[Sir Nigel Tw*t]

Interpol have been in touch to voice their concerns over the whereabouts of eminent hand shandy expert 'The Cornishman'.Last seen blowing his own trumpet in a witchdoctors hut in a backstreet of Wankuna, Egypt. Anyone with any information please contact me, Sir Nigel Tw*t, Interpol,or the Lost Academics Bureau,Brussels Europe.
Thankyou.

[Dr.Solomon Berkoff]

Tw*t,you old bugger!
Some of the boys and I were wondering what you were up to.
Joined the force did you, what what.
Thats the spirit Tw*t, more discipline thats what we need today.
If you did not discipline me like you did in the good old days where would I be now?
Well probaly not in here doing five years for fraud,but thats by the by.
How's Mrs Tw*t and all the little Tw*ts hope they are all spiffing.