[Nicola_Red]

I know sizeable diamonds are the traditional thing, but if you, like me, have a personal attachment to coloured gemstones (my engagement ring is a large oblong amethyst with tiny diamonds in the shoulders), why not? You certainly get more stone for your money!

Yeah, as Ruby is my middle name and obviously the red matches my hair, I was very keen to get a red stone - either that or a garnet, which is my birthstone. The other thing I wanted was a vintage ring - I like to think maybe it was someone else's engagement ring, or at least a ring given to someone by their sweetheart, back in the 50s. So on both counts it's perfect.

[Topher]

I think the ridiculous thing is not the price tag itself, more that a price tag of any size is expected.

[neilt0]

I love that cake! I already have a wedding pinterest board (such a cliche), so might add that to it Mr Red has already said he wants to DJ and I've had to convince him that he can't actually DJ at his own wedding reception.

Get Dom and Dave to do it. They're pretty cheap.

[Zoot]

Congratulations Nic! Thats awesome news!

[Boboff]

I think that Ring is just lovely, old is good, Elizabeth Duke is good, spending thousands of pounds on a product with a massive mark up is 100% stupid, if you do it you are stupid, it makes no difference to your marriage or relationship. It is a rumor pedaled by jewelers and money grabbing serial slag bags.

Interestingly I had to buy Mrs B a new wedding ring, and she doesn't wear her engagement ring, as it's not allowed in her job.

[catherine]

I wouldn't mind getting a plain wedding band for work, my wedding ring has channel set diamonds so can't wear it and when i'm on placement I take both rings off and always forget to put them back on my days off.

According to the calculator I was seriously short changed on my engagement ring.

[Nicola_Red]

Yeah, it would be a bummer to not be able to wear it. I guess that's one of the advantages of working in an arts centre.

[chrysostom]

Good lord. I've found the most awesome engagement rings ever.

http://thechive.com/2012/10/08/there-is ... 30-photos/

[Nicola_Red]

The Star Trek insignia and Hello Kitty ones are amazing. I'd wear those just as normal rings. I've seen lots of variations on the Han and Leia bands - www.spiffingjewelry.com has a whole line of Star Wars jewellery. And two friends of mine actually did have LOTR One rings as their wedding rings.

[Bonanzoid]

Congrats Nic! That's rather splendid news.

[JayE]

Congrats Nic!

[chrysostom]

It depends how much you earn, your savings and what lifestyle you lead really.

If you're on £100k p/a with no dependants, then you can afford to spend stupid amounts of money on a ring - and subsequently the wedding itself. If you're on the national average, then basic living costs will take up a lot more of your budget meaning it's not going to be feasible.

Anyway, I think this stems from a time where people didn't live together (meaning they probably could save if they were living with parents) before getting married and housing was a lot cheaper.

Back then it was probably meant as an indicator to signify that the man could provide, and that he could buy something (a diamond) that would last forever - much like the marriage (De Beers' marketing team at it's finest). No practical application, and of course it's not an indication of anything real...but that's what tradition is!

[neilt0]

The new Daft Punk album, Random Access Memories is teh awesum.

http://thenextweb.com/apple/2013/05/13/ ... -hits-web/

[dimtimjim]

Apologies to those of you who already know via Twitter - Mr Red proposed last night. I am engaged.

Wowsers, how times change.

A big heartfelt congratulations Nic, well done.

[dimtimjim]

Traditionally it's at least a month's salary - although when I was discussing this with a large group of girls last week they informed me that it is actually 3 months as a rule of thumb.

eidt: found this hilarious calculator on how much you should spend on an engagement ring (check out the questions). Mine came in at £2,690. I don't know if that's good or bad!

Yeah, I got bit carried away when buying for Mrs DTJ (kinda based on knowing there was no rush to need money for the ceremony any time soon) and spent just into 4 figures on the ring. Women like shiny things, keeps 'em happy. Anything for easy life...!

Soz for double post, can't stack quotes on phone...

