chrismoyles.net
- Thu Dec 23, 2010 2:32 pm
#424154
*Big Band Intro*
*Peter Dickson* Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls.......and Foot-Loose, welcome to the Chrismoyles.net awards 2010. Please welcome your host.......Devilsduck
*Big Band plays again**standing ovation*
Devilsduck: Well hello everyone, welcome to the cm.net awards 2010. We have at least 15 minutes of entertainment for you coming up. Well what a year it has been Cat and Topher having a baby, Yudster getting older, Foot-Loose getting younger and plenty of newbies turning up for a post or two and then getting frightened off. Let’s have a look at some of the highlights now....
*imagine video of the highlights being played now*
Devilsduck: It certainly has been like 365 used condoms being turned into a tyre......a good year
*ba dum tshhh*
Devilsduck: maybe it should only be 364 thanks to Topher!
*ba dum tshhh*
Devilsduck: Now to present our first award of the day for Newbie of the Year, please put your hands together and make them feel welcome, I give to you the wonderful TopCat!
*Topher and Cat enter stage left to huge round of applause with big band playing the Topcat theme tune*
Topher: Hello Ladies and Gentlemen
*heckle of slaphead comes from the crowed*
Cat: Shut the f**k up Gaspode
Topher: Anyway, on with the awards, the nominations are: Biggspuds for not being entertaining in the least
Cat: rOzAr for feeding the Yuds
Topher R94N – For felching the Foots
Cat: and Emmy for calling Vernon a Half-wit
*imaginary video plays*
TopCat: and the winner of best newbie for 2010 is........
*drumroll*
TopCat:......R94N!
*big band plays as Ryan makes his way to the stage*
R94N: I want to thank you guys for making me who I am today; I want to thank Yuds for being wise, Topher and Cat for keeping the dream alive of getting laid just by being a member here and *starts to well up* the big man.....that’s right......points at Chris Moyles.....I love you man....
*band starts to play*
R94N: I LOVE YOU CHRIS......
*cut to adverts*
*return from adverts*
Devilsduck: Well ladies and gentleman, we have a real treat for you now, playing a medley of there er.....hits, Comedy Dave and Dominic Byrne are Folk Face!
*Folk Face play a medley of songs out of time with each other*
Devilsduck: That nose flute gets better every time.....but now, on with the awards. Our next award is the best looking member called Zoot 2010 and to present the award.....please welcome.....Yudster!
*Yudster enters stage left walking on her Zimmer Frame to huge round of applause with big band playing always look on the bright side of life*
Yudster: Hello everyone, well isn’t this spectacular....possibly the best awards ceremony I have ever presented at.....and look at all of you, what a beautiful bunch of people....*Devilsduck walks back on stage and turns Yuds round so she is facing the crowed* *Yudster winces*.......so the nominations are:
Zoot
Zoot
Zoot
Zoot and
None of the above
*imaginary Video plays*
And the winner is..........Zoot!
Unfortunately Zoot could not be here tonight to collect the awards, but we go live via satalite now to Gloucestershire. Hello Zoot can you hear us
Zoot: Am I on yet...when am I on. I cant here anything.....am I on.....hello
Yuds: Hi Zoot, do you have a few words for us
Zoot: this is f**king ridiculous...can they hear me...
Yuds: *nervous laugh* er, Zoot obviously can’t hear us so...
Zoot: Hi Yuds I can hear you
Yuds: oh good we had a few.....
Zoot: I certainly do have a few words for you...thank you everyone for voting...hello....Can you hear me
Yuds: Yes we can
Zoot: You had a few what....
Yuds: *looks like a rabbit in headlights*
Zoot: *starts to get angry*
Yuds: Just do your f**king speech
10 second delay
Zoot: thank you everyone, I have had to try really hard to win this award so thank you
*big band plays out to adverts*
*return from adverts*
Devilsduck: Well what an interesting night this is turning out to be, bit like being out in Scotland with foots, you know whats going to happen, but you never know when its going to........anyway, our next awards is for Services to Sound and Video Requests and to present the awards....dimtimjim!
