[Nicola_Red]

I work in an office with about 30 people. Most are casual staff, so there are many people I won't see for days or even weeks at a stretch, but generally it's a friendly office, and I can't think of anyone here I dislike.

My manager insists on collecting money for cards and presents for everyone's birthdays. Now obviously by the law of averages there are two or three birthdays most months, so emails come round at least every three or four weeks asking for cash. She doesn't keep a tally of who donates, but the emails are sent to everyone in the office.

Overtime has been thin on the ground recently (summer is a quiet time in theatre), so I've been absolutely strapped. My bro is getting married in two weeks so I've had to shell out for my outfit, travel costs and other associated rubbish, and the job is not well paid to start with. So this month I just don't feel like I can afford to donate, but the emails keep on coming, making me feel guilty. And obviously because this present culture has been created (we didn't have it before this manager worked here), I'd feel a bit left out if I didn't get anything on my birthday.

So whaddya think? Does anyone have this in their workplace and what do they do? Am I being tight? Opinions welcome...

[DevilsDuck]

We have it at work, but there only 9 people in my team so its not so bad, except June/July when its 4 people within 3 weeks but rest of the year I can cope.

I know that someone on the team only gives £2 everytime and most give £5. When it was her Birthday we all gave £2 and she had a crap present, it was great

[Nicola_Red]

When she mentions it I usually just make pained noises about my finances, and she doesn't push it or anything, but I still feel guilty when the emails arrive. I could of course opt out permanently and ask not to be bought a present when my own birthday comes round, but that would probably make me look like a right old spoilsport...

[MK Chris]

Hmm, we are only a small team and we don't usually bother at all, which is fine by me.. we do cards but that's about it.

'Tis a difficult call, I think in situations where I was absolutely strapped, I'd make a token couple of quid donation. Birthdays and the like are obviously regular (well, annual) occurences. When my director was pregnant and going off on maternity leave, we all stuck £20 in each, but that obviously is a slightly different situation (and also she had been under a lot of pressure prior to going off).

[lima eel]

i can understand your problem, we have eight people in our office and on the individuals birthday they buy everyone a cake, so over the course of the year eveyone gets the benefit, the only sticking point in our office for a few is that 2 of our office don't celebrate birthdays (due to religious views) but they still take a cake and obviously never buy one!

i think that you should look after number 1 in this situation and do whats best for you

[catherine]

I would probably just get them a card, at least it is a little bit more personal and thoughtful then sticking a fiver in the staff kitty knowing someone else will go out and buy something.

[AndyJ]

I know where your coming from Nicola. I cover 7 different offices, each with about 150 people in it, at least twice a month is a birthday, someone is leaving or something like that. I don't want to seem like a miserable git so I always put in £3 or £4 depending on how much change I have in my pocket....although I can guarantee when its my birthday it won't happen in most of them!

[Nicola_Red]

I've always got a present for my birthday so far - last time I got £15 on a Starbucks card which was very much appreciated - so it's not as if other people don't reciprocate. Altho one year we did Secret Santa, I bust my ass finding obscure Agatha Christie books on ebay for the person i'd selected, and then i didn't get anything at all. To this day I don't know who selected me and then didn't bother to buy me anything. We stopped doing Secret Santa after that!

[MK Chris]

Ah, where I used to work they did Secret Santa and the girl who organised it was very strict about ensuring that anyone who didn't buy a present, wouldn't get their present (nobody didn't get one anyway). Still not a lot of good for the person who wasn't bought for though.

[kendra k]

We never do Secret Santa here, nor do we pool money for a card and gift for birthdays. Well... we do for going away parties. We're actually having one today- I paid for the cake. I think I'm paying for the pizza. I don't know how the gift will be handled.

Nicola, I would imagine other people would be in similar situation. Instead of dropping hints, just be honest. It might start some changes for the better.

[Munki Bhoy]

We do the birthday boy/girl buys cakes for everyone thing too. We also do it if something major happens - someone leaving brings them in on their last day, someone passes an exam (we're in IT so encouraged to do things like Microsoft exams as it's good for business)... not good for the diets, especially in August as there's an unusually high concentration of birthdays in this month!

