chrismoyles.net
- Tue May 08, 2001 8:23 pm
#241316
Hiya!!!
So how are my little loyal readers? :-( It's exam week for most people!!! I have to brush up on my cheating techniques. Oh yes I'm not the lovely Ben I appear to be to you lot every week! Oh no I'm a cheating B******. Oh yes I didn't get where I was today by abiding by rules. It's my job this week to teach all u little uns' how to really cheat, and well! First rule: Never ever get caught I have broken this rule on occasion and believe me and that carries on to rule 2) Strike up a relationship between you any the hottest teacher in your school (if any, failing that try the opposite sex you'll be surprised at their ability to suddenly change their sexuality... oh and their gender), so when you get caught (and you will if you listen to me) you can get off lightly with a spanking, which can also be a plus:-). 3) Throw something at a fellow pupil at the front of you they WILL!!! turn round and shout ''what?!'' the teacher will hear this and rip up their exam paper, make haste my friend, grab as many pieces of that paper as you can and you might be able to piece together some form of an answer out of them. Anyways I had better get on with this as I have to go back to school and write out '' I will not mistake my teacher bending over the desk as an invitation to lose my virginity'' 100 times...
Ok then, I minced in on Chris talking about a person that had recorded or downloaded Lizzie saying her catch phrase ''Hiya'', this person had made a 30 second dance-mix out of it and had made some kind of mini-song. It was ''Hiya'' repeated over an over again sometimes slowed down a bit to make lizzie sound like a bit of a man or like she does when she is trying to sing or he speeded it up... It has number 1 written all over it! Also Chris seemed to be playing what sound like a very sexy woman say ''Ooh big hug'' though I have no idea why maybe He just needed a bit of stimulation. Also he was talking about how men can endure more pain when they are staring at lovely naked ladies than when they are not, also this applies to women but instead of naked ladies (well some might) when they stare at puppies and babies they can endure more pain... Ooh this gives me a chance to whip out a play boy when I am having root canal surgery...
Apparently Jon Gaunt from The Guardian newspaper has said that Chris is a prime example of someone being on Radio but has nothing in their head. Chris got very angry about this and proceeded to slag him off and call him a fat pig etc. They sat next to him at The Sony Radio Awards and they even clapped for him when he won awards. Though Jon only broadcasts to 3 counties, Chris said when he opens his windows he reaches more people... Blasphemy!!!
The Great Porn Endurance Test.
Next up was Chris trying to see if this thing to do with staring at puppies and naked women really worked.
Will was first up he suggested he put his hand in cold water but Chris suggested that they should kick him in his....Um ok his b-b-b- um... his nads... I cringe at the very thought, it's a mans worst nightmare well mine... I need them, what would the worlds population of women do without my Man hood?! 3 billion women would kill themselves that's what! Anyway Will said no to that idea and said that it would be to dangerous so he settled for a Chinese burn from Hong Kong Dave. The first Chinese burn on Wills arm really hurt as he screamed like those 3 billion women would have, but the second time Dave did it when Will was staring at the naked woman (commenting on her lovely hair) he didn't scream.
Chris suggested that someone kick Dave in his nads and see if he screams and then do it when he looking at lil topless ladies to see if he didn't scream. Lizzie pretended to kick Dave in his nads by kicking the door but that sounded like she was kicking a brick wall...
Lizzie's turn now, Will had to pull a hair out of her sexy lil head, she screamed...
This time lizzie was aloud to look at a pic of some puppies and babies and when will did it this time she didn't scream... well whatever turns you on...
Next up was Chris, Dave and Will talking about a very very very sexy lady, she was a record plugger down at Radio 1 and she supposedly has the body of an Angel...hold that thought for 2 minutes got to go somewhere. Wilkj...sorry sticky hands scuse me....Will was drooling and trying to chat her up. Lizzie said that she was surrounded by perverts and Chris replied by calling her boy friend ''Scrumpy Jack''.. I don't care what he is he is still a lucky b*****d and I hate him, apparently also he is leaving the country for a week because he is going on a Stag due, Chris pointed out that she had only been with him 3 or 4 weeks and he was already leaving the country...
