The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
#241794
1. Missy Elliott - Pass That Dutch, 2. Coldplay - Yellow, 3. Busted - Crashed The Wedding, 4. Christina Aguilera feat Lil’ Kim - Can’t Hold Us Down, 5. Outkast - Hey Ya 3:30 NEWS 6. Kylie Minogue - Slow, 7. Ian Van Dahl - I Can’t Let You Go, 8. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Fortune Faded, 9. Fatman Scoop feat The Crooklyn Clan - Be Faithful, 10. Tim Deluxe feat Sam Obernik - It Just Won’t Do, 11. Nelly Furtado - Powerless (Say What You Want) 4:30 NEWS AND SPORT 12. Big Brovaz - Nu Flow, 13. Pink - Trouble, 14. The Darkness - I Believe In A Thing Called Love, 15. DMX - X Gonna Give It To Ya, 16. Daniel Bedingfield - Friday 5:00 NEWS AND SPORT 17. Angel City feat Lara McAllen - Love Me Right, 18. Eminem - The Real Slim Shady, 19. Lemar - 50/50, 20. Junior Senior - Move Your Feet, 21. Ash - Burn Baby Burn (Tedious Link), 22. Travis - Re-Offender, 23. Obie Trice - Got Some Teeth

Scott Mills is filling in for Mark and Lard this week and in keeping with his tradition of great backtiming, Mills overran past Moyles o’clock today. This gave Chris something to moan about straight away but nevertheless Chris said it was good to see Mills off the Radio 1 subs bench and back in the first team.
Aled was back on the show today after 2 weeks off and back with the news that he has a new pet, a puppy dog called Mally. She’s a 7 week old Yorkshire Terrier that according to Aled is smaller than his Sky remote. Chris asked him why he called her Mally. He said it was because it was the name of a Welsh TV character and also fitted in with his sister’s nickname which is Melly.
His sister's really called Malary. Chris thought he said malaria and asked Aled if all his family are named after diseases. Dave nipped in before Chris with a punchline - ‘because of course Aled’s real name is tuberculosis, TB for short’. Aled spent his holiday back home in Wales and went to watch his first Aberystwyth Town match. They beat Cwmbran 1-0 but Aled forgot the teams switched round at half time so when Aberystwyth scored he thought they had just let one in, only to discover everyone around him was cheering.
Aled phrased it badly on air and Dave asked Aled if he really did say ‘they got the ball in our net. oh no. not tonight’ on the terraces. Chris said Aled had told him that he was bored by the match and wouldn’t go back. Aled denied it. Chris asked him what he wore to the match. Aled said he couldn’t remember but he was really cold and realised why football fans wear big duffelcoats to matches. Dave said ‘the hot pants and crop top didn’t go down too well then’.
Another tale from Aled’s holiday came from The Welsh Music Awards last Friday. Chris asked what the welsh music awards were and Dave enjoyed Aled’s in-depth response - ‘they are music awards in wales’. Aled was due to present an award for best newcomer but turned up late due to the fact he was doing an interview for the Welsh Channel 4 (S4C). (Aled is the judge on a new welsh version of pop idol on S4C soon by the way - taf idol). Chris said the ego has landed. Aled said it was just a busy day. Chris said ‘just a normal day in the life of a legend’.
Anyway, Aled arrived late meaning that he had to go straight on to present the award and then be taken to his seat afterwards. It turned out Aled and his mate were sat on the last 2 seats on a table occupied by Blazin Squad. Aled sat down but Krazy from Blazin Squad (Lee Bailey to his schoolteachers) told him he couldn’t sit there. Aled didn’t fight his corner particularly well and didn’t argue with him. Rachel did some research on Krazy and said he is called that because he has crazy moments, and also has blue eyes and blond hair (and Chris added no pubic hair). Chris found it hilarious that Aled had got pushed out by Blazin Squad but in protest has decided to ban all Blazin Squad songs from the show until Aled receives an official apology. Let’s hope there’s no apology for a good few years then.
This story sparked off a Blazin Squad joke feast on the text, the best of which was ‘What do you call 4 members of Blazin Squad in a taxi? - an acne carriage’. There were 3 new Chris Moyles Show jingles from American Paul on the show today. These all began ‘Chris, Dave, Rachel and Aled’ and ended - new team, classic radio’, ‘- future winners of a Sony Radio Award’ and ‘- 2 men, 1 girl and.... Aled’. Chris played the new Nelly Furtado single Powerless which (like myself) Dave and him both like.
