[Chris]

HAPPY 37TH BIRTHDAY TO RADIO 1 -


1. Maroon 5 - This Love 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Tomcraft - Loneliness, 3. Kelis feat Andre 3000 - Millionaire, 4. U2 - Vertigo, 5. BUZZ OFF - The Monkees - I’m A Believer, 6. Joss Stone - Super Duper Love 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Can’t Stop, 8. Eamon feat Ghostface - Love Them', 9. Good Charlotte - Predictable, 10. Lostprophets - Last Summer 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. Basement Jaxx feat Lisa Kekaula - Good Luck, 12. Robbie Williams - Radio, 13. No Doubt - It’s My Life 8:30 NEWSBEAT 14. Green Day - American Idiot, 15. R. Kelly - Ignition (Remix), 16. Damien Rice - Cannonball, 17. Aerosmith - Dude (Looks Like A Lady) (Tedious Link), 18. Mousse T feat Emma Lanford - Is It Cos I'm Cool?, 19. Jay Sean - Stolen, 20. The Ordinary Boys - Seaside 9:30 NEWSBEAT 21. Eric Prydz - Call On Me, 22. Joe Budden - Pump It Up, 23. Dido - Sand In My Shoes

It all started way back when in 1967, when a DJ called Tony Blackburn came on the air and said... “good mornin”. Yep, Blackburn was back (albeit in a clearly pre recorded 25 minute segment), to celebrate Radio 1’s 37th birthday this morning - and good value he was too. Although clearly on tape (Chris never did a time check between 7 and half past), Tony was as great a guest as ever - reminiscing about the good old days when Radio 1 was popular and actually had an audience. Tony recalled launching the very first Radio 1 Breakfast Show 37 years ago to the day, which bizarrely was on a Saturday. Tony said that was odd though - as he never worked Saturdays...
Tony - Well I opened it up and then said “goodbye and see you Monday”... which seemed a little strange
(Chris and Dave laugh)
Moyles also recalled one of Tony’s best known features from yesteryear called “The Kissing Tone” - basically a short period of time where a tone effect would play on the show and you were then officially allowed to kiss someone (although Chris did stress that Tony didn’t endorse free love).
Chris - See I think that’s good, but obviously with everything you have to bring it up to date - so we’re going to have “the boffing alarm”..
Dave - mmm
(Tony laughs)
Chris - ... and when the boffing alarm goes off, you’re allowed a boff!!
Dave - Like a boff buzzer?
Chris - Yeah
(Tony laughs)
Blackburn said it was nice to have their contrasting styles brought together, although remember he is a big fan of Chris’s. Unlike some of the other ex Radio 1 Breakfast Show DJ’s it has to be said - namely Tony’s successor Noel Edmonds, Sara Cox (possibly) - and of course DLT (who was slagging Chris off on some TV show or other last week).
Chris - He doesn’t like us kids, that’s what it is..
Chris - Yeah, he thinks all us young DJ’s are rubbish!!
Dave - mmm
Buzz Off today was unsurprisingly a choice from 1967, the year that the station launched (have I mentioned that yet?). Chris said it would have been way too predictable to have chosen Flowers In The Rain by The Move, so instead he opted for The Monkees and their January 67 chart topper “I’m A Believer”. The song was played in full without any buzzes - and Chris then got Tony to back announce it... which he duly did, like a true pro:
Chris - Seriously, you should be back on the network as far as I’m concerned
Tony - Well when you become controller, and I’ve heard rumours...
Chris - Yeah?
Tony - ... well I might be in your office then Chris on bended knees, y’know on all fours..
(collective “whoaa!!” and “wahey!!” from Moyles and Vitty)
Dave (laughing) - There’s no need for that!!
Chris - Let’s not get into that Tony!!
Tony - Well that’s the way I got the job the first time..
(Chris and Dave “wahey!!” again)
Chris - Chris buzz!
*buzz sound effect*
Dave - Good mornin, Dave buzz!
*buzz sound effect*
(Rach laughs)

