The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
#241917
1. Narcotic Thrust - I Like It 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Sugababes - Hole In The Head, 3. The Streets - Fit But You Know It, 4. Pink - Last To Know, 5. BUZZ OFF - Billy Idol - White Wedding, 6. The White Stripes - 7 Nation Army 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Oakenfold - Starry Eyed Surprise, 8. Eamon - F**k It (I Don’t Want You Back), 9. Supergrass - Kiss Of Life, 10. Outkast - The Way You Move 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. Keane - Everybody’s Changing, 12. Boogie Pimps - Somebody To Love, 13. Cassidy feat R. Kelly - Hotel, 14. Lostprophets - Last Train Home, 15. Christina Milian - Dip It Low 8:30 NEWSBEAT 16. D12 - My Band, 17. Stereophonics - Handbags & Gladrags, 18. Deepest Blue - Give It Away, 19. Badly Drawn Boy - Silent Sigh (Tedious Link), 20. Barenaked Ladies - Celebrity, 21. Jamelia - Superstar, 22. Kristian Leontiou - Story Of My Life, 23. The Rasmus - In The Shadows 9:30 NEWSBEAT 24. Coldplay - God Put A Smile Upon Your Face, 25. Natasha Bedingfield - Single, 26. Dido - Life For Rent, 27. Jay-Z - 99 Problems

Today’s show was the last studio one for a couple of weeks cos tomorrow the team will of course be coming live from The Queen Vic and then for the following fortnight they are having their first breakfast show holiday, with Scott Mills deputising (as per usual) in their absence. Chris said all the team are going to spend their two week break up in Filey, enjoying a luxury stay in Rachel’s caravan. Last night was Chris’s first off the booze this week, and as a result he said he was feeling awake and “tickedyboo” this morning. His voice was still a little croaky, although he said it was only like that on the air for some reason. He also got rid of his beard yesterday and was sporting some new George Michael-esque stubble this morning. Dave said the lack of a beard makes Moyles look cleaner, younger and less homeless. Chris said Dave was just jealous because he’s been trying to grow a beard for over fifteen years but to no avail. Dave didn’t deny this fact. Tonight him and Chris are out drinking again and then tomorrow they will be back in a pub before 7 o’clock in the morning...just like the old days eh. We’ve heard this all before but apparently the Moyles Fight The Fat Fitness Campaign for 2004 will finally get underway when he gets back from his hols. Chris said it really would be “A New Year, A New Me”.
Dave - It’s April!!!, nearly May...what do you mean “A new year”? (laughs) How was your Christmas by the way?
Chris - Lovely thanks

Rachel said it’d be brilliant if Chris really could get a regime going, spend some time off the booze and lose a bit of weight, but she told him to start now instead of waiting over two weeks to begin. Him and Dave agreed though that you have to start something like this on a Monday and on no other day. Chris realised that when he gets back from his holidays he has a wedding to attend, so the starting date for his campaign was therefore put back by a week to Monday May 24th. Rachel said that if Chris was gonna be like that then why not put it back to the beginning of next year. Chris said that wasn’t a bad idea, so put a date in your diaries folks for January 5th 2005 - the day Chris’s fitness campaign begins. Dave said that if Chris wants to cut down on the booze he should just take a leaf out of his book and go out less. Chris said he was <s>borderline</s> young though and wants to be out there living his life. Dave said he has virtually no stamina anymore and said his best days are well behind him. I think the old pipe and slippers will be on the way soon.
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Juliette started off proceedings in sultry fashion today, reading out her first sports bulletin of the morning in a deep, sexy, Stokey voice (if that is indeed possible). This prompted a funny impersonation of her by Chris, who then put her off during her next bulletin by making similar noises. There will be no Carpark Catchphrase or Buzz Off on the show tomorrow (less music, more talk) so today’s Buzz Off tune was the last for quite a while. Not a bad one to go out with either - White Wedding by Billy Idol (number 6 in July 85). Before settling on the theme to Z Cars, Dave said he had considered walking down the aisle to this song at one point. He along with Rachel and the listeners was last to buzz as the song faded away on 3 mins 25. Aled was the only one to have buzzed prior to that - on 1:02. A text came in saying Aled is near enough the first person to buzz in everyday on this feature. He denied it (I can’t be arsed shifting back through four months of reviews to check the stats) and claimed his preferred choice of music varies slightly to Chris’s - he’s more of a Haddaway, 2 Unlimited and Liza Minnelli man himself. Chris was air guitaring away to Billy Idol, which Aled said made him look very camp and a bit like Freddie Mercury (just missing the bushy eyebrows).
Chris - I’d probably do Freddie Mercury if I went on Stars In Their Eyes...that came out wrong but you knew what I was trying to say
(Dave laughs as Chris plays trail)

