[MK Chris]

Ben, you can do whatever you think is right, you're old enough to. Whether that's a good idea is not my business or anyone else's here, but I imagine it's that aspect that your parents disagree with you on. That doesn't mean they can stop you.

[bmstinton93]

They can in the fact that on my income I need to have a guarantor to have accommodation.

[James H]

They can in the fact that on my income I need to have a guarantor to have accommodation.

Is it going to be a joint tenancy? If so I think they count both people's income as one, if that helps at all.

[bmstinton93]

Yeah it still wouldn't help though. Apparently you need to be on like £16000 income a year I think between you.

[James H]

Yeah it still wouldn't help though. Apparently you need to be on like £16000 income a year I think between you.

Oh I see, yeah I think it's about that.

Renting is a bloody nightmare. Wait till you get all the "fees" to go with it too. £100 to draw up a tenancy agreement that is a copy/paste with your names put in the blanks.

[bmstinton93]

Think I paid about £200 for that last year!

[Nicola_Red]

Renting is a bloody nightmare. Wait till you get all the "fees" to go with it too. £100 to draw up a tenancy agreement that is a copy/paste with your names put in the blanks.

And another £100 every time you renew to re-sign your name on the exact same agreement...

[MK Chris]

The last place we had was like that! * con merchants, I've never had it before the last house.

[Nicola_Red]

All the letting agents here do it. We've been looking at flats with several different agents and they all want a bloody fortune. It's horrific.

[James H]

Shysters.

[Yudster]

There are clearly two aspects to this - the emotional one, that is the whole relationship between you, your parents and Katie and the practical one, that is where are you going to live and how.

As far as your parents and Katie are concerned, they are not acquitting themselves well here. Pompously insisting that Katie takes a day off work, imposing themselves on you for visits on their agenda without reference to yours - this is very childish and spiteful behaviour. It may well be based on concern for you and their motives may be good - or they may very well be childish and spiteful people, I have no idea. However you have to make a choice - if you are going to strike out for independence now, and do so separately from your parents, then you don't need to (and shouldn't) enable that behaviour by tolerating it. Tell them Katie can't take the day off (or tell them she doesn't want to if you like) but they can come and visit you on your own. Or if you don't even want that, tell them so.Tell them whatever is the truth. Standing up to bullies doesn't just mean hitting them back, but also not putting yourself in a position where they can hit you.

As far as the practical concern of needing a tenancy guarantor - well what are the options? If your parents won't guarantee your section of the lease, would Katie's parents consider guaranteeing the whole lot? I am going to guess that is dependent on how much faith and trust they have in the pair of you and only you can judge what that is, but it might be worth a try.

Alternatively, if you think that there is a tiny hope that by coming to meet Katie, seeing you all together, they might relent and agree to guarantee a lease for you, then you might decide its worth a try, swallow your pride and principles and bite the bullet.

Sorry not to be more helpful Ben, but its in your court really.

[bmstinton93]

Tbh I'm not sure how forceful they were about it, I just had an email earlier saying they wanted to come down on Sunday. Could have been meant in any way but they were moaning yesterday about how I said be revising anyway so it just seems a bit hypocritical. I just hope they're not gonna really badly judge, like they often do and don't massively interrogate her too much, but if they do start being pains about it all then yeah, there is the chance I will just go independent. I suppose I need to give them a chance first to try and be the parents that I want them to be really. It's all hard to explain right now. It just all feels a bit shitty.

[Yudster]

Well you have my unreserved sympathy - and if I can come up with anything more practical, you can have that too Ben.

[bmstinton93]

Thanks Yuds!

[MK Chris]

You have mine too Ben, if that means anything at all. Don't take this the wrong way, but sometimes you come across as being quite young for your age - actually I think I know why now... (again, don't take this the wrong way) your parents seem to be particularly petty and childish too.

[bmstinton93]

Definitely on here I do yeah, I'm not sure I do so much in reality but wouldn't be surprised. I do genuinely believe I know what I'm doing though. I managed to get to this age perfectly well enough and get through all my education so far and employment and everything like that.

[chrysostom]

Just to play Devil's advocate - could it be that all Ben's parents did was ask to come down to discuss the issues in person?

Renting a place is something that's often finalised at very short notice (2-3 weeks?), and once a holding deposit is put down there is no way of getting it back if you fail your references - not to mention that it's a massive step to sanction for your child without even having met their partner, in what will probably be a situation they didn't consider arising (Ben's partner having a child).

I think they'll be struggling as to what the correct course of action is in a situation that (I'm assuming) has moved very quickly for them in a short space of time. I've no parenting experience - but I've plenty of experience with being a headstrong stubborn son who knows what's best for himself (even if it's not what's best). With this I can say that it isn't always best to blindly support your child - especially without knowing all the facts in a situation (least of all having not met the partner in question).

[bmstinton93]

To be honest, yeah probably but right now I am being that stubborn person and I like to think I've always known what's right for me, and think I've proven myself on it many a time.

[Yudster]

Just to play Devil's advocate - could it be that all Ben's parents did was ask to come down to discuss the issues in person?

Yes - I did say that if Ben thought this was a possible reason for the visit, he might want to consider carefully before telling them to get lost!

[chrysostom]

Ah sorry, missed that bit!

As someone who has had to go crawling back to my parents with my tail between my legs after being a complete arse to them, only to have them welcome me with open arms, I can say that it's best not to completely burn your bridges - as I know not all parents would do the same.

[Misfit]

some idiot at uni who always messages the girlfriend asking her to go places with him and always comes round to the lasses flat and stuff, has now become my new boss! He's a complete idiot though, he chose the time he was running for president to message her telling her I'm a knob head and she should slap me, cant stand the prat and I have to take orders from him.

why would you have someone who has no idea about radio, being a station controller anyway. Its daft. thats like asking me to run a football time. idiotic.

[The Deadly]

Football times are hard to run.

[JayE]

Misfit you work in radio? Awesome so do I, well I do a radio show on the internet. Shame about him becoming your boss though he sounds like a right div.

[Misfit]

Yah man, local radio on fm and Internet radio at Uni.

Also deadly, I mispelled it and then the phone autocorrected to time

[MK Chris]

Last week I retweeted this demonstrably true statement:

Now, as if to confirm it in the most hideous way, one candidate from Kent has said this.
The most horrible quote is this:

Consider compulsory abortion when the foetus is detected as having Downs, Spina Bifida or similar syndrome which, if it is born, will render the child a burden on the state as well as on the family