chrismoyles.net
- Sat Jul 20, 2002 3:03 pm
#17289
It may have escaped your notice that some horoscopes are a bit general at worst down right vague. I intend to change all that by bringing you the worlds first horoscope that tells you exactly what is in the pipeline for your starsign this week. After sitting under my makeshift pyramid, the old ones in for service so I'm using a family sized Toblerone packet, I have deduced the following:
Sagatarius- An electricity bill for £183.27 knocks the gloss off Monday morning. Cheer up! You give birth on Wednesday and Saturday sees you finally relaying that patio floor.
Gemeni- Your dual personality does have its drawbacks. On Thursday you will be arrested for being the spitting image of someone the police need, on the bright side you will be bailed for a month.
Cancer- Monday morning brings a large shiny spot on the end of your nose.Do not repeat DO NOT be tempted to squeeze it.
Scorpio- Sorry Scorpio but according to technical fault and astrological infringement your stars have been postponed for a week.
Aquarias- Listen Aquarias your rendition of Gloria Gaynors I will survive with your mate Julie at the Karoke night on Friday doesn't exactly have the executives from EMI beating a path to your door does it? So give it up Aquarias.
Taurus- Steve will call.
Capricorn- Saturday evening sees you visiting the MoylesWorld message board forum and you will find yourself reading these very words at exactly 6:47pm. That'll send a shiver down your spine.
Libra- While thumbing through a dictonary this week you come across the word 'hoggish' You take an immediate liking to this word and spend the rest of the week using it out of context on every given occasion. You even manage to use it whilst ordering a cheeseburger!
Leo- The week starts on a bit of a downer with a £93.27 telephone bill. However Thursday offers some light relief with the news that the people next door have been caught out by the TV licence detector van.
Aries- Shopping is on the menu this week Aries and whilst standing at the check out you spot someone you seem to recognise, and you're right!!! Yes that man to your left at the quick specs counter is none other than 'Country File' presenter John Craven.
Virgo- A package of Venus through your upper house brings constilation and an extremley large bill for roof repairs. Laugh about it Virgo.
Piscies- Sad news this week when on Friday your beloved goldfish 'Timmy' pops his clogs. So its down the bog with him, and off to the chip shop for a symbolic cod and chips that will cheer you up no end.
Sagatarius- An electricity bill for £183.27 knocks the gloss off Monday morning. Cheer up! You give birth on Wednesday and Saturday sees you finally relaying that patio floor.
Gemeni- Your dual personality does have its drawbacks. On Thursday you will be arrested for being the spitting image of someone the police need, on the bright side you will be bailed for a month.
Cancer- Monday morning brings a large shiny spot on the end of your nose.Do not repeat DO NOT be tempted to squeeze it.
Scorpio- Sorry Scorpio but according to technical fault and astrological infringement your stars have been postponed for a week.
Aquarias- Listen Aquarias your rendition of Gloria Gaynors I will survive with your mate Julie at the Karoke night on Friday doesn't exactly have the executives from EMI beating a path to your door does it? So give it up Aquarias.
Taurus- Steve will call.
Capricorn- Saturday evening sees you visiting the MoylesWorld message board forum and you will find yourself reading these very words at exactly 6:47pm. That'll send a shiver down your spine.
Libra- While thumbing through a dictonary this week you come across the word 'hoggish' You take an immediate liking to this word and spend the rest of the week using it out of context on every given occasion. You even manage to use it whilst ordering a cheeseburger!
Leo- The week starts on a bit of a downer with a £93.27 telephone bill. However Thursday offers some light relief with the news that the people next door have been caught out by the TV licence detector van.
Aries- Shopping is on the menu this week Aries and whilst standing at the check out you spot someone you seem to recognise, and you're right!!! Yes that man to your left at the quick specs counter is none other than 'Country File' presenter John Craven.
Virgo- A package of Venus through your upper house brings constilation and an extremley large bill for roof repairs. Laugh about it Virgo.
Piscies- Sad news this week when on Friday your beloved goldfish 'Timmy' pops his clogs. So its down the bog with him, and off to the chip shop for a symbolic cod and chips that will cheer you up no end.
