[Vivienne]

1. Small : 5' 3"
2. Dark hair
3. Blue eyes
4. Weight : under 8 stones
5. Values all opinions in a reasoned fashion
6. Tells great jokes
7. Doesn't hold grudges
8. Gives great oral action.

OMG, it's myself!! (ha ha ha!!!).

[Zoot]

9. Lives in her own little world

[Boboff]

Frankly only number 8 is important, the rest you will find men really don't care about !

[Vivienne]

Yeh, of course they don't, BBoff!!

[Yudster]

If this list is you Viv, the fact that you are single should tell you something about it. The list, not you.

[Vivienne]

Yeh, I am single. Clearly needing a new list. It's a "joke thread" btw.

[Yudster]

I know, but don't change, eh?

[Vivienne]

Yuds, I don't know what you have posted into the "cinema" topic, but I've just had it blocked, and can't get access to it.

[Yudster]

Ooer, I didn't say anything bad, honest!

[Yudster]

It's still there Viv, no problems at all - don't know why you can't get into it.

[Vivienne]

It's been deemed "inappropriate" by my computer.

[Andy B]

I think number 8 is the most important one as well although 4 and 7 are rated quite highly in my opinion.....

Quite partial to numbers 1 and 2 as well actually.....

Not fussy about numbers 3 and 5 and I've never found a woman yet who can tell a good joke...yet I'm still looking though.

62.5% from me miss Viv

[Vivienne]

Check this joke:

A duck walks into a bar. The duck says, "Vodka please".

Barman replies: "Are you old enough to be drinking?"

Duck says: "You're quacking me up".

[Console]

** Cue tumble weed **

[Andy B]

A duck walks into a hotel with a sheep and a hamster, he rents a room and goes upstairs.

A few minutes later he rings down to reception to ask politely if they have any condoms.

The bell boy brings them to his room and knocks on the door

The duck answers in a dressing gown, the sheep spread eagled on the bed and the hamster clearly stuck up his bottom.

The bell boy hands the duck the condoms and asks...

"Would you like to pay for these now or shall I put them on your bill"

The duck replies

"What do you take me for, some kind of pervert?"......

[Boboff]

Shagging is the art of combing carpet pile


Just for Viv

[Vivienne]

Oddly enough I can see that

[Chris]

It's because he's being nice. Make the most of it.

[Vivienne]

I will !

[Boboff]

I am always nice, when sober.......

[Nicola_Red]

Crikey. I'm clearly ideal to nobody. Where did this list come from?

[Vivienne]

sorry... it came from my own head. It was meant to be a "joke", but it's gone down the pan.

[Nicola_Red]

Well, it depressed me alright! Under 8 stone? I haven't been that since I was about 12.

[Yudster]

Too small for an adult, even a 5'3" adult.

[S4B]

I only get 3, 7 & 8! I'm obviously no use to anyone but Boboff!