According to Chris, Tony Blair on the front of today’s Sun is sporting a bit of a Joe Pesci in Goodfellas look. This sparked Dave off into chat about his favourite subject - The Lethal Weapon Movies. In Lethal Weapon 2 Pesci starred alongside Patsy Kensit, who Chris and Dave both said looked fine in that movie. The conversation took off on a surreal (and very boring) tangent that included Danny Glover, Mel Gibson and Mr Tickle...don’t ask. Rachel told them to shut up and thankfully urged Chris to play a record. Dave said “One link one thought” and “Good morning Ben”. One of the most entertaining links of the morning was when Chris ranted again about the new Colin and Edith trail. Rachel tried to explain what she thought what was going on in it as Chris said he was just confused. Rache said Colin was hitting Edith over the head with a frying pan. Chris asked if they had filled out healthy and safety forms for that and asked why the station as a whole was promoting frying pan based violence. In the trail Colin says Edith has a bit of chocolate on her cheek, although opinions were divided on the text about whether or not this was a cheek on her face. One texter even said it sounded like Colin was playing a bit of butt bongo on Edith’s backside...good mornin'.
Chris (over Outkast vocals) - The advert if I’d have wrote it would have gone something like this...Edith, bend over
(plays whip sound effect perfectly into the chorus)


MOYLES LIVE AT EASTENDERS:>>>>
Yep ahead of tomorrow’s big show, Chris bored us all to death with another morning full of rambling EastEnders links and references. I can honestly say that most of the stuff tomorrow will be lost on me and if I wasn’t chrismoyles.net reviewer I wouldn’t listen at all (I’m not actually gonna listen live cos Radio 1’s newest signings JK and Joel are doing their last breakfast show on my local station tomorrow). Chris taped Tuesday night’s EastEnders on his Sky Plus and watched it last night. Dave saw that episode live (for research purposes) but last night watched the Denmark - Scotland match. Chris talked about Janine pushing Laura into a ditch and said that it might just be him but he finds something very sexy about (murderous) Janine. Continuing on the spanking theme mentioned earlier, Chris said he really would like to put Janine over his knee. It’s fair to say he came across as a bit of a twisted pervert at this point as no-one else agreed with him and he admitted to watching the show last night in a room with the curtains closed and the door locked. The radio desk in the Queen Vic tomorrow will be based in the corner of the pub where the minicab firm used to be based. Dave said that the best name he can think of for a minicab firm is Kebab-a-Cab, a firm where the drivers cook kebabs for the customer as they drive (I don’t think that would make it past Health and Safety myself). Nevertheless Chris told DVM to get it copyrighted straight away. The text messages pointed out it’s too late though as some real Kebab-a-cabs already exist in Liverpool, Bournemouth, Huddersfield and Plymouth (to name just a few). Chris said ads for Kebab-a-Cabs are the sort of thing you used to see advertised before films, like Butterkiss Butterkiss ra ra ra. Aled said they still have those ads in Aberystwyth and also said in the cinemas in Aber people run in a race to get their popcorn and ice cream when a special red light comes on.
Chris - and this is entertainment in Aberystwyth is it?
(Dave laughs)

Chris did a very funny Welsh impression and said he was merely having a go at Aled and not the people of Aber (that’s the place Aberystwyth not the band Abba just to clarify).
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(I am reliably informed on the t’interweb that this is Paulines)
Against popular demand, Radio 1’s very own soap opera Halibut Square was back this morning, with Dave getting a little carried away with the sound effects again. This meant it was technically a little bit fiddly for Chris, who made his excuses early. The sound effects in the script included burglar alarms, high speed phone chattering, a typewriter, an owl, a bus, a whistle, a motorbike and a bottle smashing. There was no part for Dom or Jules in the script today (luckily for them), just authentic * Chris, Dave and Rachel and the token Welshman Aled (the only gay in the square). Dave’s main criticisms today were that Rache ballsed up the cliffhanger line at the end and that Aled announced “It’s midnight” as if it were New Years Eve and Dale Winton was comparing. Dave called these teething problems but the feature still got a poor text response. Chris said it was probably just a little ahead of it’s time. I liked it when they did it with Gary Beadle but the novelty has well and truly worn off now.