Next up was the sexy Angel record plugger again. Will had got a request from her to play a new song by ''Raging Speed Horn''. Chris would only play this if she would dance to it, every time she stopped dancing he would stop the song, he wanted to know if she had the album so that he could play that... now do you think that's wise Chris you could take someone's eye out...
Chart Quiz.
Will's go first and he was asked by Chris...
How many new entries were there in the top 10 this week?
A)2 B)3 C)4 D)5
Will tried to phone a friend (Richard who produce's the Top 40 Run Down) but it was engaged...Mmmmm funny that just like every week
Will went for 5 and was wrong it was 4
Dave's turn
Chris asked him....
How many non-movers were there in the top 40 this week?
A)1 B)2 C)3 D)7
Dave also rang Richard and this time he answered but then got cut off..Hmmm
Dave went for 7 and was wrong it was 2
Careoke
The contestants had to sing along to S 'club' 7 - Reach...
What can I say hardly any of them knew the words they couldn't sing, they shouted, laughed and stumbled their way along this song with disastrous consequences. Yes they were really crap and couldn't sing, Hell, half of them couldn't even talk properly.... but it makes damn fine radio!!
VERY FUNNY!
Right well that was all I caught this time round now I'm off to curl up with my vibrating light-sabre, oh and a happy birthday to Chris Harris who runs this delightful site. I have sent you a stick in the post, Um I know it's not much but I couldn't afford another vibrating light-sabre so you'll have to have fun manually, sorry about that but it's the thought that counts and I expect an e-mail or a card saying thank you as soon as you read this!!! Or maybe you could pay me for being the only person that actually does these... Oh and keep that porn rolling in I have a vast library now and am very pleased with myself for it !!!!
Ben NEVIS!!!!!! <cough 18 cough bloody cough inches cough>
So how are my little loyal readers? :-( It's exam week for most people!!! I have to brush up on my cheating techniques. Oh yes I'm not the lovely Ben I appear to be to you lot every week! Oh no I'm a cheating B******. Oh yes I didn't get where I was today by abiding by rules. It's my job this week to teach all u little uns' how to really cheat, and well! First rule: Never ever get caught I have broken this rule on occasion and believe me and that carries on to rule 2) Strike up a relationship between you any the hottest teacher in your school (if any, failing that try the opposite sex you'll be surprised at their ability to suddenly change their sexuality... oh and their gender), so when you get caught (and you will if you listen to me) you can get off lightly with a spanking, which can also be a plus:-). 3) Throw something at a fellow pupil at the front of you they WILL!!! turn round and shout ''what?!'' the teacher will hear this and rip up their exam paper, make haste my friend, grab as many pieces of that paper as you can and you might be able to piece together some form of an answer out of them. Anyways I had better get on with this as I have to go back to school and write out '' I will not mistake my teacher bending over the desk as an invitation to lose my virginity'' 100 times...
Ok then, I minced in on Chris talking about a person that had recorded or downloaded Lizzie saying her catch phrase ''Hiya'', this person had made a 30 second dance-mix out of it and had made some kind of mini-song. It was ''Hiya'' repeated over an over again sometimes slowed down a bit to make lizzie sound like a bit of a man or like she does when she is trying to sing or he speeded it up... It has number 1 written all over it! Also Chris seemed to be playing what sound like a very sexy woman say ''Ooh big hug'' though I have no idea why maybe He just needed a bit of stimulation. Also he was talking about how men can endure more pain when they are staring at lovely naked ladies than when they are not, also this applies to women but instead of naked ladies (well some might) when they stare at puppies and babies they can endure more pain... Ooh this gives me a chance to whip out a play boy when I am having root canal surgery...
