The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
#241945
1. No Doubt - It’s My Life 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Supermen Lovers - Starlight, 3. Scissor Sisters - Laura, 4. N*E*R*D - Maybe, 5. BUZZ OFF - DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - Summertime, 6. The Strokes - Reptilia 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Outkast - Roses, 8. Angel City feat Lara McAllen - Love Me Right, 9. Red Hot Chili Peppers - The Zephyr Song, 10. Nelly Furtado - Forca 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. The Black Eyed Peas - Let's Get It Started, 12. Collapsed Lung - Eat My Goal, 13. Shaznay Lewis - Never Felt Like This Before, 14. The Ordinary Boys - Talk Talk Talk 8:30 NEWSBEAT 15. David Guetta feat Chris Willis - Just A Little More Love, 16. Blink 182 - Down, 17. D12 - My Band, 18. Spice Girls - Wannabe (Tedious Link), 19. Mario Winans feat Enya & P. Diddy - I Don't Wanna Know, 20. The Hives - Walk Idiot Walk, 21. Joss Stone - Super Duper Love 9:30 NEWSBEAT 22. Kylie Minogue - Love At First Sight, 23. Faithless - Mass Destruction, 24. Pharrell Williams feat Jay-Z - Frontin'

The team were all knackered this morning and to make things worse, they had woken up to find the villa infested with flies at 6 o’clock. Engineer Steve was going around swinging newspapers at them (the flies not the team), and he was falling over chairs in the process. Aled was the only one on the team in a decent mood today. Chris was tired, Rach in a grump, Jocelyn shattered and Dave equally sleepy. He was also modelling his new au naturale hair today as he hadn’t had time to do anything with it before the show began. Other show engineer Richard had made everyone a cup of tea to try and liven them up, as the birds were tweeting outside and the sun was shining down brighter than ever. The combination of sunlight and caffeine did seem to perk them up a bit and Chris went outside on the radio mic at 7:15 to describe what he could see. He said there was just one person down on the local beach and just half a dozen fisherman going across the lagoon on their tiny power boats. Dave added that it really is a lovely traditional, idyllic setting that they find themselves in.
Chris - Yeah, you really wouldn’t know where we were. You’d never find us in a million years...bar the fact that there’s a huge massive aerial on the roof and 18 BBC Outside Broadcast Vans here, but still...
(Dave laughs)

Because of the warm weather in Portugal and the generally hot weather over here this morning, Chris chose a real summer anthem to play for Buzz Off today. He chose Summertime by Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince, number 8 back in August 1991. I would have loved this choice normally, but the fact it was overcast and peeing down with rain outside my window meant it didn’t really fit that well. Nevertheless 81% of listeners did Buzz On, with 3 minutes 43 seconds of the song played in full. The order of buzzing was Dave first (2:31), Rach next (2:45) and then the listeners and Aled more or less together as the song faded (3:43). Back here in Britain Dom was feeling chirpy as hell today. He said he spent last night watching the Sweden match in Group C, which we won 5-0. I say “we” cos I have them in the Euro 2004 sweepstake on the messageboard...and I’m sure everyones running scared after that huge scoreline...against erm, Bulgaria. Chris and Dave didn’t see the game last night as they were out enjoying a meal in Lisbon. They went into the city as Chappers was doing live sport into the news on BBC3. While enjoying a meal afterwards (Dave had a cheeky little Brazilian steak based dish with rice and chips, Chris had barbecue pork and chips) the team overheard some Australian woman at another table on her phone. She was obviously a journalist and was saying that she’d just heard Nicky Butt had been injured in training. That news is all over the papers today and Chris claimed that they could have had some exclusive news for Newsbeat if they had actually done something about it and not just sat back and ordered another beer. Regarding this beer, Chris said that hot headed Dave lost the plot with the waiter in a row over the fact that he would only serve it in plastic glasses. Dave said he wasn’t being confrontational, he just thought the guy was bang out of order. Jules asked why as she said she always drinks out of plastic glasses. Chris reminded her that that is for her own personal safety though. On a little side note, Chris said there was a young boy (about 12 or so) playing a squeeze-box in the cafe - with a Chihuahua sitting on top of it. Dom thought it was a nice touch.
Dom - Ahh, it’s always nice to see a Chihuahua
Security bear Paul drove the team back from Lisbon last night, with Chris in the front and Dave, Chappers and Rachel in the back. Rather unfortunately for Rach, both Dave and Chappers fell asleep on the journey - leaving her squashed between them with stereo quality snoring coming in both her ears.
Dave - Do you know that we both technically slept with Rachel last night?
Chappers - It’s a scary thought

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Chappers joined the team again after 9 to chat about tonight’s Euro 2004 action. It’s the Czech Republic v Latvia at 5:00 and then Holland v Germany at 7:45, both matches in Group D. Chappers said he expects the Dutch to win comfortably as according to him the Germans are rubbish. I agree but it’s really not a good idea to write them off like this as they always come back to haunt you. Germany - Holland matches always have that extra edge to them because of the hatred since that Rudi Voeller - Frank Rijkaard spitting incident at the 1990 World Cup. I’m sure you’ll all agree with me when I say let’s just hope that football is the winner tonight...and Holland. Chappers also reflected on the news of the injuries to Paul Scholes and Nicky Butt ahead of England’s game against Switzerland on Thursday. Chris has invited Butt out to the villa at the weekend, as they need help in their 5 a side matches with the locals (erm he’s injured Chris). Moyles also made it clear that he wants Dyer and not Hargreaves to start in midfield on Thursday if Scholes is out injured. The reason for this...Dyer looks less like a girl.