*Big band plays we will rock you by Queen*
Dimtimjim: Good Evening
*no response from crowed
Dimtimjim: You can do better than that, I said Good Evening
*still no response from the crowed*
*Dimtimjim looks awkward*
*heckle from crowed to get on with it*
Dimtimjim: I won’t bother with the nominations, there was only ever going to be one winner.....Johnny 1989
*Johnny heads for the stage*
Johnny 1989: Ta!
*Johnny heads off stage*
*dimtimjim looks helpless*
*cut back to Devilsduck*
Devilsduck: ok, now we have another treat for you, please welcome Topher and S4B for a quick game of table tennis....
*cuts to Topher and S4B, S4B is sat legs-akimbo on one side of the table and Topher is stood with bat in hand*
Pop....click...click....Topher returns....
*cuts back to DD*
*cuts to crowed*
*cuts to adverts*
*returns from adverts*
Devilsduck: .....our next award is for best avatar and to present the awards please welcome site owner Chris and his bitch Console
*Chris and Console enter to you and me song by the wannadies*
Chris: Hello all, first of all I would like to thank all the regulars on the site for being regulars
Console: 01100001011011000111001001101001011001110110100001110100
Chris: the nominations for best Avatar are...Zoot!
Console: 011001100110111101101111011101000110110001101111011011110111001101100101
Chris: Devilsduck
Console: 01000111011000010111001101110000011011110110010001100101010111110101010001101000011001010101111101010111011011110110111001100100011001010111001001011111010001000110111101100111
*cuts to video*
Chris: ....and the winner is.....footloose
*footloose staggers towards the stage in his skirt*
Footloose: You bunch of bast*rds, you’re all a bunch of southern softies and you can all do one, but thanks for the award
Devilsduck: well, I think we just need to get on with this now, don’t you...... to present the award for Sports Personality of the Year, please welcome Gary Lineker and Carrie Prideaux.
*Gary supports a rather drunken looking Carrie onto the stage*
Gary: Hello everybody..
Carrie: hello simpletons...
Gary: and the nominations are....Topher for his ping pong abilities, Yudster, for Squash, Baby Yudster for being better at squash than his mum and DimTimJim for his superior driving ability.
Carrie: and the winner is.......Baby Yudster.....awww babies are so sweet *starts to cry*
*Yudster heads for the stage*
Yudster: Baby Yudster is in bed so cant be here to collect the awards, but I would like to thank my coach for helping me to become all that I can at this sport, the bar man at the squash court and my squash bat
*music plays*
Devilsduck: ok our next awards are going to be presented at the same time.....by me!
They are for Man and Women of the year....we all know who has won them and what they did *shakes head in disgust*
Please welcome back Cat and Topher
*Topcat theme plays again*
Topher: I want to that Cat for making this possible
Cat: I want to thank those 4 bottles of wine for making this possible
*music plays*
Devilsduck: our next award is for CM show Team Member of the year, and to present the award please welcome back Footloose....
*music plays*
Footloose: Who cares...
*Video plays nominations*
Footloose: The winner is Dom
*dom heads to the stage*
*footloose gives him the award and stage dives in the scattering crowed*
Dom: I would just like to say, bum bum bum bum bum bum bum....bum
*footloose climbs back onto the stage and starts to remove his skirt*
*dom exits stage left.....rapidly, closely followed by foots*
Devilsduck: .....and now our final award of the evening, for funniest member and to present the award, please put your hands together John22!
*band plays and massive applause*
Devilsduck: before we continue John, I would just like to present you with this bottle of Panda Pop and this copy of the Beano as thanks for your hard work on the Golden Hour Game!
John22: Why thanks........right, the nominations for funniest member are...Boboff, Beadle, Gaspode, Cat, Footloose, Zoot, Yudster, Topher, Chrysostom and Devilsduck.
*video plays out the funniest moments of the year*
*crowed are delirious with laughter*
*cut to adverts*
*return from adverts*
John22: and the winner is......footloose!
Devilsduck: He is currently tied up at the moment, or in hand cuffs, but I’m sure that footloose would like to thank you all for putting up with him, for helping with his ego and for liking him!
*footloose crashes through the back of the set*
Footloose: THATS MY AWARD!
