[Podey]

...a big angry Elephant that had escaped from the local zoo charged into the van and toppled it over.<P>Jimmy Saville did a goaly-style dive to jump out of the way, and consequently smashed his head against a wall. This seem to cure his fit.<P>There was a huge explosion of sound as the vehicle smashed against a lamp-post. Dave, Mel and Rhys looked in horror at the wreckage.<P>Then they sighed as they saw the familiar fat man clumber out from beneath the van, slip on a tasty 99er and began to roll down the hill. Dave ran to see where Moyles was rolling towards. All they could hear was Chris's high pitched scream. Then Dave saw why...<P>For at the bottom of the long and steep hill was a vegetarian-only restaurant with its doors wide open and Moyles heading uncontrollably straight for it.<P>'Quick!' Dave yelled. 'We must do something!'<br>So they....

[erotic_dancing_gnome]

...decided to look to louis theroux for guidance. Saville overpowering with his genetalia hanging down towards his ankles and his disshevelled face, clenched a burnt pop tart he had taken from the nearest toaster and threw it like a frisbee and subsequentley broke all the windows of the ice cream van. <br>Louis made up plan b to overhaul the Sav-meister. He planned to build a highly constructed robot featuring all of celebrities bad qualities. <P>In went Martine McCutcheons singing, Lionel Blairs dancing and Gary Rhodes hair. The beast looked straight ahead of Saville and Jimmy succumbed and fell but before he died spoke a final revelation. <P>Inside the saucer was someone even FIERCER, it was ...

[Podey]

...something so hideous that nobody dared to look. But, as they could hear heavy footsteps coming from inside the space ship (on which a traffic warden had stuck a ticket for landing on double yellow lines), they all had a sneaky and frightening suspicion..... they all knew it was HIS walk. <P>Dave opened his mouth. "Its...."<P>Suddenly, in the distance, Moyles could be heard screaming 'HEALTH FOOOOOOOOOOOOD! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!'<P>Then it emerged. The Theroux-nasty-famous-people machine immediantly fainted as it caught site of the hideous beast that was...

[Gaspode_The_Wonder_Dog]

........westlife in concert during half time in a Manchester United versus Chelsea match at Old Trafford.  Kaboooooooooooooooom!!!! the whole place was destryed leaving only a prawn butty and Victoria Beckham alive (Victoria was later killed by a pidgeon which had eaten the prawn butty and dropped from 10,000 feet onto her head).<P>Meanwhile remarkably all the crew had arrived back at the radio 1 studio's and ever more remarkably told they could actually play whatever songs they wanted.<P>so after two hours of Billie Piper an that crap destinys child gag the crew emerged no longer in need of food but desperate to find a pub in London selling pints of lager for under £10.  After failing in this quest they were all walking home when an angel of te lord appeared and told them to follow the star which would take them to the son of god (otherwise known as Woody Cook) but on the way they stopped to buy gifts.....

[Gordon_the_Cromag]

Moyles bought a golden urinal<P>Dave bought a dart board<P>Mel bought nowt because hes tight<P>wile Rhys got a limited edition westlife<br>trye pucture kit<P>so moyles and the gang set off following the star.....

[Ed]

Suddenly mark and lard appeared from round the corner, and tried to persuade moyles and co. to come to their shirehorses concert. Moyles wasnt remotely interested, and Dave just made a crap joke about it. Then Mel's phone rang, and it was sarah cox (a good friend of mel's) inviting them all to a party at her house. The word party made them all immediatly think of alcohol, so they jumped on the nearest tube, saying a quick goodbye to mark and lard. Unfortunately it was the circle line and it took them over an hour to get there by which time all the beer had run out. They were all very pissed off by now, and also thirsty, however sarah cox managed to cheer them up by calling the tesco delivery service for more alcohol. While they were waiting.......

