he was doing The Millennium Tube for the TV at the time). Chris didn’t ever catch this guys name, but found out later on that it was none other than Darren Emerson - who used to be in Underworld. Rach said he was one third of Underworld, along with Karl Hyde (from Kiddy) and ... erm, another bloke.
Chris - Wow, and there’ll be more on the history of dance at the same time next week..
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(That’s Darren Emerson don’t y’know)

AND THE BITS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED:>>>
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*Chris talking about his night out last night with his friend called “Shaun”. This friend is Shaun Tilley, who does the Everton pre and half time entertainment at Goodison, plus presents The Big Drive Home on Liverpool station Radio City 96.7 (link to his page here). He’s done it for a fair few years. I know cos I used to listen to the guy on before him (Joe Ferguson - genius) so caught the odd bit of his shows. Chris knows him from their days at Radio Luxembourg together.
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(Shaun Tilley)
*A proper good “let’s rocccckkkk” track at last today - Growing On Me by The Darkness at 5 past 7.
*More crap bacon and steak jokes after the “Lean Back” song.
*Chris calling the production team “a bunch of 10 year olds” after hearing the awful number one tag on Call On Me by Eric Prydz.
*Chris tickling Jocelyn (aww), Rach and Dave during half time. Brilliant radio - for Joce’s cute laugh, Rach’s funny scream and Dave's response of “Oi get off me, I’ll smack you!!”.
*Chris calling the new Travis single Walking In The Sun a bit of a “nothing track” (I really like it). It’s on the new singles compilation that is out soon, although Chris was struggling for a release date. Rach butted in and said it’s November the 1st:
Chris - How do you know these things Rachel? You’re so good!
Dave - You should be like a producer or something..

*Chris calling Denise Van Outen hot but crap on TV.
*Also him calling Naomi Campbell a dog and Abi Titmuss hot, although he says the whole slutty look of her with her legs wide open in her underwear and a mop in her hand doesn’t really suit her.
Chris - That said, you would wouldn’t you?
Dave - mmm

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CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
DARREN a kitchen cleaner from Stockport 2
ED who works for a trainee company in Chester 0

Dave's Tedious Link
Sugarhill Gang Rapper’s Delight - Rapper’s Delight was released in 1979, the same year that The Knack had a big hit with My Sharona - Sharona rhymes with Corona, which is both a type of pop and also the name of the band responsible for The Rhythm Of The Night - Night is a word associated with owls - Owls in the world of football refer to Sheffield Wednesday, who look set to appoint former Plymouth and Southampton boss Paul Sturrock as their new manager - The manager picks the team - There’s no I in team, nor are there any W’s, L’s or P’s - Peas provide a good accompaniment to pies - Pies need to be cooked in the oven - Oven work should always be carried out using appropriate oven gloves - If you remove the G of gloves and replace it with a C you get “cloves”, which is how garlic grows - Garlic is used heavily in much Mediterranean cooking, in countries such as Italy and Spain and stuff - and Italy and Spain both enjoy a pleasant climate, making them affordable and accessible locations for a short mini break, if you fancy spending say “seven days in the sun” - Which links us to Feeder and Seven Days In The Sun

THE TEAM DISCUSS TODAY’S “ECLECTIC” SHOW
Dom - I thought there was something there for everybody
Chris - Yes, and hopefully for management as well...


MISSING MINI MOYLES UPDATE:>>>
(If anyone has this for Thursday then can you please e-mail it to me - link is by the review title, cheers)
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<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=8431">> Thursday 23rd September 04 - What Did You Think Of This Show/Review? Tell Us Here! <</A>

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