The hand only ever goes in the pocket for a whipround for people leaving or big birthdays. We went through a spate of 30th birthdays a couple of years ago. Although we seem to be going through a spate of leaving presents these days. The latest being the chief organiser of these things, so who knows what their replacement will be like!

We've also done the secret santa thing. It's all pretty spaced out in the end, so we don't really notice the cost all that much. Every birthday every year would be bloody painful though, even with only 25-30 of us.

[Nicola_Red]

Yep, it is painful. I usually only put £1-2 in and I literally can't afford that for the two birthdays this month. A girl I work with has been giving me lifts to work and sometimes home too every day for about 6 months, and she's moving away from my area this weekend, and I've just shelled out for some flowers to be delivered to work to show my appreciation. That I don't mind. But birthday money for people I don't speak to outside of work (one of the people in question is 5 months pregnant and I only found out today! that's how well I know her) is starting to gall a little bit.

I dunno that there's any way out of it. I'm sure my manager kind of stores it up in her mind who doesn't donate, cos some people just get a crappy cheap bottle of wine on their birthday. But the hair dye so I don't have an inch of roots on my little bro's wedding day and the vintage handbag to go with my outfit were just more important to me.

[S4B]

Only give for people you know Nicola. Explain that to your manager and she shouldn't have a problem with it. If no one gives for your birthday buy yourself a nice big pressie with all the money you've saved!

[Vivienne]

I think your Manager is being way over the top!! The only time I have given a pressie is when someone is 1. getting married or 2. they have just had a baby.

Don't give, and don't feel guilty.

[pjordan2000]

We get card's for people on their birthday's within our team but no donations are given. The only time donations are given are for having a baby or special brithday's. for my 21st, i got a PSP!

[MK Chris]

When I left my job in London they got me a DVD player.. that was over seven years ago now and it wasn't cheap. They must have been pleased to see the back of me.

[pjordan2000]

Yeah i'm never quite sure how to take leaving presents. On one hand it could be seen as they liked you and on the other they could be pleased to see the back of you.

I like to keep thinking it's the former...

[Bruvva]

In my first "proper" job in London, we had a birthday pressie donation thing that managed to get cancelled THE WEEK BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY. I'm still bitter about it.

As for leaving pressies, in another job we started a tradition of getting the cash then heading down to the bookies....Sometimes the person leaving would get a expensive present, sometimes not.

[Munki Bhoy]

We did something similar for a while. We'd have a leaving lunch. Everyone but the leaver would put in to pay for it. Minus the tip, whatever was left went on scratchcards and any winnings went to the person leaving. We could just have given the remainder to the leaver, but it added a little something to it for interest. They usually had a leaving present by this point anyway, so it was all in good fun.

[Nicola_Red]

Well, my dad took pity on my skintness and gave me £100 when I saw him at the weekend, so when I came back to work on Mon I had some cash to put in for the remaining birthday and the additional collection for someone who's had an operation, so that solved the problem for this month. There'll be no overtime in August either tho, so whoever has their birthdays in september won't be getting any cash off me!

[Yudster]

I would contribute to the collection for someone I liked, or was professionally close to. Otherwise, not.

[chrysostom]

Where do people stand on this - and what's the procedure in your place of work?

It's my birthday in a few weeks and I'm going to bring in a box of celebrations or something to let people pick at, but I don't know if I'd necessarily want a 'collection' (as I don't really feel that I warrant it from my colleagues) or people to sing Happy Birthday to me (as I find the whole singing thing cringey. Twice I've been to TGI Friday's and been forced to stand on the chair as the staff sang to me, luckily I was very drunk so didn't mind).

We went for a birthday lunch for one of our team, and I enjoyed that as it wasn't a case of focusing on her - just the team (of 7-8) getting together and having a nice break in the day.

[Nicola_Red]

viewtopic.php?f=35&t=19555&p=354621&hilit=birthdays+work#p354621

[chrysostom]

ah, merge/delete?

[Nicola_Red]

I might go for a cheeky merge, yeah.