Chris Eubank was in on the show today to plug his new DVD for ‘At Home With The Eubanks’. He was a strange choice of guest seen as Chris hasn’t mentioned his TV show before on the air. Eubank was carrying a cane and wearing a monocle. Chris said he imagined that through one of Eubank’s eyes he looked normal but through the other he looked fat. Dave said ‘no you look fat through both’. It was a bit of a weird interview for the show as it got a bit deep and heavy at times with Eubank bringing up serious issues such as child rape while Chris gave up cracking gags and joined in with the discussions. They did find time to fit in chatting about Eubank’s sexuality however, and the fact that he admits he is a bit bi-curious. Eubank said he kisses as many old women (pensioners) as young women nowadays. He saw it as them showing their ‘appreciation, love and affection for him’ - Chris said ‘and their tongues’. Eubank did an analogy when chatting about how he’d protect his family by saying ‘ I don’t care how well people do what they do. I care if they are a gentleman’. He used the example of a fantastic surgeon who saves hundreds of lives, but who is a child molester. Chris said Eubank should ‘chop off his nuts’. Dave said that if they were a surgeon they could do it themselves (a very funny line that brought light relief after about 5 minutes of chatting about heavy issues).
Chris (or more likely someone else, Culshaw probably) had done his research on Eubank’s boxing career as he talked in detail about Mike Tyson and Eubank's Nigel Benn fights. Eubank said he hasn’t had an illegal fight in 21 years and Chris said he obviously hasn’t been to Leeds much. Chris said that he got the impression Eubank looked down on his boxing career and said he should be proud of it as he was a world class boxer (a nice bit of arse licking). Eubank got a bit arsey with Chris and said he wasn’t here to talk about boxing but plug his DVD and book. His book is just
called ‘Eubank’. Chris said he should have called it ‘buy it or I’ll knock you out’ although Eubank didn’t get the gag and asked Chris how he would sell copies with a title like that. Eubank said you shouldn't treat people as morons. Dave said ‘we’ve got plenty of those’ but again Eubank didn’t get the gag. Chris asked him where he recommended them going when they are in Brighton on Thursday/Friday as he lives there. He said the De Vere hotel. Chris said that was a bit posh for them and Dave said ‘we’re booked in to some travel tavern on the outskirts’. Eubank recommended Yates Wine Lodge as well. Dave said there was a cracking fire the last time he was in there. Chris said the next time Eubank is in Brighton (he’s promoting his book around the country this week) he’ll go for a couple of heinekens with him.John Culshaw joined the show to mimic Chris Eubank. He sounded like a camp Tony Blair.
Chris played a game called Quiz Me Quick for tickets to the beach party in Brighton. Chris had Nemone asking the contestant questions but he had speeded her voice up hence why it was given that name. The contestant got 3 correct so she won 3 tickets. Chris felt generous and gave her another ticket for her ugly friend.
Chris bemoaned about Everton only being 2 points ahead of Leeds and that Leeds are 2nd from Bottom whereas Everton are mid table. Chris wanted Juliet to come to Inverness along with Georgina to read the sport and had in half an hour spliced together pieces of speech that made Georgina say that she will be wearing a tartan mini skirt that will look a bit tarty.
John Peel joined the team on the phone travelling down for One Week in Brighton. He trailed his show with acts I have never heard of including Melt Banana, whom he described as good bollocks. Its his wife Shielas birthday so they will go out tonight for a meal. John will join Chris every day on the show. He said that he might run out of interesting things to say so he will make it some things.
One of todays Page 3 idols contacted Chris to make sure he voted for her. She was called Claire and she was the third one. Chris said that the problem he had with her was that she had her back to camera and you couldnt see her breasts, which is basically what you want to see if its page 3 and will lose her votes. Kimberley beside has them walloped out next to her. Rachel said it was a tasteful shot. Chris liked Elise, 18 from Essex. Claire has done shots for a snooker table company. Alex missed a comedy punchline. Chris said that Aled would never get a role in the new Carry On film. Looking at the current cast list, I think hes better away from it. Its like a list Night Fever wouldnt even pick.

Daves Tedious Link
CeCe Peniston Finally - Cece Peniston is one of two acts I can only think of that have Ce Ce as their name, the other being 10CC - 10CC launched the duo of Godley and Creme - Cream was a top 15 hit from Prince and the New Power Generation taken from the album Diamonds and Pearls - Pearls contain oysters - Oysters are said to be an aphrodisiac - Aphrodisiacs are said to give you the horn - Horns are found on certain types of cattle - Cattle are quite often identified from one another with the use of branding with a hot iron - An iron of a different sort is something that a caddy might hold for a golfer - Caddy rhymes with Paddy which is a field you grow rice in - Rice comes in many types like Pilau, Basmati and Saffron - Saffron rice is yellow as is sulphur - Sulphur is a major export from Poland and Poland is one of the few places in the world that Ash havent played - Which links us to Ash and Burn Baby Burn.

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