*devilsduck gives him the award*
*Yuds shouts “duck”!*
*footloose hits DD with the award*
*DD collapses in a pool of blood*
*Credits roll*
*Peter Dickson* Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls.......and Foot-Loose, welcome to the Chrismoyles.net awards 2010. Please welcome your host.......Devilsduck
*Big Band plays again**standing ovation*
Devilsduck: Well hello everyone, welcome to the cm.net awards 2010. We have at least 15 minutes of entertainment for you coming up. Well what a year it has been Cat and Topher having a baby, Yudster getting older, Foot-Loose getting younger and plenty of newbies turning up for a post or two and then getting frightened off. Let’s have a look at some of the highlights now....
*imagine video of the highlights being played now*
Devilsduck: It certainly has been like 365 used condoms being turned into a tyre......a good year
*ba dum tshhh*
Devilsduck: maybe it should only be 364 thanks to Topher!
*ba dum tshhh*
Devilsduck: Now to present our first award of the day for Newbie of the Year, please put your hands together and make them feel welcome, I give to you the wonderful TopCat!
*Topher and Cat enter stage left to huge round of applause with big band playing the Topcat theme tune*
Topher: Hello Ladies and Gentlemen
*heckle of slaphead comes from the crowed*
Cat: Shut the f**k up Gaspode
Topher: Anyway, on with the awards, the nominations are: Biggspuds for not being entertaining in the least
Cat: rOzAr for feeding the Yuds
Topher R94N – For felching the Foots
Cat: and Emmy for calling Vernon a Half-wit
*imaginary video plays*
TopCat: and the winner of best newbie for 2010 is........
*drumroll*
TopCat:......R94N!
*big band plays as Ryan makes his way to the stage*
R94N: I want to thank you guys for making me who I am today; I want to thank Yuds for being wise, Topher and Cat for keeping the dream alive of getting laid just by being a member here and *starts to well up* the big man.....that’s right......points at Chris Moyles.....I love you man....
*band starts to play*
R94N: I LOVE YOU CHRIS......
*cut to adverts*
*return from adverts*
Devilsduck: Well ladies and gentleman, we have a real treat for you now, playing a medley of there er.....hits, Comedy Dave and Dominic Byrne are Folk Face!
*Folk Face play a medley of songs out of time with each other*
Devilsduck: That nose flute gets better every time.....but now, on with the awards. Our next award is the best looking member called Zoot 2010 and to present the award.....please welcome.....Yudster!
*Yudster enters stage left walking on her Zimmer Frame to huge round of applause with big band playing always look on the bright side of life*
Yudster: Hello everyone, well isn’t this spectacular....possibly the best awards ceremony I have ever presented at.....and look at all of you, what a beautiful bunch of people....*Devilsduck walks back on stage and turns Yuds round so she is facing the crowed* *Yudster winces*.......so the nominations are:
Zoot
Zoot
Zoot
Zoot and
None of the above
*imaginary Video plays*
And the winner is..........Zoot!
Unfortunately Zoot could not be here tonight to collect the awards, but we go live via satalite now to Gloucestershire. Hello Zoot can you hear us
Zoot: Am I on yet...when am I on. I cant here anything.....am I on.....hello
Yuds: Hi Zoot, do you have a few words for us
Zoot: this is f**king ridiculous...can they hear me...
Yuds: *nervous laugh* er, Zoot obviously can’t hear us so...
Zoot: Hi Yuds I can hear you
Yuds: oh good we had a few.....
Zoot: I certainly do have a few words for you...thank you everyone for voting...hello....Can you hear me
Yuds: Yes we can
Zoot: You had a few what....
Yuds: *looks like a rabbit in headlights*
Zoot: *starts to get angry*
Yuds: Just do your f**king speech
10 second delay
Zoot: thank you everyone, I have had to try really hard to win this award so thank you
*big band plays out to adverts*
*return from adverts*
Devilsduck: Well what an interesting night this is turning out to be, bit like being out in Scotland with foots, you know whats going to happen, but you never know when its going to........anyway, our next awards is for Services to Sound and Video Requests and to present the awards....dimtimjim!
*Big band plays we will rock you by Queen*
Dimtimjim: Good Evening
*no response from crowed
Dimtimjim: You can do better than that, I said Good Evening
*still no response from the crowed*
*Dimtimjim looks awkward*
*heckle from crowed to get on with it*
Dimtimjim: I won’t bother with the nominations, there was only ever going to be one winner.....Johnny 1989
*Johnny heads for the stage*
Johnny 1989: Ta!
