[Yudster]

Sarcasm at six. Irony at eight. Tyranny at ten and from there on, its all downhill..............

[rustybike]

My father is also keen on the question " do you want some Jam on that?" by which he means " you have exceeded the amount of Jam I consider to be sufficient on your latest serving of Jam and Toast. Even when it's my house, my Jam and my bread. Although the question may have been a genuine inquiry as to whether I have sufficient sweet spread on my Toast, it isn't and is therefore funny.

I'm often asked if I want 'some crumble with your cream'.

I often ask Mrs RB if she would like more chips with her salt.

[MK Chris]

I don't have salt on my chips, just vinegar.

[Yudster]

Did you mention that in case any of us thoought that you were Mrs RB?

[rustybike]

Depends on my mood really. I generally just like Mayo or Jack Daniels Sauce.

But if I do, I put the vinegar on first and then the salt - otherwise the vinegar washes the salt off.

[MK Chris]

Did you mention that in case any of us thoought that you were Mrs RB?

Nope, I just felt like giving you a little snippet of (useless) information.

[Boboff]

Depends on my mood really. I generally just like Mayo or Jack Daniels Sauce.

But if I do, I put the vinegar on first and then the salt - otherwise the vinegar washes the salt off.

Given the current number one, I was wondering............................

[S4B]

(useless) information.

Now there's a phrase I hate! Information by definition is useful!

[MK Chris]

Tell me how the information I gave is going to be useful to anyone on this board?

[foot-loose]

The only person it is going to be useful to is the person in the chip shop.'

And yourself, perhaps. Although you already know it, thereby rendering it useless information.

[Sunny So Cal]

Not necessarily. What if someone here eventually sat down to have a meal with Topher and he got a call he wished to take outside (or he went to the toilet) and he excused himself and said, "Order me a burger and chips"? Now, with that information, when you ordered his meal, you would say, "Could we also have some vinegar, please?"

[Boboff]

Or if Topher was involved in an accident which meant he lost his memory, he could come on here and ask us what his preference is for vinegar, hence reducing the risk of a dinner spoiled.

So pretty useful then.

[Chris]

How would he remember that he came on here?

[Zoot]

How would he remember that he came on here?

If if he did, he wouldn't remember his password...

[MK Chris]

What if someone here eventually sat down to have a meal with Topher

That's pretty unlikely.

he got a call he wished to take outside

If I got a call while I was out for a meal with someone (anyone), the call could wait until after the meal. It's incredibly rude to answer your phone as you're about to eat a meal with someone.

or he went to the toilet

If I went to the toilet and the order hadn't been taken, I would ensure my dinner partner knew my full order before going. Or, I would wait for the order to be taken, which is far more likely.

[Zoot]

We should have a competition on here - 'Win a meal with Topher'

[MK Chris]

Is that the equivalent of the wooden spoon?

[Zoot]

Yep, its a booby prize. Possibly for you if you play your cards right...

[MK Chris]

If I'm paying it won't happen until next month.

Sorry.

[Sunny So Cal]

Ha. Oh shit. With only half a cup of tea this morning, I read it:

We should have a competition on here - 'Win a Topher'

Can he do my housecleaning?

[Yudster]

Nah, you want bbb for housecleaning. Topher could - he could - well, he - er - he could hit your ping pong balls for you.

[MK Chris]

Or cook. I can cook (a bit). Actually, what am I saying?! I'm no slave. I can't cook.

[Sunny So Cal]

Nah, you want bbb for housecleaning. Topher could - he could - well, he - er - he could hit your ping pong balls for you.

But 'Win a Topher' sounds better. And hey, if he'll do the housecleaning plus cook and hit my ping pong balls, that's even better! Where do I sign up?

[foot-loose]

He can hit my ping pong.

And my balls.

[Sunny So Cal]

Get in line.