(Tony back at Radio 1 in the 70’s)
The text vote on Buzz Off was 95% Buzz On, although Chris announced this just before the half 7 news - i.e when the show was back live. Before he let Tony go though, Chris allowed him to plug his current radio work. Blackburn said well he presents the breakfast show on Classic Gold (*bing*), plus shows for Jazz FM (*bing*) and also BBC London (*bing*). The radio whore...
Tony - But there are so many more radio stations that I want to work for!!!..
(Dom and Chris laugh)
Tony - .. my aim is to work for every radio station, including Radio 3
Or Kerrang FM. Now that would be priceless. Tony said at least the good thing was that if you were sacked from one station, you’d still have another two jobs in the bag. Chris said ok yeah, but he’s been sacked from enough stations already. He says he does the radio show purely for the cash... oh and the honour too. Tony couldn’t believe Chris only gets up at 5 to do his show, when he’s up bright and early at 3:15 each day. Chris pointed out that he lives a lot closer to his work than Tony does...
Tony - You live on the premises then?
Chris - Well virtually yeah... in the pub round the corner
(Tony laughs)
*Oh and to celebrate the stations birthday, Chris told everyone to line up in a row nicely at 10 o’clock - and then the team would wrap up and pass out a piece of cake to each listener. If he’s not scoffed it already of course..

WHEN DOM MET GWYNETH:

(Chris Martin is bricking himself at his competition eh?)
This had to be the funniest bit of today’s show by a mile - as Dom met, chatted to and flirted outrageously with... Mrs Chris Martin (aka Gwyneth Paltrow). Who btw had heard of Chris, but called the station he was on “BBC1” and not “Radio 1”. Try "BBC Radio 1" love. Dom obviously ignored all questions to do with her new film “Sky Captain and The World Of Tomorrow”... and just concentrated on the ones not relevant. We therefore found out the following today:
*She thinks Dave is taller than Chris
*Her favourite UK motorway service stations are like the ones Alan Partridge goes to (err they’re petrol stations Gwynnie). She also said she just likes to pull in, fill up, and get off. *ahem* good mornin.
*Next up: The Kidderminster Harriers... bottom of the football league and badly in need of some cash:
Dom - So I basically wanted to know whether she was willing to give some money to the cause...
Dave - But the Corrs are loaded!
Guh huh. Gwyneth said she’d donate whatever Dom gives to the Harriers... which let’s face it will be bugger all - as to quote him directly: “they’re rrrrubish”.
*Gwyneth and Dom also <s>flirted</s> discussed the pronunciation of certain ingredients after the inevitable “what’s your favourite cheese?” question. Dom was brilliantly funny as ever, as they debated how to say “parmesan” (doesn’t really work in print), “basil” and “oregano” correctly - either in the UK or US way. Dom was right of course, so we win.
*Chris had to stop the interview to say this is the most he’d ever heard Dom flirt in an interview before*
Dom - Hey it’s not flirting, it’s journalism..
Dom said a very good morning to his wife Nic, and assured her that he was just flirting to make her feel more relaxed - thus, ergo - he gets a better interview out of her. Yep, whatever...

*Dom said Gwyneth found him mentally stimulating. Chris said more like physically funny. We also found out from the interview that Gwyneth is a huge fan of Mike Skinner, and him and Chris have been working on a song together (that obviously being Chris Martin not Chris Moyles):
Chris - Let’s hope it’s an instrumental..
(Dom and Dave laugh)
*After Gwyneth had said Skinner is very clever, super talented, lyrically brilliant and re defines a genre, Dom told her that Chris Moyles thinks he’s rrrrubish.
Gwyneth - Well I saw Mike Skinner the other day and he thinks Chris Moyles is rubbish..
(Chris laughs)
*Finally Chris played Gwyneth’s “Whenever I’m in the UK I listen to Chris Moyles” drop in - and also said good morning again to Mrs Byrne, who had jokingly text in to say that Dom's clothes were in bin bags on the street:
Dave - Why? Are you moving?
Dom - Pardon?
Dave - Are you moving?
Dom - No by the sounds of it we’re just giving them to charity..
(Dave laughs)

(Dominic Byrne - Friend Of The Stars)

CHAVS, SUPER SIZE ME AND ERIC PRYDZ ON TOTP LAST WEEK:>>>

Sticking to the Mike Skinner thing, Chris said he could just imagine Chris and Gwyneth having tea in their luxurious Surrey mansion... when some brummie chav turns up at their door and starts singing about chips and drinks. He said he’d love to be a fly on the wall at that meeting of minds. On a chav/scally/whatever you call it related note, Dave (who Chris said has a few chav tendencies himself) said he saw a proper burberry metro the other day. The ultimate chavmobile. Radio 1 became Stereotype FM for five minutes as Chris and Dave listed down four main things that a true chav must have/wear/do:
- Wear a fake burberry cap
- Drive round in their mums old Fiesta
- Wear fake earrings if they’re girls
- Have an England shirt/towel/other piece of England merchandise on at all times
Dave (reading the texts) - It also says here that chavs also tuck their trainers into their socks. Do they? I thought that was cyclists..
(Chris and Rach laugh)

