[Lazy_Gimp_and_Albs.]

I am going to start the first couple of lines to a story and after you've got to add the next part and so on.......<P><br>Where are my pies? shouted an angry Chris Moyles to the shop keeper.<br>I'm sorry sir, but that young lady just took the last ten for her granny whos lying sick in hospital. U cud probably catch her if u ran...<br>Well they are pies thought moyles as he lumbered out the entrance just in time to see a figure...............<br>

[Ginger]

...darting across the road. The young girl looked over her shoulder, only to see a blob of a siluoette lolloping towards her. She ran around the corner.<br>'Damn' thought Moyles, 'What do i do now?' He sniffed the air and the thought smacked him full on in the face. He was the king of pies, he could smell them from a mile off! He trusted his nose, it had led him to many a fast-food joint in the past and he closed his eyes and followed that dselicious smell of freshly baked pies.<P>He walked for about 5 minutes before, *CRASH*, he bumped right into...

[idalaydee]

....a very worried looking Rhys, alright mate? said Rhys, No I'M NOT some woman just ran off with all the pies, i need my pies what shal i do? Rhys pondered this for a moment and came up with a fantastic idea, what you need to do says Rhys is contact Jimmy Saville or Anneka Rice, jimmy will be able to help you find the woman who stole the pies and Anneka will be able to help you find a chef who can cook you 1000000 pies in 10 minuets. Chris leaps to his feet (after sitting for a much needed rest after that little run he just had)and grabs Rhys' phone and dials jimmys number, <br>Ring Ring, Ring Ring......

[how_now_brown_cow?_moo!]

Ermmm, diamond please! came the young sexy laughing voice of an obviously young sexy laughing female.<br>Dont worry she sed, it's an on going joke wiv us Saville girls!!...Jimmy gets it....!<br>what the feck are you talking about?!!! yelled an extremely exarsperated and relatively hungry Moyles.<br>I want the aged cigar smoking one they call Jimmy Savile or if Miss Rice is about I'll have her too.<br>I'm sorry sir we're not that kind of company...(you are the weakest link) good bye!<br>Oh big fat hairy b0ll0cks and asses. muttered Chris.<br>what did u say about my ass? asked Rhys.<br>Just in time, b4 chris got his own two voluptuous mounds of flesh kicked, round the corner came a lightly perspirering and slightly out of breath Dave.<br>Chris and Rhys!!at last I've been looking for u 4 ages!! we're in big trouble!! u kno those lifesize dancing models of..........

[Judder_man]

the naked versions of the Countdown crew, Some ones told your mum chris and she isn't happy. She thinks that your Richard Whitely doll is so sick that she may commit you to a hospital! Will has hidden them in the moyles mobile but he is parked on double yellow lines and the traffic warden is heading his way at the rate of Knots. BANG. ( Rhys and Chris have to pick Dave up as he has passed out from oxygen dept, should have taken abreath in there somewhere!!)Chris and Rhys run to find the Moyles mobile draging Dave behind them (one leg each).  they find the moyles mobile parked on the yellow lines but theres no sign of Will. Theres anote attached to the mobile, it reads.....

[Craggles]

'Dear Santa' for christmas i would like all of the pies in the world so that my horrible friend Chris can't get any. Love Will'. A very distraught Chris turned Dave and Rhys and screamed....

[Lara]

"I WANT MY PIES!!!!!!" Suddenly his fairy godmother appeared before him...Carol Vorderman..."Chris, Dave and Rhys...u have 3 choices, either i will get u all the pies in the world for u 3, or i will make sure will is painfully killed after being subjected to all of richard whitely's jokes, OR u can have 1 million pies to share between u and have will put under torture...it is up to u to make your decision..." <br>Chris stared at Rhys and also a semi-concious Dave...they replied in unison...

[Simon]

"You're not Carol Vorderman". "Since when have u had a man's voice?" asked Rhys. At that point Carol ran away, only to trip up in her high heeled shoes. Chris lumbered over to her and pulled off her face mask only to reveal that it was in fact Melinda disguised as Carol.Dave was suddenly violently sick over Rhys's brand new trousers (had to fit Dave in here somewhere)"Mel what r u doing dressed as Carol Voderman?" Chris demanded. "It's a long story lads" replied Mel "you see.....

