[winker]

Yeah, yeah buoy. Dr winker is in the house. Post your problems here and I will try to help. Please note I'm not a real doctor (you reading this Dr Alban? Are you, you poor excuse for a..) All problems will be answered with the sarcasm and general wit associated with the likes of comedy hero Norman Wisdom and that long faced gimp off of 'On the Buses'.<P>I'm on pills for me nerves.<p>[This message has been edited by winker (edited 18 June 2001).]

[wannabe_mrs_moyles]

i've lost my locker key, what do i do?!

[the_dr]

I can't stop winking - help me. I have tried sunglasses but they just mask the problem. I have been to my denist but he wasn't much help.<P>Please help me dr_winker!

[winker]

Locker key problem 1st-<P>Get a big screwdriver, jam it in, give it a wiggle. Bob's your mothers brother.<P>Winking, that's a bit harder (ooer). I think your problem lies in visiting a 'denist' what ever that is. Visit Ann Summers instead for curing your 'winking', ahem.<P>Any more for any more. Just like butter and cheese, I'm on a roll. (TM Judge Jules 'cheesy' quotes).<P><p>[This message has been edited by winker (edited 19 June 2001).]

[the_dr]

I visited the Denist, then I went to the Opticians and then to the Dentist. None of them solved my winking problem. I don't want to go to Ann Summers - my tupperware party experince has put me off.<P>the_winking_dr

[winker]

A tricky one even Mr. Creosote would agree with. Try taking your finger out of your eye as this is probably agravating it. Or put your contact lense in the RIGHT way around so it contours with your eye. Failing that go to an EYE doctor. they can be found in most Eye streets, or burger bars. <P>Cheque please.

[the_dr]

I am still winking, but now I am winking and blinking. I refuse to pay you. Instead, I have joined the circus as the 'human winking machine'. Thanks for your help.<P>the_dr

[HELP!!!]

Please help me doctor winker, my dad abuses me and every night he puts me to bed by thrashing me with a broken bottle - what should I do?  I'm too scared to call the police, and I'm just worried about what he might do next.<P>Michael

[wannabe_mrs_moyles]

thankyou, i would do that but ym locker is actually open, i forgot to lock it last time i had it. but now i've lost it so i can't lock it and people could steal all my valuable stuff (body spray etc) and i have to give it back in 3 weeks and i don't have anything to give back (i finish school in 3 weeks and then 7 and a half weeks holiday wooo hoooo!)

[winker]

1st - wannabe_mrs_thingy. If the locker is open can't you request a new locker? What body spray are you using that's so valuable that it needs to be locked up? Can I market it in London village. I'd make a bomb (out of it) then blow up Timmy Mallets house! Ha ha ha....  Right, erm back to your locker problem. Get a kangeroo as a pet for the last three weeks and stash your valuable body spray and other bits in it's pouch. Job's a good 'un.

[winker]

Unregistered Michael I assume that this is a joke post. If not phone Childline or the NSPCC. I will not answer with a 'jokey' comment just in case.

[HELP!!!]

Thank you Dr Winker, you are the fount of all knowledge, 5 hours ago I called Childline and they told me to report my dad to the police and tell them he was molestering me - and they took him away, hopefully for ever..I am the new mayor of my town and I will rename it "Smileytown" where the children reign supreme!!  (don't cross the white line though..)

[winker]

Hmmnnn I don't think it is very funny to make fun of children being 'molested' by their parents. I actually know somebody who had to endure this unpleasant experience in their childhood. Grow up fuc.kwit.

[THE_TRUTH]

wee-wee poo-poo.<P>Will you be my friend?

[winker]

Get bent