POTENTIAL GUEST LIST FOR TOMORROW
- Zoe (Michelle Ryan), Kelly (Brooke Kinsella) and Vicki (Scarlett Johnson)
- Laura (Hannah Waterman), Garry (Ricky Groves) and Sonia (Natalie Cassidy)
- Martin (James Alexandrou), Dot (June Brown), Kat (Jessie Wallace) and Alfie (Shane Richie)

Chris said Dave was salivating over the pictures of Michelle Ryan (Zoe) in this weeks Heat magazine. Dave denied this but said she is looking well at the moment. Chris gave him the choice between Zoe, Kelly and Vicki.
Dave - I think they’re all very attractive people
Chris - Do you? I’m not so hot for Dot I must admit
Dave (laughs) - She’s not on your shortlist

(Chris asked for Generic Listener Questions on 08700 100 100 - He’ll use the old method of asking the listeners to introduce themselves and then allowing the EastEnders stars to choose whether or not they hear their question).
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CHRIS MOYLES - OFFICIALLY THE NEW MUSIC BENDER:
Chris, his brother, Dave and Jamesie are going to see the Barenaked Ladies at the Hammersmith Apollo in London tonight. Dave and Chris have of course gigged with them twice before - at Wembley Arena and at The Kentish Town Forum. Vitty said now was time “to let them fly alone” though. The new Barenaked Ladies single is Celebrity, which Chris adores and Dave thinks is just ok. Chris wanted to do a musical experiment during half time and play the new single, opening up a text poll. Producer Jones turned her face up and moaned that she didn’t know about this. Chris said it was an on the spot decision. After a little argument Rache told Chris to “Go on, get it over with”. He said that wasn’t the attitude to take at all. He said you don’t get Jo Whiley’s producer telling her to hurry up when she’s playing the new Turtlefluff Soup single cos they’ve got S Club coming up. Chris did a funny impression of what he thought Rache would be like producing Jo Whiley. Chris said he was simply a new music vendor, setting up his shop and opening it up from ten past nine - asking everyone to come in and listen to his music. A text came in saying he wasn’t the new music vendor, he was the new music bender, which everyone found hilarious except for Chris himself. The new Barenaked Ladies single was all right, although Dom berated their criminal rhyming of the words limo and window. Another new record Chris is loving at the moment is Graham Coxon’s new one, which Dave thinks is mockney tosh. Keeping with the subject of new music, Rachel recommended Ryan Adams cover of Wonderwall to Chris the other day. He listened to it and hated it. Dave called it muck and said Wonderwall is sacred territory that you just don’t mess with.
Rachel - But Noel Gallagher really likes that track
Dave - He’s wrong
Chris - He only wrote it, what does he know?
Dave (laughing) - He’s too close to that record, he can’t see it the same way we do
(cue Dave’s pig squeal laughing as everyone else laughs)

Chris had also played the new Supergrass record Kiss Of Life earlier in the show. On the text Matt from Norwich described it as Cool For Cats by Squeeze with a bit of U2 thrown in. It’s out on the 24th of May.
Chris - Do you like that Aled?
Aled - er I wasn’t listening actually. I was talking in the studio
(Chris and Dave laugh, Rachel goes “Oh Aled” off mic)
Aled - Sorry about that
Dave - Love the music
(Chris laughs and plays trail)

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CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
SARAH a student from Farnsfield (a little village near Mansfield) 2
GARETH a fire alarm technician from Pontypool in South Wales 0

Daves Tedious Link
Vanilla Ice Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice’s real name is Robert Van Winkle - A winkle is a type of shell fish, a bit like * and mussels - “Muscles from Brussels” is the nickname of Jean-Claude Van Damme - The word “damme” spelt differently can also be a mild swear word, or a wooden structure built by beavers - Beavers are soft creatures with smooth hair - Hair grows out of your follicles - Follicles nearly rhymes with molecules, which are really small - Small first name Gladstone is a former test cricketer famous for having a small neck - The opposite of a small neck is a long neck, which is something you would associate with a giraffe of course - Giraffes live in Africa - Africa was a hit for Toto - Toto begins with the letter “t” - Teapots are kept warm with the aid of a teacosy - and a teacosy is also a popular form of headwear which has been sported for many years in the world of music by such dignitary people as Bob Marley and of course Badly Drawn Boy - Which links us to Badly Drawn Boy and Silent Sigh

RACHEL WEIGHTWATCHERS UPDATE
She lost half a pound at her weight in yesterday, despite thinking she had fallen off the wagon a bit lately.

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