The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
#242007
1. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Can’t Stop 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Eric Prydz - Call On Me, 3. Sugababes - Freak Like Me, 4. Razorlight - Vice, 5. BUZZ OFF - Duran Duran - A View To A Kill, 6. Outkast - Roses 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Joss Stone - You Had Me, 8. Lostprophets - Wake Up (Make A Move), 9. CHRIS MOYLES PARODY - mouldylookinstain - Dogs Don’t Kill People, Rabbits Do 8:00 NEWSBEAT 10. The Music - Freedom Fighters, 11. Sean Paul - Gimme The Light, 12. McFly - That Girl, 13. Dido - Sand In My Shoes 8:30 NEWSBEAT 14. Twista feat Anthony Hamilton - Sunshine, 15. D. Kay & Epsilon feat Stamina MC - Barcelona, 16. The Black Eyed Peas - Shut Up, 17. Keane - Bedshaped, 18. Madonna - Vogue (Tedious Link), 19. Nelly - Flap Your Wings, 20. Good Charlotte - Predictable, 21. Natasha Bedingfield - These Words 9:30 NEWSBEAT 22. Boogie Pimps - Somebody To Love, 23. Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved, 24. Ashlee Simpson - Pieces Of Me

Well it took all of 20 seconds for Chris to mention it - “it” being the fact he won an award last night... and no not a Sanyo either. It was actually the award for “Radio Personality Of The Year” at the GQ awards in some posh hotel in London Village. Chris said seen as though he does the show with the team it’s kind of a shared award... although they can’t take any credit whatsoever. Chris wins, or rather won. Him and Sophie got all suited and booted up and attended the awards last night - with Chris naming his acceptance speech as one of the most nerve racking things he’s ever done. Not helped either by Vernon Kay shouting out “chin up!!” just as he was about to start talking. Chris told Vernon to shut up and go make some more Doritos commercials - which got him his biggest laugh of the night. Chris said the whole evening was a very surreal experience from start to finish (he got to bed at 1am). Upon their arrival he and a mortified Sophie dashed up the red carpet as fast as they could. The reason for her mortification (is that a word?) being that the woman in front of them was Heidi Klum. Not good for her ego I don’t think. Next up after the red carpet is the whole media bit - where you have your Radio 1, your GMTV and your Celebrity Extra (whooo?). After chatting briefly to those losers, Chris and Sophie went off to the bar - where all the toffs were busy drinking champers and laughing at each others jokes. Chris said that wasn’t really his scene so he went for a bottle of beer and a fag on the balcony - much more him. Then finally the fun really began, this as everyone moved downstairs to the tables. On Chris’s table was his good self, the Moyles missus Sophie, Julian from Radio 1 Press, Matt Lucas, David Walliams, Peter Andre and Jordan. More on those two in a minute though, if you get my drift. Also hovering around this star studded hall were (in no particular order): - Will Young, Cat Deeley, Vermin, Ant and Dec, Jonny Wilkinson, George Michael, Jamie Cullum, Dom Joly, Carol Vorderman, Claudia Winkleman, Rachel Stevens, Charlotte Church, Chris’s mate Paul Betterbuys, Michael Howard (balding Tory eejit), Matthew Pinsent (who said congrats to Chris on his award)... and some random Olympian Moyles couldn’t identify. All very exciting so far - but nowhere near as exciting as turning round to see Ozzy Osbourne and Sir Elton John sitting at the other table. Chris said he nearly peed his pants, and found himself wishing he’d brought his tacky disposable camera along after all.
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(Moyles and his GQ award)
Chris said the funniest moment of the whole night without a doubt was Peter (as in Andre) presenting the award for best comedians to Matt Lucas and David Walliams, who remember he’d been sitting more or less next to for the previous hour and a half:
Chris (as Peter) - G’day.. and the award goes to (pause).. the legends behind “Little Brian”, Matt Lucas and David Walliams!!
(Dave and Dom laugh loudly)

