chrismoyles.net
- Fri Feb 08, 2013 1:27 pm
#491390
You know those days when an old memory just pops into your head for no apparent reason.
In it pops, floats about, makes you wonder why you came to the decisions that you did at the time.
Well I had one of the moments this morning -
As some of you may know, I worked abroad in my early 20's serving as representative of a holiday firm.
We welcomed you at the airport, accompanied you to your hotel, assisted you with any resort information you required or tours you wished to book.
We also done a bar crawl...
Now the bar crawl was 'supposed' to let you get to know the local hotspots. Indulge in the odd drinking game and mix with new friends.
What the bar crawl actually was, was an excuse for us to get shit-faced drunk and cop off with the best looking members of the group, leaving the poor paying customers abandoned in a foreign place. Shit-faced drunk.
It was getting to a stage where were getting severally reprimanded for our antics; we were not fulfilling our obligation to the establishments who paid a premium to be included in the crawl and we were also performing lewd acts whilst still in uniform. In the end the crawls were stopped and with that our chances of getting an easy number on the board.
It was on one these nights that I attracted the attention of a rather pretty group of girls. I was my usual charming self; courteous, engaging, amusing. Had them like putty in my hand so I did. As the night went on 2 sisters seemed to take a particular interest in the badge. I've got to say this was not an unpleasant situation to be in and I was working my magic with both girls. Never as a pair mind, more interacting when either separated from the group to purchase a beverage, or get involved in one of the challenges. The flirting was escalating, the occasional grope was reciprocated. Things were going really well, so well in fact that I was soon presented with a scribbled note with an apartment name & number on it, followed with a "meet me in 5 minutes".
Result!
I can confirm I may have been under the influence, I can also confirm that I was not exactly sure which sister I was going to be liaising with in the upcoming minutes.
Nevertheless I had a duty to perform...
3 Minutes later and having performed my duty I made my excuses and left, only to be meet in the hall way by the other sister. She angrily asked what I was doing at her apartment, shouting down the hall in her sisters general direction, accusing her of having several unsavoury characteristics. I quickly calmed her down by making up some bollocks about her sister being rather intoxicated and was only making sure she got back to her apartment safe and sound. This defused the situation and brought about smile from the girl, grateful for my almost Samaritan like deed in taking care of her sister.
This gratitude resulted in me getting my fingers wet, a request for a date and me then having to make my excuses and leave.
It was upon me stating my intentions to leave that the girl informed me the night-watchman was on the prowl and to be careful on my way out.
This brought about a slight panic and then an alcohol induced brainwave for me to make my way out the apartments via the fire escape.
I exited the fire door, made my way down the stairs only to be confronted with a door opening out into the reception area. This is not what I was expecting. Bugger.
I then think there must be a rooftop exit that'll lead to the outside world. Make my way back up the stairs, through the exit door and onto the roof. See some ladders.
* genius!
Not really * genius as it turns out. The ladders are there, but shaky as *. I'm still pretty pissed, but this whole adventure has thankfully brought a little bit of sobriety to the party.
I lift a leg over the rooftop and try to proceed down the * ladders, clinging on to each rung like a fat lad with a chip roll.
I take the first couple of steps, then another couple. Slowly but surely I shit myself then slowly but surely I make my way down the ladders.
Success!!!! I reach the stairs that will eventually lead me to the outside. Hands raw from gripping so tight I punch the air. You're a * genius Scotty-boy I tell myself as I make my way down the stairs and out onto the street.
After so much * toil, stress and sweat I have reached the outside world again.
So on conclusion...
I went to some extreme lengths for me to get the * outta that apartment block and to avoid that night-watchman.
Guess what would've happened if he had caught me?
He'd have put me outside.
I'm a tit.
In it pops, floats about, makes you wonder why you came to the decisions that you did at the time.
Well I had one of the moments this morning -
As some of you may know, I worked abroad in my early 20's serving as representative of a holiday firm.
We welcomed you at the airport, accompanied you to your hotel, assisted you with any resort information you required or tours you wished to book.
We also done a bar crawl...
Now the bar crawl was 'supposed' to let you get to know the local hotspots. Indulge in the odd drinking game and mix with new friends.
What the bar crawl actually was, was an excuse for us to get shit-faced drunk and cop off with the best looking members of the group, leaving the poor paying customers abandoned in a foreign place. Shit-faced drunk.
It was getting to a stage where were getting severally reprimanded for our antics; we were not fulfilling our obligation to the establishments who paid a premium to be included in the crawl and we were also performing lewd acts whilst still in uniform. In the end the crawls were stopped and with that our chances of getting an easy number on the board.
It was on one these nights that I attracted the attention of a rather pretty group of girls. I was my usual charming self; courteous, engaging, amusing. Had them like putty in my hand so I did. As the night went on 2 sisters seemed to take a particular interest in the badge. I've got to say this was not an unpleasant situation to be in and I was working my magic with both girls. Never as a pair mind, more interacting when either separated from the group to purchase a beverage, or get involved in one of the challenges. The flirting was escalating, the occasional grope was reciprocated. Things were going really well, so well in fact that I was soon presented with a scribbled note with an apartment name & number on it, followed with a "meet me in 5 minutes".
Result!
I can confirm I may have been under the influence, I can also confirm that I was not exactly sure which sister I was going to be liaising with in the upcoming minutes.
Nevertheless I had a duty to perform...
3 Minutes later and having performed my duty I made my excuses and left, only to be meet in the hall way by the other sister. She angrily asked what I was doing at her apartment, shouting down the hall in her sisters general direction, accusing her of having several unsavoury characteristics. I quickly calmed her down by making up some bollocks about her sister being rather intoxicated and was only making sure she got back to her apartment safe and sound. This defused the situation and brought about smile from the girl, grateful for my almost Samaritan like deed in taking care of her sister.
This gratitude resulted in me getting my fingers wet, a request for a date and me then having to make my excuses and leave.
It was upon me stating my intentions to leave that the girl informed me the night-watchman was on the prowl and to be careful on my way out.
This brought about a slight panic and then an alcohol induced brainwave for me to make my way out the apartments via the fire escape.
I exited the fire door, made my way down the stairs only to be confronted with a door opening out into the reception area. This is not what I was expecting. Bugger.
I then think there must be a rooftop exit that'll lead to the outside world. Make my way back up the stairs, through the exit door and onto the roof. See some ladders.
* genius!
Not really * genius as it turns out. The ladders are there, but shaky as *. I'm still pretty pissed, but this whole adventure has thankfully brought a little bit of sobriety to the party.
I lift a leg over the rooftop and try to proceed down the * ladders, clinging on to each rung like a fat lad with a chip roll.
I take the first couple of steps, then another couple. Slowly but surely I shit myself then slowly but surely I make my way down the ladders.
Success!!!! I reach the stairs that will eventually lead me to the outside. Hands raw from gripping so tight I punch the air. You're a * genius Scotty-boy I tell myself as I make my way down the stairs and out onto the street.
After so much * toil, stress and sweat I have reached the outside world again.
So on conclusion...
I went to some extreme lengths for me to get the * outta that apartment block and to avoid that night-watchman.
Guess what would've happened if he had caught me?
He'd have put me outside.
I'm a tit.
"He was once was a badger. Now he's a moron."
