The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
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By surprise guest reviewer, Uglybob

6:55 arrived and Dave started the show, but where oh where was Chris. Dave had to introduce the news and left a long silence until he realized to include the pips. After the news the familiar sound of Chris appeared.

Rachel rang his house a lot on redial while Chris slept in and didn’t hear the phone. Chris blamed Martin for taking him out last night, his online geek gaming friend. He teased the fact that Martin would be coming in to review games.

Chris played Star Wars Battlefront last night with Sophie. Chris played Martin with headsets on talking to each other. They met for a quick pint in London after the game.

Chris got his beard cut off and his hair cut on Friday and the cleaner had thrown his beard away which he was gutted about. Dave said that would be a great title for a Trisha show "the cleaner threw my beard away". Sophie came home on Friday asking him where he put the beard. Chris said he put it on the tissue in the bathroom but Sophie discovered that it wasn’t there. Chris kept teasing the fact that Dave wanted to be a real DJ but he couldn’t be knackered. Dave noted that Chris looked perky.

Chris said that someone upstairs from Radio 1 was in the corner with a lady in the pub. A little flash came and an enormous bang shook on the pub window. Everybody thought a bomb had gone off but it was thunder at 10pm last night. Chris had to have another pint to calm his nerves. Chris said he thought people might think of him as using this as an excuse for being late.

Dave had 3 Guess Who's varying in terms of greatness. Dave didn’t go to the game on Saturday. Dave used as a concession to his girlfriend for Valentines. He still watched it on Sky Sports though. Chris likes the new song from KT Tunstall. Chris asked if she was fit which Dave replied yes. Rachel tried to find some good pictures of her. Chris complained about Rachel being over fussy this morning. Chris was late but he blamed it on Rachel constantly phoning while he was trying to put his trousers on.

"Radio 1 Feels SEXY" and Chris plays Our Tune while telling the public to get flowers from the local garage before going home. Chris recalled the story of Dave getting his wife an Everlasting Rose; well it was a crappy plastic one. Chris hates Valentines Day and no matter if she said "it doesn’t matter", it does. Dave said that in the last 3 or 4 weeks the wife had sent him 10 text messages giving him the name and number of a reputable flower chain. Chris said that women are obsessed with Valentines Day.

Chris said that he will cook tonight for her. He said that he can’t cook. He said that only could cook 3 things: Toast and pate, pasta for the main and pancakes for dessert. Dave said that he should order a pizza and cut it into a heart. Chris played a cut up mashed up song that had "Frontin" by Pharrell mixed with Spandau Ballet and Berlin.

Dominic’s birthday is the 10th of November it was revealed. As you know, Chris birthday is on 22nd February.

Chris asked when Dominic started to get pally with McFly; really it was a lead in for Chris to do a parody on it, called "He don’t use Shampoo". Chris said that when he said when an advert for 24 comes on, he has to look away. Chris used the phone number sample they use at CTU on 24 and commented that they never say Goodbye at the end of the phone conversation. Dave’s first Guess Who was Minty from Eastenders. Chris first Guess Who was Joe Swash from Eastenders. Dave’s second Guess Who was Lucy Benjamin.

Peter Andre and Jordan turned down the chance to give some tips of loving. So they chose JK and Joel instead. They said that the Dina Carroll CD is good for romancing. Give them a hand massage and use baby oil and a full body massage. Play with their hair. Home cooking or a big bargain bucket for KFC is the best for loving. Legendary JK and Joel sandwich is Chicken Bacon and Lettuce and no tomato. Since July 04, they’ve used the line "Hi, I know Chris Moyles" to get a chick.

More Guess Who’s as Chris had Miranda Richardson from Blackadder walking in the park. Dave’s best Guess Who since Pierce Brosnan was Paul Gazza Gascoigne. Dave even went over to him and got him to sign an autograph. Dave’s Tedious Link was Nirvana and Come as You Are, featured on the 1991 album Nevermind.

David Walliams and Matt Lucas came in to promote the new special Red Nose Day edition of Little Britain. It lasts 45 minutes, has special guests such as George Michael, Robbie Williams and Elton John. There are also outtakes and an interview. You can buy it on the Rednose website or from HMV. Chris was taken aback by David’s interest in his girlfriend. As you maybe aware, David is linked with a good looking woman every week in the papers, maybe make that every 3 days. Chris said that he could use his 10% discount he gets in the BBC Shop. David said that he could buy 10 of them and send them to friends, but Chris might have a problem as he hasn’t got ten friends. David wasn’t at the launch for Red Nose Day as he was filming an episode of Waking the Dead. He was disappointed because Matt had his head kissed by Elle McPherson.

Chris retreads back to Dominic upsetting the Norfolk people. Dominic said that the Norwich accent was awful on Friday. Chris played some voice calls slagging Dom off. Chris is going on a Lands End to John O Groats in a series of famous cars including Knightrider car. This led to a discussion about who the actor who played the voice of Kit on Knightrider. David kept asking about his girlfriend like a lecherous perv. David is going to an Agent Provacateur party which will have lots of women in bras and knickers so he is hoping to pick up some totty for the night. David said Chris gay guide. They later appeared on This Morning. They mentioned it is being presented by Michael Ball and Gloria Hunniford. Matt didn’t know that and he said he saw him at a concert and has 2 DVD's from him. Dave and Chris said that they overtook Michael Ball on the motorway and flicked him the V's. Chris paid them £60 to get them to say 3 catchphrases. This led to them saying that if anyone approached them on the street today and gave them £20 they would do a catchphrase for them. David asked about his girlfriend again. David asked that if she would leave him for a Bafta winner. Chris retorted that Sophie thought he was a slapper. Chris decided that they should say kettles and cauliflowers on This Morning

Carpark Catchphrase pitted Ashlene, a waitress from Newcastle driving a Corsa against Tom (W) Raymond, a Math’s teacher from Croydon, South London who has trouble pronouncing his R's. Why do people get jobs they will be easily made fun of? Chris replayed the mash up from earlier in the show.

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