- Sun Oct 06, 2002 12:43 pm
#30194
Work Ethics:
(Apologies for the '>'s - I couldn't be bothered deleting all of them)
>> 10 commandments for 'working hard':
>>
>> 1. Never walk without a document in your hands
>> People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees
>> heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look
>> like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their
>> hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you
>> carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false
>> impression that you work longer hours than you do.
>>
>> 2. Use computers to look busy
>> Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer.
>> You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast
>> without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the
>> societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would
>> like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your
>> boss - and you *will* get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're
>> teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training
>> dollars.
>>
>> 3. Messy desk
>> Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it
>> looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents
>> around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as
>> today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you
>> know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need
>> halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
>>
>> 4. Voice Mail
>> Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just
>> because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because
>> they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your
>> calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you
>> and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know
>> they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious
>> even though you're being a devious weasel.
>>
>> 5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed
>> According to experts, one should also always try to look impatient and
>> annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.
>>
>> 6. Leave the office late
>> Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around.
>> You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but
>> have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss'
>> room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g.
>> 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.
>>
>> 7. Creative Sighing for Effect
>> Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that
>> you are under extreme pressure.
>>
>> 8. Stacking Strategy
>> It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books
>> on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
>>
>> 9. Build Vocabulary
>> Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new
>> products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses.
>> Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound
>> impressive.
>>
>> 10. Have 2 Jackets
>> If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a spare jacket draped
>> over the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you are still
>> on the premises. The second jacket should be worn while swanning around
>> elsewhere![/i]
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