Chris finally did what he’s being talking about for a long time yesterday... and went to the cinema on his own mid afternoon. There was just 7 people (including himself) inside the screening of Super Size Me - which Chris said was good and eye opening.. but a bit too long. He also took a picture of the screen showing the 12A certificate (technically illegal) to show to the team:
Dave - So you took a photo to prove, what - as if we wouldn’t believe you went to the cinema on your own?
Chris - Er yeah
(Dom laughs)
Chris loved the fact he had watched Super Size Me (a film all about why eating junk food is bad for you)... while munching through a huge tub of popcorn and 17 litres of Coca Cola. mmm... healthy. Chris played Love Them' by Eamon and this somehow got the team onto the subject of Top Of The Pops. They discussed the performance of Eric Prydz and his bevvy of top heavy lovelies last Friday - which Dave said was somewhat eye popping. He’s Sky Plussed it for Chris. Seen as though they were talking TOTP, Andi Peters rang Chris off the air and told him to plug tomorrow nights show. Cue a five minute link where Chris and Dave continually referred to Andi, with a snatch of Rule Britannia bizarrely played after each mention. Some texters were still unaware that Andi is TOTP exec producer, so were texting in to make sure they were thinking of the same fella - him “off of” Childrens BBC (as Scott Mills would say):
Chris (reading texts) - “Didn’t he do Ed The Duck”?
Chris - Well nothing was proved but he did work with him...
(childish Dave and Jules laugh)

(http://www.bbc.co.uk/totp)[/i]

NAME TROUBLE, JOCE - AND LET’S ENTER ALED... FOR THE USHER CONTEST:>>>

Chris took a Live Lounge consensus during Tedious Link and found out that the opinion was that today was a very good show. I didn’t think it was that brilliant, and Chris said no doubt Rachel’s mum would agree:
Chris (as Rach’s mum) - 6 out of 10, see me
This was the catalyst for a conversation all about Rachel, her parents and her godparents at OBW in Birmingham. This as all 5 of them were sat together in the hotel, and (to make it even more confusing).. the respective couples were sitting opposite each other, not next to one another.
Dave - But Will right, was very confused... cos he’s had a few Stellas before they arrived... (laughs)... and it’s fair to say he wasn’t in the best of health. So he comes over and goes “I’ve just met Rachel’s four parents”..
(Dave and Rach laugh)
Chris said he’s even met Rachel’s mum and dad a few times before, but has still somehow managed to forget their names. Cue a conversation about how forgetful Moyles is. He said to anyone who’s name he’s forgotten don’t take it personally, as for years Chris always called Daves mum Mary... when she’s called Brenda. Oh and he’s also called the son of his and Daves mate (and best man) Alan “Matty” for seven years - when it is in fact Alex.
Chris - Also, there are people who work in the office that I don’t know the names of..
Dave - and some of those are on the show (laughs)
Chris - What?
Rach - That’s not true!
Dave - Well for some of the auxiliary staff it is..
For example Jocelyn. Chris didn’t know her surname was Stainer... as in mouldy lookin. He also didn’t know the name of the girl who was filling in for Joce, as she filled in for Aled, as he filled in for Will - who it turns out is actually called Natasha. Joce came into the studio just after 9:20 with breaking lurgy news - and Chris wouldn’t let her leave. He said they had yet to discuss her antics from the other night on the show - this when she had her tongue down some mans throat...
Dave - You strumpet!!
Chris said who’d have thought - as he didn’t think she was interested in boys... cos of her career *cough*. Joce said it was on some kind of work outing/leaving do - and she got his business card. She did add that he hasn’t replied to her e-mail yet though. Moyles said that was probably cos he is now sober - and had realised that she was nowhere near as good looking as he had originally thought:
Dave - That’s a horrible thing to say!!
Chris said no it’s not, it’s the shallowness of men. Hmm.. I agree with Dave. Moyles quickly tried to rescue himself by saying she is beautiful - but in a hobbit kind of way, which only succeeded in getting him in more trouble:
Dave - I’d pull out now
Chris - Well, hang on a second..
(him, Dave and Joce laugh)
Chris - Joce I love you
Joce - I love you too
Chris - Yeah I really respect you.. now go make us another cup of tea. It’s 9:28..
(hits Ordinary Boys vocals)
Chris played a BBC Talent trail for this whole Radio 1/1Xtra meet Usher thing, which Dave was understandably looking forward to. Chris also said that if you have some talent, don’t let it go out - as Radio 1 is desperate for some talent on the station. The man has a point...
Chris (suddenly) - Do you know who we should enter? Aled... (realises)... Sorry, do you know who we should put forward for the Usher competition? Aled
Dave - mmm (laughs)
Cos he can bodypop, and also teach Usher how to do the mash potato...apparently.