Apparently Jon Gaunt from The Guardian newspaper has said that Chris is a prime example of someone being on Radio but has nothing in their head. Chris got very angry about this and proceeded to slag him off and call him a fat pig etc. They sat next to him at The Sony Radio Awards and they even clapped for him when he won awards. Though Jon only broadcasts to 3 counties, Chris said when he opens his windows he reaches more people... Blasphemy!!!
The Great Porn Endurance Test.
Next up was Chris trying to see if this thing to do with staring at puppies and naked women really worked.
Will was first up he suggested he put his hand in cold water but Chris suggested that they should kick him in his....Um ok his b-b-b- um... his nads... I cringe at the very thought, it's a mans worst nightmare well mine... I need them, what would the worlds population of women do without my Man hood?! 3 billion women would kill themselves that's what! Anyway Will said no to that idea and said that it would be to dangerous so he settled for a Chinese burn from Hong Kong Dave. The first Chinese burn on Wills arm really hurt as he screamed like those 3 billion women would have, but the second time Dave did it when Will was staring at the naked woman (commenting on her lovely hair) he didn't scream.
Chris suggested that someone kick Dave in his nads and see if he screams and then do it when he looking at lil topless ladies to see if he didn't scream. Lizzie pretended to kick Dave in his nads by kicking the door but that sounded like she was kicking a brick wall...
Lizzie's turn now, Will had to pull a hair out of her sexy lil head, she screamed...
This time lizzie was aloud to look at a pic of some puppies and babies and when will did it this time she didn't scream... well whatever turns you on...
Next up was Chris, Dave and Will talking about a very very very sexy lady, she was a record plugger down at Radio 1 and she supposedly has the body of an Angel...hold that thought for 2 minutes got to go somewhere. Wilkj...sorry sticky hands scuse me....Will was drooling and trying to chat her up. Lizzie said that she was surrounded by perverts and Chris replied by calling her boy friend ''Scrumpy Jack''.. I don't care what he is he is still a lucky b*****d and I hate him, apparently also he is leaving the country for a week because he is going on a Stag due, Chris pointed out that she had only been with him 3 or 4 weeks and he was already leaving the country...
Next up was the sexy Angel record plugger again. Will had got a request from her to play a new song by ''Raging Speed Horn''. Chris would only play this if she would dance to it, every time she stopped dancing he would stop the song, he wanted to know if she had the album so that he could play that... now do you think that's wise Chris you could take someone's eye out...
Chart Quiz.
Will's go first and he was asked by Chris...
How many new entries were there in the top 10 this week?
A)2 B)3 C)4 D)5
Will tried to phone a friend (Richard who produce's the Top 40 Run Down) but it was engaged...Mmmmm funny that just like every week
Will went for 5 and was wrong it was 4
Dave's turn
Chris asked him....
How many non-movers were there in the top 40 this week?
A)1 B)2 C)3 D)7
Dave also rang Richard and this time he answered but then got cut off..Hmmm
Dave went for 7 and was wrong it was 2
Careoke
The contestants had to sing along to S 'club' 7 - Reach...
What can I say hardly any of them knew the words they couldn't sing, they shouted, laughed and stumbled their way along this song with disastrous consequences. Yes they were really crap and couldn't sing, Hell, half of them couldn't even talk properly.... but it makes damn fine radio!!
VERY FUNNY!
Right well that was all I caught this time round now I'm off to curl up with my vibrating light-sabre, oh and a happy birthday to Chris Harris who runs this delightful site. I have sent you a stick in the post, Um I know it's not much but I couldn't afford another vibrating light-sabre so you'll have to have fun manually, sorry about that but it's the thought that counts and I expect an e-mail or a card saying thank you as soon as you read this!!! Or maybe you could pay me for being the only person that actually does these... Oh and keep that porn rolling in I have a vast library now and am very pleased with myself for it !!!!
Ben NEVIS!!!!!! <cough 18 cough bloody cough inches cough>