[Lara]

"well, i've been cross-dressing as carol vorderman for years until now it is my next job...that's why i'm leaving u guys" Dave was sick yet again.  Rhys looked up in disgust. "how can that be a job?" chris shouted (dunno why!) <br>"Well, cos carol has so many jobs on tv and she is so tired she needs a look-a-like to do the jobs she can't manage.Simple enough chris...i'm gonna be big, in my tight skirts-the wigs...i've just got to perfect me voice."  The other stared at him in disgust...Dave then shouted out "U...

[Steph]

"Now that Im going to be out of work after christmas I thought I could go to peoples houses and parties pretending to be Carol Vorderman.  Should pay a good wage."<P>Just then Dave said"I shouldnt think theres much call for Carol Vorderman Impersonnators Mate"<P>"Mel you really are a moron" said Chris

[Gaspode_The_Wonder_Dog]

Just then a meteorite fell from the sky. "that looks like chocalate" said chris.  "wow lets taste it then" came the reply from dave.  They all take huge bites only to find that the meteorite has a hallucinogenic effect and everywhere they went the felt they were being followed by.......

[Simon]

Scott Mills dressed as an Elf. "Bloody hell lads, it's scott mills" shouted Rhys "hide all those CD's Moyles!"The gang ran and ran and eventually ended up in Simon Mayo's house where they saw the most disgusting sight of Simon Mayo and...

[Craggles]

a naked Richard Whitely. Dave began to feel sick again and hurled all over Simons feet. <br>"What the hell is going on here?" said Chris. A stunned Simon pulled his trousers up and made Richard sit down. He put the lid on the vaseline pot and told the gang to have a seat. He said:<br>" Well it all started when Carol found out that she had a stalker who was posing as an impersonator for her. She dumped Richard and went out with whoever it was (Mel's face turs to a violent shade of red) and Richard was distraught. So when i went to the opening of Chicken Run i met Richard and we got a little friendly. I ended up with him and Dale Winton and we've taken it from there". Dave had left the room and was making good use of his projectile vomit in Simons kitchen when all of a sudden through the back door came Will. Dave hurled some more while Will walked past him and towards the main room. He opened the door and the first person to say anything was Chris who said..........

[Lara]

"Bloody hell! Why didn't anyone tell me...let me join in!" As u can see the meorite was still leaving a strange effect on him...at that Simon and Will looked at Chris and said...

[Lazy_Gimp]

My God!! you really need those pies dont you?!! youve gone mad without the lardy goodness that they provide you!!<br>Chris looked up at them with a slightly foaming mouth and those big puppy dog eyes filled with tears.<br>all I want is a pie, he sobbed, is that such a bad thing? people of the world! is that a crime?? a little gristly pie with an egg in the middle, it's not alot. about 69p from waitrose........ thats it!!! Waitrose!! we havent looked in any of the major chained big named supermarkets!! aha!<br>wiping the foam from his slobbering mouth on Rhys' new trousers which were looking quite mingin now.<br>He ran out of the front door, then suddenly turned around went uip to Will and gave him a right good spanking.<br>Thats for calling me horrible you bastad!!<br>and then once again he turned on his heel and fled, closely followed by a mightly pissed off Rhys who was also having a bit of trouble running, and a still gently heaving Dave who was following the chunks of carrots and peas falling from Rhys' trousers.<br>God I really shouldn't of had that vegetable curry from the BBC canteen he thought..<br>Meanwhile back at Mayos house.............