PORTUGUESE DROPS, BIG VILLA AND ALED’S FOOTY CHANTS:>>>>
Chris had a load of new drops for the show today, spoken in Portuguese by the Portuguese locals. They were obviously phrases such as “You’re listening to The Chris Moyles Show on Radio One”, blah blah blah etc. American Paul even had recorded a new liner to celebrate the fact:
--- “Chris, Dave, Rachel and Aled....making friends with the people of Portugal”
Aled was the one who went out into the village and recorded the drops, presumably with Rhys’s half cousin Ben acting as his interpreter. Aled said he had made plenty of new friends on his travels in Portugal, which Chris said might have been code for something else. Chris also noted that Aled and Joceyln have been down to the beach quite a bit together, which sounds a bit suspicious. Can someone please find me a pic of this Joceyln? (the new daytime BA). If she’s not on last years staff photo then perhaps Aled or some of my other lovely friends at Radio One Online could provide us with a pic of her? Worth a shot anyway...she sounded fit when she spoke on the air the other week.
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With BB Aled seemingly not running this year and Big Blubber finished, the show is severely lacking some kind of loosely based BB feature. Fear not no more though - we now have “Big Villa”. It sounds poor but let’s give it a few days and see how it turns out. It’s basically a daily update on life in the Portuguese villa, with villa mates Chris, Dave, 32 year old Aled, 29 year old Rachel and 42 year old Mark. The strap line is “5 people, 1 tournament, a thousand flies, this is Big Villa”. In episode 1 we learned that Chappers' two luxury items for the villa are his slippers and a pipe, while Chris’s are two separate lots of Marlboro Lights. When Noel Gallagher came in yesterday he signed an official match programme from the France versus England game on Sunday, writing “We wos robbed, best wishes Noel Gallagher”. Chris had it to give away as a prize - to the best texter that said why they should have it in just 10 words or less. Some of the suggestions included “cos I’ll stick it on eBay”, “donate it to me cos I’m a slutty tart”, “cos my girlfriend looks like a King Of Leon”, “because I will be willing to kiss Rachel for it”, “cos I’m blonde with big knockers” and “it’s better than the signed Timmy Mallett one I’ve got”. A hopeful Danny Cowan also text in from Studio 3 saying “cos I’m stuck in a basement playing out your show”. In the end Luke in Colchester won the programme with his text that read “I deserve the programme because I like the Gorillaz”. Not particularly great but topical (read yesterday’s review if you don’t understand what I’m on about).

COMEDY DAVE’S EASY PORTUGUESEY DAY 3 - ALED GOES SHOPPING:>>>>
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Aled left the villa at 7:30 to travel down to the local town centre with Security bear Paul. He had a radio mic and linked up live with Chris at 8:15 for a special edition of Dave’s Easy Portuguesey. Dave said the feature had all been very textbook so far and they now needed to test it in the real world. Aled had to correctly order proper things needed for the villa in Portuguese, by reciting what Dave was telling him in his ear piece. He ordered slices of ham, a loaf of bread and a six pack of beer successfully, despite having a fair bit of trouble negotiating the correct pronunciation of “cerveja”. Chris loved the fact that when Aled was struggling on certain phrases he said them in English with a slight Portuguese slant, e.g “How much is that?” in a funny foreign dialect which sounded like a mixture of French, Welsh and Portuguese. It wasn’t until Chris asked Aled to order him some sherbet dib dabs and get him a Top Of The Pops magazine that the real fun started though. After struggling through trying to find the correct Portuguese translation, it turned out the man on the counter spoke English after all. It was very funny - try and Listen Again to it if you can, it’s roughly an hour and 20 mins in if you click on that link (only available till 10:20 am on Tuesday 22nd of July though).
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Chris played Collapsed Lung and Eat My Goal out of the 8:00 news, but had been given a very obscure mix that no one had ever heard before. He decided to chop it, stick on The Black Eyed Peas and then play the correct mix off his Jumpers For Goalposts CD. Aled was doing BV’s to it, prompting Chris to call him the official Welsh England singing mascot for Euro 2004. Chris asked Aled what football chants he actually knew. The answer - not many. Aled decided to improvise and make up some chants of his own, that were absolutely hilarious. Rhys and Rach fell about laughing and Dave and Chris found them equally funny, particularly chant 3 which made him sound like Santa Claus.
ALED CHANT 1 - “Football, Oh! Oh!”
ALED CHANT 2 - “Everyone in a straight line, Hoh!”
ALED CHANT 3 - “Sing When You’re Winning, Ho Ho Ho!”

