[Chris]

Big Blubber 3 – The Final Push
Dave – Missed last week but was excused for raising money for charidee, but was absent this week as well. Chris was annoyed that he got off so lightly.
Will – Beat his personal running time last week, and is in great shape.
Chris – has been outstanding for the past couple of weeks, really putting in effort and has made a lot of progress. He got licky licky brown nose. Because of the bet that


Scott Mills lost last week, he is the team’s Bitch today. They asked listeners for suggestions as what to do with him. Chris wound him up about working in Homebase FM.


Chris asked Will if he wanted Bitch Scott Mills to do anything for him. He wanted Scott to wash his car. Chris suggested that Scott wash Will instead... in the shower. Dave said that Will had a hairy back so it needed shaving. Scott chose shaving Wills back over car washing as washing meant him having to go outside.
Chris received an email wanting Scott to do 20 press ups. Scott refused and said that Chris could do them bearing in mind he has a trainer. Scott said that since Chris has got one, so has Sara Cox and Kym Marsh.

Mills - You can do the press ups cos you got a personal trainer (voice goes la di da style), Sara Cox has got a personal trainer now.
Dave - Has she, shes copying us.
Mills - And also have you seen Heat this week?
Chris - No.
Mills - Jack and Kym also have one.
Chris - We started a trend. You see the thing is you need a personal trainer who can also drinks lots.
Mills - Well the thing is when you did earlies, the show that i do now...
Chris - Yes but we were so good we got promoted after 15 months. But go on you were saying... How long you done it for?
Mills - 4 years...
Chris - Wasnt Dave Lee Travis still on the air while you were doing it?
Mills - Moving on...
Chris - Oooooh (in handbags style)
Mills - Did you have a personal trainer when you did earlies then or were you just wasting your time in a lock in at the pub.
Chris - ... Yes
Mills - Did you ever come straight to work from that said lock in
Dave - To be really honest we were rarely sober enough to get to a lock in, we used to start at 12 midday.
Chris - And drink all through the day.
Mills - Were you ever drunk on air?
Dave & Chris - No no no oooo (lying) Ive never ever been drunk on air.
Mills - Did you ever wake up in a hotel with no socks on?
Dave - No never done that, no, never fell asleep in the bosses office and missed a show either.
Chris - Never once fell asleep upstairs on a McCoys inflatable chair and rolled over with the chair lying on top of me and missed the first 20 minutes of the show.
Mills - Did you ever upstairs in the specialists office fallen asleep in front of the door so someone couldnt get in to actually wake you up?
Chris - (lying & laughing) No never done that, nope I was never drunk on the air in the early morning and announced the Cardigans with Lovefool record then found the word cardigans hilarious and started giggling for 2 minutes. No never done that either. What did you refer to Radio 1 text number the other week after the Brits.
Mills - (drunkenly) 8 double one double one double one double one.
Chris - There you go, lovely, but weve never done that on the air.

PART 2
Chris - Ive never seen you like this before.
Mills - What do you mean?
Chris - Sober, good morning, Ive just started doing that, Ive never done that before, thats Scott though and his Dj ways.
Mills - What, you havent done me before.
Chris - No, never... So what you want to do after the show? Do you want to take us out?
Mills - No , not really, but if you want to I suppose.
Chris - Will?
Will - I cant tonight.
Chris - Why not?
Will - Im very busy, im doing the cleaning. I could always get Scott to come round and do it though.
Chris - Cleaning, why, is your lass not about?
Will - Away again, yeah.
Chris - Dave?
Dave - Subject to approval.
Chris - Ahh excellent, uh Scott you fancy coming out for a few pints of water?
Mills - Im on the wagon.
Chris - Your on the wagon, why?
Mills - Because Sara Cox said it on her show and I thought I might as well do likewise. Ive not been feeling my best recently to be honest.
Chris - You know whats good for that though.
Mills - What?
Chris - Booze.
Mills - Yeah I know but thats the problem and then before you know it, its midnight again and ill be oh what ill do is ill sleep at work and it all goes wrong.
Chris - How much sleep do you need before doing the show?
Mills - Id say at least 2 to 3 hours.
Chris - Thats fine.
Mills - Not to be lashed before I get the 2 hours though.
Chris - Well Dave and I dont drink to get drunk, we drink to fill a social side of things.
Mills - Well so do I but I get up at 3am and thats rubbish cos your still drunk.
Chris - What we'll do is find you a nice quiet local, the blue lagoon...
Mills - As long as theres a place to sit down.
Dave - Be snug.
Chris - Yeah you can sit down near the fire if you want, what do you drink?
Mills - Im trying to stay off beer at the moment, ahh so Ill have some wine if thats alright but then that sort of makes me slightly mad.
Chris - Right, you dont want to get too drunk so you think its a good idea to sit in a pub and drink wine.
Mills - Well Ill have a few but I was on wine last Friday, remember after the Chappers and Comedy Dave thing, when you passed the phone over to your mum and I swore.
Dave - You were hanging.
Chris - Do you know what, my mum actually didnt realise that until I told her that you did.
Dave - You were talking to my mum.
Mills - Was I?
Dave - Yeah.
Chris - By the way I dont know how drunk you were last Friday but you werent drinking wine.
Mills - What was I drinking?
Chris - You were drinking lager and I asked you and you said pint of Grolsch in a really deep voice like the fella from Never The Twain. A pint of Grolsch would be lovely
Dave - Donald Sinden.
Mills - So weve had Jenson and Never the Twain.
Dave - Hi Kids, ask your parents.
Chris - Ahhh Sofari Sogoodie, right so did you embarrass yourself on Friday cos the boss was there.
Mills - I think he left before I got embarrassing. He did give me one of those nice bear hugs though. Do you get those at the moment?
Chris - What, off the boss?
Dave - We are talking bear as in the creature, not naked.
Chris - No Ive never had a bear hug off the boss. Is this a regular occurence?
Mills - Its reassuring.
Chris - Really.
Mills - Well as Dave will vouch we had a really good week.
Dave - Yeah well we did, I dont like to talk about it, you know the thousands that we raised for charity.
Mills - It was drink at the end of the week and he just came up to me and went man
Chris - (laughs) So Andy goes up to you, pats you on the back and says man. Wow, apparently his wife told me he goes out into the streets in the morning and goes lampost, sunshine, hes learning you see. Lets move on before we get fired.