Whoops. Believe it or not though - not Peter’s most embarrassing moment of the night. Oh no no no no no, that was reserved for his attempted joke about Jordan when the pair of them were on stage giving out said award. Went down like a fart in a crowded lift basically. Despite this, Chris said Peter was as pleasant as ever - as was Jordan/Katie in fact. The pair of them (no gags this time) were both actually due to come in on the show this morning, but were on Lorraaaaaaine Kelly Live first, meaning they could only arrive at 9:45 - hence no point. Chris said Jordan’s knockers looked surprisingly small last night actually (get real), and he was just thankful that they didn’t have soup to eat - as she might have got her nipples in it. Cue a link all about “soupy boobs”. High brow. Rach (granted first off the air) said actually her breasts aren’t that much smaller than Jordan’s - *cue the sound of 100 000 blokes careering off the road*. Dave said at least they are au naturale though:
Chris - Whoa! whoa! whoa! I’ve never seen them and that’s the way I’d like it to stay!!
Aled - Where were you in Portugal?
Rach (laughs) - Aled! shut up!!
Dave - She never got em out..
Chris - Did you see Rachel’s breasts in Portugal?
Aled - Pretty much
Rachel - No you didn’t
Chris - Did you?
Aled - Well not in a pervy way but (laughs)... in a team bonding kind of way
Dave (interrupting) - Hang on, what time of team bonding was going on? Were we down the pub at this point?
Rach (laughs) - Aled did not see my boobs!

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(New pic of Rach - shedding the pounds and climbing the sexy scale..)

WHEN DOM MET DICKIE AND PAUL BETTERBUYS:
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(Kirsten Dunst in Chris’s new film Wimbledon - Out September 24th..)

WHEN DOM MET DICKIE:>>>
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(Dick and Dom - but not the ones from “da bungalow”..)
And by Dickie I don’t mean the guy that does the chrismoyles.net sound stuff either, I mean Richard Loncraine - Director of Chris’s new movie Wimbledon. Dom met him in a swanky London hotel during the film’s press junket yesterday, and immediately said that he felt like he was treading on toes.. as this is Chris’s movie after all. Dave said that may be the case, but he was on the bus yesterday and it stopped off next to a Wimbledon billboard for a long time. He therefore took time to scan the board for Chris’s name - but it was nowhere to be found. Chris said it must have been some kind of printing error. Things learned from Dom’s (it must be said brilliant) interview with Richard Loncraine then:
*He has massive respect for Chris and thinks the film’s global appeal is entirely down to his brief appearance in it
*Which btw is around 8 and a half to 12 and a quarter seconds long (Chris needs the exact time for his show real y’see, for when this radio thing dries up and he moves into cinema...)
*Richard also finds Chris physically attractive and said he brought a great presence and stature to the set (or rather the recording booth)

Dickie is predicting a great future for Chris in film, saying that he has enormous potential and could go on to play a wide range of characters in big Hollywood blockbusters. Suggestions on the text included Shrek, the Honey Monster and the iceberg that sunk Titanic. I found them all very funny, but needless to say Chris was less appreciative. Before finishing the interview, Dom said he had to ask one question that had been kinda getting a few people worried. That being - is Chris only in the film so they can cash in on all the free plugs he is giving it?...
Dom - Lots of people have been writing in the broadsheets, saying that by using Radio 1 Breakfast Show host Chris Moyles in your film, this is merely just a way of guaranteeing publicity. Obviously you would turn around then and say...?
Dickie - Oh absolutely
*Chris chokes on his tea as he listens to it*
Chris (laughing) - No that’s edited! Surely that’s edited!!