[dimtimjim]

I think that Ring is just lovely, old is good, Elizabeth Duke is good, spending thousands of pounds on a product with a massive mark up is 100% stupid, if you do it you are stupid, it makes no difference to your marriage or relationship.

I saw it as an investment. Should I carp it, it's a little nest egg for 'er indoors, and she knows that (but not it's value).

[Yudster]

Anyone who thinks that there is any amount that you "should" or "need to" or "expect to" spend on an engagement ring hasn't got a clue what getting engaged is about.

[dimtimjim]

Agreed. As Andy said, it all depends on circumstances. But the idea of these 'set figures' is silly.

[Nicola_Red]

Women like shiny things, keeps 'em happy. Anything for easy life...!

That's a bit of a sweeping generalisation! Here's an article written by a woman who actively didn't want a ring but ended up getting one just to keep other people quiet:

http://www.xojane.com/sex/look-at-your- ... th-a-spoon

[flyingbadger]

Women like shiny things, keeps 'em happy. Anything for easy life...!

That's a bit of a sweeping generalisation! Here's an article written by a woman who actively didn't want a ring but ended up getting one just to keep other people quiet:

http://www.xojane.com/sex/look-at-your- ... th-a-spoon

Why oh why can Nic never take it as a joke?!?

[Nicola_Red]

Shush you. I like to point out that stereotypes are not true in every case and I'll continue to do that regardless. And I do like shiny things, very much so.

[chrysostom]

What an odious woman, using unnecessarily evocative language to describe her take society's view on marriage - desperate to peddle a feminist agenda.

'A rock and a band and a finger that screams “taken” to anyone with a set of eyeballs in their head'
'No way I was going to make myself suffer a metal noose on my finger for all eternity'
'Should I feel contempt for our society for placing such a high value on a little piece of metal'

If she's so worried about society questioning why she's strayed away from tradition when getting engaged - why is she bothering to get married at all? It's a social construct that essentially is meaningless. When you've been living with your partner with a cohabition agreement then you're protected legally in the same way you would be if you were married.

If she's going against all her principals to officially 'ratify her relationship in the eyes of society' then she should really question whether she wants to get married.

Or perhaps she's just being overly provocative to prove to herself that she hasn't sold out, and is still a fierce independent woman in the face of a horrible society.

Either way, it's nonsense.

Shush you. I like to point out that stereotypes are not true in every case and I'll continue to do that regardless. And I do like shiny things, very much so.

Of course stereotypes aren't true in every case, otherwise they would be traits.

edit: I feel I've derailed the positivity of the thread somewhat. Here's another wedding cake.

[Nicola_Red]

I feel I've derailed the positivity of the thread somewhat.

Nah, I always think it's interesting to debate this stuff. I do agree with you about that article up to a point, although the fact remains that you shouldn't need a piece of jewellery for people to believe that you intend to get married! But people do expect it. Mr Red was hesitant about telling people at his work yesterday cos he felt like he was somehow bragging - whereas I can just flash my finger and go "engaged!"

[chrysostom]

But I'm convinced that she will have hammed this up massively. A simple 'We're choosing not to go with the traditional engagement ring' would have sufficed to let people know.

When you actively choose to break a social convention, people will be surprised and won't initially fully understand. If you expect them to know your reasons and understand without even bothering to explain then you're pretty self centred!

You need to have a strong conviction in order to prevent the opinion of others forcing you to change yours. Ultimately, if she really thought that the only thing that mattered was that they were getting married, she would have ignored what other people thought - but she wanted to let others know.

The signifier of that in our society is the engagement ring - regardless of cost or quality. If she wants to pioneer something to the contrary, then that's fine - but all she's done is complain and then succumb.

edit:

To balance out the negativity

[flyingbadger]

She could always have tried this -

Stick her ring finger up her fiancés arse on the way out the house; instead of him chasing her down the street with her actual engagement ring.

So when ever someone questions the lack of a ring, simply point to the brown stain and then tell them to smell the love.

Job done.