*Johnny heads off stage*
*dimtimjim looks helpless*
*cut back to Devilsduck*
Devilsduck: ok, now we have another treat for you, please welcome Topher and S4B for a quick game of table tennis....
*cuts to Topher and S4B, S4B is sat legs-akimbo on one side of the table and Topher is stood with bat in hand*
Pop....click...click....Topher returns....
*cuts back to DD*
*cuts to crowed* *cuts to adverts*
*returns from adverts*
Devilsduck:
.....our next award is for best avatar and to present the awards please welcome site owner Chris and his bitch Console*Chris and Console enter to you and me song by the wannadies*
Chris: Hello all, first of all I would like to thank all the regulars on the site for being regulars
Console: 01100001011011000111001001101001011001110110100001110100
Chris: the nominations for best Avatar are...Zoot!
Console: 011001100110111101101111011101000110110001101111011011110111001101100101
Chris: Devilsduck
Console: 01000111011000010111001101110000011011110110010001100101010111110101010001101000011001010101111101010111011011110110111001100100011001010111001001011111010001000110111101100111
*cuts to video*
Chris: ....and the winner is.....footloose
*footloose staggers towards the stage in his skirt*
Footloose: You bunch of bast*rds, you’re all a bunch of southern softies and you can all do one, but thanks for the award
Devilsduck: well, I think we just need to get on with this now, don’t you...... to present the award for Sports Personality of the Year, please welcome Gary Lineker and Carrie Prideaux.
*Gary supports a rather drunken looking Carrie onto the stage*
Gary: Hello everybody..
Carrie: hello simpletons...
Gary: and the nominations are....Topher for his ping pong abilities, Yudster, for Squash, Baby Yudster for being better at squash than his mum and DimTimJim for his superior driving ability.
Carrie: and the winner is.......Baby Yudster.....awww babies are so sweet *starts to cry*
*Yudster heads for the stage*
Yudster: Baby Yudster is in bed so cant be here to collect the awards, but I would like to thank my coach for helping me to become all that I can at this sport, the bar man at the squash court and my squash bat
*music plays*
Devilsduck: ok our next awards are going to be presented at the same time.....by me!
They are for Man and Women of the year....we all know who has won them and what they did *shakes head in disgust*
Please welcome back Cat and Topher
*Topcat theme plays again*
Topher: I want to that Cat for making this possible
Cat: I want to thank those 4 bottles of wine for making this possible
*music plays*
Devilsduck: our next award is for CM show Team Member of the year, and to present the award please welcome back Footloose....
*music plays*
Footloose: Who cares...
*Video plays nominations*
Footloose: The winner is Dom
*dom heads to the stage*
*footloose gives him the award and stage dives in the scattering crowed*
Dom: I would just like to say, bum bum bum bum bum bum bum....bum
*footloose climbs back onto the stage and starts to remove his skirt*
*dom exits stage left.....rapidly, closely followed by foots*
Devilsduck:
.....and now our final award of the evening, for funniest member and to present the award, please put your hands together John22!*band plays and massive applause*
Devilsduck: before we continue John, I would just like to present you with this bottle of Panda Pop and this copy of the Beano as thanks for your hard work on the Golden Hour Game!
John22: Why thanks........right, the nominations for funniest member are...Boboff, Beadle, Gaspode, Cat, Footloose, Zoot, Yudster, Topher, Chrysostom and Devilsduck.
*video plays out the funniest moments of the year*
*crowed are delirious with laughter*
*cut to adverts*
*return from adverts*
John22: and the winner is......footloose!
Devilsduck: He is currently tied up at the moment, or in hand cuffs, but I’m sure that footloose would like to thank you all for putting up with him, for helping with his ego and for liking him!
*footloose crashes through the back of the set*
Footloose: THATS MY AWARD!
*devilsduck gives him the award*
*Yuds shouts “duck”!*
*footloose hits DD with the award*
*DD collapses in a pool of blood*
*Credits roll*
Send me the answer to question 1!
P. S. Don't argue with Topher or Zoot
P. S. Don't argue with Topher or Zoot
Can't believe I made an apperance, nice work DD funny read 