WHEN DOM MET PAUL BETTERBUYS:>>>
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(or Bettany or whatever he’s called..)
Next after 8:30 were highlights of Dom meeting Paul Betterbuys yesterday, which were as funny (if not funnier) than when he met Dickie earlier. Star of Master And Commander and A Beautiful Mind etc, Paul plays the lead in Wimbledon (i.e he’s the lucky one who gets to screw Kirsten Dunst... sorry for lowering the tone). Despite this, Paul said he sees Chris’s role in the film as far more pivotal:
Paul - I don’t think you can overstate the importance of that 8 seconds. It really is the lynch pin of the whole movie - and I think he could go anywhere from here. I imagine at the moment he’s having to field a lot of calls from Scorcese. I think Hollywood is about to come a clamouring..
Word of the day btw - “a clamouring”. Despite never actually having met Chris, Paul said it’s only very rarely you get to work with titans of world cinema such as Moyles, so he found it a truly moving experience. He said the whole cast regarded Chris as a god like figure and always looked to him for inspiration. The Saviour of World Cinema then - another string to add to his bow. Paul said he felt quite sorry for the director Dickie, who was constantly undermined by Chris’s obvious genius - and I swear Chris didn’t write this. Dom asked Paul what the chemistry would be like between him and Chris (when he meets him) compared to that of him and Kirsten Dunst in the movie. Paul said it would be more moist with more rigidity...don’t ask. Seen as though Richard seemed to see Chris not only as an actor but also as a potential partner, Dom went down the same line of questioning with Paul. Chris wasn’t liking the tone of the question to be honest:
Dom - Do you fancy Chris Moyles?
Paul - *sighs* yes, but not how people would expect.. in quite a sexual way actually
Dom - So you actually physically fancy him?
Paul - Yes. Is that alright?
Dom - It’s fine, it’s fine. It’s just he has a girlfriend at the moment..
Paul - Is there any sort of cracks in the relationship that I can exploit?
Dom - Is there any? ... cracks
Paul (laughing) - That’s the cheapest joke!!
(Will and Dom laugh live in the room, Chris as he listens back)
Paul - You actually went for the “crack” joke?
Dom - I did yeah (Paul laughs)
Paul - God bless you
Dom - You’ve found our level now, that’s kinda it
Paul (laughs) - Marvellous

Please also bear in mind the hundreds of journalists queuing up outside at this point to ask important questions to Paul... while Dom did a “crack” joke on him.
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(Kirsten and Paul in Wimbledon *cough* Common *cough*)

ROYAL FRIDGE MAGNETS, TONIGHT’S FOOTY AND LONGMAN HAS A GENIUS IDEA:>>>
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Jules spent yesterday at Windsor Castle as her and her housemate could get in for free, due to the fact she has a friend who works there.
Dom - You’re such a culture vulture
After yesterday Jules thought the show needed a bit of love, so had bought the whole team presents (this time including Aled). She had actually bought these as well (not got them free), as the prices hadn’t been removed. Chris got a very special and slightly too small £7.95 crown to wear, which he placed next to his GQ award (he said if only they could see him now back home). All the team though got chocolate coins, plus a fridge magnet each. All costing £2.75 (bloody rip off), they read as follows:
DAVE - I wish hangovers didn’t hurt
ALED - I wish my hair would behave
RACH - I wish chocolate had no calories
DOM - I wish I had hair
CHRIS - I wish I wasn’t fat

Increasing the love on the show hmm? So while Jules was busy livin la vida loca with the oi oi palloy at Windsor Castle - Dave was at Mr Clutch getting his car back. He was also setting up his Sky Lounge (aka spare room) in the new flat last night - which he eventually beat Emma to for access, and is now having it as his little satellite hideaway to watch the football when Emma has “Men With Boobs” or whatever on downstairs. Chris also came up with a brilliant idea - for him and Dave to do Fanzone commentary for Sky on that sofa if Leeds get Everton in the cup. Very unlikely to happen but I’d love it, absolutely love it (“we’re still fighting for this title” etc etc). Sticking with the subject of football, Dave has bagsied a corner in the pub for the England game tonight. Chris wants to see the Ireland game as well, while Aled wished Wales luck against Northern Ireland. Dave said Aled is more than welcome to come watch some football in the pub with them tonight if he wants...
Dave - It’s an open invite to the whole team actually. It’s kind of a bonding session but without your boobs in the way..
(Chris laughs)
Rach - What?
Dave - Well it’s not a bonding session like Aled had in Portugal!

