The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
#241923
1. D12 - My Band 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Can’t Stop, 3. The 411 feat Ghostface Killah - On My Knees, 4. Ash - Orpheus, 5. BUZZ OFF - Elastica - Waking Up, 6. Lemar - Dance (With U) 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Jay-Z - 99 Problems, 8. Avril Lavigne - Complicated, 9. Jurgen Vries feat Andrea Britton - Take My Hand 8:00 NEWSBEAT 10. The Black Eyed Peas - Hey Mama, 11. Keane - Everybody’s Changing, 12. Chingy feat J Weav - One Call Away, 13. The Thrills - Santa Cruz (You’re Not That Far) 8:30 NEWSBEAT 14. Oasis - Songbird, 15. Natasha Bedingfield - Single, 16. The Strokes - Reptilia, 17. Christina Milian - Dip It Low, 18. The Verve - The Drugs Don’t Work (Tedious Link), 19. Usher feat Ludacris - Yeah, 20. Deepest Blue - Is It A Sin, 21. Kelis - Trick Me 9:30 NEWSBEAT 22. Rachel Stevens - Sweet Dreams My LA-Ex, 23. Jet - Are You Gonna Be My Girl, 24. Joss Stone - Super Duper Love

Surprisingly it took fifty minutes of today’s show before Aled’s “Rear Of The Year” win yesterday came up in conversation. He now officially has the best bum in the business, and he said he was very proud to have won such a prestigious award, especially as past winners include such “legends” as Lulu, Ronan Keating, Charlotte Church, Robbie Williams, Natasha from Atomic Kitten and Graham Norton. Aled’s prize was a silver dish type thing, but he was more pleased with the fact that he got to meet the female rear of the year Alex Best (who is a big fan of the show apparently). Aled said they had bonded slightly over the embarrassment factor of it all, and he wished Alex good luck today for some of her divorce stuff. Chris was still in shock after Aled’s victory and claimed it was all a PR stunt. He said Aled’s backside was fat and squidgy and he also did the all too obvious “arse of the year” gags. Aled’s backside was receiving quite a lot of compliments on the text (admittedly something I never thought I’d write) and he proceeded to run through all of yesterday’s events for Chris and Dave. The thing they found the funniest of all was the fact that a photograph featuring Aled, Alex and page 3 lovely Anna from yesterday had been placed in today’s Sun - but with a column over Aled so you couldn’t see him. What rubbed salt into the wounds was that they had even left the trees to his side in shot, but not him. They also only gave him a one line write up in the article. Jones wasn’t too fussed though as he said that he now has a new pulling line for the year: “I have the best mans arse in Britain”.
Aled - That’s a bit of a bonus
Chris - Well (laughs)
Dave - Indeed, well that’s a strange way of describing it (laughs with Chris)

Chris asked if Aled had definitely won “rear” of the year, and not queer of..well, I think you can see where I’m going.
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(Aled and his winning ass)
A text came in at the start of the show saying that Alex Lester had been slagging Chris off over on Radio 2 earlier this morning, saying that he looks older than he is etc. Chris said he was one to talk. They of course met each other when the team came live from Pebble Mill in Birmingham yesterday. Dave said it was all just crazy DJ banter...pop a doodle do. The team were back in London village today, remarkably via only one train jouney and not three. Chris added that this was only because Rachel was back in charge yesterday and not Will. It may have been a different studio today but Dave carried on from where he left off, with a random pre-sneeze noise and a throat gargle interrupting two different links. Dave said he was trying to be restrained on the first occasion, although to be fair he did sound like he was giving birth to a hippo. Second time around he was less apologetic and Chris responded with a loud belch into the microphone. However, he tried to cover up by pointing an accusing finger at Juliette *foul mouthed* Ferrington. The Buzz Off track to “wake up” everyone this morning was “Waking Up” by Elastica from February 1995 (guh huh). It’s the second Elastica Buzz Off track of the year and all 3 minutes 12 seconds of it were played in full. This was because the listeners didn’t get rid of it, although Rach buzzed in on 1:49, Aled on 1:51 and Dave on 2:39. It is a good record but I can’t help feeling there’s better ones out there to pick from, and this goes for Dave too, who seems to repeat the exact same Tedious Link tracks on a yearly basis. Mind you having said that, today’s Tedious Link choice from The Verve was a gooden. Chris doesn’t get all the hype from other Radio 1 DJ’s over the new 411 & Ghostface Killah record, he thinks it’s just OK. I actually disagree and think it’s a top tune. I also think that Chris played the best dance record of the year so far from Jurgen Vries today, plus the best record of the year full stop from Joss Stone. Something I’ve been waiting for for a few days also took place today, when Chris played a trail for this weekends “One Big Kick Off” - voiced by Chappers and Dave. He brilliantly impersonated Dave’s monotonous tones on it, and said that he’s so natural in the read. Dave admitted that it wasn’t the best script.
Chris - Are you back on this Saturday?
Dave - One till three
Chris - Unbelievable (hits Lemar vocal)


