[MK Chris]

I thought you said you know a good joke?

[foot-loose]

shit > Vivs jokes.

[Zoot]

No! But I know a good joke = Question: What happened to the cross-eyed teacher?

Answer = he could no longer see his pupils.

I'm not cross eyed and I can't see my pupils, unless I looked in a mirror of course.

[matthewmje]

That is a good joke Vivienne!....

Can those that think the joke is rubbish come up with a better joke themselves and share it with us all?

[foot-loose]

Two parrots on a perch. One says to the other: "Do you smell fish?".

[MK Chris]

In the same vein as foot-loose's joke.. two fish in a tank. One says to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Also:

One day a bloke died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.

The demon asked, "Why so glum?"

The bloke responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"

"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."

"Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, Vodka, Stella et al. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"

The bloke is astounded. "Shit, that sounds great."

"You a smoker?" the demon asked.

"You better believe it!"

"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. You want Bensons, you got 'em. If you get cancer, no big deal. You're already dead, remember?"

"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"

The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."

"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."

"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Horse's, Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow. You into drugs?"

The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . ."

"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack, Cocaine pile's the size of Mountains. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"

"Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never realized Hell was such a fantastic place!"

The demon said, "You gay?"

"No."

"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays!"

[Zoot]

That is a good joke Vivienne!....

Can those that think the joke is rubbish come up with a better joke themselves and share it with us all?

This post will be used in the same way an embarrassing baby photo would be used - If you end up sticking around matthew, and you get to know what many of us are like (especially Viv) you will see the embarrassment and irony in that post.

[foot-loose]

What is ET short for?

Cos he has little legs!

[matthewmje]

All the jokes are funny Love the Hell joke! LOL...

Zoot, dude, what you got for us? Make us laugh...

[MK Chris]

Foot-loose stole Zoot's joke.

How you can find Viv's joke funny is beyond me, but each to their own.

[Boboff]

Bloke playing golf, swings off the T, and the Ball hits a lady playing in front of him, she is in allot of pain, so the chap runs to the club house and asks if anyone is a Doctor, fortunately there is one who has just finished playing.

" Doctor I have hit a lady golfer as she was bending down to get her ball"

"where did you hit her?" asks the doctor

"Between the first and second hole doctor"

"Well how am I going to get a * bandage on that then!"

Bedum Tish.

[matthewmje]

Mr Man: "Doctor, I think that I’ve just been bitten by a vampire."

Dr: "Here, drink this glass of water."

Mr Man: "Will it make me better?"

Dr: “No, but I’ll be able to see if your neck leaks.”

[MK Chris]

Why does it have to be a Mr Man? Surely it would 'work' (in the loosest possible sense of the word) with anyone, rather than, say, Mr Greedy.

[matthewmje]

How thought provoking Fascinating!

[DevilsDuck]

Oh my god.....you're Viv

[matthewmje]

I'm Matt DevilsDuck, pleased to meet you!

[MK Chris]

I'm Matt DevilsDuck

What an amazing coincidence, your surname is exactly the same as DevilsDuck's username!

[matthewmje]

It is one hell of a nightmare when I'm on the phone to a foreign call centre and I have to spell my name out....

[TIAL]

How you can find Viv's joke funny is beyond me, but each to their own.

I find them funny, but probably for all the wrong reasons.

[rustybike]

How you can find Viv's joke funny is beyond me, but each to their own.

I find them funny, but probably for all the wrong reasons.

Is it one of those "Pity laughs"? You know, the ones you do when your boss makes a joke and you go "Ohhhh... ah ha ah ha ah......... ha"

[TIAL]

I'm not sure, I just like jokes that don't work, it makes it more surreal. A bit like that blog that takes Garfield out of Garfield.

[Vivienne]

I like your jokes too - they're a smashing match for my own (!!).

[S4B]

No! But I know a good joke = Question: What happened to the cross-eyed teacher?

Answer = he could no longer see his pupils.

I think the actual "joke" is

"Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher?"

"He had no control over his pupils"

Still shit but at least it now makes sense

[Quincy]

considering dave is quite ugly and plain looking i think he should be quite grateful that he has managed to pump jayne sharpe

[Vivienne]

[quote="S4BStill shit but at least it now makes sense[/quote]

It made sense anyway, but to you, I appreciate most things bizarrely start to make sense after about 10 bottles of the vino.