[Lazy_Gimp]

A group of insane dancing monkeys and armbands with legs, all came round the corner driving the tesco van. They were blatently drunk coz they all jumped out and started a rousing version of "who ate all the pies".<br>Why do you mock me so?! cried Chris.<br>oh oh ah ah ah, replied the monkeys while doing a welsh jive and spitting.<br>The armbands just stood there menacingly.<br>All of a sudden there was an ear piercing, nails scraping down chalkboard scream.<br>Five minutes later when everyone had recovered their hearing, they all realised that Sara had been murdered!!! dun dun dunnn!!!!<br>No one really gave a ****, because they all had just realised that the reason the monkeys were pissed was coz they had drunk all the crews beer!!<br>Oh God, mummered Rhys, we bring your son gifts and yet you still ignore our pleas for help. In fact I am beginning to doubt you exist and that the christians just made you up to make there be war in the world and just create god damn hassle!!<br>Suddenly in a blinding flash of light the lord appeared unto them in the mightilly horny form of Kelly Jones, lead singer of Stereophonics.  <IMG SRC="http://chrismoyles.net/ubb/wink.gif"><br>They all stared in amazment and awe.<br>Dave pissed himself.<br>Well u didn't think I'd be a minger did you? he said in that amazingly sexy gravelly voice of his.<br>I always pictured you as a pie sed chris.<br>Yeah I know replied Kelly.<br>Rhys always pictured me as Bruce forsyth, Mel always pictured me as Carol vorderman and Dave always pictured me as a pint of carling.<br>How did you know that?? they all asked in unision.<br>I know everything you think, and I was absolutely disgusted and actually physically sick when I got into your mind lastnite Dave...........<br>

[Podey]

Dave looked at him, curiosly. "Huh?" <P>'You disgust me' said lord Kelly<P>'you got the wrong person, mate'<P>'What, you mean, you're NOT Dave Pearce?'Came the reply<P>Dave Pearce then appeared from around the corner and shot lord Kelly in the head. He fell down. <P>Dangerous Dave Pearce then shouted 'Haha! You'll never know what i did!'and scarperd<P>'Oh well,' Chris sighed. 'I suppose that we'll have to avenge god's death and find out what the hell he did.'<P>They wrapped god up in an old blanket that Rhys nicked off a washing line, and hid him in a side alley<P>They walked off<P>'I'm not dead' Came Kelly's muffled voice<P>'I can still hear his voice in the wind...'

[Madge]

'...his music might finally get the recognition it deserves now he's dead'<P>'So, wadda we do now?' Asked Chris, extremely confused with the strange turn of events. For god's sake, he only wanted a pie!<P>Speaking of which, Kelly had by that time slithered down the alley like a catapillar, unable to escape the evil grasp of the blanket. Being God, he decided to get their attention in the only way he could...

[Ginger]

...he could only get one of them, so he mustered up all his powers and created a pie!<P>A few blocks along Chris's nostrils perked up. 'PIE!!!' He screamed.<P>'Oh dear, this series of extremely strange and unusual events has got to him even more than we thought' said Dave.<P>'No, no, NOOO! Listen to me! I smell pies!'<P>'Come on Chris you know there's a shortage' He had barely replied before Chris legged it down the street back the way they had come.<br>'****, he's running, there must be one somewhere.' He looked after Chris, 'Well guys, what are we gonna do now? Do we follow him?'

[Chocolate_Starfish]

"Yes we should!" Shouts Rhys, <br>Ermm excuse me.. sed Dave, but I've got some serious chaffage going on down here!! I dont think I can run.<br>Get em off! get em off! get em off!! started a rowdy Mel.<br>Rhys who had just decided to follow Chris the oh so mighty distance that he had accomplished,the whole ten yards, before having to eat a "big one" (which is actually 9 grams lighter than the king size mars bar, and also has less chocolate on top, and dont get me started on that five little ones marketing crap...!)<br>Turned around and kissed Mel passionately on the belly button.<br>Dave threw up on his hairy legs coz he had just taken off his trews.<br>Oh my god I never knew you felt this way sed Melinda...

[Lazy_Gimp]

Ermm, no neither did I..Replied Rhys.<br>There was an awkward silence.<br>Dave broke it.<br>Guys I dont think I can go on much further, I'm feeling quite weak due to the lack of food in my stomach, I just can't throw up any more, I need some food! In fact I need a pie!!<br>Rhys looked at Dave and then Mel.<br>Mel just looked at Rhys with a strange expression on his face.<br>Right said Rhys we better follow Chris, he's got quite a lead on us, but if we jog at a relative pace we may just catch up.<br>Dave who was now collapsed on the floor in pants which looked quite similar to the tiger pants of Robbie Williams fame and a vest looked up in a helpless, please carry me kind of way.<br>We better carry him said Rhys.<br>Mel was still just looking at Rhys with the same expression.<br>3 minutes later they had caught up with Chris who was making good progress on the pie that was being held by the wonderous one Kelly Jones. It was a race against time, Chris had already,lost 6lbs from the running and lack of pie, but Dave desperately needed food to keep him alive.<br>It was all in gods hands.<br>They reached God and to everyones suprise they found that he had.......<br>(c'mon people uve got to humour me till a suitable ending comes up!)