SOCCER SIX:
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There was also quite a big football theme to the show today, so I apologise if your not a football fan but please bear with me. I’ll start with something a bit easier to understand - Soccer Six, which is taking place this Sunday at Reading FC’s Madejski Stadium (I’ve noticed Chris has not even tried to pronounce this yet and has just said “at Reading FC”). As manager of the Radio 1 team, Chris is running out of time to gather together his ten man squad, which at the moment only consists of Chappers, Spoony and Colin Murray. David Seaman’s agent has confirmed that he is unavailable and recovering from a shoulder injury, but it was better news from Ralf Little and MC Harvey. Ralf left Chris a voicemail confirming their interest as long as they could agree a transfer fee and sort out personal terms. That leaves five vacant slots in the squad, one of which can be filled by an ex-pro. Chris ran through a long list of possible choices, unfortunately most of which were ex-Leeds players on the wrong side of 50 - and according to Dave “well past their best”. Neville Southall seemed the most likely of the names mentioned to play, and he is now the size of two bungalows so would virtually guarantee a clean sweep of clean sheets. Manager Moyles said he’d look into it. Dave had a go at Chris for leaving his squad selection so late, but Chris reminded him that he can always change Dave’s role from coach to coach driver if he doesn’t shut up. One last minute option is of course getting in a load of top heavy page 3 lovelies to fill the remaining places in the team. Chris told Jules that she should play and uttered the immortal line “tighter tops, happier charities” (that amused everyone). He added that the tighter the tops, the looser the purse strings. Dave thought that for the R1 team to have any chance of actually winning this weekend, Chris can’t rely on chesty lovelies in ill-fitting sportswear. He of course disagreed. The full squad line up will be announced tomorrow after 8am. For tickets (which are £15) call the Live Events Line on 08700 100 100 - that’s Option 2 then Option 1 with the camp fella. You can also find out more @ Radio 1 ONLINE as well.
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Dave also discussed the ongoing Gerard Houllier saga at Liverpool with Chris this morning. He said he thinks he’s doing a great job and advised him to sign up on a contract for the next ten years. Dom joined Chris in the discussion and it was slightly embarrassing listening to these two trying to make it sound like they knew what they were talking about. They had the basics but beyond that they were struggling. Dave said he thought 4th was more than respectable for a club of Liverpool’s size, but reluctantly pointed out that Everton did end up finishing in 17th this season (one place above relegation). Here we go then, prepare to be VERY VERY jealous...