[Craggles]

....Will was lying on the floor wondering what had just hit him. Simon went into the kitchen with Richard to make a cup of tea and to let Will and Mel have a chat about their "problems". Mel sat wondering if he would ever speak to his one true love, Carol Voderman, ever again and if Chris would ever get just one pie. Mel picked Will up off of the floor and sat him in the chair. Meanwhile, Mr Moyles had made good progress towards waitrose but on the way he passed, a bakers. He looked in the window drooling like a dog when he saw 'the' pie. Unforunatley, there was an old lady, about 1000 years old, who got the pie and like a savage beast Chris rugby tackled old ethel into a wall. But, this proved useless as the pie fell to the floor rendering it inedible. Chris sobbed faintly and looked at the old woman. He noticed that she had been wearing a wig and had man-like legs. When he looked at her face he was shocked to see........

[Guest]

....Phil Jupitus, who looked at Chris with hatred in his eyes.  "Moylesy, how could you!"  he cried sobbingly.  "I needed the pie, I needed the pie so bad."  Chris, feeling that Phil's need (and stomach) was as great as his own took his hand comfortingly.  "Don't worry, there is still the supermarket.  We can make it if we just hurry"  They both scrambled to their feet and raced out the door.  "Quick" yelled Phil, "I know a short cut."  Chris, to weak to do anything but obay, followed Phil straight into a trap.  "Ha Ha" laughed Phil evilly.  "Too many times have people mistaken my big belly for yours, now hear your eternal doom.  You shall be forced to listen to westlife 24/7 and will be fed nothing but broccoli until you finally manage to become slim."  All seemed lost when who should come racing round the corner but Ana, Chris' lass......

[Gaspode_The_Wonder_Dog]

......who used her childrens presenting skills to create a tractor beam which transported the whole crew (plus rather strangly a short accountant called Fred) to Wigan.  "haha we are now in the home of the pie" said Chris "i cant fail to get a pie here".  However, unknown to Chris he had just walked into the great Pie shortage of the year 2000 an everywhere was sold out.  This was due to a rush caused by a rumour that with every fifth pie you got a playstation two which was later found to be untrue.  There was, however, a faint glimmer of hope as..........

[mj]

...... On arrival at a pie selling internet cafe (which had run out of pies, consequently due to the reason above) discovered a new e-business called pie-online-uk.com, which had been set up by two West Brom season ticket holders called Delbert & Leeroy, with the help of their creditor, named Clive Warren. They were both fat b*stards who ate far too many, and promised delivery to anywhere in the UK within 48 hours, but on arrival at the website's order confirmation page....<P>[This message has been edited by mj (edited 12 December 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by mj (edited 12 December 2000).]

[Chris]

... they found that the site would only deliver to Southampton (ex-home of Scotty Mills y'know).<P>"Damn Wigan", they all shouted.<P>They all looked disheartened at the prospect of having to get from Wigan to Southampton, and even more so at the prospect of having to walk the same streets that Millsy has walked only a few years ago.<P>Just as it appeared like there was nothing more they could do (except cook Dave and put him in a pie), they saw a ......<br>

[Gordon_the_Cromag]

Len from stella street trying to burn greggs <br>down when.....

[erotic_dancing_gnome]

suddenly out of the blue a huge flying saucer came hovering above moyles head. The commander of the saucer, jimmy saville with his pet poddle, horny, shaped in the image of his dead mother, kicked open the huge doors to reveal Saville was indeed completely naked. His slimy wrinkly body was being held up by his strange nipples which could get medium wave radio but not fm. Saville ordered his troops out, one by one, rejected members of pop groups he once introduced on top of the tops. Out came the blond one from Deuce, the two guys who never did anything in East 17 and Stan Ridgeway and Pepsi from Pepsi and Shirley. Saville ordered his troops to...

[Cornish_Tw@]

phone steve....

[Podey]

...when, from behind a danky corner leading down the back alley of an old gadget shop (the one place that did fall victim to the millenium bug when 4 boxes of computer-chip fitted Micro Machines went crazy and killed everyone)a dark silhouet appeared, and a strangley familiar sound filled the air...<P>... 'jangle jangle!jewellery jewellery!'...<p>[This message has been edited by Podey (edited 16 December 2000).]

[Gordon_the_Cromag]

Jimmy Saville was having an epeleptic fit <br>moyles came round the corner in his ice cream van in the shape of Gary Bushalls<br>Head then......