[Guest]

....had amazingly turned into a butterfly and was flying back to heaven as fast as he could, leaving the pie on the ground for whoever got to it first.  Chris and Rhys  both ran for it in slow motion and that music that always on at times like this was playing .  Chris took a leap towards the pie, so did Rhys.  Rhys landed on top of the pie and Chris was set to land on top of him. Rhys was as good as dead when Mel ran forward.  "NOOOOOOOOOOOO" he cried as he pushed his one true love out the way and landed straight in Chris's falling path.....<br>(come on someone, write an ending)  

[John_O_Groats]

The End

[John_O_Groats]

The End

[Lazy_Gimp]

APPLAUSE!! and bow.<P>Well done Hells angel! <br>Jim That was ****e!!<br>Rite new story??......

[Guest]

Go on then, you start a new story.  Someone should email this to Chris, who knows, he might enjoy it!!!

[Lazy_Gimp]

I did email chris on the show and tell him wot we were doin but to no avail!!<br>I dont want to go thru the pain and suffering I had to go thru to try and keep the last story alive!!<br>It was so disheartening wen no one wud carry it on, I'd cry myself to sleep and everything!!<br>Someone else can start it off. It's not hard you just .........<br>wen you run out of ideas or know that the simple people will be able to carry it on!!<br>Go on Hells Angel I nominate you.<br>Or Erotic dancing gnome coz he/she was a comic genius, in fact were has erotic dancing knome gone???<br>cud be new subject........

[Ginger]

OK...<P>Once upon a time, in the land of fairies, there was a very beautiful queen (lets call her Kate) and this very beautiful queen married a very beautiful king (lets call him Kelly Jones), they in turn had lots of very very beautiful children.<P>Now, this queen lived for comedy. She would watch TV for a laugh, go out with her friends for a drink for a laugh, but mainly she relied on her extremely funny court jester....Erotic Dancing Gnome!<P>Imagine her horror when she awoke one morning a summoned him/her from his/her chamber to find only a spotty, greasey, geeky, summer help servent poke his head around the door, "Erm, sorry Your Majesty, but we seem to have misplaced the gnome today," He stuttered nervously. <P>"WHAAAAAAT?????" screeched the queen, "I get extremely grouchy if I don't laugh. You know I don't like morning TV and it's too early to get my friends drunk! Find him. NOW!!" With that, the trembling servent ran back to the gnomes chamber, hoping to dear God that he'd find the gnome dancing erotically around his bedpost, instead, he found a note that said...

[Ginger]

OK...<P>Once upon a time, in the land of fairies, there was a very beautiful queen (lets call her Kate) and this very beautiful queen married a very beautiful king (lets call him Kelly Jones), they in turn had lots of very very beautiful children.<P>Now, this queen lived for comedy. She would watch TV for a laugh, go out with her friends for a drink for a laugh, but mainly she relied on her extremely funny court jester....Erotic Dancing Gnome!<P>Imagine her horror when she awoke one morning a summoned him/her from his/her chamber to find only a spotty, greasey, geeky, summer help servent poke his head around the door, "Erm, sorry Your Majesty, but we seem to have misplaced the gnome today," He stuttered nervously. <P>"WHAAAAAAT?????" screeched the queen, "I get extremely grouchy if I don't laugh. You know I don't like morning TV and it's too early to get my friends drunk! Find him. NOW!!" With that, the trembling servent ran back to the gnomes chamber, hoping to dear God that he'd find the gnome dancing erotically around his bedpost, instead, he found a note that said...

[sigimck]

.......... ginger is a loser

[sigimck]

try sending it to dave or will gimp

[ginger]

OK, so u really think I give a sh*t??