Full Details - http://www.bbc.co.uk/talent/usher/

PLUS ALSO ON THIS MORNING’S SHOW:>>>

*Chris and Dave discussing Vernon Kay’s lady nipples (as he was obviously in the building pre recording one of his weekend shows)
*More team tigs off ground and national lottery style lurgy updates
*Dom inventing a new feature called “D-Jail” where DJ’s are put in prison. Can I suggest Steve Penk, Spoony and Colin Murray for starters?
*Plus a choice of tunes at both 7:55 and 9:55, with conflicting views amongst the team on what to play. Rachel didn’t want to play Lostprophets instead of Jo Jo, as they had just played another guitar band in Good Charlotte:
Chris - Yeah cos everyone at home if we play Lostprophets will go “oh that’s two guitar bands in a row they’ve just played, separated by a short link and a trail”..
(Rach laughs)
Dave - That’s straight out of the music scheduling theory book Rachel!
(Rach laughs again)

PERSONALISED JINGLE WEEK - DAY 4:>>> NEIL SKELTON
“Neil Skelton is from Lincoln, he’s an agricultural fitter,
His local is the John Bull, where they serve lager and bitter,
He drives a 306, he’s got big ears and short brown hair,
He met his girlfriend in the pub, a lovely girl called Claire,
The Chris Moyles Show, National Radio One”

A CRINGE WORTHY CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
ORLAGH a Northern Irish nurse parked in the car park at Asda in Liverpool - WINNER
RYAN an arse from Plymouth - LOSER (and never has that been more true)

If you’re a bit confused by the lack of a scoreline, then let me explain. Ryan thought he’d try and be brave and stand up to Chris, accusing him of “not being a nice person” and “not being very nice” to his listeners. Only problem being, he kind of didn’t go all out attack - and slagged him off in short blocks dead tentatively...
Chris - Is this Scott Mills on the line with a load of clips?
Ryan signalled Rach and Jules out as the two people Chris always slags off on the show - but then couldn’t give any examples when asked for one. It was real cringe worthy hands over the ears stuff... not to mention a truly shocking argument. To prove that he is a nice person, Chris waited til Ryan complimented the show - called him an arse... and then cut him off. You could see it coming a mile off:
Chris - Jeez, what was his problem?
Orlagh - He didn’t like you Chris!
Chris (laughs) - I kinda got that idea..

Chris - Thanks for listening to the show, thanks to Ryan, listen seriously Ryan have a good day... and don’t worry about the size of your manhood

Daves Tedious Link
Beverley Knight feat Redman Made It Back 99 - Beverley Knight is from Wolverhampton, as are Slade - The word “slade” shares many of the same letters as the word “spade”, which is something you might take to the beach - The beach is a fun place to go as long as you don’t mind getting sand in your shoes - “Sand In My Shoes” is the latest musical offering from Dido, who once performed in front of 80 000 people at a One Big Sunday in Leicester - Leicester City Football Club are nicknamed the Foxes - Foxes like to attack chickens, which is why they are often protected by wire fencing - Fencing of a different type is a sport enjoyed by Iron Maiden frontman Bruce Dickinson - Bruce Dickinson shares the same surname as David Dickinson from Bargain Hunt - Hunt first name James was a famous racing driver from the world of F1 - “F1” is a key that you might find on your keyboard, as are “Caps Lock”, “E” and “I” - “E” and “I” are the initials of Eddie Izzard - and Eddie Izzard is a good example of a man who likes to wear womens clothes, and so when he’s all in the gear I guess you could say that he’s a dude who looks like a lady - Which links us to Aerosmith and Dude (Looks Like A Lady)

MINI MOYLES UPDATE:>>> (courtesy of Sarah Hillary)
- So tomorrow then it’s Juliette’s last show before she leaves for pastures new up north, although they couldn’t say much about what’s planned in the MM update in case she read it...
- Chris is thinking about going to the pictures again today, this time to see Gwynnie’s film “Sky Captain and The World Of Tomorrow”
- Dave is busy getting his starter motor replaced
- Rachel’s swimming (as usual) - and also packing as she moves flat in 2 days
- Aled's out and about making the last day of Sexy September worth the effort, plus Joce will be rowing (but in the gym not in the water)...

<A HREF="http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~chris/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=8450">> Thursday 30th September 04 - What Did You Think Of This Show/Review? Tell Us Here! <</A>