[Nablo.]

So anyone else take part in the Relationship test?

I didn't think it made much sense when I heard the idea but no harm in joining in for fun.
Jon Culshaw the top (all be it joint) top celeb there I wonder if it's years of sharking that has helped.


Hey Plymouth Top loved up city (All be it not my nearest city but the nearest one I could choose)

[Uglybob]

didnt watch it, it smelt too much of ITV for my liking really.

[Stevo_trash]

well this is certainley a turn up from the books. Not only am i cassanova's favourite poster, I also hail from the most romantic city in the UK therefore through process of elimination...i'm the official chrismoyles.net sex and relationship expert.

Perhaps a few of you would like to hear tales of my conquests and the details of how I managed to bed some of the most gorgeous ladies at the womens institute. Hopefully this thead and the forthcoming tips which i shall be giving to you washed up northern layabouts who beleive foreplay involves slipping a copy of the racing post between the urine soaked sheets, may help you out.

Firstly, when you've drunk a bottle of jack daniels in an afternoon and you find yourself wielding an axe outside your girlfriends house banging on the door wanting to chop her head off because you beleive that youv'e been cheated on, and she's weeping with fear and threatening to call the police... she's probably just playing hard to get.

and further queries from the riff-raff?

I'm not that suprised Plymouth triumpthed in the most romantic city stakes, given that over half the population consists of 16 year old single mums that proudly cherish their sole gcse in sex education.

It always frightens me when i see these little girls holding their baby's. The mothers, having physically not properly developed themselves look exremely odd carrying around these babies resembling a young little and large.

this is an equal opportunites post, and we welcome contributions from minority groups that are currently underepresented in this topic.
p.s if your a one armed, black, lesbian in a wheelchair that finds roland rivron entertaining in any shape or form..please get in touch

[Nablo.]

It's making sense now. Thats why Stevo is Jon Culshaws favourite poster he could detect the romance skills were high enough to match his own.

[Gaspode_The_Wonder_Dog]

and further queries from the riff-raff?

Dear Mr Trash,

Living, as I do, in a village with an average age of around 60 i am wondering whether you could give me some advice on the maturer female. I mean im not going for pensioners but the lack of young people around is very depressing. How old do you feel a person such as myself (almost 22) should not go abvove when looking for a lady?

Also where is best to look for said women?

Yours desperately,

A "friend" who is is no way actually the same person as Gaspode The "just change them I's to my friend will ya" Wonder Dog

[Stevo_trash]

dear mr wonder dog,

thank you for your letter, your situation is obviously a difficult one so I shall attempt to provide you with a game plan.

Now some say that women are like wine and improve with age. This is undoubtly true when taking into consideration the potentially proftable bonds and pension schemes which is attached to a lady in her more mature years. The allure of wrinkly piece merchandise has never been greater.

The question of age limits is problematic. Personally, I feel that if you love somone age just becomes a set of numbers...just like her bank balance. Physical shape and size should not matter, the only figure you should be concentrating on in these situations is that tied up in her dividends.

Now you've researched your market and defined your strategy, you need to aquire the ideal location to set up your stall. So think to yourself, where do all the rich old woman congregate during their lesuire time?

It will be one of either three places in a small rural area

a)Tea dances
b)village fetes
c) local amatuer dramatics company

Either three of these location are thriving with soldiers of the grey army, decked in marks and spencers clothing, smelling of pot porri waiting to be swept off their feet be a competent con artist. It should be quite easy to strike up a conversation with these ladies, rely on one of the following topics

a) the technology of today
b) the weather
c) the war


BUT DO NOT attempt to be clever and mix all three topics of conversation together as the more mature lady will become over incensed and you will visibily witness the blue rinse retracting from the hair back into the skull.

Dress code should remain smart at all times. A smart pair of trousers (maybe chinos), winkle pickers and shirts should always have a collar.

I hope this helps out your friend mr wonder dog. next week i shall be highlighting the best ways to alter wills and herbal catalysts for the rapid worsening of health conditions.

[Sidders]

I watched the last bit. I found myself answering mostly 4s. I got the odd 3 but I didn't get any 2s or 1s. There's hope for me yet.

[Nablo.]

You can still do the test so do that and find out.

[Stevo_trash]

This post is becoming rather self indulgent so i thought i'd carry on the thread as it meant to go on.

As your well aware my catchphrases are currently spreading like wildfire amongst the world of celebrity and my joke writing abilities have helped elevate the status of many celebrities including scott mills, vernon kaye, chris moyles, dave pearce, john culshaw and of course phillip serrel from bargain hunt.

Being the most successfull internet based comedy writer in british history does bring it problems however. For example, my comedy persona is being brutally ripped off stateside...to the tee ladies and gents TO THE TEE...

http://www.stevetrash.com/

[Ickle Angel]

I watched the first bit but found it a bit rubbish because i havent got a partner. I landed up comparing all my answers to how I felt in my last relationship which made me see how crap i was lol

[Uglybob]

the next one should be

how big a geek are you

do you watch star trek
yes - 2 points
no - 1 point

do you know what the bits inside a computer are for
yes - 2 points
no - 1 point

do you dream of phillipa forrester
yes - 2 points
no - 1 point

[Gigglyboots]

Well yes..but what do you get for so many points then?! I got 3 and a half..I should know about Computers..cos I do it for a subject, but not all.

[Nablo.]

Thats a stupid question just because you know nothing about the inside of a computer doesn't mean it's geeky. How about the people who make them or do electronics for a living. If it's so geeky it would seem it's something thatyou need as your using a computer to post so some so called Geek has had to put it together for you to make tha remark.

[ASG]

So anyone else take part in the Relationship test?

I didn't think it made much sense when I heard the idea but no harm in joining in for fun.
Jon Culshaw the top (all be it joint) top celeb there I wonder if it's years of sharking that has helped.


Hey Plymouth Top loved up city (All be it not my nearest city but the nearest one I could choose)

Who the hell did you do it with?

BTW My parents did it, but I didn't as it had a lot to do with sex at the end and therefore I was, as I'm a virgin, buggered!

[Nablo.]

If you watched it then you would know that you didn't have to be in one to do it. Jon Culshaw is single and he was still on the show doing.

[Hypeymikey!]

Me and my girlfriend did it and we came out really well i got 157 and my girlfriend got 172

[ASG]

I did watch it, I've got it on video!

[Nablo.]

Me and my girlfriend did it and we came out really well i got 157 and my girlfriend got 172

Ha thats the first person I know who I beat.

[ASG]

Horny Bugger!

[Nablo.]

That has nothing to do with it at all. It was how good you are in a relationship nothing to do with your sex drive.
After all Northern Ireland came out as being the most likely people to use a relationship for sex. So there you are Bob.

[ASG]

Top of the Horning to ya!

Oh wait, that's southern...

[Sidders]

the next one should be

how big a geek are you

do you watch star trek
yes - 2 points
no - 1 point

do you know what the bits inside a computer are for
yes - 2 points
no - 1 point

do you dream of phillipa forrester
yes - 2 points
no - 1 point

The world wouldn't function without geeks bob. Who'd make computers for you to drool over internet porn?

[Uglybob]

its not porn. its scantily clad luvvlies. i prefer a bra on a womans boobs.

[Gaspode_The_Wonder_Dog]

as opposed to on her head?

[Nablo.]

I hear they make great shoes as it goes.