[Jonny Hoare]

They are no stupid questions only stupid people....

Fire Away

[The Cornishman]

If a train bound for Camborne left Plymouth at 10:15 and a plane bound for Belfast left Bangor at noon,who would get there first? Would removing some of the plane's passengers help?

[The Cornishman]

Does God know all the winning Lottery numbers until eternity,or is that Frank Sinatra?

[Jonny Hoare]

Depends who's flying the plane. Or indeed if the train is steam.

[The Cornishman]

"Ouchies" is the proper term for what kind of social disease?

[The Cornishman]

Will there ever be another seris of Goodnight Sweetheart with Nicholas Lyndurst?

[The Cornishman]

When birds emmigrate for the winter they go to countries where its hot all the time right? So why do they come back? Is it because they miss British culture or they just don't want to waste their return tickets?

[Jonny Hoare]

1. Neither, it's Philip Schofield, Dale Winton and Eamon Holmes, who work underneath as bitches to Alan Dedicoat who knows
2. No
3. Sadly no, Michelle Holmes who play the first mrs sparrow (future one) was in rita sue and bob too last night

[The Cornishman]

If hot air rises why is there always snow on the tops of mountains?

[The Cornishman]

I've been trying for ages now to date a_girl_from_mars but she ignores my telepathy.Could you ask her out for me?

(I'm 4"1" tall with hair and five teeth.I like to hide inside things and eat polostyriene cups-and I ski)

[The Cornishman]

Is it true that the Yellow Brick Road was really bright blue?Does that mean the horse of a different colour was actually not a different colour?

[The Cornishman]

If a_girl_from_Mars comes over to my place we could order Chinese and watch Countdown then race around the house screaming and running away from things that aren't scarey.
Do you think thats a good idea?

[The Cornishman]

If my girlfriend kicked me out and changed all the locks would the key on the tin of spam no longer work?

[The Cornishman]

I've been developing a lot of nose hair latley.Would you reccomend electrolosis or should I just shove a razor up my nostrils?

[The Cornishman]

I celebrated Roshashana this year but I'm not Jewish.Will God be mad at me?

[The Cornishman]

I hear that Barry Manillow is trying once again to make a comeback.Can you shed any light on this?

[The Cornishman]

Will there ever be another grand clearout sale at Dixons?

[The Cornishman]

A lover may live a hundred years,but a haberdasher really likes hats. Describe the inherent pointlessness of this phrase in two pages or less.

[The Cornishman]

Does gravy mixed with lemonade really make cheap coca cola or is that just a myth?

[Adam]

Hello, hello. What's all this shouting? We'll have no trouble here.

[Sez]

This topic should be renamed-The Cornishman ask Hoare

[The Cornishman]

I have to go now but I'll be back later.Please post your responses by 9pm.You should receive your score in 4-6 weeks and then feel better or worse about yourself,accordingly.

[Adam]

Dear Jonny,

My Sexy little Flatmate Hannah is eating all the chocolate again and thus my plan to defeat the Daleks once and for all keeps failing. Can you suggest any methods to keep her away from the fruit and nut and thus save billions of lives?

Adam

[Sidders]

Dear Jonny,
I have just found out one of my flat mates this year lives near Penryn and Falmouth. Do you know her?

[The Cornishman]

In the members gallery when you run the curser over the various pictures it turns into a little white hand- I have noticed that the finger fits perfectly inbetween Minnie the Minx's boobies.Do you think I should seek medical help or was it bound to be discovered sooner or later?