If the Fanzone idea from Chris was total genius, Longman’s was erm.. different. Strap yourselves in folks. He’d been on the phone to Chris during the Natasha Bedingfield record with an idea for a quiz to promote Wimbledon (as in the movie - have I mentioned that yet?). The idea was to have a competition called “What’s that racket?” where Chris would play a sound effect out and get people to call in and guess what it is - with the winner getting £998 (i.e the frequency Radio 1’s on in Leeds - 99.8). Cue the texts about everyones tinpot stations already doing Secret Sound/What’s That Noise/Sound In The City etc, which Chris said just missed the whole “racket” point. He said Longman had also told him about today’s specials on the phone btw - which shockingly don’t include the beloved cajun chicken...
Chris (laughing) - and he also has a very special..
Dave - Does he?
Chris (still laughing) - No!
Dave (realises and starts to laugh) - Is he still doing pies?
Rach (shouts) - No!!
Chris - No he’s not
*plays news stab*
(Dave, Chris and a very loud Jules laugh)
(Chris stops bed)

Dave had to leave the studio for the news and Jules compose herself for a few moments. Chris said it’s hard to believe this show won an award last night. After the news was over, Dave was welcomed back in. Dave said he thought his dismissal had been rather childish and unnecessary. Chris then made him explain that he had left and returned to the studio with anti lurgy paper strapped to his feet:
Chris - So I’m childish for sending you out of the studio, yet you shuffled out on two pieces of A4?
(Dom and Jules laugh)

Other stuff this morning included Chris telling all fat people they are lazy and should diet, Dave having Dale Winton as a Guess Who, Chris playing 50 seconds of Christina Aguilera’s new tuna based single, plus more rubbish but funny Wogan and Ken Bruce impressions from Moyles and Dave. Oh and Buzz Off was classic Duran Duran with A View To A Kill (number 2 - May 85). Aled was first to buzz on bang on 2 minutes, then Rach, Dave and the listeners in quick succession as the song finished on 3:34.
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A FUNNY CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
SIMON a bar manager from Middlesbrough with a Benny Hill horn 2
LEWIS a Man U supporting van driver delivering wackers in Kiddy 0

Daves (Bang On Target) Tedious Link
George Michael Too Funky - “Funky” rhymes with “monkey”, which is an example of a primate you might find in Africa - Africa was a big hit for Toto (target) - Toto was the name of Dorothy’s dog in The Wizard Of Oz - The Wizard Of Oz featured the characters Tin Man and Scarecrow - Scarecrow and Mrs. King was an early 80’s American series starring Kate Jackson (target), who was of course one of the original Charlies Angels, along with Farrah Fawcett - “Faucet” is an American word meaning a tap, as in a bathroom tap or a kitchen tap - “Tap” is an anagram of “Pat”, as in Pat Benatar (target) who had a hit with Love Is A Battlefield - Battlefields these days tend to be places of historical interest, a bit like castles - Castles In The Sky was a seminal record by Ian Van Dahl - Ian Van Dahl shares the same christian name as Ian McShane, who is probably best known for playing Lovejoy (target), the antiques dealer who you might describe as being a bit of a rogue - and if you replace the first letter of the word “rogue” with a “V”, you get Vogue - Which links us to Madonna and Vogue

MINI MOYLES UPDATE:>>>
- Chris will be basking in the glory of being voted GQ radio personality of they year by playing Xbox all day. Then he’s off to the pub tonight to watch the football
- Dave is trying to get the MOT done on his car today. Then he'll also be off to the pub to watch the football
- Dom is watching the 2nd disc of his Definitely Maybe DVD today. Then he's off to the pub to watch the football
- Jules is trying to sort her expenses from Athens today. Then she's off to the pub to watch the football
- Rachel is getting her hair done today. Then she's off to the pub to watch the football
- Aled is having a session with his personal trainer. He won't be watching the football...
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<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=8379">> Wednesday 8th September 04 - What Did You Think Of This Show/Review? Tell Us Here! <</A>

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