DAD WARS - DOM V CHAPPERS:
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Rachel is cooking tea tonight in the villa. She said her speciality is a roast but it’s too hot for that so she doesn’t know what she’s cooking yet. She said it will be a surprise. Chris said hopefully not a surprise created by sticking a load of random ingredients in a pan and then waiting to see what happens. Dominic thinks he’s having another barbecue for his tea tonight, and (after pressure from Chris) he’s invited his friend and colleague Juliette Ferrington along to it. Jules said that her and Dom were meant to be meeting up for a drink at lunchtime today but Dom has stood her up. He claimed he had to stay and do extra work in the office, despite the fact that Kevin Silverton is now reading the 12:45 Newsbeat instead of him. Byrne said after he’s finished isn’t a good time either as his wife has a hair appointment and he has to get home to look after Finton. Chris asked why she couldn’t take him to the hairdressers with her. Dom said she couldn’t, despite Chappers butting in and saying that his wife Sarah takes their son Ben to all her hair appointments. This sparked off a bit of an argument between Dom and Chappers, who claimed that Dom’s wife Nic clearly has him under the thumb. Dom said he clearly wasn’t under the thumb and Rachel had to step in in the end to become the peacemaker. Chris tried to wind them both up again but failed so then decided to try and finish the link..
**Chris - Anyway, have a lovely barbecue if you have your barbecue Dom
Dom - Thank you very much
Chris - and have fun with your beautiful son
Dom - Thank you very much
Chris (aside) - It’s not even his...(back to his normal voice), and Jules...
(all the team laugh)
Chris - I’m sorry I take that back
Dave - You can’t end like that
**

**Chris (to Dom) - Mate I’m not having a go but if you have a tin of beans and fart you don’t know what bean it was do you? So anyway...
(Jules in stitches, Dom laughs too)
Dave - Stop again, stop
Chris (stops Kylie intro) - What?
Dave - It’s meant to be a sensitive family link!!
**

**Chris - Jules?
Juliette - Yeah
Chris - I didn’t say anything bad about you in that link at all
Juliette - That’s great
Chris - I know, you must be delighted with that, you crazy drunk!!
(Dom and Dave laugh)
**

CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
MARK who runs his own PR company in Leeds 2
DAN an electrician from Skegness 1

Daves Tedious Link
Black Grape Reverend Black Grape - One of the members of Black Grape was called Kermit, although he was a rapper not a frog - If you remove the R from “frog” you get fog, which is something you might find on the Tyne - Tyne Daly co starred with Sharon Gless in the popular American series Cagney & Lacey - “Lacey” is a word often associated with doilies - Doilies rhymes with oilies, as in “oily rags” which is * rhyming slang for fags - Fags have been banned in all public places in the Republic Of Ireland - The Republic Of Ireland football team are managed by Brian Kerr - Brian Kerr shares the same surname as Jim Kerr, who has a son with Patsy Kensit - Patsy Kensit was the lead singer in the band Eighth Wonder - The greatest band to feature the word “wonder” in their name were The Wonderstuff, who hail from the Black Country - The Black Country is also the home of Slade - Slade’s frontman Noddy Holder has curly hair, as does Mel B - and Mel B first made her name as Scary Spice in a band called the Spice Girls - Which links us predictably to the Spice Girls and Wannabe

CHRIS’S HALF TIME WANDER:
Chris took a trip upstairs during half time today, firstly to hide under Rachel’s bed (don’t ask) and then to investigate the contents of Aled’s room while he was still on his way back from the shop with Paul (and therefore unable to listen). Moyles said the windowsill of Aled’s room resembled the cosmetics counter at Boots. There was moisturiser, Dove Body Cream, FCUK and two tubs of Dove Body Silk. Also in the room were five pairs of shoes and his teddy bear. Chris nicked the teddy, the Body Silk and the Body Cream, much to Aled’s annoyance. He arrived back to find Chris and Dave discussing where to hide them. He then revealed that his teddy bear is called Hilton (cue Dave laughter) cos he got given him as a present at the Hilton Hotel. He also revealed that he does sleep with Hilton at night. Chris said he was no expert but that might be one of the reasons why Aled is single at the moment...harsh but fair.
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(Hilton, Aled’s sleeping partner)

MOYLES ON THE ARCHERS:>>>>
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Last night was Chris’s big appearance on Radio 4’s The Archers, which he called the highlight of his thespian career so far. Hannah from Cambridge texted in to say he was brilliant. Despite having heard his part in it already, I’m sure many Moyles listeners like myself would have listened to The Archers last night if he’d given us a bit of warning it was on. If you missed it yesterday then it’s possible it’ll be played again on the big Archers Omnibus, which is this Sunday at 10am on Radio 4 (92-95FM).
- For more on Chris’s visit to The Archers click here.
- Listen Again to Chris’s appearance in this weeks Omnibus here till the 27th of June or click here to hear the original shorter Monday show (only available till 21st June though).
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<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=7988">> Moyles Live In Portugal - Tues June 15th Show & Show Review - HAVE YOUR SAY!! <</A>

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