- Mon Dec 23, 2002 7:59 pm
#43979
Friday 29th March 2002 PART 1 -THE MEETING [Posted March 29, 2002 by Uglybob]
Well lets cut to the chase, you don't really care about most of the stuff, youre only interested in the "BONNIE SAGA" so being the sad imbecile that I am, I will write word for word the link about her.
Dave - So come on then tell us about last night, as you said earlier on we came down to the pub, we saw you there with the lovely Bonnie and you seemed to be getting on pretty well.
CHRIS RECAPS STORY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY ON THE SHOW
Chris - I thought this could be good, its material for the show if nothing else. She turns up a little bit late. Its fair to say shes an interesting looking woman
Dave - When you say interesting, what do u mean?
Chris - Shes fit, shes got a body you could live off for a year. if you were stranded on a desert island and you had the chance to have a years supply of food or just to look at her, you would give up the food. shes a very sexy looking woman.
Dave - So go back a stage, you said she turned up a little bit late, I wasn't there when she turned up but obviously you were there waiting for her. so you're in the pub.
Chris - Its me, Lizzie, Culshaw and Computer Mark, she comes in and clocks Lizzie for some bizarre reason and then she comes over and sits with us. I bought her a drink by the way, Malibu and lemonade. class.
Dave - So how do you feel, are you feeling nervous or embarrassed?
Chris - Not particularly, Lizzie was nervous for some reason. but it wasn't like it was a date. she may have been a bit nervous.
Lizzie - She was very confident and to go back to the point you bought her a drink, I had to pull him off the sofa and push him towards the bar to make him buy her a drink.
Chris - Girl power and all that, she can buy her own drink. Anyway we are chatting about this that and the other. Lizzie by the way is sitting next to me who keeps nudging me and the more drinks Lizzie has the more she does it and the louder her whispers get. Do you want me to be 100% honest or showbiz radio and I need this from the producer
will - I'd say honesty is the best policy
Chris - Ok I was thinking to myself this is a girl I could definitely see myself sleeping with. ive got to be honest, im a red blooded male, good god shes very sexy.
Dave - Were you getting the signals back from her though?
Chris - I wasn't really sure, I wasn't thinking im booking a cab now and ill see you all in the morning, bring your spare pair of knickers and a toothbrush, it wasn't that. I noticed while we were chatting away that she had her tongue pierced. I was chatting then about her piercing.
Dave - had she any other ... um ones
Chris - (half laughing) mmm yes and we had a very interesting conversation, now at this point I really want to sleep with her. shes fit, drinks Malibu and looks like she puts her makeup on with a trowel though. She has really nice eyes. Its the Gods honest truth. Now the reason I know this is
that I spent the entire night staring into them because its fair to say that shes...
Dave - ... got HUGE CANS
Chris - Yes, exactly, because of that reason im doing that thing where as a bloke you know that youre gonna stare at her breasts, every time you think theres a little voice inside your head that goes "DONT STARE AT HER BREASTS,DONT STARE AT HER BREASTS" and you just cant help yourself. so every time she talks to me im staring straight into her eyes, im looking like some kind of moron. not blinking, nothing.
Lizzie - every time she looked away, your eyes dropped.
Chris - I swear
Dave - "oh look over there"
chris - is that your friend at the bar ... where ... boing, we start talking about cosmetic surgery. So Dave you turn up but then you leave, so does Lizzie. So we are left with Me, Bonnie, The Culshark and Computer Mark. Culshaw, I must admit was off form and was a bit tired so he decides to go home. So we are down to three. Computer Mark has started being Computer Mark. You know that kind of geeky, strange, love me im kinda cute, im a bit odd and unstable. I couldnt believe what I was hearing. Hes got a bandage round his arm and he brings it up. Now im desperately on the pull here, Im like a dog with a bone if you pardon the expression and Mark starts going through how he got the bandage and how he has to get a pint of blood drained from him every month and im thinking to myself, my god, youre going for the sympathy vote. Shes looking at him like hes talking about the most fascinating story in the world so I cant believe it. Im nodding but im going in my head "GO HOME". So they start on to embarrasing stories so i tell her a corker of one ...
Dave - Oh No You didnt go and tell her about the bath and boyzone, did you?
Chris - YES, I wanted her to think of me as a bit of a lad, the kind of guy who would ... do a dump in someones bath in a hotel room. This doesnt go down very well. She doesnt laugh or anything.
Will - Surprise surprise
Chris - Then Mark turns round and says I dont really have any embarrasing stories and thats just a bit gross and im going "Youre killing me".
Dave - You told her you'd left a log in keith duffys bath
Chris - Yes, basically, anyway so im thinking to myself this is a nightmare. Everytime Mark opens his gob he is being surreal and a bit ooh a bit cute a bit lovable and im like "I HATE YOU"
Dave - You wanted to batter him
Chris - And I wouldnt mind but Marks girlfriend was turning up later on so like he gets to flirt before his girlfriend turns up and then he gets to flirt when his girlfriend turns up. Meanwhile IM DYING HERE. So anyway I kind of write it off as a bad job. So she decides she wants to go. She said call me sometime, you have my number at work or something. It was hardly a give me a ring and she gives me a peck on the cheek. This is the killer though because she pecks Mark on both cheeks. That aint going anywhere. Its a one way ticket to lonliness.
Dave - It was your bath story.
Chris - She did have good looking cans.
Dave - When Marks telling these stories and shes listening intently and hanging on his every word, what are you doing?
Chris - sitting like a geek
Dave - ... staring at her boobs.
Chris - I never once looked, I treated her like a lady... with implants, granted, but the idea I thought was really cool so ive decided we should have a lapdancing Thursday whereby we take out a lapdancer every Thursday to the pub and then you three can go away and leave me with them. Ill keep trying until I score.
Dave - There hundreds to go through... so to speak
LIZZIE READS BONNIES STATEMENT
Lizzie - She wasnt actually listening when you were commenting earlier. Her first impression when she walked into the bar were good. She found you very funny.
Dave - looking
Chris - Shut up, I was wearing that awful brown hawaiian shirt as well.
Dave - That one that makes you look like a mini roll.
Lizzie - She said that as the evening progressed the conversation flowed easily and the pair of you had a great laugh. When asked whether she fancied computer Mark, she said "Who's Computer Mark".
Chris - And then you explained
Lizzie - Once briefed she said "oh hes the weird guy, was he on drugs".
CREW ALL LAUGH
Lizzie - She did not find Computer Mark attractive, just strange.
Chris - Thats Good, Thanks Mark.
Lizzie - When asked about the bath story... she was impressed.
DESCENDS INTO LAUGHTER
Dave - Shes your perfect woman.Lizzie - She thinks you are lovely.
Chris - WHAT... cos of the bath story
Lizzie - She meant it when she said call me, Bonnie fancies you loads.
dave benson phillips
chrismoyles.net