PART 3
Chris - You might not know Scott from early breakfast and occasionally he fills in on that, whats the other show.
Mills - The Radio 1 Breakfast Show
Chris - You also do other extra cirricular activities
Mills - Thats what the Febreze is for
Chris - Email comes in from Michael. He heard you on the flight to Crete. He said you were very good, who am I kidding, it was rubbish, it was exactly the same show for the flight home.
Mills - Yeah its a 2 hour loop
Chris - So you still do these hotshot radio shows then
Mills - No no no, dont do them anymore (he really meant to say, yes he'd do anything for cash)
Chris - (adopts cheese voice) Hi Scott Mills here as we fly through the hits and the clouds.
Mills - No it was called...
Dave - Highlife
Mills - No it was called 360 FM
Chris - Well you would be worried if your plane would be doing that, just go one direction
Dave - Like a tailspin
Chris - Ok here for you is the Primitives (if you are under 18, Primitives only hit was in 1988 called Crash)
Dave - Heres Melanie C and Goin Down
Chris - Lets go back n time with a revived 45. Heres Glenn Miller, coming up next, Buddy Holly (both died in plane crashes)
Mills - You sort of have to be careful what you say. It depends what airline you do. Some of them your not allowed to talk about sex or pork.
Chris - Or Pork?
Dave - At the same time?
Chris - Yeah no talking about Meat or Curtains. You know that is so bizarre.
Dave - Do you get discounted flights though or upgrades on Britannia?
Mills - Upgrades?
Dave - Actually that was a stupid thing to say. Did they have a 1st class in Britannia.
Chris - I once into a very special airline and was in a chair on my own on a flight to America. As we were taxing out of the airport towards the runway, the tape was still on and they played the Primitives with Crash and I sat there and thought Are you taking the piss. I hate flying. Back from Dublin. The rattling. I tell you its worse than this desk it was. Then the pilot comes on all patronising to make scared people even more scared. sorry but there was a slight bit of turbulence.
Dave - Was this one of the budget airlines with the outdoor toilets?
Chris - I told this story before about the air stewards. Was coming back from Newcastle and I was sitting in the aisle seat and I heard this noise. I thought that didnt sound right. I looked over to one of the air stewardesses and they were pegging it down the aisle and I thought bugger. Im watching her run to the front and she just went and asked a woman if she wanted some more orange juice.

Mills tried his hand at advertising on the radio from looking at the newspapers and Dave tried it as well. Mills said he was Bright Pop. Sarah was filling in for Aled.
Chris thought they should give Scott a theme for tomorrows morning show. He asked him to pick a number from 1 to 51 and he chose 49 which was Moonlighting, 80's show which starred Bruce Willis and Cybil Shephard. He next picked 21, Dukes Of Hazzard. The last one was Alf. Chris sang along with made up lyrics in a high pitched voice. This is the best bit of the show, it was about 5:36pm.

Daves Tedious Link
Red Hot Chili Peppers - The Lead singer of the Chili Peppers is Anthony Kiedis who recently had a bit of a fling with busty supermodel Heidi Klum - Heidi Klum comes from Germany as does Boris Becker - Boris Becker is often seen at Wimbledon as is Uncle Bulgaria - Bulgaria's capital is Sofia - Sophia Loren is an Italian actress and shares her surname with Ralph Lauren - Ralph Lauren makes undercrackers - Undercrackers are usually underneath jeans - Genes are hereditory - Heredority rhymes with Predatory which is how you would describe a mountain lion - Lions have cubs - Cubs are just like dangerous kittens - Kittens rhymes with mittens - Mittens are a type of unisex glove which means they are both worn by Boys and Girls - Which links us to Blur and Girls and Boys.