MOYLES LIVE @ EURO 2004:
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This is why anyone in the world would love to have Chris’s job. From June 10th, the show is going to be coming live from Euro 2004 in Portugal....FOR THREE WHOLE WEEKS!!! At this point, please refrain from hurling large objects at the computer or sending threatening e-mails in the direction of [url=mailto:[email protected]]mailto:[email protected][/url] *cough*. Normally I would be absolutely fuming about this but I’m a little less so as I’m going watching England play Japan in a friendly in a few weeks, so that takes away a bit of the anger. One big villa is being converted into Radio 1’s Portuguese base, where Chris, Spoony and Dave and Chappers will be bringing home “the atmosphere” of the years biggest football tournament. I think anybody would be willing to “bring home the atmosphere” if it involved a three week holiday in the Sun and free tickets to all England matches. By June this year, members of the team will now have visited the following destinations: New York, LA, Paris, Portugal, Cyprus, Luxembourg, Egypt, France and Gran Canaria. Don’t you dare tell me they haven’t changed. As far as I can gather the team will return when England are knocked out from the tournament (which almost inevitably will happen), but Chris didn’t explain it very well. Dave claimed it wasn’t all play, play, play though and repeated three times in one link that this trip is work and definitely not a holiday. I have a feeling that this will become a bit of a catchphrase over the coming month.
Chris - To merely to justify the fact that we’re blatantly wasting your licence fee money, we’re gonna bring some listeners with us
Yep...six. Or three and a friend each to be precise. That sounds fair. What makes it even more screwed is that if your not in a big city between 7 and 10am then you have virtually no chance of winning. This is because from Monday “Where’s Aled” is going to be launched.
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WHERE’S ALED:>>>> Click here for more.
Aled is going to be out of the studio and across the country for a couple of weeks starting Monday, and from the clues he gives it’s up to the great British public to spot him and shout out that morning’s password. The first people that do will go into a big “airport final” in the studio on the morning of June 10th, with the further winners then proceeding to fly out to Portugal with the team later that day. I think I can safely predict that Aled will be in most of the following cities over the next 2 weeks: London, Manchester, Leeds, Newcastle, Birmingham and Liverpool. Chris said that as a Welshman who knows nothing about football, Aled is the perfect choice to give away tickets to see England. Rachel is worried about the team getting burnt over in Portugal but Rear Of The Year Aled had some words of assurance that amused Chris and Dave:
Aled - We’ll be tanned, we’ll be gorgeous, it’ll be fine
After discussing waterproof mobiles, incoming calls when overseas, suncream and tacky swimming pool inflatables, the conversation went off on a bizarre tangent about Barbie and Cindy dolls. Chris said Cindy was a good girl whereas Barbie was a slut and a tart. Then half way through talking about Action Men and Star Wars figures, Chris abruptly stopped and pretended he was talking about credible rock albums and a fresh new band called Fleedlebump. The reason for this? He’d spotted John Peel outside the studio window.
Aled - He’s here (John walks in)
Chris - Hi John, morning
John (off mic and sounding knackered) - Hello there. Good morning to you
Chris - How are you?
John - Not bad. I was waiting for you to stop talking and play a record but obviously we could be here all day
(Chris laughs)

It turns out John was just after an autograph for a charity auction in his village.

LEARNING HAWAIIAN ON THE CHRIS MOYLES SHOW:>>>>
With Chris and the team up in Brum, Dom had to find some way to pass the time yesterday, so decided to do some research on the story making the papers about David Hasselhoff possibly recording a Hip Hop album. Of course when you think Hoff, you think the hotel in Waikiki where he once stayed but doesn’t live. Of course. Dom rang to say “aloha” and chat to his mate Melody on reception, but unfortunately she’s on her holidays at the moment and wasn’t there. He therefore chatted to a lovely lady called Alma, who was very nice but rather inconveniently had never even heard of David Hasselhoff. Therefore, Dom seized the opportunity to bring a bit more infotainment to the show and asked her to help teach him some more Hawaiian instead. He learned that “'ae” is “yes” and “a'ole” is no. He also found out that “hello goodbye love” is “aloha aloha aloha” in Hawaiian. The best bit of this genius link was when Alma pronounced “Mahalo” very slowly. Dave called them funny foreigners and Chris called Dom a daft racist. If you have a chance to listen again to this show before next week then I recommend you check out this bit (it’s during half time just after 9 o’clock).
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CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
RICH a CPS Fuels truck driver from Windham near Norwich 2
PHILIP who makes ringtones in Bridgend 0

Daves Tedious Link
Fun Lovin' Criminals Scooby Snacks - The Fun Lovin' Criminals are fronted by a singer called Huey - Another Huey from the world of animated ducks had two duck brothers called Dewey and Louie - Louis Theroux has met Neil and Christine Hamilton, who are married to each other - Other famous married couples include Richard and Judy, Ozzy and Sharon and The Queen and Prince Philip - Prince Philip is the grandfather of Prince William - Prince William can play polo, which is a game played on horses - Horses are kept in stables - If you remove the first letter of stables you get tables, which are what you would find a lot of in a restaurant - A restaurant needs a chef - Chefs like to wear hats, as do traffic wardens - Wardens rhymes with cordons, which is a way of restricting entry to the general public - Public is a word often associated with swimming baths - and swimming can be a great source of physical therapy for recovering drug addicts, because exercise really works, unlike the “Drugs” which in this context “Don’t Work” - Which links us to The Verve and The Drugs Don’t Work

<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=7855">> Thursday May 20th Show & Show Review - Please comment here <</A>

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